PAST DEMONS

~~CHAPTER 1~~

Elizabeth Webber looked around the table at the group of people she was sitting with at Kelly's, wondering what she was doing there. She didn't really know any of them very well, certainly not the boy who sat in the chair next to hers, chattering incessantly. The girl who had invited her to go out for a movie and then a late dinner at Kelly's was someone she had known casually in high school. They had not really been close friends, but she seemed nice and sincere when she saw her in the university library earlier that day and invited her, so Elizabeth had reluctantly agreed to go with her.

She had not made many friends since arriving in Port Charles two years earlier, and now that she was in college she decided to try and become more sociable. They had gone to the movie, and then arrived at Kelly's where they joined several other people, none of whom she knew.

Now she was wishing she had never accepted the invitation, but she had ridden with the other girl and did not relish the idea of walking home alone in the dark. The boy beside her, whose name she did not even remember, was sitting a little too close. He was leaning into her as he spoke to her. She had long since shut out the sound of his voice but would look at him occasionally and smile, feigning interest, not really hearing or caring what he was saying. She didn't want to let on that she was preoccupied with something else...someone else.

Her gaze kept wandering to the bar, where Lucky Spencer sat alone. She had first noticed him nearly two years earlier, and had been attracted to him since. He seemed so kind, so much more mature than the other boys in school. She knew a little about him, knew that he came from an eccentric, yet prominent family in Port Charles, and that his father, Luke, owned the blues club in town and who may or may not have had ties to the mob through his good friend, Sonny Corinthos. She and Lucky knew each other, but only enough to say hello in the hall when they were still in school or if they saw each other in public. She had felt her heart skip a beat when she saw him sitting at the bar, and he had nodded his acknowledgment of her when she walked into Kelly's. Every time she would look in Lucky's direction, she would see him lower his eyes and look away, as if he had been looking at her, too. How she wished she were sitting with Lucky and not this group of people who meant nothing to her. She felt the boy next to her move his chair closer to hers and she glanced at Lucky, deciding to smile at him to see what he would do. He returned her smile but the look on his face told her that he understood she was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

She turned her attention back to the boy beside her, just briefly, and tried to concentrate on what he was saying, tried to think of a way to politely get up from the table and muster up the courage to speak to Lucky. She felt herself tense and her heart start to pound as he leaned into her and brushed his lips against her cheek and whispered in her ear, "…and if you're a good girl and do what I want, maybe I'll ask you out on a date."

Lucky Spencer was watching her intently, certain that whatever the boy was saying to her was making her uncomfortable. He was just about to go to her rescue when he saw her pull away and jump up from her chair as if she had been burned, knocking over her glass as she did so. He saw her look of total panic as she glared at the boy for a moment before she started to cry and then run from the restaurant. Lucky was at the table in an instant, as he heard one of the girls say, "Jesus, what's up with her? She is so weird, why did we ever invite her anyway?"

Lucky was seething with anger. He approached the table and addressed the boy, whose name he also did not know.

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing, I swear."

"Tell me!"

"Who are you, her brother?"

"Just tell me what the hell you said to her."

"Nothing, man. I just asked her out. I can't help it she's a nut case."

Lucky glared at him then pointed his finger at him. "You stay away from her, do you understand?"

"Yea, sure, whatever. Who needs a psycho like her anyway?"

Lucky left the restaurant to try and catch up with Elizabeth. He searched the docks for her for a few minutes, calling her name. He was about to give up when he heard someone crying softly. He found her sitting on a bench by the water. He approached her slowly, not wanting to scare her. "Elizabeth? Are you okay?"

"Go...go away. Please don't hurt me."

"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. It's me, it's Lucky. I came to help you. What did that guy say to you to upset you so badly?"

He could see that she was shaking, could see the fear in her eyes.

"Nothing. He didn't say anything. Please just leave me alone."

He knelt down in front of her and spoke softly. "Well see, I can't really do that. cause you're really scared and upset right now and I think you need a friend. I know you don't really know me, but, well, I just wish you would trust me. Besides, it isn't safe for you to be out here alone in the dark. Let me walk you home. Can you at least let me do that much?"

She looked into his eyes, not used to seeing such kindness. She bit her lip and nodded.

"So you'll let me walk you home?"

She stood up finally and spoke in a barely audible voice. "Okay."

They walked to her house in silence. When they reached the door, she unlocked it and turned to him. "Thank you, Lucky."

"Listen, I know something happened tonight to freak you out. I'm not going to ask you to tell me about it, but if you ever need someone to talk to, if you ever need anything, will you promise to call me?"

"I don't understand. Why are you being so nice to me?" She was not used to people who were nice to her and asked nothing in return. There seemed always to be conditions attached to any kindness she was offered. Lucky was different than other people. She could sense that.

"Let's just say I can tell when someone needs a friend. And I think you need one right now."

She didn't answer, just nodded and turned to go inside. Lucky called out to her as she started to close the door.

"Elizabeth? Would it be okay if I called you tomorrow, just to make sure you're okay?"

She looked down at the ground. "I don't know if that would be a good idea."

"Okay, that's cool. I'll probably see you around, though. You go to PC University, right? You're an art major?"

She nodded, wondering how he knew so much about her. She did not respond.

His voice was soft and gentle when he said, "Take care of yourself, okay?"

She nodded and closed the door behind her, not wanting him to see the hot tears that stung her eyes. She ran upstairs to her room, her heart was pounding as she fell on her bed. Why did the demons from her past always have to come back and visit her and make her weak and vulnerable? She had wanted to get to know Lucky Spencer since the first day she had seen him. She had spent countless hours thinking of him, watching him, wondering what it would be like to know him. And now that he had approached her, she had sent him away.

Sometimes she wondered if she would ever be able to have a relationship with anyone. Surely no one would ever love her if they knew her secret. Even Lucky would not want to know her if he knew the secret shame she carried with her every day.

She removed her clothes and crawled into bed, curling herself into a ball as she sobbed into her pillow. What had happened earlier at Kelly's wasn't the boy's fault. He couldn't have known how many times in the past she had heard the very words he spoke. "...If you're a good girl and do what I want..." How many times had she heard those words in the dark stillness of the night while unspeakable things were done to her? Those words were conditions for everything she ever wanted as a child. And so she had tried to be a good girl, to do whatever he wanted because she thought that was how it was supposed to be. She knew now it was not how it was supposed to be, so why couldn't she rid herself of the demons? Why did she still feel so much shame, and why, oh, why did she send Lucky Spencer away when he was the one person in Port Charles she wanted to get to know?

PAST DEMONS

~CHAPTER 2~

It was early evening on Friday and Lucky had just finished his guitar lesson in the Fine Arts building of Port Charles University and was walking down the hallway towards the exit. He had not seen Elizabeth since the previous Saturday, the night she had run from Kelly's and he had walked her home. But he had thought of her every day since then, had thought about how sad and vulnerable she had looked that night when he said goodbye to her. He had wanted to call her the next day, but she had said no, and he knew he had to respect her wishes. Still, it didn't stop him from thinking about her and wishing she would just give him a chance to be her friend. He felt drawn to her in a way that he could not define, and those feelings were made even stronger after their encounter the week before.

He was thinking about her as he walked down the hallway when he heard music coming from one of the Art Department classrooms. He stopped briefly to glance in the room and saw Elizabeth inside, standing at an easel, painting. There was a small radio playing and he could hear her humming along to the song. She was totally absorbed in what she was doing and he paused for a moment to watch her. Her expression was quite unlike the last time he had seen her. Now it was one of complete peace and contentment. He watched the way her eyes changed as she painted, registering satisfaction as she did something that obviously pleased her, and turning a bit more serious as she bit her lower lip when she wasn't sure. He understood that she was doing something she loved. It was that way with him when he was playing his guitar and writing his music. He could totally immerse himself in it and forget about anything that was troubling him.

He was reluctant to disturb her, but she looked so beautiful, the way her long, soft, brown hair fell around her face. So beautiful and complex. She did not look at all like the shy, frightened girl he had seen last week. He decided to just step inside the door and say hello, ask how she was doing, and be on his way. He entered the room slowly, quietly, and said, "Hey."

She looked up, startled, and her whole expression changed. He wasn't sure what he was seeing, perhaps shock, maybe a little fear, as if she thought he might do her harm. She seemed to catch her breath for a moment and then said, "Lucky."

"Hi, Elizabeth. I didn't mean to startle you. I was just walking by and I heard the music and saw you in here, so I thought I would say hello."

"Oh." She seemed unsure of what to say or how to act.

"How are you doing?"

She looked down. "I'm okay." He saw her look at her clothes, which were covered with paint. There was also paint on her face and in her hair. She looked at him, embarrassed by her appearance. "I've been…painting."

He laughed softly. "I can see that. You obviously love to paint. Do you mind if I take a look?"

She hesitated at first, then said, "I guess so. It's a project I need to get done for Monday and I want to finish it tonight. I still have some work to do on it." As he walked towards her she saw the guitar he was carrying. "Do you play?"

"Oh, yea, I do. I just came from my lesson."

She nodded as he walked around behind her so he could look at the canvas. It was intoxicating to be in such close proximity to her and he felt his heart start to beat just a little faster. He had thought of her so many times, and had wanted to get to know her for so long. He hoped that they could get off to a better start this time, and that she would begin to trust him, to let him be a friend. He studied the canvas for a long minute. She was painting a view from the docks….she was painting Wyndemere, the house on Spoon Island where his brother Nikolas was staying. It was breathtaking.

When he spoke it was in such a soft voice that she could barely hear him. "Elizabeth, this is…its amazing. It's beautiful."

She felt her face turn crimson as she looked away from him. "Thank you."

"It's Wyndemere."

"You know this place?"

"Yea, I do. My brother lived there. He's staying there now."

"Nikolas Cassadine is your brother?"

He nodded. "My half brother. Do you know him?"

She shook her head. "No, but I know who he is. I love to sit on the docks and watch and try to imagine what it would be like to live there, to have all the money you could ever need and to have servants take care of everything for you. Not that I would want to live that way, but it's fun to imagine it."

"Well, it isn't always all it's cracked up to be. People who live like that have their problems, just like we do. Sometimes more."

"I know. It's so beautiful though, don't you think? The grounds must be incredible. I've always dreamed of going there so I could sketch some of the grounds and gardens."

Lucky thought for a moment and said, "I could take you there. I know my way around pretty well, and Nikolas wouldn't mind. He's staying there while his father is out of town for a few months, so there wouldn't be any problem."

He saw her face light up. "You could? I mean, you would do that for me?"

He smiled. "I'd be happy to. There are some really beautiful places over there. We could go tomorrow if you don't have any plans."

She turned from him, and he could see she was tempted by the offer, yet reluctant. Finally she spoke. "I'll have to think about it…but…thanks."

"So are you going to be here awhile longer?"

"For a few hours anyway. I have a bit of work to do to finish this up."

"Well, that means it will be dark when you leave. Do you have your car here?"

"No, I walked today. It was such a beautiful day and I didn't realize I would be here so late."

"Well, then, do you mind if I stick around and wait on you, and make sure you get home okay?"

She looked at him, wondering why he was being so kind to her. She usually didn't trust people's kindness since they almost always wanted something in return. Lucky seemed different than anyone else she had ever known. He seemed sincere and genuinely interested in her. She wanted so desperately to trust him. "You don't need to. I'll be fine, really."

"Well, okay, but I'd be really quiet. Besides, I have some songs I want to work on and this would be a nice, quiet place to do it. It's not always so quiet at my house. I have a six year old sister and it can get pretty noisy sometimes, especially when she has her friends over and they start giggling and squealing and playing that music that little girls love to listen to."

Elizabeth laughed then, and her whole face lit up. Lucky was astounded by the change in her when she laughed. God, she was so beautiful. Those eyes. They sparkled and danced in a way he had never seen before. He could not look away from her. He wanted to remember the way she looked right now, and he wanted to be the one to make her look this way always. He wanted to take away her pain.

"It must be fun to have a little sister. And I'll bet you're a wonderful brother to her."

"Lulu is the best. Her name is Lesley Lu but everyone calls her Lulu. She's so beautiful, you know. We have a lot of fun together. You know, I just thought of something. If you like, we could take Lulu with us tomorrow to Wyndemere. She loves to go visit her brother. We could take a picnic lunch and eat in one of the gardens. Lulu would love that."

Elizabeth thought about it for just a moment. "That sounds nice. Okay. Besides, I'd love to meet Lulu. She sounds wonderful."

He smiled, pleased that he was able to convince her to go. "Now, I'm just going to go sit quietly in the corner while you finish up your painting, okay?"

"Okay."

The next morning, Elizabeth awoke feeling apprehensive, even a little scared. She was so afraid of her feelings for Lucky. Her feelings for him were unlike anything she had ever experienced, and she didn't know quite how to deal with them, let alone how to define them. She knew she liked him, but it was something beyond that, maybe even beyond simple attraction. There was something about the way he looked at her, his eyes so tender, and open and honest. She wanted to trust him, wanted to understand why he seemed so different from all the other boys she had known who had all wanted only one thing from her. The one thing she was unwilling to give them, the one thing she may never be able to give anyone.

They had agreed that he and Lulu would pick her up at 10:00. She was ready long before that. She had changed her outfit several times, finally deciding on a pair of jeans and a red t-shirt. She looked at herself in the mirror and tried to see the girl she wanted to be. She had never felt normal like other people, never felt that she deserved to be happy, or confident, or have a real relationship with someone. It seemed so unfair that her past, and her secret, prevented her from living a full and happy life. For just a moment, as she looked into the mirror, she saw that scared little girl she had been, that scared little girl that she still felt like sometimes as if she had not progressed a day beyond her 10th birthday.

She heard the doorbell ring and turned from the mirror, grabbing her purse and her sketch book. She had made up her mind that just for today she was going to forget all about that little girl and spend time with Lucky and his little sister Lulu. She was going to be normal.

PAST DEMONS

~~CHAPTER 3~~

Lucky had to catch his breath when Elizabeth opened the door. She looked simply breathtaking. He had always thought so, but now that he was finally getting to know her, she had become even more beautiful to him. She smiled when she saw him, holding a picnic basket and a folded blanket in his arms

Lulu was the first to speak, breaking the silent look that passed between Lucky and Elizabeth. "Hi. Elizabeth. I'm Lulu. Lucky was right."

Lucky put his hand on the top of her head and tousled her hair and said, "What was Lucky right about?"

She looked up at Elizabeth. "He said you were beautiful."

Elizabeth felt herself blushing and she met Lucky's eyes for just a brief moment, then knelt down and put her hands on Lulu's arms. "Well, you know what? Lucky was right about something else. He said you were beautiful, too. I'm very happy to meet you, Lulu."

"Have you ever been to Wyndemere before?"

She shook her head. "Nope, this will be my first time and I'm really looking forward to it."

"It will be fun. We can play with the dog and Lucky brought a picnic for us. Well, Mommy fixed the food."

"Well, I'll have to be sure to thank her when I meet her."

Lulu looked past Elizabeth at her purse and art supplies. "What's all that stuff you have?"

"Just my sketch book and some pencils. I'm going to draw some pictures while we're over there."

Lucky looked down at Lulu. "Remember I told you Elizabeth is an artist? She wants to sketch some pictures of the gardens at Wyndemere."

"I remember. Will you draw my picture?"

"Oh, Lulu, I would be happy to. Let me get my stuff and we can get going."

"I called Nikolas and he sent the launch early so we won't have to wait. We can just walk to the docks from here."

"Okay. I'm so glad it's a nice day. I was afraid it would rain."

"It wouldn't dare. I'm just glad you agreed to go. You're going to love it."

Lucky sat back and enjoyed the trip over to the island as he watched the interaction between Elizabeth and Lulu. They had become fast friends and Elizabeth was wonderful with her. He hoped that Elizabeth would enjoy the day at Wyndemere and that she would want to see him again. In just one day, he realized that he could not imagine his life without her. He hoped that whatever was making her so sad would finally go away and she could be happy.

When they arrived on the island, Nikolas was there to greet them. Lulu ran to meet him and he caught her in his arms and picked her up. "You're getting way too big for me to do this, you know." He looked at Lucky. "Hey, Lucky, nice day for an outing, huh?

"Perfect. Nikolas, this is Elizabeth Webber. Elizabeth, my brother Nikolas."

Nikolas extended his hand. "Nice to meet you Elizabeth. Listen, I have some things I need to take care of, so why don't you just wander around for awhile and I'll catch up with you later." He looked at Lulu. "I'll bet you want to go to your favorite garden don't you?" She nodded and Nikolas whistled and within a few seconds his dog, Spencer, a golden retriever, came running up to him. Lulu wriggled out of his arms, hugging the dog. "You can take Spencer with you."

"Spencer?" Elizabeth thought it was odd that his dog had Lucky and Lulu's last name.

"Lulu named him. She wanted him to have part of her name. He's really her dog, you know. He loves her best."

"I can see that."

Lucky nodded to Nikolas. "We'll see you later then. Come on Lulu, let's go see that favorite garden of yours."

"Lucky, this is so beautiful. I can never thank you enough for bringing me here. I may never want to leave. There are so many things I want to draw."

He laughed. "You don't have to do them all in one day. We can come back here anytime you want."

She looked away from him, afraid to think that there may be more times like this with Lucky. For just a moment she thought about her secret and how Lucky would feel about her if he knew. But she pushed those thoughts from her mind, determined to put those demons to rest at least for today.

The rest of the afternoon was spent exploring, with Elizabeth alternately sketching and playing with Lulu. They sat in one of the gardens and had their picnic lunch, Lulu entertaining them with her stories. Elizabeth could not remember a time in her life when she felt so content and happy. To be able to sit in complete silence with someone and not feel uncomfortable was something she was not used to. But she felt so at ease with Lucky that the silence was comforting.

It was late afternoon and Elizabeth was sketching Spencer as he slept on the ground. She would give the picture to Lulu when they got back. She had watched as Lucky and Lulu chased each other and giggled while she sketched. Now Lucky was sitting on the ground, his head leaning against a bench, his eyes closed, with Lulu's head in his lap, stroking her hair as she slept. He obviously loved her deeply and as Elizabeth watched she was suddenly overcome by emotion and felt the hot tears stinging her eyes. Oh God, please don't let me start crying now, she thought, but she could not stop the tears. She was weeping for the childhood she never had, for the things that were taken from her when she was just Lulu's age. Why couldn't she have had a brother like Lucky, someone to love her and protect her, like he did Lulu. Her life would have been so different if she had had someone like Lucky to love her.

She didn't want Lucky to see her crying, so she laid the sketch book down and wandered further into the gardens. She found a bench in front of a small fountain and sat down, hoping the sound of the water would help to calm her. She jumped up and cried out when she felt the hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry. I scared you."

"Where…where is Lulu?"

"She woke up just as Nikolas came down. He took her to ride with him for a bit. He's invited us to stay for dinner. Would that be okay with you?"

She nodded, unable to imagine what it would be like to eat inside that huge mansion.

Lucky moved closer to her and she backed up just a little, still shaking from the fear she felt when Lucky touched her arm, thinking it was someone else.

"Elizabeth, what is it? You're shaking and…"

"It's nothing, really."

"Those tears don't look like it's nothing."

She sighed. "Sometimes I'm just too emotional. I was watching you and Lulu and it was so beautiful, Lucky. You love each other so much, and you're so protective of her. I wish…."

"You wish what?"

"I wish I had a brother like you. He could have saved me from…" Her voice trailed off as she looked away, wistfully, the tears still glistening in her.

Lucky waited to see if she would say more, but when she didn't he decided not to press her further.

"Elizabeth, I know where there's a really beautiful view of the water. Do you feel like walking there?"

She nodded. "I'd like that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional."

"Elzabeth, you need to know that you don't ever have to act a certain way around me, or be afraid to tell me anything. None of those things could ever make me not want to see you."

"But why? You barely know me."

"I know you better than you think. I know that you're a very beautiful person, not only on the outside. And you know I think that thanks to Lulu." He smiled and she managed a faint laugh.

"But there are things you don't know about me, Lucky. Things you wouldn't like."

He shook his head. "I can't imagine anything you could tell me that would make me not like you. In case you haven't noticed, I like you a lot, and I'd like to think you like me, too. Can't you just accept that and let us become friends?"

Friends. She had never had a close friend. She wasn't sure she knew how to have a friend, someone who really cared about her and accepted her as she was. Was it too much to hope that Lucky could be that person?

She nodded. "I'll try."

They walked the grounds for awhile before heading up to the house for dinner. Elizabeth was awestruck by the inside of Wyndemere. Dinner was elegant and delicious, and she found that Nikolas was very down to earth and unpretentious, and very much like Lucky. They teased each other a lot and picked on each other, but she could tell that they really loved each other.

During dinner, she would glance at Lucky and see him watching her and once when Nikolas was talking to Lulu, Lucky had whispered, "Are you feeling better?"

She had nodded and looked into his eyes. He didn't look away as he smiled and said, "Good, I'm glad."

It was nearly dark when they left the island, and Nikolas told Elizabeth she was welcome to come back anytime she liked. Lulu fell asleep again on the way home, this time with her head in Elizabeth's lap.

Lucky smiled. "She really likes you."

"I really like her, too. I hope I can see her again."

"Of course you can. She's so tired, I think we'll drop her off first and then I'll take you home."

"Oh, you don't have to take me home, I can get there on my own."

"You still don't get it do you?"

She looked at him, questioningly. "What?"

"As long as I'm around I'm not letting you walk home alone in the dark. And that's something that's non-negotiable."

She smiled then. "Okay. I get it now."

"Good."

They dropped Lulu off at home before walking to Elizabeth's house. She met their mother, Laura, and was stunned by how much Lucky looked like her, and how like her he was. Seeing how tired Lulu was, Laura told her that she should go upstairs and get ready for bed. When Elizabeth knelt down to say goodbye to Lulu she was surprised when the child put her arms around her neck and hugged her tightly then kissed her on the cheek. "Bye Elizabeth. Thanks for going with us today. I had so much fun."

"Thank you for letting me go with you. Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you." She opened her sketch book and tore out a page, handing her the picture she had drawn of Spencer. Lulu squealed with delight and hugged her again. "I love you, Elizabeth!"

"I love you, too, Sweetie."

Lulu ran upstairs and Elizabeth stood up, looking at Lucky and then Laura, feeling the tears again, trying to wipe them away. "I'm sorry. She's just so…"

Lucky touched her arm briefly and said, "Don't worry, she affects all of us that way."

This time when he touched her, she did not flinch or pull away.

Lucky walked Elizabeth home and how they were standing on the porch of Elizabeth's house.

"So, did you have a good time?"

"You couldn't tell? It was wonderful, Lucky. Thank you again."

"It was nice to see you having a good time. And you were great with Lulu. I hope we can have lots of times like today." He hesitated before asking his next question, afraid of her answer. "Can I call you?"

She looked into his eyes and without taking the time to think she said, "I'd like that."

He smiled. "Good. Good. I'll call you soon."

"Okay."

They looked at each other for a long minute and he reached up and touched her cheek ever so slightly before he turned to walk away. He was at the end of the sidewalk when he turned to see her still standing in the doorway. "Elizabeth?"

"What is it, Lucky?"

"Would tomorrow be too soon?"

She smiled at him then, the most genuine, infectious smile, and he felt his heart beat a little faster when he heard her answer. "Not nearly soon enough."

Past Demons

~~Chapter 4~~

Elizabeth awoke early the next morning. In fact, she had barely slept during the night, thoughts of her idyllic day at Wyndemere with Lucky and Lulu filling her head, making sleep impossible. She had never met anyone quite like Lucky Spencer. He was not at all like any of the other boys who always seemed interested in her at first, but who had soon made it clear they really only wanted one thing. She never understood that, why that…thing… seemed more important to them than getting to know her, even though she knew if they had gotten to know her and her secret, they would no longer have been interested. But Lucky was different. He was kind and seemed to really care about her and her feelings. She could tell he was sincere when he looked at her with incredible eyes that never lied.

Did she dare hope that she could actually have a relationship with him? Did she dare hope that she could trust herself enough to trust him? Would she be able to leave her past behind so that it no longer haunted her? During the night her thoughts had wandered, as they always did, to her past, to the things that had been done to her that no child should have to endure. She knew intellectually that those things had not been her fault, so why did she feel so guilty about them, so ashamed, and so unwilling to share them with another person? She had never told anyone of the times her Uncle Joe had visited them and come to her room at night. How could she ever tell Lucky? If she did, she knew his eyes would not be so kind and he would look at her with disgust and disappointment. Why couldn't she just make the past go away? Why did it always have to prevent her from being happy?

Well, it didn't matter, she thought, because no matter how Lucky had treated her the day before, no matter that he had said he would call her, she knew she would not be hearing from him today, or ever again. Things like this just didn't happen to her. Good things like Lucky Spencer coming into her life and staying just didn't happen to her.

By mid-afternoon, when she hadn't heard from Lucky, she decided that the only thing to take her mind off him, was to paint. She was always able to forget her problems by painting, just as Lucky had said. She was concentrating on her painting so deeply that she nearly missed the doorbell ringing. She was in the back of the house, in the kitchen and it took her a few moments to answer the door. When she opened it and saw Lucky, she felt her heart begin to race. He had one hand behind his back as he said, "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I had to help my Dad with some things at the club and I thought I would stop by on my way home. I hope it's okay."

"Of course it's okay."

"And I wanted to bring you these." He produced a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. "Just to say thank you for yesterday. I had a really good time and I'm glad you went with me."

"Lucky, they're beautiful…no one…." She was so overcome with emotion that she could not speak.

"What is it, Elizabeth?"

"No one has ever given me flowers before."

"Now, that's hard for me to believe. You deserve them, you know."

"Well, thank you. They're beautiful."

"They are beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as you are, especially with paint all over you. I have to admit, I like that look."

She laughed then, and took the flowers from him. "Come on in and I'll put these in some water, and wash some of this paint off."

"You don't have to do that for me. I told you, I like it."

She led him into the kitchen where she found a vase and began filling it with water. Lucky walked over by the window and looked at the canvas on her easel. She was painting a man sitting on the grass, a small girl asleep with her head in his lap. "Elizabeth? This is me and Lulu, isn't it?"

She nodded as she felt herself blush and looked down at her feet. Sometimes the way he looked at her was almost too intense, like he was looking into her soul. "I sketched it yesterday while Lulu was asleep. You both looked so peaceful and content, and it was such a beautiful image I just knew I had to paint it. I'd like to give it to Lulu when it's done. Do you think she would like it? I mean, she seems to really adore her big brother."

His eyes seemed to fill with tears and she could see that he was very moved as he walked over to her. "She'll love it. In fact, next week is her birthday party and she asked me to give you this invitation. Can I tell her you'll be there?"

"She wants me at her birthday party?"

"You made quite an impression on her. She really loves you."

"Then I wouldn't miss it for the world. Tell her I'll be there."

He looked at her in a way that no one had ever looked at her before and said softly, "Thank you, Elizabeth." He put his hand on her arm and leaned in as if he were going to kiss her on the cheek. She felt her body tense and she pulled away a little from him. She wanted him to touch her, wanted him to kiss her, but she was so afraid of the feelings she was having, feelings she had never felt before. She hated herself for her weakness, for her inability to give that side of herself to Lucky

Lucky smiled, a little sadly she thought, and backed away from her and sat down at the table, just as if nothing had happened. "You live here with your grandmother, right? Audrey Hardy?"

Elizabeth was cleaning the paint from her hands and arms. "Yes, how did you know?"

"I know her a little from my parents."

"Oh. She's away visiting relatives. She should be home in a few days."

"Good. I don't like the idea of you being here alone."

"Lucky, I'm fine. I've stayed here many times by myself."

"I still worry about you being alone. I always worry about the people I care about. I don't know if I can change that about myself."

"I guess I'm just not used to people worrying about me."

There was a long silence as she fixed them something to drink. Finally Lucky spoke again. "So, tell me, are you planning to make a career of your art?"

"I'd like to. My dream is to have my own art gallery someday, where I can display and sell my own work and that of other young artists. I'd like to teach art to kids, too. That goal is probably more attainable actually. The other is just a silly dream. I'd never be good enough to have my own gallery."

As she spoke, Lucky saw something in her, something he couldn't define. Although she wasn't optimistic about her dream coming true, something in her changed when she spoke of it. She was more animated, and there was a light in her eyes that he had not seen before, except as he had watched her paint a few nights earlier.

"Elizabeth, you are good enough, and you should never give up on your dreams. If it's what you really want, then you should have it. Painting is your passion. That much is so obvious. You just need to believe in yourself the way I do."

No one had ever believed in her before and it was at that moment that she knew she was in love with Lucky Spencer, that she had been for a long time and always would be. But to hope that he would ever feel the same about her, well, that was just another dream. But for now, she would enjoy the time they had together, until he moved on, just like all the others had.

"What about you? Music is your passion."

"Yea, it is. I mostly like to write songs. I do a little singing, though I'm not that good."

"I'll bet you're have a beautiful voice. Will you sing for me sometime?"

He laughed. "I don't know. I'm kind of shy about that. Maybe I will sometime when I have my guitar. It's kind of a security thing, you know, something to hide behind."

"I'd really like to hear you sometime."

He smiled. "We'll see." He did not tell her that she had been the inspiration for most of the songs he had written in the past year or two. They talked awhile longer and were interrupted by the doorbell ringing again. "I'll go see who it is. Help yourself to something else to drink."

Elizabeth opened the door and her legs started to buckle beneath her and her head began to swim. She had not seen her Uncle Joe for nearly three years. They had never spoken of the things he had done to her from the time she was five until she was nine and he had moved away. In fact he acted as if nothing had ever happened the few times she had seen him since.

Her voice was a whisper when she finally spoke. "Uncle Joe."

"Hey, Lizzie, how's my favorite girl?"

"What are you doing here?"

"What's wrong? Aren't you glad to see your favorite uncle?"

"It's not that….it's just…."

Lucky, who had heard the exchange from the other room, came in the room then and asked, "Everything okay in here, Elizabeth?"

"Um, yes, fine. Everything's fine."

Uncle Joe looked at Lucky, then at Elizabeth. "And who is this?"

"This is my friend Lucky. Lucky this is my Uncle Joe."

"Lucky? What the hell kind of name is Lucky? Course I guess you are pretty lucky to be friends with my favorite little niece here."

"I consider myself very lucky to be Elizabeth's friend."

"Well, I'm just passing through town and thought I would stop by and say hello." He moved to Elizabeth and put his arm around her shoulders. "I've missed you, Lizzie girl."

Lucky saw her tense and try to pull away from him as he touched her. He saw the look of apprehension, maybe fear in her eyes as she looked at her Uncle and then at him. It was the same look he had seen when he had approached her in the art department classroom that first night and he had thought for a moment that she feared he would attack her.

Lucky knew he wanted to get her away from her uncle so he looked at his watch and said, "You know, Elizabeth, I didn't realize how late it was getting. That movie starts in twenty minutes so if we want to make it on time, we'd better get going."

He saw the look of relief in Elizabeth's eyes as she looked at him and mouthed the words, "Thank you," then said to her Uncle. "I'm sorry, but I already had plans with Lucky tonight."

"Okay, I need to get going anyway. But one of these days I'm going to come back and we can get caught up and spend some time together."

She nodded, and Lucky saw her flinch again as her uncle kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. After he left, Lucky spoke. "Are you okay?"

"Yea."

"You don't like your uncle?"

"Not really. He just gives me the creeps. I just don't like to be alone with him, that's all But I'm okay." Lucky observed her. She was putting on a good act pretending to be nonchalant, but as she picked up her purse he saw that her hands were shaking. "Lucky, I know we aren't really going to a movie. I mean, you can go on home if you want. I just need to get out of here for awhile."

"I'm not going home just yet. I know just the place we can go that will make you feel a lot better." Lucky knew that Luke's would be quiet tonight and they could get a quiet table in the corner and listen to some blues and have something to eat if she wanted. Besides, he wanted his father to meet Elizabeth.

"Where?"

"My dad's club. Sunday nights are really slow and you'll love it there. It's like going to a whole other planet."

"Okay, anything to get out of here."

They walked in his father's club found Luke standing behind the bar. "Hey,

Cowboy…." He looked at Elizabeth and then back at Lucky. "You been holdin' out on me, Son? Who is this beautiful creature?"

Lucky laughed. "Always, Dad. This is Elizabeth Webber. Elizabeth, this is my Dad, Luke Spencer."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Spencer."

"Oh, Lord. Please call me Luke. You must be the wonderful girl who made my little girl so happy yesterday. She's been talking about you non-stop since she got back. I'd like to thank you for being so nice to her."

"It was easy, Mr. Spencer…I mean, Luke. She's such a sweet girl."

"Yes, she is. Thank God she and Lucky take after their mother. Well, Lucky does have a bit of a dangerous side to him. He gets that from me, so you watch out for that okay?"

"Dad…"

"Oh, you know I'm just kidding, Son. What can I get you two?"

Lucky turned to Elizabeth. "Are you hungry? They make a mean burger here."

"Sure. That sounds good."

"Two burgers, comin' up. On the house."

Lucky and Elizabeth sat at a table in the corner. Elizabeth was smiling.

"Your dad is very…um….."

"Eccentric? Crazy? A lunatic?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that."

"He's indescribable. Unique, a one of a kind."

"You're very close."

"Yes we are."

"Your whole family is very close. I can tell."

He nodded. "We've been through a lot together."

"I envy you that closeness, you know. You may take it for granted, but it's the most precious thing. It's the one thing I've always wanted in my life but have never had."

Lucky saw the pain in her eyes. He was beginning to get a sense of what may have happened to her, why she was so sad and seemed unapproachable at times. As they ate their dinner he began to put some of the pieces together and decided what he needed to do the next day. It would be his first step in helping her to face whatever had happened to her and to help rid her of the demons from her past.

Past Demons

~~Chapter 5~~

Lucky walked her home after dinner and when they reached her door, he gently took her hand. She hesitated for a moment, but did not pull away. Finally she squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Lucky. For dinner and for…earlier…"

"Well, I could tell you were uncomfortable and I just wanted to get you away from here. Do you think your uncle will come back here tonight?"

"I don't know. I hope not."

"Elizabeth, are you afraid of him?"

He saw that look again, fear. "Why would you think that?"

"You seemed afraid of him earlier. I'm not really prying; it's just that I'm not going to leave you here alone if you're afraid."

"You mean you would stay here?"

"Yes, of course I would."

She felt her heart sink. Was this when Lucky Spencer turned into all the other faceless boys she had known who had only wanted one thing from her? She had wanted so desperately for him to be different from the others, but she guessed that was too much to hope for.

Her voice was cold, distant, as she pulled her hand away from his. "I'll be okay."

"I could sleep on the couch and guard the front door. I'll never let anyone hurt you Elizabeth."

"You'd sleep on the couch?" Her voice sounded relieved.

He nodded.

"You don't have to, you know."

"I think at this point it's another one of those things that's non-negotiable."

She looked down at her feet, embarrassed that she had assumed the worst. She was so unaccustomed to anyone caring about her and her safety. She took his hand again and looked at him. "Thank you."

Lucky was sitting on the couch when she came downstairs with blankets and a pillow for him. She sat down on the couch beside him. "I'll probably sleep like a baby just knowing you're here. It does make me feel safer. Thank you again, Lucky."

"I'd like to stay every night until your grandmother comes home. I don't want you to ever be afraid of anything again."

She did not respond because she knew that nothing she would say could convey to him what she was feeling. She only looked at him in disbelief.

"You know, I just remembered that I have tickets for that concert tomorrow night in the park. Would you like to go with me? I'd really like it if you would."

"Oh, I'm sure you have someone else you'd rather take. You don't really have to babysit me you know. I'll be okay."

"Is that what you think this is about? Babysitting? Elizabeth, I spend time with you because I like you and I want to be with you."

"Well…don't you have a girlfriend?"

"I'm not seeing anyone else. I don't want to see anyone else. Only you."

"I don't understand why, Lucky. You don't really…."

"What? I don't really know you? But I do. I know that you're very beautiful and you have so many wonderful qualities that you don't even know you have. Elizabeth, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to remember it and think about it for me. Can you do that?"

She bit her lip and looked down at her hands. "I'll try."

He hesitated before speaking again. "See, there's this…this light inside of you that I keep seeing glimpses of. And it's just waiting to come out. When it does I know it will be simply…" He seemed to be searching for just the right word, and when he finally found it, he smiled and said,

"…Illuminating…" He reached out and touched the side of her face softly with the back of his hand. "I hope I have a hand in helping it come out, but more than that, I hope I'm there to see it."

Elizabeth had never known anyone who could look into her eyes for so long without looking away. She always thought they could see the truth behind her eyes and that was why they looked away. But Lucky just kept looking at her and she knew she could easily lose herself in those hypnotizing, deep pools of azure blue. She finally looked away from him and whispered, "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

His voice was barely a whisper as he said, "Why don't you go to bed now and get some sleep? I'll keep watch down here."

She nodded and then did something she had never done before with anyone. She made the first move and reached toward Lucky to hug him, although briefly. But it was a start and she felt exhilarated by the feeling it gave her, like maybe she was making some progress. She had only really known Lucky for two days, but already he had made her feel so much better about herself. She tried not to think about what would happen and how all of this could change if he found out her secret. She pulled away and stood up. "Thank you, Lucky."

He nodded and watched her disappear up the steps and he sat in the dark for a long time afterwards. He was unable to sleep, unable to think of anything but her and how much he wanted to help her find the happiness she deserved and to help her release that illuminating light that he knew was within her, just waiting to come out.

Past Demons

~~Chapter 6~~

The next morning, Lucky dropped Elizabeth off at school and made plans to pick her up that afternoon. Since he did not have any classes that morning, he was able to do what he had decided he would do the night before. He went to see a friend of the family, Kevin Collins, who was a psychiatrist. Kevin answered the door and looked a little surprised to see Lucky.

“Lucky…”

“Hi, Kevin.”

“It’s good to see you. How’s school going?”

“Not too bad. Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Sure, come on in. Have a seat.”

Lucky went into the living room and sat down on the couch. Kevin remained standing, a look of concern on his face. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, with me? Yea, everything’s fine. But I have a friend I wanted to talk to you about. I thought maybe you could help me.”

“Sure, I’ll try. What’s going on?”

“I think something pretty traumatic happened to her when she was younger, and I need to know how to help her.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, just little things really that seem to keep adding up. She keeps telling me that she doesn’t understand why I want to be her friend, that there are things in her past that if I knew I wouldn’t like her. She’s kind of shy and doesn’t have a lot of friends, and she doesn’t like to be touched. She kind of flinches every time I try to touch her, even if it’s just on her arm. Kevin, I think she might have been abused as a child.”

“You mean sexually abused?”

He nodded and stood up. “Yea, I do. Last night I was at her house and her uncle came by. He was just passing through town, but she seemed really freaked out by him and when he tried to put his arm around her I saw this look of fear in her eyes.”

“What did you do?”
“I made some excuse about going to a movie to get her out of there. She wouldn’t admit anything, and I would never ask her, but that made me start thinking about all the other things and…”

“Lucky, all of those things would be consistent with being sexually abused as a child, especially if she’s never told anyone. Those victims tend to think it was their fault and are ashamed to tell anyone for fear that they won’t like them.”

Lucky ran his hand through his hair. He had been fairly certain that he was right about Elizabeth, but hearing Kevin confirm that it may be true upset him even more. “She’s so sad all the time. I mean, she’s so beautiful and she’s so talented. She’s an artist, but she has absolutely no confidence in herself. But Kevin, there are times when I see this light inside her, this thing I can’t really define. I want to help her find it, but I don’t want to scare her. I don’t ever want to force her into telling me something.”

Kevin thought for a moment. “You know, without knowing her or talking to her it’s impossible to know for sure if she was truly sexually abused, but it seems obvious that something traumatic happened to her. Why don’t I give you a couple of books on the subject? They’ll help you understand what she may be dealing with and they’ll help you to know how to treat her, how best to help her without scaring her away.”

“Thanks, that would be great. I want to be able to help her, to let her know that I’m here for her if she needs me.”

Kevin went to his bookshelf and took several books from the shelf and handed them to Lucky. “These should help. They’re some of the best books written on the subject. These are extras so I don’t need them back.”

“I really appreciate this.”

“No problem. Come by or call me anytime if you have a question or there’s something you don’t understand. If she ever does open up to you, and I hope she does, I’ll be happy to talk to her as a favor to you.”

“Thanks, Kevin. I better get going. I have a class at noon.” He went to the door and opened it. “See you later.”

He started down the steps and Kevin called to him, “Lucky, you know, you don’t really need to read those books to learn how to be with her. She’s a very lucky girl to have you for a friend. You obviously care very deeply for her.”

“Yea, I do.”

“I know you, and I know how you are. You’re already doing just what she needs you to do. Give her time. I think she’ll open up to you once she feels she can trust you."

“Thanks again, Kevin. I owe you.”

Lucky stopped by the club to grab some lunch before going to his class. Luke looked up as he walked in. “Well, my wayward son returns. What happened to you last night?”

“I slept on the couch at Elizabeth’s. There’s been some stuff going on and Mrs. Hardy is out of town, so I didn’t want her to be alone.”

“I figured you were with her. Lovely girl, Ms. Webber.”

“Yes she is.”

“Is everything okay with her, Lucky?”

“Yea, there are some things she’s dealing with, but I’m going to help her get through them. I went to see Kevin today to see if he could give me some help with it.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Yea it is. I can’t really talk about it, but I wanted to let you know that I won’t be home for a few nights. I want to stay with her as long as Mrs. Hardy is gone.”

“Sure, I understand. Just take good care of her.”

“I intend to do that for a long time, Dad.”

Luke nodded, understanding that Lucky may have finally found his soul mate, just as he knew he had all those years ago when he had met Laura. All the signs were there and he was happy for his son. He also knew that if anyone could help Elizabeth with her problems, it was Lucky. He was the most compassionate person he knew, and sometimes he wondered how he could possibly be his flesh and blood. He marveled every day at the miracle that was his son Lucky.

It was nearly 5:00 when Lucky stopped by the classroom to pick up Elizabeth. She was there talking to another student when he arrived. She looked up and saw him and smiled when she saw him but it was several minutes before she came over to him. “Hi. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not in any hurry. How about we go get some dinner before the concert? I’m pretty hungry.”

“Okay, but can I go home and change first?”

“You look beautiful just the way you are. But, of course, if you want to we can go to your house first.”

“Thanks.”

When they arrived at her house they found that her grandmother was home. Elizabeth hugged her grandmother and welcomed her home. Her grandmother hugged her back and looked toward Lucky. “Why, hello, Lucky. How are you? I didn’t realize you knew my granddaughter.”

“We’re just getting to know each other, Mrs. Hardy. We’re going to the concert in the park tonight.”

“Oh, I was so hoping you could stay home this evening, dear.” Lucky saw the look of fear in Elizabeth’s eyes again as they saw her Uncle Joe come into the room from the kitchen.

“Look who’s here, dear. It’s your Uncle Joe. He’s going to spend the night here with us tonight. Isn’t that wonderful? It’s been so long since we’ve seen him.”

“Hi Uncle Joe.” Elizabeth turned to her grandmother. “Actually we saw each other last night. And Lucky has tickets to the concert and I don’t want them to be wasted.” She then turned to Lucky. “You know, I’ve decided that what I have on is okay, so can we just go now?”

“Sure. It was nice to see you Mrs. Hardy.” He looked at Elizabeth’s uncle, feeling the rage at what he may have done to her boiling inside of him and said, cryptically, “Nice to see you again, too. Come on, Elizabeth, let’s get going.”

They walked in silence for awhile before coming to Kelly’s Diner. “Do you want to get a bite to eat here before we go to the concert?”

“I’m not really hungry, Lucky.”

“How about something to drink? We can drink it out here.”

She nodded and he said, “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

He was back in a few minutes with two cups of hot chocolate. The fall air was chilly, but he knew that wasn’t all that was making her shiver. He removed his flannel shirt and gently wrapped it around her shoulders. “This and the hot chocolate should help warm you up a little. Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect. Thanks.”

They sat down at a table across from each other. He looked at her until she caught his gaze. He reached across the table and put his hand over hers, expecting her to pull it away, but she didn’t. “If you don’t feel like going to the concert now, we don’t have to. I’ll understand.”

“No, I want to go, Lucky. I want to, really.”

“Okay. But we can leave anytime you want.”

They went to the concert and about half way through it, Lucky could tell that she was not enjoying it and, truthfully, neither was he. He just wanted to take her somewhere and help her get warm, help her to not be so afraid. He turned to her and saw that her gaze was fixed somewhere far off and that she was not even paying attention to the concert. “What do you say we get out of here? I think my Mom and Dad are away this evening and Lulu will be next door. Why don’t we go back there for a bit. I have a feeling you don’t want to go home just yet.”

At his house, he told her to sit on the couch and he would start a fire to warm them up. Elizabeth could not believe how Lucky was able to read her mind. He seemed to know that she was upset and unnerved by seeing her Uncle Joe again even though he couldn’t possibly know why. She wondered how he would feel about her now if she told him. God, she wanted to tell him. She knew they would never be able to progress in their relationship if she did not tell him. It would always be between them, preventing her from ever being happy. But how could she tell Lucky the terrible things that her Uncle Joe had done to her without him hating her? How could she tell him how ashamed she was of it? She felt the hot tears stinging in her eyes as she thought of losing Lucky now. It had only been a few days, but already he was such an important part of her life..

He saw her tears sat down beside her on the couch and reached over to wipe a tear from her cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. “I can’t, Lucky. I can’t. You would hate me.”

“Elizabeth, don’t you know there is nothing you could tell me that would make me hate you? Don’t you know that by now?”

“You don’t understand. It’s so awful, Lucky. I just can’t tell you.”

“Okay, it’s okay. But I want you to stay here tonight.”

“Lucky, no, I couldn’t.”

“Of course you can. You can have my room and I’ll sleep down here. My parents won’t mind, honest. I want you to. I’ll call your grandmother and tell her you’re not feeling well and my mother insisted you spend the night here. Can I do that?”

She had been dreading going home, knowing that her Uncle Joe would be there and that Lucky wouldn’t be there to protect her. She didn’t know if her uncle would try to come to her room anymore, but she knew she did not want to take that chance. She nodded and waited while Lucky called her grandmother.

He smiled as he hung up the phone. “She said she hopes you feel better.”

“Thanks, Lucky.”

At that moment the door burst open and Lulu came running in when she saw Lucky and Elizabeth. She bypassed Lucky completely and ran straight into Elizabeth’s arms. “Elizabeth! I didn’t know you would be here!”

Lucky looked at Luke and Laura, who had followed her in the door, and said, “I guess I’ve been replaced.” They all laughed and Elizabeth could not help but laugh with them as she hugged Lulu.

Lulu looked to her parents. “Can I stay up for a little while longer, please?”

“You have school tomorrow, Lulu.”

Elizabeth looked at her, “You know what? I don’t have class tomorrow afternoon, so maybe Lucky and I could take you to a movie. Would you like that?’

“Can we really do that, Lucky?”

“Of course we can. And Elizabeth will be here when you get up in the morning. She’s going to sleep in my room.”

Lucky looked to his parents for approval and they both nodded. Lulu squealed with delight and Elizabeth offered to take her upstairs and tuck her in. When they had disappeared upstairs, Luke put his hand on Lucky’s shoulder. “What’s going on, Son?”

“I just don’t want her to be at home tonight. Can we leave it at that?”

Laura spoke then. “Of course we can, Lucky. Elizabeth is always welcome in our house. We don’t need any details.”

“Thanks, Mom.”
Laura turned to Luke. “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired and want to go to bed. Are you coming?”

“Right behind you, darlin’, I need to talk to Lucky for just a minute.”

“Okay, I’ll show Elizabeth where your room is.”

Laura went upstairs and Luke turned to Lucky. “I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.”

“Proud? Why?”

“I just am, okay? I just wanted you to know.”

“Well, thanks, Dad.”

“Sure…now, I’m going to bed.”

“Good night, Dad.”

A few minutes later, Elizabeth came back downstairs. “Your parents are so nice, Lucky.”

“Thanks. I kinda like them.”

They looked at each other for a long minute and Elizabeth finally said, “I guess I should go on up to bed….but….do you mind if I stay down here with you for just a little while?”

He held out his hand to her. “Come on over by the fire with me.”

She walked over to Lucky and she offered him her hand. He sat down on the couch, and pulled her down beside him so that they were both facing the fire and he wrapped his arms around her as she laid her head against his chest. She did not flinch or pull away. She had never felt such complete peace and safety and she could have stayed in Lucky’s arms like this forever. She could not recall ever feeling this close to another person and she wanted it to last. But she knew that wanting it to last and making it last would come at a very high price. She would have to tell Lucky everything. She reveled in the feeling of being in Lucky’s arms for as long as she could. She waited until she was sure that everyone else in the house would be asleep before she turned to him in the darkened room, lit only by the fireplace, and said, “Lucky, I owe you so much, I don’t know how I can ever thank you. You’ve made me feel so safe these last few days.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Elizabeth. I told you before, I want to be with you.”

“Well, you’re always so patient with me, and you never question me or ask me to tell you what’s wrong. But I know that if we’re going to remain friends I need to tell you everything.”

“And I also told you before that you don’t have to tell me anything. You don’t owe me any explanations about anything. It won’t change how I feel about you.”

He saw the tears welling in her eyes again. “It’s easy for you to say that now. But even so, it could change how I feel if I don’t tell you. It would always be between us.” She took his hand in her two, amazed at herself for the calmness she felt and the relief at knowing she was finally going to tell someone. “I have to tell you what happened to me when I was a little girl.”

Past Demons

~~Chapter 7~~

Elizabeth held Lucky’s hand tightly and looked into his eyes, wondering if this would be the last time she would see that look of total acceptance in them. She was afraid to tell him the truth, but she was also afraid of not telling him. She hadn’t planned on telling him, especially not so soon after getting to know him, but she knew if she didn’t she would always worry that he would find out and leave her, and she preferred to do it now before too much time had gone by. She knew she loved Lucky, knew that he was the one person she could trust and with whom she could feel safe. And sitting here with him in this house with his parents and Lulu sleeping upstairs, this house that was so full of love, she felt safe.

“Lucky, what I’m going to tell you I’ve never told another person. I’ve carried this secret with me for so many years, and it’s become a part of me and who I am. I thought I could keep the secret forever, but then I met you.” She looked away from him. “I’ve wanted to get to know you for a long time. I always thought you seemed so different from the other boys at school, but I was too shy to approach you, too insecure to think that you might be interested in me.

“But, I was interested in you. I have been for a long time. I guess I was too shy to approach you, too. When I saw you that night in the art department, it just seemed like a good opportunity, and I wanted to be sure you were okay after what had happened the night before.”

She nodded. “Something that boy said to me made me remember things…things I don’t like to think about but are always there just the same. You’ve changed my life, Lucky. I know it’s only been a few days, but I feel like I have more confidence in myself since I’ve been around you. Maybe that’s why I have the confidence to tell you this now. But I want you to know that I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me any more after I tell you. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Elizabeth, I’ve told you before that you don’t have to tell me anything…but anything you do tell me could never change how I feel about you.”

She stood up then and walked over to the fireplace. She could not bear to be so close to him and see his eyes change when she told him. She began to speak, but her voice faltered and she felt the hot tears, but she continued, knowing she could not turn back now. “This is even harder than I thought it would be. It hurts me to know that you’ll feel differently about me…”

“We can do this some other time, you know.”

She shook her head. “No, Lucky, I have to tell you now, while I have the courage.” She hesitated for a moment and finally turned to face Lucky as she said, softly, “When I was a little girl, someone I knew and trusted….did things…terrible things to me…”

She watched as Lucky stood up from the couch, but looked away as he approached her because she was afraid to look at him, was afraid to see the look of disgust and disappointment that she knew would be there in his eyes. When he was in front of her, he put his hand under her chin and lifted her face to his, so that she had no choice but to look into his eyes. To her amazement, they had not changed. In fact, she saw tears welling in his eyes, starting to spill down his face. He spoke in a whisper. “Elizabeth, it was your Uncle Joe, wasn’t it? That’s why you’re so afraid of him.”

As she nodded and looked away, she felt her own tears begin and felt Lucky’s arms wrapping around her, pulling her close, holding her for what seemed an eternity, stroking her hair as he said, “I’m so sorry…”

Finally she pulled away from him and turned back to the fireplace, gazing into the fire as she spoke. “He would come to visit several times a year, and each time he would come to my room at night. I was only five years old…nearly the same age as Lulu…no one ever paid any attention to me, you know, so they didn’t see the signs, didn’t see the way I withdrew from everyone and certainly didn’t notice how uncomfortable I was when Uncle Joe was around. I didn’t have a close, loving family like you do. If I had none of this would ever have happened. The things he did to me were so horrible, Lucky, things that no little girl should ever have to go through. I hate him for what he took from me, but I hate myself more for allowing it to happen.”

Lucky felt his rage at her uncle boiling inside of him again. He wanted to go over to her grandmother’s house right now and confront him, but he knew that was something Elizabeth would have to do when she was able. More than anything, he wanted to take her pain away. “Elizabeth, it wasn’t your fault. You were just a little girl. How could you have stopped him?” He touched her arm and moved so that he was in front of her again. “Do you hear me? What happened to you was not your fault. You have to know that.”

“I do know it intellectually, so why do I feel so guilty about it? Why am I so ashamed of myself for allowing it to happen?” She was crying now and Lucky led her back to the couch and sat down beside her.

“Look at me. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn’t allow it to happen. You had no control over it. Listen, would you consider talking to someone about this? I have a friend who is a psychiatrist and I think he would talk to you if I asked him to. His name is Kevin Collins. I think he could help you a lot.”

“I don’t know, Lucky. I don’t know if I can…Kevin Collins? I know him. I’ve met him at the hospital when I was there with my grandmother.”

“Okay, if you would feel uncomfortable with him, then we’ll find someone else. I think it would be good for you to talk to someone.”

She thought for a minute before speaking. ‘Okay. I’ll talk to your friend. He seemed really nice. But, Lucky….will you go with me?”

“Of course I will.” He put his hand on the side of her face, brushing her hair back. “Did you really think I would hate you if you told me this?”

She nodded. “I’ve never told anyone, Lucky. I was too ashamed. There are still things I could tell you that would make you change your mind.”

“I’ll prove to you one day that you’re wrong. But you don’t need to tell me anymore tonight. I can see that this took a lot out of you. Why don’t I take you upstairs and tuck you in?”

“Okay.” He took her hand and led her up the stairs to his bedroom. He gave her one of his big T-shirts to put on and waited while she went into the bathroom to change. When she came back in the bedroom, she crawled into the bed and Lucky pulled the covers up over her and sat on the side of the bed.

“Do you feel any better since you’ve finally told someone?”

She nodded, but he could still see tears in her eyes. “It feels strange, Lucky. I’ve dreaded this moment for so many years, because I knew one day I would have to tell someone. I still can’t believe I’ve told you…and I still can’t believe you’re still here.”

“I’m going to be here, Elizabeth, for as long as you want me.”

She was starting to drift off to sleep. “Lucky, will you stay with me until I go to sleep?”
He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead. “I’ll stay as long as you want. I hope you have sweet dreams, Elizabeth, only sweet dreams from now on.”

Chapter 8

Lucky wandered into the house where Luke sat at the table, a mass of papers spread out in front of him. As he slumped into the chair across from him he said, “Hey Dad, you’re up late.”

“The dreaded paperwork.”

Lucky laughed. “Man, you need to get a computer.”

“Never. I like all this hard work.” Luke rested his forehead in his hand and eyed Lucky, noticing his restlessness. “You seem pretty wired tonight, son. What’s up?”

“Not much. I’ve been walking around, trying to figure out how I can fix things with Elizabeth.”

“Still can’t get her to answer the phone?”

He shook his head and got up, pacing the floor in front of Luke. “No. She won’t answer her phone and she won’t answer the door, and when Mrs. Hardy answers she tells me she isn’t home. I just wish she would talk to me.”

“She’ll come around eventually, don’t you think? I mean, this town ain’t that big. You’re bound to see her sooner or later.”

Lucky sat down again, running his hands through his hair. “Why was I so stupid, Dad? I should have known better than to kiss her without asking her if it was okay first.”

“Maybe, but didn’t you tell me she acted like it was okay at first?”

“Yea, but….she got freaked, Dad. I just don’t know what to do. I need to see her. I need to talk to her and try to make it right.”

“You may just have to give her time, Lucky”

He looked at Luke and nodded, then said, “I just can’t believe I was so stupid, so insensitive.” He sat down again and leaned back in the chair, thinking over the events of the past few months as Luke returned to his paperwork.

He thought back to the nearly perfect day he and Elizabeth had spent at Wyndemere with Lulu two months earlier. She had seemed content and happy that day until he had found her in the garden crying. It was that day that he began to suspect why she was always so unhappy. Several nights later as they sat by the fireplace at his house, she confirmed his suspicions and told him of her abuse as a child at the hands of her Uncle Joe. Lucky had wanted to find him then, and make him pay for what he had done to her, for what he had taken from her, but he knew that would only make matters worse. When it was time for a confrontation, it would have to be Elizabeth’s doing.

It was the following day, after spending the night in Lucky’s bedroom, that she began her sessions with Kevin Collins. Lucky was always waiting for her outside his office when she was finished and she told Lucky that knowing he was there waiting was almost like having him with her. The sessions seemed to be going well. Sometimes she told Lucky about them. Other times she the memories were too raw to discuss them, her emotions all on the surface. On those days, Lucky took her home and stayed with her if she wanted him to, and left her alone if that was what she needed.

He remembered the last time he had seen her, just two weeks ago. He and Elizabeth had spent the day with Lulu, taking her to a movie and shopping, then going to his house for dinner. Elizabeth loved being with Lulu and Lucky loved watching them when they were together and that day was no exception. There had been an instant connection between them that day they had gone to Wyndemere. He had felt that same connection to Elizabeth, even before he really knew her. Elizabeth had been in a good mood that day. Still, Lucky knew there was something bothering her, just beneath the surface. What could it be that she was still unable to tell him? What could be worse than the abuse from her Uncle Joe? He could not imagine, but he knew it was there and that it haunted her.

He had taken her home after dinner that night, holding her hand during the walk to her house. When they reached the front porch he still held her hand as she opened the door. When she turned back to him and started to pull her hand away, he held it tighter and pulled her closer to him and said, “Wait.”

She looked at him questioningly. “What is it, Lucky?”

“I’m just not ready to say goodnight yet. You look so beautiful.“

Her face flushed as she looked down at her feet then raised her eyes back up to meet his. He moved in closer to her, so that their bodies were touching and he placed his finger gently on her lips, caressing them gently. She closed her eyes for a moment and as she opened them, he leaned forward and kissed her, softly, and reveled in the feeling of her lips against his as she returned his kiss. He pulled her even closer, one arm circling her waist, the other in her hair, gently cradling the back of her head. He had dreamed of kissing her for such a long time, and it was far sweeter than he could have imagined. He felt her lips yield to his touch as he parted them slightly with his tongue. Suddenly she pulled away, breathless, and whispered, “Lucky.”

He started to kiss her again, but then he felt her body tense, felt her hands on his chest as she pushed him away. “No! Lucky I can’t do this. Please stop.”

Lucky loosened his arm from around her waist and stepped back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Elizabeth, I never should have….” He looked into her eyes and saw the fear in them. Was she afraid of him? “Elizabeth, don’t be afraid. You know I would never hurt you. Please tell me you know that.”

Her bottom lip quivered and she began to cry. “I want you to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave with things like this. Please don’t do this.”

He reached out to touch her arm but she pulled it away as if she had been burned, just as she had done that first night at Kelly’s with the boy who had upset her. “Don’t touch me. Lucky, please, just leave me alone.” She began to cry even harder then and turned to go inside.

“Elizabeth, wait, please.” She closed the door on him without turning back. He stood for a moment trying to comprehend what had just happened, then leaned his hand against the door, running his hand through his hair. He had only meant to show her how much she meant to him and he was going to tell her that he loved her. He knocked on the door several times, calling her name, but she would not open the door. Finally he turned his back to the door and leaned his head against it, cursing himself for his actions as he felt the tears stinging his eyes.

Luke’s voice brought him back to the present. “Son, you can’t keep berating yourself for what you did. You’re only human, and you care about Elizabeth. In face, I think you’re probably in love with her. God knows, I know all the signs.”

“Yea, I am. I have been for a long time.”

“I thought so. Well then, it’s only human to want to kiss her.”

“But she’s so fragile, Dad. I should have waited until I knew it was okay with her.”

Luke stood up and placed his hand on Lucky’s shoulder. “I have a feeling there’s something going on here that you haven’t told me about and I’m not going to ask what it is. But I’ve been around a lot longer than you have and I see things. She’s got some demons she’s dealing with. I can see that. But I also can see how much she cares about you. Just give her some time, son. That may be all she needs. Now, why don’t you try and get some sleep? You look like you could use it.”

Lucky nodded. “Goodnight, Dad.” He wished he could tell Luke about Elizabeth, but he knew it wasn’t his story to tell. If Elizabeth wanted his parents to know about her past, she would tell them herself. He hoped one day she would be able to tell them. He knew they would be able to help her if only by showing her how much they loved her.

Lucky went upstairs to his room but he could not sleep. He tossed and turned, finally getting up and going downstairs for something to drink. He sat in the dark in the living room for a long time, an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was pacing in front of the fireplace when Laura came downstairs. “I thought I heard you down here.”

“I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t. What’s wrong, Lucky?”

”I don’t know. Something isn’t right, Mom, something I can’t put my finger on.”
“Not right with what?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s Elizabeth. Something’s not right. I can feel it.” He paced a few moments more, then went to the closet and pulled out his coat.

“Lucky, where are you going?”

“I have to make sure she’s okay.” He left quickly and ran from his house to Elizabeth’s house. He was out of breath when he reached the front porch. He leaned over, putting his hands on his knees to catch his breath as he glanced at the driveway. Dammit, I knew it. The car in the driveway belonged to Elizabeth’s Uncle Joe. He didn’t want to alarm her grandmother by knocking on the door in the middle of the night if everything was really okay, so he quickly surveyed the yard and noticed the rose trellis leading from the garden to the roof just outside Elizabeth’s window. He would climb up and look inside the window just to be sure she was all right. As he climbed the trellis, his heart pounding in his chest, he thought, please let her be okay, please…

Elizabeth had gone to bed early that night, even though she knew she would be unable to sleep with Uncle Joe in the house. Why had he come back? Why couldn’t he just stay away and leave them alone? Leave her alone. She hated that he was here, hated that there was no lock on her bedroom door. She had crawled into bed, still wearing her clothes, and pulled the covers up to her chin. Suddenly she was that frightened little girl again, the one who went to bed every night when he was visiting and pulled the covers up this way, hoping that if she held them tightly enough he wouldn’t be able to get to her. But he always did. Whenever he left her, she would wrap herself in the blankets, trying to get warm again, but warmth never came until he was gone and far away from her.

She hated feeling so cold and frightened again. She wished Lucky was here to protect her, but she had sent him away. When he kissed her that night, she had felt her body responding to him. She had wanted him to kiss her for a long time, even knowing what her reaction would be, what it had always been when someone kissed her. It was always then that she sent them away. She knew kissing would lead to other things and the fear of being with someone like that was more than she could bear. But she had never loved any of the others. She loved Lucky, more than she ever imagined she could love anyone. And the kiss had been so much more than she had dreamed it would be. It haunted her every day, every night. She remembered the way his lips tasted and the feel of them against hers own. She knew he had been trying to contact her, but she was too ashamed to return his calls. How could she ever explain to him that the reason she sent him away was because she was afraid? How could she ever make him understand why she was so afraid?

The sound of the door opening startled her and she jumped. Thinking about Lucky had almost made her forget her fear of her uncle. She sat up in bed and turned to the door to see Uncle Joe standing in the doorway. His voice was a whisper as he said, “Hey, Lizzie, girl. I’ve missed you.”

Her voice sounded stronger than she felt. “Get out of my room, Uncle Joe. Please just go away.”

“You don’t really want to send me away do you? I know how much you’ve missed me, too. It’s been a long time.”

“If you don’t leave I’ll yell for Gram. I swear I will.”

“No you won’t. She’ll never believe you, Lizzie. I’ll make sure she never believes you.”

He approached the bed and as he climbed on the bed and placed his hands on her shoulders to try to shove her back on the bed she thought about Lucky. She thought about how much she loved him and how far she had come since she had known him, how much stronger she felt since she had been seeing Kevin Collins. She suddenly felt incredibly strong, and for the first time in her life, she felt in control of what was happening to her. She glared at her uncle as he tried to push her back on the bed. “Oh, so you’ve gotten feisty have you? This could be very interesting.”

She pulled her legs up and in one swift movement, she placed her feet against his chest and shoved him off the bed so that he ended up on the floor, sprawled against the dresser, a stunned look on his face. She thought she had heard the back of his head make contact with the dresser. She got up from the bed and looked toward the window as she heard it open. “Lucky…”

Lucky climbed in the window and looked at her uncle, then at her. Her eyes were wide as she met his gaze and she knew he could see the surprised glee in them. As Uncle Joe started to stir and tried to get up, Lucky turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, knocking him back against the dresser. “Don’t you even think about getting up, you sick bastard.”

He turned back to Elizabeth. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. “Lucky, why are you here? How did you know?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep. I just felt like something was wrong and I had to come over here and make sure you were okay. I only wish I had gotten here sooner, although it turns out you didn’t really need me. You took care of the problem quite nicely on your own.”

At that moment, the door opened and Audrey stepped in. “What is all this racket in here?” She looked around the room, first at Lucky and said, “Lucky, what on earth are you doing here?” Before he could speak, she glanced down at Uncle Joe, sprawled on the floor. She looked at Elizabeth. “Would you mind telling me just what is going on here?”

Elizabeth’s hands shook as she reached for the telephone. “I’m going to call the police, Gram. Uncle Joe just tried to rape me.”

“What?” She looked at Uncle Joe. “Is this true?”

“Of course it’s not true. She’s making it up. I heard Elizabeth talking to someone and I thought she was in trouble, so I came in her room and found him here. She’s just trying to cover for him.”

Elizabeth glared at him and took a deep breath and said. “You can deny it all you want, Uncle Joe. But you and I know the truth and I intend to tell the police everything. All those times you hurt me when I was just a little girl.” Her voice caught as she began to sob. “How could you do that to me? I loved you. You took so much away from me, things I can never get back. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like a victim because of you, feeling like I didn’t deserve to be happy or to have someone care about me, feeling ashamed and guility, when I didn’t even do anything wrong. When I saw you at my door I decided I wouldn’t let you have that power over me anymore. I’m going to take back my life and make sure you pay for what you did to me.”

Audrey was speechless, staring in disbelief as Elizabeth spoke. Finally she approached her and pulled her into her arms. “I am so sorry, Elizabeth. Why didn’t you tell someone? Why did you keep this to yourself all these years?”

“I just couldn’t tell anyone, Gram. He always threatened to hurt me more if I told.”

Audrey took the phone from her and handed it to Lucky. “Lucky, would you please call the police for me?” He nodded as she looked down at Uncle Joe and said. “You and I are going downstairs where we’ll wait for the police. And you will not try to leave, do you understand me?”

He nodded, a look of quiet resignation on his face. He stood up and approached Elizabeth. Lucky stood between them placing his hand on his chest to stop him, Her uncle said, sadly, “I never meant to hurt you, Lizzie girl. I loved you.”

Elizabeth started to speak, but realized that nothing she could say would make him understand what he had really done to her. But as Lucky tentatively took her hand in his, she felt a peace she had not felt in many years. A letting go of sorts. She knew it was over now. At least her Uncle Joe would never hurt her physically again. Mentally, it would still take some time to heal, and there were still things she needed to tell Lucky. She had thought she would feel differently when this happened, that she would feel happiness. Instead she just felt sad, for her uncle, for whatever sickness made him do the things he had done, for Gram for having to deal with this now, and for herself and all the years she had wasted allowing him to have all the power. “We’ll be down in a minute, Gram.”

Elizabeth turned to Lucky, their eyes meeting and holding as she whispered, “Lucky, I’m so sorry…”

He put his hands on the side of her face and whispered, “Shh, it’s okay. We can talk later. For now, I just want you to know how proud I am of you.”

“And I just want you to hold me.”