Not A Word Chapters 11-15

 

Chapter 11

 

Lucky, why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can't you listen to me? Why do you have to love me so much? Why do you have to die because of me?

I knew it with absolute certainty that night as I lay on my tangled blankets, watching the stars hover quietly in the sky through the small window in my room: he would kill Lucky as surely as he would kill me, Spencer or not.

It's my fault.

I rolled over, wincing at the ache in my ribs from where he had kicked me earlier. I shouldn't have tried to attack him; I should have known it wouldn't work, just like it had never worked before. But the very idea that he would try to play Lucky like he was just some stupid kid...I could feel the rage charging through my blood, making my face hot. And then I remembered my heart sinking slowly like a stone in a lake...when Lucky died it would be my fault. It would be because of me.

"Lucky, I'm sorry," I whispered aloud, the stars turning into a white smear as my eyes filled with tears, then becoming clear again as the tears slid slowly into my hair. "I shouldn't have called you. I knew that and I should have known that he would do something like this. And I know you. You'll do exactly as he says because you think you can save me. You've saved me so many times before, Lucky, more times than you'll ever know. But this time it's different. This time things have gone beyond our control. I don't want to give up. I hate it. I wish that I'd killed him when I had the chance. I can't believe I had the chance and I didn't take it. But after all he's done to me, killing him wouldn't even be enough. I wish I could give him back every bit of pain he's ever given you or me. That's what he deserves more than being killed. Then he'd know. But I can't do that and I can't kill him and now he's just going to kill you and he wouldn't be if I hadn't called you. Why did I call you? Why?

"Lucky, please don't meet him. Please don't come here. Please just try to let me go..." I knew I was being foolish even as I said it. Lucky would sooner chop off his own hand than abandon me if he thought he could help. I closed my eyes as my breath caught. Sorrow and futility settled over me like a thick and smothering cloth. I didn't even try to fight it; I just let it consume me. There was nothing I could do now except hope and pray that Lucky and I would get to see each other one last time before we died.

~~~~

Lucky stood on the docks, looking out at the moon reflecting on the water, casting shadows everywhere. It was a quiet, cool night, and he thought of the times he and Elizabeth had sat on these very docks talking and planning their future. He wished she were here with him now, wished that the last few days had been a terrible nightmare. But the nightmare was all too real. He had been waiting on the docks for nearly an hour, waiting for Elizabeth's tormentor, for Tom, thankful that for at least awhile he would be away from her, hopefully giving her some peace. He paced, praying that this was not a ruse and that Tom would indeed show up and take him to her.

He hoped that no one he knew would wander down to the docks. He could not afford to have anyone know that he was going to see Elizabeth. When the line had gone dead after Elizabeth called him the night before, he had hung up the phone and paced the room, agonizing over what to do. Should he call Detective Taggert? He knew he should tell him about receiving the bracelet, about the phone call and the plan to meet Tom who would take him to Elizabeth.

He had picked up the phone again and begun to dial Luke's number. His father would know what to do; he always knew what to do. He was a Spencer. He had taught Lucky what it meant to be a Spencer, how to get out of any situation, how to be ready for disaster at any given moment. But Lucky was too emotional right now to make any rational decisions. As he frantically dialed the phone he finally decided that he would ask Luke and Sonny to follow, to stay out of sight but to be close by. But then he had thought better of it, knowing that he could not risk Elizabeth's life further. Tom Baker had been adamant. No cops, no back up, no one else. Just Lucky. In frustration, he hung up the phone before he completed the call. He had wandered aimlessly the rest of last night, unable to eat or sleep or think of anything but Elizabeth and the hell she was going through.

He had spent today preparing for his meeting with Tom. He knew Elizabeth would be praying that he would not meet Tom, that he would just let her go, let her accept whatever fate lay ahead of her at the hands of Tom Baker. But of course there was no way he could do that, and he knew that deep in her heart she knew that, too. Their connection, their love, was too strong. He would risk his own life willingly to save hers.

It was getting late, and just as Lucky began to worry that Tom would not show up, he heard the sinister voice from behind him. "Lucky Spencer?" He turned toward the voice and saw Tom Baker step from the shadows.

Chapter 12

Lucky turned and watched as Tom stepped out from the shadows behind him. He felt his heart pounding as he watched Tom approach him, a maniacal grin on his face.

"Ready to go see your pretty little girlfriend?"

"I want to see her now."

"My, aren't you pushy. But one thing....Lucky.... "

Lucky glared at him. "What?"

Tom stepped closer to him and said, "You better do exactly as I say...every single thing I say you better do...the harder you make it on me, the harder I'll make it on her....got it?"

"Look, I've got it, okay? I just want to see Elizabeth, so stop wasting time and just take me to her."

Tom grabbed one of Lucky's arms and shoved him ahead of him. Lucky tried to yank his arm away from him. "What….?"

"Shut up and walk. You want to see her or not?" They walked to Tom's car and he opened the back door. "Turn around."

Lucky turned around reluctantly. He didn't like the way things were going. With his back to him, he wasn't sure what Tom was doing. Suddenly he felt the material over his eyes and felt Tom tying it at the back of his head.

"What the hell are you doing, man?"

Tom shoved him into the back seat of the car and laughed bitterly. "You really think I'm going to let you know exactly where you're going? I thought you were supposed to be smart." He slammed the back car door and slid into the driver's seat. As he started the car, Lucky kicked the back of Tom's seat in frustration and ran his hands through his hair as he leaned his head against the back of his seat. He wished he had called Detective Taggert or Luke. He knew he was entering dangerous ground by deciding to meet Tom alone. Luke would not be happy with him. After all, his father was the one who had taught him to never back yourself into a corner, the one who had taught him to always, no matter what the circumstances, have back up. It was a Spencer family rule, and he was breaking it, possibly risking Elizabeth's life and his own life further.

Tom drove in silence for nearly two hours. Lucky wished he knew where he was going, but it was impossible to tell or get his bearings with the blindfold over his eyes. He felt the car turn and slow and drive for some time on a winding gravel road, or driveway. When he stopped the car, Tom got out and pulled Lucky from the back seat. Lucky could smell the trees and greenery. They were obviously in a deeply wooded area. As Tom started to push him forward, Lucky stopped. "Wait, I need my backpack."

Tom grabbed it from the back seat and Lucky could hear him as he began to open it. "Well, let's see what we have here." Lucky could do nothing since he was still blindfolded. He had carefully prepared food for Elizabeth. She had told him she was hungry so he had prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fruit and nuts and brownies for her. Tom started laughing. "What is this? Do you think I'm starving her or something?"

"Come on, she told me she was hungry. You have to let her eat."

"Whatever, I don't have time to argue with you." He shoved the backpack at Lucky. Once inside, Tom removed the blindfold and Lucky blinked his eyes to adjust to the dim light in the room. He was inside a small, rundown, dirty cabin. He looked around.

"Where is she? I want to see her now!"

Tom took his arm and pulled him over to a closed door. "RIght in here." He opened the door and shoved him into a dark room, shutting and locking the door behind him. Tom had shoved him so hard he landed on the floor. He was unable to see anything in the room, it was so dark. He whispered, "Elizabeth?"

There was a slight rustling against the far wall and he thought he heard a gasp, but there was no response. He stood up and tried to find a light switch, with no luck. It was too dark in the room to find his bearings. "Elizabeth? Where are you?"

Still there was silence. He moved toward the rustling sound as he heard it again. He felt the blankets on the floor and could hear her breathing. He reached toward the sound and his hand finally found her arm. She pulled it away from him quickly. There was fear in her voice. "Leave me alone!"

"Elizabeth, it's me, it's Lucky, it's okay. I'm here."

He could tell she was sitting up, slowly. Her voice was so low he could barely hear her. "Lucky?"

"Yes, it's me. I'm not going to hurt you."

Her voice was hesitant, but hopeful. "Are you...are you real?"

"I'm real, sweetie. I'm right here. Here, take my hand."

She let him take her hand and then started to cry, and threw her arms around his neck. They held each other for a long minute, then finally pulled away from each other, just enough for him to put his hands on the sides of her face. "Are you okay, Elizabeth? Has he hurt you anymore?"

She shook her head. "No. Lucky...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry? Did you really think I wouldn't come?"

"I knew you would. That's the problem. I shouldn't have called you. He's going to kill you and it will be because of me."

"He's not going to kill me, Elizabeth. And I won't let him hurt you anymore." She could not stop crying. "Lucky, you're not God."

He laughed slightly, "No, but I am a Spencer. That's the next best thing."

Elizabeth pulled away from him, not laughing. "But he's bigger and stronger and he has a knife and I don't know what else "

"Elizabeth, you just have to trust me. Is there a light switch in here?" "Yes but there's no bulb in here."

"Is there a light anywhere? I need to see you. I need to see what he's done to you."

Finally she spoke again, sounding miserable, listless. "In the bathroom. Against this wall."

Lucky stood up and found the door to the bathroom then went back to her and took both of her hands in his. He could feel her shaking. "Can you stand up?"

"I think so." She carefully got to her feet, clutching his arm as he circled her waist with his arms. He helped her into the bathroom and sat her on the toilet seat. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and looked into her eyes. The sight of her left him shaken...she was dirty and there was a nasty cut on her forehead. Her shirt was covered with blood. He took her hands in his again and for the first time he felt the cuts on the palms of her hands.

"Ouch!" She jerked her hands away from him in pain.

"Let me see." He gently took her hands again and turned them over so he could look at them and saw the cuts. He knew they were the cause of the bloody hand prints she had left behind. "What else did he do to you?" He touched her forehead and pushed her hair back off her face, looking at her tenderly.

"I look that bad, huh?" She tried to smile but wasn't very successful.

He whispered. "No, never. You look beautiful, Elizabeth. You always look beautiful to me." He could see that her hair was matted against some blood on her shoulder so he pushed her shirt off her shoulder a little so he could see the wound better. She winced and closed her eyes. He saw the cut above her breast and felt the tears welling in his eyes. He could not bare to think of the pain she had endured when Tom had done this to her.

"Jesus, what did he do to you? Why did he do this?"

"He just cut me a little bit. I'm okay, Lucky." She tried to sound convincing as she took his hand in her two.

"You're not okay. You're cut and it's probably infected. I'm going to try to clean it up a little." He looked toward the sink and saw a small bar of soap, but no clean towels, so he took his shirt off and tore it so he would have a clean rag to use. He began to gently clean the wounds, first her forehead and then the one above her breast. Elizabeth gritted her teeth and wiped her nose. She was crying again, partly from the pain and partly because she was so afraid.

" I wish you didn't have to see me this way."

"Shhh, it's okay. Tell me if I'm hurting you."

"It hurts but I can't really feel it, if that makes any sense. I feel like when..." She stopped.

"Like when? Tell me."

Her voice was quiet. "Like when....like when Bobbie was cleaning me up after the...after the rape... "

"You mean like you've shut down emotionally?"

She nodded. "Numb. There's pain but I almost don't care. All I really care about is you, and now you're going to..." She started to cry harder and covered her mouth with her hands.

"Listen to me. I'm going to be fine. And so are you. You can't let him get to you like this. You have to feel, Elizabeth. Otherwise he wins. You have to show him how strong you are. I know you can do it."

She wilted and slumped against him. "It's not like it was before. I don't have a chance anymore. He has won, Lucky. There's nothing I can do this time."

He gently put his hands on her arms and forced her to look at him. "He has not won, Elizabeth. You have to fight back. Don't you see, he wants you to be weak and vulnerable. That's what gives him his sense of power."

"I'm tired of fighting him. I can't do it anymore. I just don't want him to hurt you."

"Listen to me, I think I know what's wrong. Come back out in the other room with me." He left the light on as he helped her to her feet. They went back to the other room and sat down on the blankets. First he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders because she was shivering, then he opened his backpack and pulled out several bags. "I know he hasn't been feeding you and I think you're too weak to fight. You need to eat. Look, I brought you food. Peanut butter and jelly..."

She swayed a little as she looked at the sandwich. "I feel too sick to be hungry anymore..."

He spoke softly, knowing that if she would just eat she would have more strength and have more will to fight. "You have to eat, Elizabeth. You need your strength. Please just try to eat a little. For me? I have fruit and brownies in here, too. But the peanut butter will give you energy."

Her hand was shaking as she suddenly took the sandwich from his hand. She lifted it to her lips and took a bite...and suddenly, when she tasted the peanut butter, she realized just how hungry she was, and she started trying to cram the sandwich into her mouth.

He laughed a little and put his hand on the side of her face, caressing it softly as he pulled her other hand from her mouth. "Whoa, slow down sweetie, you're going to make yourself sick if you eat it too fast."

"I guess I am still hungry."

He watched as she began to take slower bites and chewed for longer before swallowing. Lucky pulled out a small bottle of juice and removed the lid before giving it to her. She took a long drink and then took a deep breath.

He could see her getting some of her strength back and her hands weren't shaking as much. "That's my girl."

He watched as the tears started to slip down her face again as she ate. He moved closer to her, so he was sitting beside her, and put his arms around her, pulling her close. He whispered. "It's going to be okay, Elizabeth. I promise." Suddenly she dropped the rest of the sandwich and put her arms around his neck again, crying quietly into his neck. He held her, gently stroking her hair and kissing her forehead, then her cheek. She lifted her face to his and whispered, "I love you, Lucky."

"I love you, too, Elizabeth. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

She kissed him on the lips then, more desperately than usual, as if this were their last kiss. He pulled her closer, kissing her back, wanting only to block out reality, to help her forget for at least a little while.

The main door opened and they turned to see Tom standing in the doorway. Lucky pulled Elizabeth closer in an effort to protect her and keep her safe.

"Well isn't this just about the sweetest thing I've ever seen?"

Chapter 13

"Come on out here. I got something I want to show you."

I turned from Lucky and fixed my gaze on Tom, my tormentor, my torturer. I wanted to kill him with my eyes alone, I wanted to take the gun he now held in his hand and use it on him. Angry tears filled my eyes, and I could feel a great rage boiling up inside of me, a great wave rolling forward that would soon break over me and I would not be able to control it. But I had to...if it was just me here by myself, I wouldn't care. I would yell and scream and try to hurt him in any way I could, even if it meant he would kill me for it.

But I couldn't, not with Lucky here. I didn't care if I died now, but I would not let him hurt Lucky, and I knew he would do just that if I said anything.

I must have made a small sound as I tried to choke back my reaction, because Lucky turned to me then, his hand touching my hair.

"Are you okay? I'm right here with you. Everything will be all right."

I only nodded, not trusting myself to say a single word.

"Come on. Now, dammit."

Lucky stood and helped me gently to my feet. I knew that I should have been more afraid; Lucky was in danger, and whatever Tom was going to do to us wouldn't be pleasant. But the rage was still there, lodged swollen in my chest and making me shake, forcing me to clench my teeth shut in an effort to control myself. When would it end? When would he cease to have such control over me? We walked to the door slowly and he stood there smirking. I wondered where he had gotten the gun, and I could only hope that if he planned to use it he would make it quick and painless. I almost laughed at myself for thinking that. He hustled us through the door, and I saw two chairs sitting in the middle of the room facing each other, some ropes coiled next to them. Lucky's hand was in mine and he squeezed it gently in reassurance, trying to smile. Tom must have seen Lucky's smile, for his lip curled and he pointed the gun at me. "You, my Lucky friend, are going to tie your little girlfriend to this chair.

Lucky's hand tightened on mine. "What? I can't do that! I won't!""

He cocked the gun. "Oh can't you?"

"I'm not going to tie her up. Are you insane?"

Tom's voice was flat and inhuman. "Fine then. Watch her die."

I turned to Lucky, ignoring the stupid gun. "Lucky, just do it," I whispered. "Just do whatever he says."

His eyes filled with tears, and I felt something inside me rip just a little more. Lucky was hurting so much because of me. "Please, Lucky. Please."

"No." He kept his voice steady despite the tears sliding down his cheeks, and then he looked at Tom. "Just let her go can't you? Do what you want with me, but just let her go."

My heart jumped and I wanted to scream at him. He couldn't do that. I wouldn't let him. I had no chance to say anything, for suddenly Tom grabbed me and pulled me to him, pressing the barrel of the gun against my temple. "Dammit, I'm tired of your shit! What did I tell you in the car?"

Lucky sobbed frantically, running his hands through his hair. "Okay, okay, I'll do anything you say. Just don't hurt her, please!"

I couldn't feel the cold metal against my skin, I couldn't even feel the fear I should have felt. There was only a blinding fury that he was scaring Lucky, playing with him like a cat. I would have fought him, I would have kicked him, hit him, anything, but he shoved me back at Lucky and I fell into his arms. He clung to me and I sagged briefly against his warmth. My poor beloved Lucky, you don't deserve any of this. "That chair right there. Tie her hands behind it real good. I'll be standing right here making sure that you do."

I turned around as Lucky helped me sit in the chair. Be compliant, be quiet and good and maybe that monster won't hurt Lucky. I'm not scared Lucky, not for me. I wish I could tell you that. Don't cause trouble with him. Just do whatever he says. Please, Lucky. Please. I closed my eyes and felt Lucky's hands gently pull mine behind me. The rope was there, rough and scratchy, and then his voice soft as velvet in my ear. "I'm sorry, Ellzabeth, I'm so sorry. Just keep your eyes on my all the time, okay? Let me handle everything. Can you do that?" I bit my lip, suddenly wanting to cry for his sweetness, his bravery, his foolishness for coming here, his love for me. God, what did I ever do to deserve him?

Tom's voice cut into my thoughts like a rusty knife. "Nice try, Spencer. Tighter than that."

"I'm sorry," Lucky said to me, and he tied them tighter. Good Lucky. Don't make him angry.

"Your turn."

I opened my eyes and watched as he made Lucky sit in the other chair across from me and tied his hands behind him. My eyes locked with Lucky's then. His were wet and filled with pain as he mouthed the words, "I love you."

I nodded, but stiffened as Tom stepped behind me. "My God, weren't you in Boy Scouts or anything? You call this a knot?" He bent down and retied the knots around my wrists, jerking the ropes so hard that I gasped involuntarily at the pain.

"Do you have to do that? Can't you see she's not going anywhere," Lucky said desperately. I glanced away from him. "Elizabeth, " he whispered. "Look at me. Concentrate on me."

I looked at him again but it was almost too hard to do so; it hurt to much to see how much he was hurting, and I could see it in his eyes as if he was telling me with words. I'm sorry Lucky, I tried to say with my own. I'm sorry that I got you into this. I'm sorry.

Tom walked around to stand beside me then, the gun shoved in his pants, and I could feel his eyes on me, crawling like dirty maggots over my hair and face and body. My blood pressure was rising again, and I knew my face was flushed. He sickened me, but I kept my face a mask.

"She sure is beautiful, isn't she Lucky?" He murmured. "I thought that the first time I ever saw her. I can sure see what you see in her, that's for sure."

"Shut up! You know nothing! Nothing!"

Tom ignored him of course; he didn't even glance at him but instead kept looking at me. "Everything about you is beautiful, Elizabeth. Especially what we had together. Have you tried it yet, Lucky? Surely you haven't been with such a beautiful girl for so long without trying it just a little."

Lucky struggled in the chair, jerking ineffectuality at his ropes. "Can't you just stop? What do you want from her? Can't you just leave her alone...please!"

His voice caught and snagged on the last word, breaking open like an egg to reveal his agony within. I fixed my eyes on him, wishing I could say the words aloud. Lucky, don't. You're letting this piece of filth get to you. You're giving him what he wants. You're doing what you told me not to do. Don't let him win, don't let him upset you...

"You're scared, aren't you Elizabeth?" He circled around me, a shark checking out his prey before he made the strike. "I bet you're so scared you can't breathe." Without warning he slipped his hand down the front of my shirt and rested it over my heart, his fingers splayed between my breasts. Revulsion filled me at his touch and I swallowed heavily at the sudden nausea that filled my throat. I clamped my lips shut. I would not give him the satisfaction of reacting, even though chills of disgust were chasing themselves over my body, even though his hand burned me like an iron brand. "You ARE scared," he said triumphantly. "I can tell by how fast your little heart is beating."

"Jesus! Get your fucking hands off her!" Lucky's voice broke again, this time echoing the fury I could feel, and the futility and hopelessness also. There was nothing we could do, nothing would make him stop. And he knew it. All three of us knew it.

I didn't move, didn't make a sound. Perhaps if I became a stone I would not feel him, would not hear him. He could not reach me, could not touch me. Do the same Lucky. Become a rock.

He moved his hand to my left breast and my facade of calm slipped a little as he squeezed it, so hard that the pain shot through me like a little arrow. Lucky said nothing. His face twisted in pain, as if he had read my mind and had known to keep quiet.

Tom chuckled as he removed his hand and stepped in front of me, blocking my view to Lucky. He studied me for a moment, then took my chin between his finger and thumb and tilted my face up.

"So, so pretty. I know Lucky has to love your big blue eyes. And your soft skin. And your lips. My God, he's got to love your lips." He stroked my bottom lip with his thumb and it took all of my effort, all of my concentration to keep from spitting in his face. I stared past his shoulder, knowing that I was losing the battle, that my eyes were ablaze, that angry tears were stinging them. But I could not cry. I could not. I could cry alone with Lucky, but I would not cry for Tom.

"Pretty little girl." He leaned down, his mouth covering mine. I jerked in shock and horror, and without thinking my teeth sank deeply into his bottom lip. "Oh fuck!" He jumped back, his hand flying to his bleeding lip.

I glared at him, trying to ignore the taste of his blood. He pulled the knife from his belt and grabbed me by the hair, yanking my head back so that I cried out. He pressed the tip of the knife to the soft skin just under my jaw; I swallowed convulsively and the tip dug a little deeper. I froze. The time for games was over on both sides and he had won after all. I jerked my eyes in a panic to Lucky; it was over now and I was dead.

"What the hell are you doing?" Lucky struggled against his bonds, sobbing openly now.

Tom's breath was hot on my cheek. "Should I rip her apart quickly and watch her blood gush all over the place? Or should I carve her up nice and slow like a Thanksgiving turkey?" He dragged the knife down, through the soft little valley between the muscle and the windpipe, slicing into me, the ripping of my own flesh loud in my ears, the warmth of my blood cooling in the air of the cabin. "You know, there's a very important artery under here. If I were to cut just a little deeper..."

Take yourself away Liz, take yourself away from it and then you won't feel it. Let yourself go. Goodbye Lucky, I love you. I love you.

~~~~

Lucky watched in horror as Tom slid the knife down her neck and watched as the blood started to trickle down the front of her. He felt his own blood boiling as his anger and frustration rose. His voice was barely a whisper. "Please God, don't let him do this to her. Please help her."

He could see that Liz was trembling as Tom put the knife away, pulled out the gun again and stood up. He walked over to Lucky and started to untie the ropes on his hands. "Well, I've had enough. You two are so frigging pathetic. Do you want to untie your girlfriend? I'll leave you two alone for awhile...let you have a chance to get some action, huh, Lucky? Better do it while you can...who knows how much longer you'll have."

Lucky stood up and went to Elizabeth. He started to untie the knots as quickly as he could, but his hands were shaking so badly that it took him a few minutes. He glanced at Tom and saw that he looked totally bored, and he was laughing. He finally got her untied and pulled her close, holding her tightly.

Tom pushed them towards the door and shoved them inside. . As soon as the door was closed and locked, Lucky reached for Elizabeth, but she tore away from him and half ran, half stumbled to the bathroom, where the light was still on. She was sobbing as she turned on the hot water tap and grabbed the small bar of soap and began scrubbing her mouth furiously.

Lucky followed her into the bathroom and when he saw the hot steaming water coming from the tap and saw what she was doing, he reached over and turned the water off. "Elizabeth, you'll burn yourself. Here, let me do this." He picked up the shirt he had taken off earlier and tore a few more pieces from it. He moistened one piece and put soap on it and gently cleaned her mouth. She did not speak, only stared straight ahead at her reflection in the mirror. "I know, sweetie, I know," he whispered.

When he was finished, he put his arms around her and kissed her softly on the lips and she began to sob harder. He suddenly felt her body go limp in his arms and she slumped to the floor in front of the sink. Lucky sat on the floor with her, gathering her in his arms and stroking her hair as he whispered over and over, "It's okay, it's okay." After a few minutes she stopped crying so hard and he was able to take a look at the new wound on her neck. Thank God it was only a superficial wound. He got another piece of his shirt and began to clean the wound, tears blinding him, hating Tom for all he had done to her, as he watched her eyes staring straight ahead, glazed and suddenly unresponsive.

Lucky put his hands on the side of her face. "Elizabeth, look at me. Look at me. I'm so proud of you. You didn't break down in front of him and that's good. You didn't let him take your power away." He watched as she tried to look at him, but her eyes would not focus on him. He wasn't sure that she was even hearing him. "Baby, I need you to stay with me here. You can't shut down. Please look at me. Don't let him do this to you. Don't let him win."

Elizabeth did not answer him, nor did she acknowledge that she had heard him. He watched as her eyes slid past him, blank, and unseeing to some point just past him, her body shaking uncontrollably. Lucky gently picked her up and carried her to the other room and laid her down on the blankets. After covering her up with several blankets he laid down beside her and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her to try and make her warm, although he knew she wasn't shaking just from the cold. He hummed softly to her as he stroked her face, as he cursed himself for not calling Luke or Sonny before he left to meet Tom. He was afraid for both of them and he prayed that he would be able to find a way to get away from this hell, to get Elizabeth to safety. Finally her shaking subsided and her breathing became less erratic and he knew she was asleep. She needed to sleep, she needed to get her strength back. But there would be no sleep for Lucky as he thought with utter certainty that tomorrow could be far worse than today.

Chapter 14

When Elizabeth awoke she had to adjust her eyes to the small amount of light coming in through the one window in the room. She stirred slightly and turned toward Lucky, watching him sleep beside her. He was lying on his stomach, one arm draped protectively across her. She touched his arm lightly and shook him to wake him. "Lucky?"

He awoke with a start was disoriented for a moment. He looked at Elizabeth, his eyes revealing that he had suddenly remembered where they were. "Elizabeth...are you okay?"

She nodded and said quietly. "I think so. I thought I was going to die."

Lucky pulled her close, relieved that she was no longer in the nearly catatonic state she appeared to be in the night before. He held her close and ran his hand through her hair, "I'm not going to let you die. Are you feeling better than you were last night?"

She looked away from him and lowered her eyes. "Lucky...if anything, I think last night should have shown you that he can do whatever he wants. He can kill me if he wants to, and he can do it in front of you. He almost did. I know you want to protect me and save me Lucky, but I won't hate you if you can't. I could never hate you. I know you're only human, and I know you love me. That's enough. If I die at least I know that."

Lucky put his hands on the sides of her face and said gently. "I do love you, Elizabeth. I don't ever want you to doubt that. Do I have to keep telling you that I am not going to let you die? I'll die protecting you if I have to."

"No!" Elizabeth sat upright in the blankets, her eyes wide. "No Lucky, don't say that. Please don't ever say that!"

"But it's true. I would never let anything happen to you. That's why I came here alone. I couldn't risk your life by calling my Dad or Sonny."

She closed her eyes and leaned away from him, her voice desperate when she finally spoke. "Lucky...why didn't you call them?"

"Because Tom told me not to tell anyone or something would happen to you. I couldn't take that risk."

"Oh God." Elizabeth dropped her face in her hands and her shoulders began to shake.

He pulled her close again. "Elizabeth...it's okay. It's going to be okay"

"You always say that."

"I know I do. But I really mean it. I just know that God doesn't intend for us to die here."

She said nothing as he lifted her face to his and looked into his eyes for a long time. Finally she reached up and pulled his head close to hers, kissing him deeply on the mouth. Lucky was shocked at first, but soon he was returning her kiss, his tongue finding hers as they kissed more desperately. Elizabeth slipped her hand inside Lucky's began to caress his chest with one hand while trying to unbutton his shirt with the other.

Suddenly he pulled away from her, his breathing hard, and gently he put his hands on her arms and pushed her away a little. "Elizabeth, we can't do this here. Not now. Remember we want our first time to be special. I know it would be special anywhere, but I just don't think this is the right time or place."

She dropped her eyes away from his. "I know that Lucky...but this might be our only chance. We might not have another, and I don't want to die without..." She stopped but still did not look at him again.

He lifted her face so that she would have to look at him and whispered, "I love you, Elizabeth, and there's nothing that I want more than to make love to you. We WILL get another chance, and when we do, it's going to be so beautiful. This just isn't the right place."

She jerked away from him angrily. "I don't care, Lucky. I don't care where we are anymore. It was fine when we had the luxury to decide, but we don't anymore. Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Her voice became louder and she sounded angry. "Can't you see? He's going to kill us!!"

"Elizabeth...please…" Lucky tried to touch her, to pull her back to him, but she pulled her arm from his hand and turned away from him, crying. "Elizabeth, don't do this, please."

Suddenly she turned back to him and she looked ashamed and embarrassed. "Lucky, I'm....I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you like that. It's just...I just....I'm afraid. I know that he's going to play with us until he gets tired of us and then...I just wanted...I just wanted us to have something beautiful before that."

Lucky put his hands on her shoulders and this time she did not pull away. "I know, sweetie. I know you're scared. So am I. But I promise you that when we get out of here we will have something beautiful. It will be soon, Elizabeth." He pulled her close again and she laid her head against his shoulder as he buried his face in her hair.

"I hate what he does to me."

Lucky looked at her and said, "'I hate what he does to you, too. I wanted to kill him last night."

"If I hadn't been tied up, I would have killed him."

"If I hadn't been tied up I would have. I wish I had back when I had the chance." She pulled away from him and drew her knees up under her chin. "I should have killed him when I had the chance....if I'd only known."

"You couldn't have known that he would do this, Elizabeth...and I wouldn't want you to kill him and have to live with that for the rest of your life. If you killed someone it would haunt you forever."

"Not someone, Lucky. HIM. Not a human being. I think I could live with that."

"Well, all the same, I'm glad you didn't kill him."

She stared at him, her eyes confused, searching his. "I don't understand you at all sometimes."

He looked at her, shocked, and he felt hurt by her outburst. "What do you mean?"

"I've wanted nothing more than to be able to wrap my hands around his throat for days now...to watch him die right before my eyes. And you're glad I didn't kill him? After all that he's done...all that he's doing?"

"Listen, you misunderstood me, Elizabeth. I want him dead just as much as you do for all the vile things he's done to you. But I'm only thinking about you. I know a little about what it feels like to kill someone from the things my dad has told me. He told me no matter how much you hate the person, it still messes you up for life "

She laughed bitterly. "And my life's not messed up now."

"One day you'll understand what I'm trying to tell you, when you're thinking more clearly"

Her voice was sharp when she responded. "I AM thinking clearly, Lucky."

Lucky sighed. "Elizabeth, please, I don't want us to fight. I just want us to try to figure out a way to get out of here, to get away from him."

She looked at him and her face fell. "I don't want to fight either. See, this is just another thing he does....God, I hate him."

"Come here. Let's call a truce." He put his arms around her and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed him back gently, without any of the fervor of earlier and rested her head against his chest. After a long while she took a deep breath. "I've never been normal. Not ever. But when I think about how I am now, I feel like I was normal then, before the rape. I was confused and angry a lot, but it all seems like it was for nothing now. So petty and childish, meaningless. Because now...now one minute I'll feel all strong and confident, the next I feel like I'm being torn into a million pieces and I don't know how to feel or what to think. Every time I think I've got myself together he's there and it starts all over again and I don't have a chance and he's just going to keep doing it again and again and again until I can't take it anymore. Until he breaks me completely and I don't know why. I don't know why he chose me. I don't know anything anymore...."

He felt the tears welling in his eyes as he lifted her face to his. "You know one very important thing, maybe the most important thing. I love you and I'll always love you. The rest doesn't matter, you know, because we have something that few other people will ever find in their lifetime. As for why he chose you, you'll probably never know the answer to that...he's just sick and twisted, Elizabeth...I think you were just there...it wasn't because of anything you did."

"I know that. And of course I know you love me." She moved her head, and suddenly grimaced in pain. She gently touched her neck. "Ow. My neck hurts."

"Let me look at it." He pushed her hair back so he could look at the knife wound. It's not very deep, and it looks a little better than last night already."

"Last night..." she said faintly as she shuddered against him.

He put his hand on her face and said softly, "Are you okay?"

She pulled away from him slightly and tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked up at Lucky. "Yeah, I'm okay. Now..."

"Well, I know you weren't okay last night. I was afraid you had shut down emotionally again. Do you remember any of it?"

Her face clouded. "I remember....I remember some of it. I was so angry at him...I think I could have killed him then with my bare hands. That whole time he was taunting us....what he was doing to you...I couldn't stand it..."

"I don't care what he does to me, Elizabeth, don't you know that? But it touches me to know that you do, it does. But you also have to know that I don't care about myself here. I hate the things he's done to you, the things he's taken away from you."

She smiled at him sadly. "You sound like me. I mean...I don't care about myself here either, only you. I don't care if he kills me...I mean it scares me a little bit...but it upsets me a lot more to know he might hurt you or kill you. And watching him use me just to torment you...Oh God." She put both her hands in her hair and squeezed it with her fists.

He took her hands in his and whispered softly, "I guess that's what real love is all about isn't it? Being selfless and only caring about the safety and well being of the other person."

She nodded, and her eyes filled with tears. "I guess I'm in love with you then...because all I do is think about you and worry about you...and I'm so afraid for you...If he hurts you...." She put her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"I know, Elizabeth. I feel the same way about you."

"I thought he was going to kill me last night. I thought he was killing me."

"I was afraid of that, too"

"But he didn't..."

She let him go and sat back, hugging her knees to her chest again. "When he started cutting me....I thought he was going to cut my throat. It was like when he was raping me...I could feel myself almost leaving my body, taking myself away. Like I was just shutting down. But then I kind of realised I was still here...but it was like everything was in a haze. I couldn't really hear anything and everything looked foggy. I couldn't get my thoughts together. And the only thing I could really concentrate on was the fact that I could still taste his blood in my mouth from when I bit him. And all I could think about then was getting it out, like it was some kind of obsession or something. So when he left us in the room...I remember running to the bathroom and turning on the water and trying to wash my mouth...but after that it's like I completely blanked out. I can't remember it..."

"I knew you weren't there with me last night. I took care of you though...."

She smiled, "You always take care of me, Lucky."

"I cleaned your wounds and I held you until you went to sleep. Do you remember me singing to you? I just wanted you to go to sleep and get some rest."

"No, I don't remember. But I can imagine." She took his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you, Lucky. For everything."

"Elizabeth, I will always take care of you, but you know, you don't really need me to do that. You're strong and you can take care of yourself. That's why I was so afraid you had shut down last night. And that's why I'm so glad that you didn't. I think you were just exhausted. You hadn't slept since he took you had you?"

"Not really. You know I have trouble sleeping when I'm really upset, except when you're with me. It's always been that way...and I guess it will be forever...right?"

He nodded and touched her face with his hand. "Forever, Elizabeth...and even after that."

She smiled a real smile this time but he could still see the sadness and fear behind her eyes. She sighed deeply. "Lucky, I think I'm going to take a shower. I haven't for so long, and I know I'm so dirty. All this...all this blood." She got to her feet shakily. "And when I come back...you said you brought brownies, right?"

He smiled, too. "Yes I did...made them myself, too."

"Well, if I can make them I guess you can too." She wrinkled her nose at him and went into the bathroom.

He called after her in a hurt voice. "Hey, I've made brownies before you know...pretty damn good ones too."

When she did not respond and only closed the door behind her he could not help but laugh quietly to himself. He wandered around the room, thinking to himself that there had to be a way out of there. His gaze lifted to the one window in the room, high on the wall, near the ceiling. If he could lift Elizabeth up there, maybe, just maybe, she could open it and he could push her through and at least she could escape. It was even possible that he could hoist himself up to the window and follow her. It was worth a try. He began to get excited about his plan and he could not wait for Elizabeth to come out of the bathroom so he could tell her.

Chapter 15

As soon as I closed the bathroom door behind myself, I slid to the floor against it, unable to hold the tears back any longer. Now that Lucky could no longer see me, I could once again give way to the sorrow that clogged my throat and threatened to suffocate me. But when I was with him…I knew I had to pretend to be strong and brave and not frightened. I could see how much it upset him to know how scared I was. We had vowed once what seemed so long ago to never keep secrets from each other. This wasn't the same was it? Wasn't it something I had to do? We had never planned for anything like this, had never imagined being in this situation. Never even dreamed that we might be about to die together. No, it was not wrong for me to pretend. Not if it would help Lucky and give him hope.

I dragged myself to my feet and began to undress, grimacing as I peeled the grimy clothes from my body. I hadn't realized how dirty I'd gotten. To take my mind off things, as I stepped into the shower I allowed myself to indulge in imaginings of shampoo and clean clothes and being outside. Feeling strong again. Running. Being in my room and having Lucky come through the window. Having a big fluffy clean towel to wrap up in as I turned off the water and got out.

I didn't even want to touch my clothes again, but there was nothing to do but dry off with them the best I could anyway. At last I was ready, and I took a deep breath before I fixed a smile on my face and opened the door. Lucky was sitting on the blankets.

"I'm ready for that brownie now," I said as brightly as I could. The truth was I had been without food for so long that my stomach seemed closed to it. I had forgotten to ask Lucky how many days it had been since I was taken. Lucky knew that I was weak, but I didn't want him to know just how much. I felt as though I was becoming paper-thin, and that soon he would be able to see through me.

He grabbed his backpack and rummaged around inside it for a brownie, and handed it to me as I folded myself onto the blankets next to him. "While you were in the shower, I was looking around for a way out of here, and I have an idea."

I felt my heart stop in my chest for a second, but I covered it with a facade of calm as I took the brownie from him. "Oh really? What?"

He looked thoughtful as he bit into a brownie himself. "Well, I was looking around the room and I thought maybe I could lift you up and you could open the window, and hopefully climb out of it."

I looked up at the small window several feet above us, and felt nearly sick with disappointment. "That window? Lucky...it's so high..."

"I know, but I think I can lift you up high enough to try and open it." I took small bites of the brownie, one part of my brain finding it strange that for some reason eating was making me feel slightly ill. "What about you? How will you get up there?"

He smiled. "I'm still trying to work that one out...but, hey, I'm the son of Luke Spencer and he taught me how to get out of just about anything. I'll figure it out soon enough."

I swallowed carefully, feeling as though I was going to choke, hope stirring once again inside of me. To get out, to get away from this place and be free? "When...when can we do it?"

"I was thinking we should wait until dark so no one sees us."

"I wish we could do it now...I'm afraid to wait. What if he comes back? What if this time...." I looked towards the door and bit my lip. I didn't even want to think about what he would do to us next time he had us at his mercy, but some part of me knew even so that he would get progressively worse, break us down little by little until we had no more resistance, until we were completely broken down.

"Elizabeth, I really think we need to wait. I don't want to take the chance that someone might see us," he said, leaning towards me and peering into my face.

I looked into his eyes and nodded. "I know. I know you're right." I looked up at the window for a moment, trying to picture our surroundings. How close was the nearest town. Were we somewhere deep in the woods, miles and hours away from the rest of the world? "I just wish I knew what was out there."

"It has to be better than what's in here. I don't want us to spend another night in here."

I was unable to control the shudder that wracked my body as I looked around the little, dusty dim room. "I don't either. I don't think I could. I don't think I'll ever want to be shut in a small room again. Ever."

"I'm going to make sure you never are again. He reached over and took my hand in his. "I think we should get some rest and try to eat some more before we attempt this. Since we don't know what will be waiting for us out there, we need to be well rested."

I knew he was right, but I also knew that only a few hours of rest and a little bit of food would probably not do me much good. I needed a week, two weeks even of complete and unbroken sleep, with maybe a tube in my arm so that I wouldn't have to wake up to eat.

"Elizabeth?"

I felt his hand on my arm and I rolled over, squinting at him in the semi-darkness of the room. "Is it time?"

"Yeah, it's time."

I sat up carefully. "I didn't really sleep much. Too nervous." Sleep much? I hadn't been able to sleep at all; even now I almost wanted to throw up from the fear that skittered through my veins like little fire ants.

"I could tell...you were really restless."

I looked up at the window again. The little square was purple with the deepening twilight. Not completely dark yet, but I didn't care. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah...we can go now." He reached out and helped me to my feet. I was careful not to lean against him; he must not know how very weak I was still, how even the nerves and fear I felt could not dispel completely the fog that seemed to be hovering on the outer reaches of my mind.

"How are you going to get out up there Lucky?" I said, trying to distract myself. "We never figured that out. How do we know if it's a really far drop to the ground out there, or if there's a little roof or something?"

"We'll just have to wait and see what it's like when you get the window open." He looked up at the window and seemed to be judging the distance with his eyes. I studied him carefully, trying to figure out if he was as worried as I was, but he showed no signs of it. Dear Lucky. He was probably hiding things just as I was.

"Okay. I'm ready. Are you sure it's dark enough? I don't care...I can't wait another minute. I'm just so afraid that we're going to get caught." I barely realized that my voice was rising, speeding up and going out of control until Lucky put his hands on my shoulders and drew me to him gently.

"Calm down, sweetie, take a deep breath..."

"I know. I know." I closed my eyes and listened to his steady heartbeat beneath my ear. For just a moment my world seemed narrowed to that point: if Lucky's heart was still beating then there was hope. I pushed away from him slowly, covering my eyes with my hands for a second. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Okay. Once you get outside I think you should see if Tom's car is here.. If not, go around to the front of the house and see if you can get in the front door."

"Okay. But how will I let you know if he IS here?"

"Just throw a pebble through the window and I'll know."

"And then what would I do?

He stopped and looked at me, his face grave. "Run for your life."

Fighting tears I nodded, even though I knew I would never leave him here alone.

"Okay. Let's go then."

We looked at each other for a moment, almost as if without saying a thing each of us was admitting that this might be the last time we saw each other, that if this didn't work then there would be nothing we could do. But to say so out loud would be to shatter something, a tentative hope that nested deep in the center of my terrified mind, and perhaps Lucky's too.

"When you get down to the ground," he said as he laced his fingers together for me to step on. "Go around to the front and see if his car is there. But be careful. Don't go into the open where he might see you. If he's not there see if you can get in the front door, then try to unlock this one and get me out."

"Okay." I could barely breathe as I grabbed onto the windowsill and began to pull myself up, trying to ignore the feeling that my body really just wanted me to let go and rest. I couldn't; I had to do this. Lucky was counting on me and I couldn't let him down.

My muscles were shaking and it felt like they were unraveling as I pushed the window open, feeling some reassurance that Lucky's strong arms were holding me up. If I could do this then my beloved Lucky would be safe; we would be free together, we would get out and find someone to help us, maybe call Lucky's dad and tell him where we were, only we didn't know where we were…I shook my head a little to clear my rambling thoughts, chilled to realize that I had faded out for a moment and could barely remember the last few seconds. I was sitting with one leg on each side of the window, and my heart dropped to see the distance from here to the ground. "It's far," I whispered to Lucky as he stood looking up at me, concern etched on his face.

"Is it too far for you to jump? Elizabeth, I don't want you to do this if you don't think you can. We can think of something else-"

"No, I can do it." Without waiting to hear his response or to convince myself otherwise, I pulled my other leg over and let myself drop. I didn't even remember the actual fall, only the impact that seemed to shatter everything so that I rolled onto my back, gasping for breath like a fish struck against the side of a boat, then tossed carelessly inside to lie stunned, mouth open in silent supplication for the air that would not come. I wondered dimly if my legs were broken, if my entire body was broken. I don't need this now, I don't need this now…but my thoughts seemed far away, dissolving into inarticulateness.

It felt like forever but was really probably only a couple of short moments before I was breathing again, pulling the air gratefully into my lungs as I got to my hands and knees carefully. As slowly as I could I got to my feet, waiting for the shooting pain that would indicate a broken bone and send me collapsing to the ground, but it did not come. Before I knew it I was standing, but my body only protested quietly. It would be more vocal later, but I didn't care. I was out, and now I had to save Lucky. My heart was almost ricocheting off the inside of my ribs as I pressed myself dizzily against the outer wall of the cabin and slid carefully towards the corner. The world seemed somehow sharper and clearer as the adrenaline rushed through me, and I almost feared that my head would float away. What if I got to the corner and he was waiting for me? What if he knew what Lucky and I had been up to all along? My knees nearly buckled at the thought, the fear so intense I could feel the oxygen withdrawing from my blood again.

Stop it, Liz. Stop it. You've got enough to worry about without inventing other things. Remember, you have to do this for Lucky. He's in there waiting for you and worrying about you. Can you imagine how he feels without being able to see you or hear you? Just take a deep breath and calm down. Calm down and look around the corner…

I had to do it quickly before I could think anymore about it, and in that moment the world stopped. His car was not there.

I didn't know I was running until I stumbled and nearly fell. I threw myself against the door, sobbing as I turned the knob and found it unlocked. Of course it's unlocked, I thought hysterically. He doesn't expect us to be outside! I felt like laughing as I rushed to the door of the room, that infernal little room I never wanted to see the inside of again.

"Lucky, it's me! He's not here!"

"Oh God, thank God. Can you open the door easily?"

"Yeah. There's a lock here but it has a knob, I just have to twist it. It's hard…I'm using both of my hands….there!"

He yanked open the door and I was in his arms a second later. He hugged me briefly, then held me at arm's length.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine. Now let's get the hell out of here."

"Wait." He left me standing there, and I watched as he went into the kitchen area of the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for weapons," he said as he began slam drawers and cabinets open and closed. "Knives, forks, anything. Shit! There's nothing here! What does he eat with?"

"I don't know. Can we just go?"

"Yeah. Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I should have brought something myself but I was afraid he'd find it and take it out on you. I didn't--"

"It's okay, I know. Let's go."

He took my hand and we ran through the front door. My heart was singing even though my body felt near collapse: we were free, and we were both alive.. I was with Lucky and I knew nothing bad would happen to me anymore.

"Oh my God! It's him!"

I looked around wildly, a short scream torn from my throat as the headlights of a big gray car swung out of the darkness, pinning us to the wall of the cabin like bugs on a piece of cardboard. No! My mind screamed. No no no!

"We have to run Elizabeth!" Lucky shouted. He did not let go of my hand as we plunged together into the night.