Leave

 

 

Prolouge:

 

This is a short story using Matchbox 20’s song lyrics for … Leave … its going to be IMO Jason’s thoughts on how he felt about Carly and Sonny sleeping together. It’s not going to be a lovey dovey fic … but then I don’t know why but I feel in an evil mood today … Let me know what you think. And who knows, if you read it all it may be rewarding after all. LOL!  (hint, hint, can’t do much without lovey dovey, lol. You guys know me well, I love magical loving moments between Jason and Carly!

 

Now in regards to Michael, he will be able to talk so if I have aged him more than I should have, sorry!  But then again, this is the fic world so we can do what we want right?  LOL … just kidding.  But seriously, Michael did age, hope you guys are OK with it.

 

 

Jason held his side tightly, hoping that with the pressure he would be able to take the pain that was consuming him.  He had been shot at before but this time the pain seemed to double him over.  Why? He looked at his hands stained with blood and scrunched his face. He was hurt pretty badly.

 

Thoughts of Carly and her coming down the stairs in Sonny’s shirt invaded his thoughts again and he felt himself cringe. There it was again, the all-consuming pain. Maybe it was a mixture of pain from the wound and the overwhelming shot to the heart when he saw the woman he loved in someone else’s house, wearing his shirt and him being his best friend and confidant.  The last person in the world that Jason thought would betray him.  Sonny knew exactly how he felt about Carly and he had not cared.  Sonny’s betrayal had hurt, but Carly of all people, the one person that he felt would not betray him, had done the unthinkable.  He hadn’t been wrong when he told her that she would make him road kill.  She had managed to wreck him, why did he let his guard down?  Why? After so many years of keeping her at bay, what happened? When did he fuck up? When did he let her in? She had destroyed everything in him as he had predicted.

 

It’s amazing

How you make your face like a wall

How you take your heart and turn it off

How I turn my head and lose it all

 

Fact remained that he loved her and with that in mind, did he not prove to her time and time again how much he loved her with his actions? Was it possible that all this time he had loved her, she had not known?  What more did she want from him? He had stood by her when no other man would.  He had lied for her, when he didn’t lie himself, not even for Robin. He had been responsible for her child when she had walked out and he learned to love him more than anything in his life, he had stood idly by when she came up with her stupid plan and married AJ, even though that killed him and he still had stood by her when she had accused him of kidnapping her son, still he stood by her.

 

He loved her more than any words could say. Deep inside he knew something had to have spun out of control for her to sleep with Sonny.  But what the hell could have happened?  There was no explanation that she could give him, he would not forgive her. He couldn’t, just the thought of it made him sick to his stomach.

 

It’s unnerving

How just one move puts me by myself

There you go just trusting someone else

Now I know I put us both through hell

 

Suddenly his thoughts shifted to the other side of this dilemma. Did he push her away? Did he do this? Was this the punishment he had to endure for realizing that he was in love with her too late?  Did someone else come and replace him? But her and Sonny, NO!  He would never learn to accept that. She was his and Sonny was supposed to respect her, out of respect for him. He thought it was understood, he would never fuck a woman that Sonny was even remotely interested in, why would he go and fuck the woman that he loved more than anything? Sonny knew!

 

I’m not saying

There wasn’t nothing wrong

I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me

I’m not saying

We ever had the right to hold on

I just didn’t wanna let it get away from me

 

He groaned out loud at his sudden movement, and then he felt her presence there.  Why did she come? Not right now. He couldn’t handle her right now. It was too soon. “Jase?” she said, choking out his name. 

 

But if that’s how it’s gonna leave

Straight out from underneath

Then we’ll see who’s sorry now

 

“Get the hell away from me.” He said, as he jerked his whole body away from her, ignoring the pain that went through his body at the sudden movement.  Any pain would be welcomed instead of feeling her hands on his skin.  He couldn’t stand her touch. Not at the moment. It repulsed him.

 

If that’s how its gonna stand, when

You know you’ve been depending on

The one you’re leaving now

The one you’re leaving out

 

“Jase please.” She said, but didn’t try to touch him again. She knew better.  At this moment Jason really hated her. He had hated her before, that horrible summer and she had lived with it but now after all they had been through, it cut her like a knife and she didn’t think that she would ever be able to breathe again if he didn’t forgive her.  They had gotten through Robin. They could get through this as well. They had to get through this.

 

“Leave.” He repeated.  “I can’t stand to see you right now.” He said, staring intently in her eyes, unwavering.

 

It’s aggravating

How you threw me on

And you tore me out

How your good intentions turn to doubt

The way you needed time to sort it out

 

“I need to explain.” Carly said, trying to ignore the hateful glare that he was bestowing on her. He had never looked at her that way. It scared her!

 

“Explain how you fucked my best friend?” he spitted out, his eyes turning cold and hateful.

 

“Jase.” Carly said, shocked at his harsh words.  “Please you need to understand that I never meant for this to happen.  I didn’t want this.” She said, as she held her hands in surrender. “I didn’t want this.” she repeated as she started to cry.

 

Tell me is that how it’s going to end

When you know you’ve been depending on

The one you’re leaving now

And the one you’re leaving out

 

“I never want to see you again.” He said, “I asked you to leave. I meant it Carly.”

 

Carly’s tears ran freely. “Jase we’ll never be over.” She uttered. “I’m as much a part of you as you’re a part of me.” She said, confident in that knowledge. “If there’s one thing I know is that we’ll never be over.”

 

“No we’re over. That’s it.  I can’t and won’t do this anymore. You have destroyed everything.”  You destroyed me.

 

“Jase.” She said, suddenly courageous, as she touched his arm. She saw him flinch from her and then saw his face register pain and knew that it wasn’t disgust what he was feeling right now. “What’s wrong?” she said, suddenly concerned.

 

“Nothing that concerns you.” He repeated.  If this was how he was going to die, so be it. He didn’t even want to consider what his life would be like without her in it. The only thing he did know is that if he survived this, he would never be whole again. Her absence was going to leave a void in his heart, but one that he would live with.  He could not forgive her this, not this time. She had gone too far.  He could live without her. He had to live without her.

 

And then she saw the blood.  “Oh my God, Jase.  You’re hurt.” She said, as she tried turning him around to see what the damage was. Why was he bleeding?  What happened to him?

 

“Carly! Didn’t you hear me!” Jason warned, as his eyes closed, dizziness consuming him. He was starting to feel queasy and he didn’t want to pass out with her there.

 

“Shut up Jason. You’re hurt, this is not the time to have this attitude, your hear me!” She said as she turned around and took her phone out of her bag, and thought of who to call. She could call Bobbie, but then maybe Jason wouldn’t appreciate that.  She got it and automatically dialed. “Johnny?” she said, a tone of fear detected.

 

“Yeah.” Johnny said, automatically clutching his phone tighter at recognizing Carly’s voice. She never called him, something was wrong. And by her tone he knew it wasn’t good.

 

“I need you to come quick.  The boxcar … I know, please, Jase needs you and don’t say a word Johnny, just bring the doctor.  Not a word to Sonny!” she emphasized.

 

Jason overheard her conversation and replied, “You did your deed … now leave.” He said, again, intent on not having her around, it just made him feel worse.

 

“I’m taking you home and once the doctor sees you then I’ll leave you alone.” She said.

 

At Jason’s look she pointedly said, “I got the picture Jason, you hate me, okay? But I love you, and I’m not leaving you. If you don’t want to talk to me fine, but I’m staying whether you like it or not and I love you whether you like it or not.” She finished, breathing deeply once she was done.

 

They both didn’t know how much time had transpired, but it seemed like an eternity to both of them.  Finally the silence got to Jason, or maybe the silence that surrounded them suddenly got to him when she always talked him to death.  “Why?” Was the only thing that came out of his mouth, he had nothing else to say or offer. He wanted to hear what she had to say. He would listen.

 

“I saw you with Liz at Kelly’s.” she said, as a fresh onslaught of tears started to surface. “And I needed to know if you guys were together.  Sonny said yes and managed to make me feel worthless and then one insult led to another and before I knew it, I just wanted the pain to go away.  I believed him.” She said, honestly.  “He said that you were better off with her and that you had finally caught on to me, and that you were happy with her and then I thought that Liz did what Robin couldn’t. Take you away from me and my love, though poison to everyone else, it never was to you.”

 

It’s amazing

How you make your face like a wall

How you take your heart and turn it off

How I turn my head and lose it all

 

Jason didn’t say anything he just looked at Carly with tears in her eyes and felt nothing. He was numb. There was nothing else to feel. He knew that something had made her do what she did, but not trusting him after he had kissed her, that was unacceptable. Her sleeping with Sonny because he thought another woman was on his mind was something that should have never happened. She should have known that she absorbed all his time.  He had told her this before. She even said it herself, she was poison but he still loved her and he did not care about other people or their opinions, just theirs, in the end it had always been only them.

 

“You’re not going to say anything?” she asked.  “Like always you’re just going to sit there and not even acknowledge what I just said.”

 

Jason looked at her and said slowly and precisely, deliberately to hurt her. “You should have trusted me.” He never said hurtful things to her but he was entitled one time and this was it.

 

Carly didn’t have time to reply because she saw Johnny and the doctor and right now the important thing was to get Jason better, she would deal with her pain later.  “Hey.” Johnny said. “Don’t worry Sonny doesn’t know.”  He replied as he saw Carly look over him to see if anyone else aside them two were coming.

 

Johnny knew exactly what had happened and he felt sorry for Jason and Carly. Sonny had done this to them and he was going to say something but right now was not the time. He had known them forever and had grown to love and respect them and if he had anything to do about it, they’d get through this. Sonny was the one he lost all his respect for.

 

“Excuse me.” The doctor said, making his way to Jason.

 

Carly automatically moved to the side of the boxcar and made no move towards Jason. She wanted to just hug him and hold his hand as the doctor examined him but knew he didn’t want that. Jason didn’t want her anywhere near him. She never stopped watching what they were doing though. She couldn’t take her eyes off his, as Jason couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was a magnet that was pulling them in each other’s direction. A magnetic force neither could ignore and neither really wanting to.

 

Jason was not even aware of what the doctor was doing to him or the pain that was coursing through his body. Just looking at Carly, even though he wanted to hate her, was calming him to some degree.  He wanted to scream out at how mad that made him, but he couldn’t. He was just hypnotized by her eyes. She wouldn’t let him look away. She was in his blood and he was afraid of what that meant, he was afraid that she was right that they would never be able to stay away from one another, the pull they each felt was something that he couldn’t fight. But he was sure going to try. Would he succeed? That remained to be seen.

 

“We need to take him home.” The doctor suddenly said, making Carly and Jason come into reality and making them look at him instead of themselves. The doctor continued, “I’ve patched him up and I’ll check on him tomorrow but right now the important thing is to take him home to a warm bed.”

 

“Okay doctor.” Johnny said. “We’ll take care of that. Thank you.”

 

“Jake’s Johnny.” Jason said. “Not the penthouse.” He clarified. As long as Sonny was there, he would not go back.

 

“Got it.” Johnny said, not needing any type of explanation. If he would have to stay at Jake’s outside of Jason’s room, he would.  This was not going to happen to him again. He was the only one that was going to guard him, no matter what Sonny said.

 

“And you’re not welcome.” Jason said, as he turned his body to Carly. “So stay away from there, you hear me?” He looked over at Johnny.  “Make sure of that.” He emphasized.

 

“What Jase the room to small, it wasn’t before.” Carly said, hurt that he had just dismissed her. So she lashed out at him whatever way she could and she had the desired effect. She saw his eyes cloud over with the memories of them at Jake’s. Painful memories at this moment.

 

Jason didn’t even bother to answer her, but asked Johnny to help him up.  As he put his arm around Johnny’s shoulder, Johnny managed to apologetically look at Carly.  She just smiled at him as tears started to flow down her cheeks.  “Jason.” She tried, one last time, unsuccessfully.

 

He nudged Johnny for them to get a move on and left Carly behind, without looking back. 

 

“Jason.” Johnny said, as they were leaving Carly behind.  He felt so bad for her. She was not the only one that fucked up.

 

“I don’t want to hear it Johnny. Not if it’s about Carly.” He finished. They were so stubborn, Johnny thought as he opened the car door for Jason. Stubborn in different ways.  He only hoped that Carly would not give up on him she hadn’t before and that was the stubbornness that he was talking about. With Jason it was different it was a stubbornness born of hurt and betrayal one that would not be easy to overcome but if someone could change his mind it was Carly.

 

+++++++

 

Carly walked into Bobbie’s house and sat down on the couch, sobbing.  She knew that Bobbie wasn’t home and she knew that she could have a good cry here with no one interrupting her.  Leticia had Michael at her house and she would figure out what to do next, maybe she would have to leave town but one thing was for sure she wasn’t going to go back to the Quartermaine’s and she wasn’t going to go back to AJ. That was the culmination of her misfortune. She suddenly found herself homeless.

 

It’s unnerving

How just one move puts me by myself

There you go just trusting someone else

Now I know I put us both through hell

 

Carly remembered Jason’s words to her, they seemed to haunt her.  “You should have trusted me.”

 

Trust wasn’t something that came easy for Carly.  She had trusted Jason more than anyone she had ever trusted before, but when she saw him with Liz, all her doubts and all her insecurities, about his feelings for her, came back. She felt like when Robin was around.  Why did Jason fall for those types of girls? What was she lacking? She could love him just the same or more if possible. Robin or Liz would not understand him like she could.

 

I’m not saying

There wasn’t nothing wrong

I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me

I’m not saying

We ever had the right to hold on

I just didn’t wanna let it get away from me

 

She knew that them as a couple was fucked up and Jason would always tell her that but in her heart she knew that if they gave it a go, as they were now, they would be okay. But then she had never wanted to give up on him and she had fought over and over again for him to love her and when she finally thought that they would have that chance, she gets shot down again and she panics and she does something stupid.  Like sleeping with Sonny!

 

“Oh Jason but I love you … only you.” She muttered in her solitude. “No one else.”

 

++++++

 

Jason lay in his bed with his hand over his bandaged chest.  What was wrong with him? Why was he still thinking about her? Why couldn’t he tear his thoughts from her? Why couldn’t he just tear his heart out? It would be so much easier than to forget her or his feelings for her.

 

But if that’s how it’s gonna leave

Straight out from underneath

Then we’ll see who’s sorry now

 

Jason wanted to forget what he had seen a couple of hours ago, but it replayed in his mind again and again. He had wanted to make love to her for so long that the sheer knowledge that his best friend had had her, was killing him. He ached to have her in his arms and he ached to taste her mouth.  When he had kissed her today, he had known that she would be the only woman that would stir emotions so deep within him. He had finally learned to accept the fact that he loved her more than he had loved Robin and more than anything he had wanted her to leave AJ so she could move back in with him again and for them to start anew.

 

How did they fuck this opportunity up again?  So he danced with Liz, so what?  It didn’t mean anything to him.  He had done her a favor when she was thinking of Lucky. That was it. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. It was just a stupid dance.  But he knew that once Carly saw them she must have thought so many things. He smiled in spite of the situation. “Carly what am I gonna do with you?” he said aloud.

 

That thought made everything stop suddenly. What was he talking about?  He had just kicked her to the curb and told her not to come back, that they were over. Why was he thinking of what he needed to do with her? She was gone. She wasn’t coming back if he had anything to do with it.

 

She’s not gone. She is here more than ever. You love her. There is no denying that.

 

Johnny came in the door with the medicine the doctor had prescribed.  He smiled at him as he got some water. “Here take this.” he said, as he gave him the pills.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You know if someone else were here they could take better care of you.” Johnny said, full well knowing that Jason was going to shut him up in about three seconds.

 

“Don’t.” Jason said, warningly.

 

“I have to Jason.”

 

“Why?” Jason said, rubbing his face with his hands.

 

“Because she loves you and you’re too bullheaded to even notice that you love her too.” Johnny pointed out.

 

“I know.” Jason said. “I know she loves me.” he clarified.

 

“Then what the fuck is the problem?” Johnny asked, irritated. He knew what it was, now it was time for Jason to talk about it.

 

“She slept with Sonny!” he screamed out, as he flung the glass of water against the opposite wall with all the force he could muster, pain instantly shooting through his arm.

 

Johnny didn’t even flinch. “I hope you know I am not cleaning that up buddy.” He actually had expected him to do something like that as soon as he had walked in the room. He was just brooding and Johnny knew that he would explode if he didn’t vent his anger.

 

“I know that she slept with Sonny, Jason.” He continued, “But it wasn’t like she wanted to. He goaded her into it, making her so mad that she just did it.”

 

“How do you fucking figure?” Jason said.

 

“I heard the whole conversation. It wasn’t pretty. He made her do it. I’m not saying that what she did wasn’t fucked up but Jase you got to know that she went there hoping that Sonny would tell her that you and Liz were just friends and hoping that some logical explanation could be given. She wanted a logical explanation.”

 

“She should have trusted me.” Jason pointed out. “Or asked you.”

 

“And you should have told her that you loved her a long time ago.” Johnny pointed out. “She didn’t ask me cause few people know were close, and she wasn’t one of them.”

 

“She knew I loved her Johnny. Why else would I take all her crap?” Jason pointed out.

 

“Did she really Jase? Or did she think that it was wishful thinking on her part? And then when she saw you with Liz, didn’t you think that she might then consider that she was wrong and that maybe you didn’t love her, since you didn’t voice it and that you could and would actually move on with someone else?”

 

Jason furrowed his brow. He had never thought about it that way. “I had kissed her that afternoon Johnny. I had told her that she drove me crazy and then I kissed her.” Jason said, licking his lips as he thought of the kiss. “I kissed her.” He repeated. “She should have known.”

 

“Then she saw you with Liz.” Johnny said. “So she went a little crazy but that is why you love her.”

 

“I can’t let it go. I can’t forgive her.”  Jason said, as he rubbed his face with his hands again.

 

“I’m not saying to forgive her just yet. I’m saying don’t kick her out of your life. She is a part of you man.” Johnny said, as he sat next to his bed.

 

“She wrecked me. I have nothing else to give.”

 

Johnny laughed and then looked apologetically towards Jason. “Sorry man, I didn’t mean to laugh. But if you think that this is wrecked, Jase you have no clue.  Dude, this woman loves you more than life itself. Sometimes it’s good to be wrecked like this so we can open our eyes to the reality of the situation.  She loves you, no matter what and all you have to do is tell her. I promise you, once you do that, you won’t be wrecked. You’ll be happy. She’ll trust it and she won’t do this shit again, I guarantee it. Women need to hear ‘I love you’. I don’t understand it, but they do.””

 

“What do I do with Sonny?” Jason said, talking out loud.

 

Johnny wanted to tell him that killing him would be a good idea but he and Sonny had a special bond and it wasn’t his place. “That’s your call man.” He opted to say.

 

“I hate what he did to us.” Jason admitted. “There’s no going back.”

 

“You and him?” Johnny questioned.

 

“Yeah and I hate what he did to me and Carly.  But most of all I hate the fact that right now I feel nothing for him. I owe him a lot Johnny but right now it all is shot to hell and all I want to do is kill the mother fucker.”

 

“You’re angry right now. Hold off a couple of days.” Johnny said and smiled, “Besides you can’t get out of bed.”

 

“No I’m not going to kill him but I will take away everything that he loves including the business. I trust you Johnny and I want you to help me. I swear to you when I’m done with him he won’t know what hit him.” Jason said, with a lethal glare. “And I want him out of Port Charles.”

 

“So you’re not going to forgive him?” Johnny asked. “Not even down the line.”

 

“Not even.”  Jason said, matter-of-factly.

 

“How about Carly?” Johnny questioned.

 

At Jason’s non-response Johnny smiled. “Yeah Jason, you love her all right.” He finished as he got up and opened the door. “Rest, I’ll be outside.”

 

+++++++

 

Carly startled as she heard her cell and immediately wiped her tears reaching for the phone.  “Hello?”

 

“Its Johnny.”

 

“How is he?” she asked, sadly.

 

“I think he’s sleeping by now. I gave him his medicine and we talked a bit then I came out here to call you.” Johnny finalized.

 

“Thanks Johnny.” Carly said, sincerely. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“Yeah I do.” Johnny said. “But you know what?  I think its gonna be okay Carly. You just need to give him some time.” He offered.

 

“No Johnny he hates me.” Carly said, crying silently.

 

“He’s mad Carly. He’s hurt and he feels betrayed but he doesn’t hate you.”

 

“I don’t think we can fix this.” Carly said, as tears flowed down her cheeks, for like the thousandth time today.

 

“You’ll figure it out, you always do.” Johnny offered.

 

“Do you think I can come over and sit outside with you?  I know he won’t let me in. But if he’s hurting I can at least tell you what to do to make him feel better.” Carly said, hoping he would say yes.

 

“I thought you’d never ask.” Johnny said.  “I’ll tell Francis to pick you up and bring you.  Bobbie’s right?”

 

“Yeah.” She said, “I’ll be waiting for him. Francis?  He knows? Can he be trusted?”

 

“He’s one of the good guys.” Johnny said and hung up. “You can trust Francis.”

 

+++++

 

Carly walked up to Johnny and gave him the biggest hug. “You’re the greatest you know that?” she said, as she held on tighter.

 

“I’ve been told.” He said, as he hugged her back. “You have to stay out here but at least you’re close right?” he offered.

 

“Right.” She said.

 

“He seems to be okay.” Johnny pointed out. “And he did ask if you had tried calling me after I hung up with you.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.” Johnny said. “So don’t give up hope just yet. He wants you here and he doesn’t, but then again who blames him?”

 

Carly sat down on the floor and took out a picture of her and Jason. Michael wasn’t in it, it was just the two of them. Carly was behind Jason and she had her chin on his shoulder as Jason was tilting his head towards her. The smile on his face was real, if not a big smile it was genuine and he looked happy that she was there. She should have known that he loved her. She should have trusted him.

 

“I love him so much Johnny.” She finally said.

 

Johnny grabbed the picture from her hand and sat next to her. “He loves you.” He pointed out. “He doesn’t even smirk Carly. And here in this picture he actually looks relaxed. You do that to him. You bring out the best in him. His heart, it belongs to you.”

 

“Aside from driving him crazy?” she asked, jokingly.

 

“Yeah.” Johnny laughed.  “Aside from that.”

 

“I want to see him Johnny.” Carly said.

 

“No.”

 

“Please.”

 

“No.”

 

“I know he must be sleeping. Let me just see him. Besides he’s on medication, he’s out cold.”  

 

“Carly he’ll kill me if he wakes up and finds you there. Literally, and I’m too cute to die just yet.” He tried, joking.

 

Carly rolled her eyes, “I’ll be very quiet.” She said in between giggles.

 

“No.”

 

“I’ll find you a woman.” Carly said, smiling.

 

Johnny laughed. “You have no friends.  So don’t go there.”

 

“I can make some, just for you.” She said, sweetly.

 

Still laughing he said, “No.”

 

“Two seconds.” Carly said and put two fingers up for reinforcement.

 

“No; sheesh. What the fuck does he see in you?  I would have killed you by now.”

 

“Nah. You would miss me.” She said.

 

“No; I would have to be out of my fucking mind to stick with you.”

 

“You love me Johnny and you know it.”

 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Johnny said, as he furrowed his brow in a joking manner.  “Don’t make that public knowledge.”

 

“Please.” Carly asked again, knowing she had won him over. “And you liked Robin better.” She joked.

 

“All right, all right. I would rather have him kill me if he finds out than have to listen to your whining for five more seconds. And for the record I hated Robin, made Jason, a non-Jason, if I’m making myself clear.  I like this Jason with no Robin by his side.  I always liked you blondie.” He said, as he winked his eye at her. “Bitch or not, I liked you.”

 

“Thanks.” She said, as she hugged him quickly and got up from the floor. “I like you too.”

 

“Whatever Carly.” He said “Be very quiet!” he warned as he saw her walk in the room.  “Why do I get myself in these situations.” He muttered to himself. “I must have a death wish.”

 

Carly slowly and quietly walked to the bed. She smiled when she saw Jason’s peaceful face. He was asleep and he seemed oblivious to his surroundings. She picked up the medication, Tylenol 3 with Codeine, no wonder. Those babies would knock you out for hours.  She was safe, he wouldn’t wake up for a while.

 

She kneeled down in front of him and fought the urge to run her hand over his hair. He looked so beautiful and she loved him more than anything in this world. “Oh Jase I hope you’ll learn to forgive me.” She whispered, more to herself than to him.

 

Jason heard her but made no movement to let her know that he was up. He couldn’t talk to her right now but he really didn’t want her to leave. It hurt him that she was there, the memory of her and Sonny was still present but not having her there at all was killing him even more.  So he stood still and breathed evenly, not a hard task, with the medication, as long as she didn’t know that he was up, he was safe.

 

“I promised Johnny that I would not take long and that I would keep quiet.” She smiled. “You don’t know how much I am dying right now to just make this pain go away and for us to be how we were. I’m the one to blame for this.”

 

Carly instinctively stroked his hair. “You know I am so sorry that I slept with Sonny, but what I really regret is the fact that I didn’t trust you.  I mean it Jase, I really am sorry for that.  I should have known. You were right but Jase, put yourself in my shoes.  I go to Kelly’s and see you slow dancing with Liz whom we both know I don’t like and who we both know I compare her to the other twit.  And then my mind reels about how unworthy I am of your love and hey maybe you came to your senses, right? I mean it would only be a matter of time until you believed what everyone said about me was true.

 

She continued stroking his hair.  “I love you so much yet I know that I don’t deserve you, so why not believe Sonny if all he told me I already believed in the back of my mind.  All my insecurities came back and I fed into his bullshit.  We were both at fault, I realize it, but the difference is I love you and only you.  To me he means nothing and you mean everything to me. ”

 

Jason stirred but kept his eyes closed.  He was in turmoil.  He was on the verge of letting her know he was awake but he still wanted peace and quiet and if she kept on talking maybe more things would make sense to him. Sonny had lied to her and she had no way of knowing that Sonny was lying and him dancing with Liz had to reinforce what she already thought.  But seeing her and Sonny had destroyed him and there was no going back.  He couldn’t get that out of his mind. Yet little by little he felt his wall begin to crumble. She was the only one that could make him feel like this. She was the only one that he could forgive. Why?  It’s because you love her, he told himself.

 

Carly smiled as she saw Jason stir, he was awake he just didn’t want to open his eyes and let her know that.  But she was okay with that, as long as he wasn’t telling her to leave that meant that there still was hope.  Maybe Johnny was right and he just needed time, God she hoped that was true.  “I love you Jase.” She found herself telling him again.  “I don’t want to go, but I know that you don’t want me here right now.  But I’ll be outside, all night and all day, I’m not going anywhere.” She stated. She knew he was listening and if she had anything to do with it, she’d stay out there until he was healed.

 

She got up and stroked his hair one last time praying that he would open his eyes and tell her not to go but he didn’t.  He remained with his eyes closed and didn’t utter a word.  “Bye.” She finally said and headed for the door.

 

As soon as Jason heard the door close behind her, he opened his eyes and whispered to himself, “Bye Carly.”

 

++++++++

 

Johnny saw Carly come out of Jason’s room with a mixture of tears and happiness in her eyes and smiled, “Okay that is contradicting.” He offered. “Just like a woman.” As he rolled his eyes.

 

“Well I know that he was up.” She said and as she saw his expression she finished, “But before you go and panic he didn’t say anything actually he pretended to be sleeping. So, one of two things, one you were right and he probably just needs time or two he just didn’t want to deal with me at the time and just let me have my way but that doesn’t sound like Jase at all.” She commented.

 

“You’re right.” Johnny said, “So now you stay out here and be a good girl before I really do get killed.”

 

“Okay Johnny.” Carly said, “How about we order some pizza?

 

“Hey that sounds good.” Johnny said, as he got out his phone.  “Everything on it?”

 

“No.” she said, “Cheese is good on my half.”

 

“Some people …” Johnny muttered out loud. “Don’t have a clue about pizza.”

 

++++++

 

Jason heard the pizza guy outside in the hall and had to laugh. They were out in a hallway and were going to eat because Carly was too stubborn to go home and Johnny was just insane. 

 

He shifted his legs and sat up in the bed and groaned. It still hurt to walk but the pain- killers were kind of helping so he eased himself up and walked to the door and opened it. 

 

Carly and Johnny had not seen him. They sure made a sight. They were both sitting against the wall of his apartment with the pizza between them and they were laughing at something that Johnny had said.  He wondered what it was, he didn’t have to ponder that thought for long since Carly replied, “Come on Johnny I mean you can’t go all you’re life just guarding doors and not have a woman in your life.  How about Leticia?” she offered.

 

“She’s with Reginald.” Johnny pointed out. 

 

“Again how about Leticia?” Carly said, as she laughed at Johnny’s expression.  “What?” she continued.  “You’re cuter and well I like you better.”

 

“It’s not your choice to make.” Johnny said, “But …. Sure go head.”

 

“Ah.” Carly laughed. “Didn’t have to twist your arm too hard.”

 

“Come inside and eat.” Jason finally said, “I would hate to eat in a hallway so I don’t want you guys to do it either.”

 

“Jase.” Johnny said, as he got to his feet fast and a look of apology came to his face.

 

Jason stopped him before he said anything . “I said come on in.”

 

“You should be in bed.” Carly pointed out, taking her chances that he tell her to go. She would just stay outside and not tell him. 

 

“I don’t want to talk about us, you or me as individuals or anything else that remotely relates. I’m letting you in cause I know you’re not going away but that is the only condition I have, okay?” he said, as he stared intently at her eyes, leaving no room for discussion.

 

“You got it.” Carly said, letting out a breath. “But I get to worry about you and about your health and right now you should be in bed.” She said, putting her own conditions in as well.

 

Jason looked pointedly at her and replied, “All right.”

 

Carly winked at Johnny and he in turn rolled his eyes.  “I for one am glad I don’t have to put up with her by myself.” He said, jokingly.

 

“Please help Jason to the bed Johnny.” Carly responded, ignoring.  She would have loved to help him herself but she was afraid that he would flinch from her touch and she didn’t want to feel rejected again. She still felt very insecure, and she didn’t want to risk Jason telling her to leave.

 

“I can do it Carly.” Jason said, as he started to limp by himself and making his way to the bed.

 

“No you can’t.” she said, as she got the courage and went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Lean on me.” She said.

 

He did as instructed. She was right it did hurt less when he leaned on someone. They got to the bed in a few steps and Carly helped him lay down.  “You want some pizza?” she offered.

 

“Yeah.” He said.

 

Before he could say of what half he wanted, she grabbed some slices of cheese pizza and Johnny said, “Hey ask the man what he wants.”

 

“I don’t like the works shit.” Jason said, as he took the slices Carly offered him.  He was a little disappointed when she went back to the small kitchen table.  He actually thought that she would sit on the bed with him but put those thoughts aside. He still was uncomfortable with them and how they made him feel.

 

“Well I guess the woman knows your taste.” Johnny pointed out.

 

Carly and Jason both remained quiet and Johnny smiled. Oh yeah those two were going to get back together.  “So ….” Johnny offered, it was too damn quiet. “Carly is going to hook me up with Leticia.”

 

Jason smiled. “So I heard.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with trying.” Carly offered. “I mean if she really is in love with Reginald it’ll show and she won’t want anything to do with Johnny.”

 

She automatically closed her eyes. Damn she shouldn’t of said that.  It was going to come back and bite her in the ass. 

 

Johnny and Jason both picked up her change in mood. Johnny was about to say something when Jason beat him to it.  “Yeah Johnny you never know maybe she thinks she is in love with Reginald and she isn’t.”  Why did he always have to try to make her feel better?

 

Carly had to smile, she knew that Jason didn’t mean anything of what he had just said, but he still tried to make her feel better. That was good! He at least knew she was sorry.

 

“Well really I’m not interested in Leticia.” Johnny offered. “But we can always find me someone downstairs.” He said, with an edge of mischief in his voice.

 

Jason and Carly both laughed. “Yeah that we can do.” Carly said. “You just need to check the scenery and play some pool.”

 

As soon as she was done with her sentence she looked at Jason and she smiled when she saw that he was looking at her with slight amusement.  Memories – always good.  “Pool is the way to a woman’s heart.” She whispered.

 

“Well lets go then.” Johnny said, as he finished his slice of pizza and got up from his chair.

 

“Hold on there dude.” Carly said, “We can’t go right now, besides have patience we need a third party involved and at the moment he can’t get out of bed.” She finished, pointing to Jason.

 

“What if I bring prospects upstairs so you guys can approve up here?” Johnny offered.

 

“No!” they both said in unison. 

 

“Damn. Then I’ll just have another slice of my half of the pizza.” Johnny said, laughing and shrugging his shoulders.

 

“You do that.” Jason said, as he went back to his own eating. 

 

“I mean sheesh what is the problem?” Johnny continued. “I like a girl from downstairs I can bring her up here and you two can wait in the hall till I’m done.”

 

Carly and Jason both laughed. “You’re sick Johnny.” Carly said, “Maybe that would be a possibility if Jase here wasn’t bed ridden but right now its out of the question, so if you’re uh … horny … well lets just say the shower is that way.” She said, as she pointed to the bathroom door.

 

Johnny didn’t have opportunity to reply because his cell phone rang.  He looked at them and said, “It’s Sonny.”

 

Carly automatically looked down, not having the courage to look Jason in the eye right now.

 

“Do what you got to do.” Jason said.

 

“Hello?” Johnny said into his cell phone.

 

“Where are you?” Sonny said. He was worried about Jason and wanted to see if Johnny knew where he was at and if he didn’t if he would go and find him. The guilt was eating him alive and while Jason was found, Sonny had to think of what to tell Jason for him to forgive him and put Carly in a bad position.

 

“I’m at my parents house. Family crisis sir.” He said, lying right through his teeth.

 

“I need you here.” Sonny insisted.

 

“I can come by tonight if you want. I just need a couple of hours to get back into town.” He said, as he looked at Jason and smirked, shrugging his shoulders as well. Hey he had to think of something fast and that was what he had come up with.

 

“No I’ll get Francis to do what I need.” Sonny said, lowering his tone.

 

“Are you sure?” Johnny said.  “Cause I can do it.”

 

“I need to find Jason.” Sonny found himself saying. “Do you know where he is.”

 

“As a matter of fact, Jason said he needed to take a ride on his bike and he would be back tonight if not tomorrow.”

 

“So there is no sense in sending Francis out.” Sonny rationalized.

 

“None whatsoever.” Johnny re-iterated.

 

“Report back to me tomorrow morning.” Sonny said and hung up.

 

Throughout the whole conversation that Johnny had with Sonny, all Jason did was look at Carly and try to read into her soul, but it was so difficult when she wouldn’t even look at him.  He knew that she was sorry for what she had done but for her not to even look at him, that was something new that Jason did not know how to handle. Somehow she seemed introverted, scared even to look at him and he realized he didn’t like it.

 

“Jase.” Johnny said, wanting to talk to him about how best to handle the Sonny situation.  But it seemed that Jason was not listening to him, he was just looking at Carly, saying nothing. He would not tear his eyes from her.

 

Before Jason could even respond, Carly got up and took his plate and walked to the kitchen.  She was so nervous. She didn’t know how to react or what to do, would Sonny always be this ‘issue’ that obscured them. Yes, Carly said, answering her own question, what did you expect?  For him to forget about it, would she be able to forget if Jason slept with Liz? She knew the answer to that.

 

Johnny looked at Carly go to the kitchen area and even though she was only a few feet away, he went to Jason and whispered. “Do we handle this soon? Or what do we do?” he said, impatience getting the best of him.

 

“We’ll talk later.” Jason said, looking towards Carly again.

 

It seemed like Carly had heard their conversation, because the next thing that came out of her mouth was, “I have to go.”  She had not even heard what they were talking about, she was so absorbed in her own thoughts and in her own guilt that she needed to get out and breathe. It felt like if Jason was judging her silently. The worse part was that she didn’t know it was a fidget of her imagination or not.

 

She had felt fine until Sonny had called and the memory of what they had done, came crashing down like a ton of bricks.  She didn’t even deserve to be there and Jason didn’t deserve to have someone like her love him, and yet she was still there. After he had kicked her out, he still let her in because he knew that she would not go away.  Maybe Sonny was right, maybe she should leave and let him find his own way without her. Maybe in the end it was better for Jason to be without her. She after all was poison right?

 

Jason looked at her after she stated that she should leave and he saw her drop her head as soon as she uttered those words. He was at a loss, he didn’t know what to tell her. Did he want her to go?  Yes.  It was hard to see her but at the same time the answer was no, he didn’t want her to go. He wanted her there even if it hurt. He wanted her close to him still, after everything.

 

“It’s late.” Johnny offered. “If you hold on for a little bit, I can take you.”

 

She looked up and smiled at Johnny, not daring to look at Jason and replied, “That’s okay, I can call a cab and head back to the Brownstone. It’s no biggie.”

 

“No.” Jason said, wanting her to look him in the eye, but she wouldn’t budge. She kept her gaze on the floor.  “Carly.”  He finally said, in a loud tone.  “You are not leaving here alone.”

 

She finally lifted her face and looked into his eyes. She didn’t know what to make of it, first off she could read the concern on his face. He really didn’t want her to leave alone but on the other hand she could still see traces of anger and frustration. To have such conflicting emotions must be hard.  “I’ll be okay.” She found herself saying.

 

“You’re not taking a cab. Johnny will take you home.” Jason said, with finality.

 

Johnny nodded his head in acknowledgment and put his jacket on as he handed Carly hers.  “Come on there is no sense in refusing. You know that I have to take you anyway. Jason wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

“See ya Jase.” She said, nervously. 

 

Jason looked at her and nodded. “Bye.”

 

They walked out the door and Jason let out his breath as soon as he was alone in his room.  “Man.” He muttered to himself.

 

As soon as they were in the hallway Johnny looked at Carly and questioned, “What was that? You were intent on staying here with him and now at the first opportunity you bail?”

 

“I couldn’t stay there Johnny. Not with Sonny calling. I couldn’t stand to see Jason’s hatred again.”

 

“He doesn’t hate you.” Johnny repeated.

 

“He does whenever he thinks of what happened.” She said, logically.

 

“Because its too recent. But if you do this all the time Sonny’s mentioned he won’t forget it cause he knows that it affects you. If it doesn’t affect you, it won’t affect him in the future.”

 

“I know you’re right Johnny but its just so hard to feel that Jason doesn’t trust me. I tried so hard for years for him to finally trust me, and when I thought that I was at least making some headway, what happens?  I fuck it up.”

 

“Come on, lets go.” Johnny said, as he put his arm around Carly’s shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. But for now we go home and you get some rest. You sure as hell need it.”

 

+++++

 

The next morning…

 

Jason stirred and felt a twinge of pain. As soon as Carly had left he had knocked out and had not taken his medicine.  He tried looking around for his pills but couldn’t find them.

 

He then heard the knock on the door and automatically grabbed his gun from under the pillow.  The knock grew insistent and he wondered if Johnny was posted outside. He tried to get up but was only able to sit up. 

 

“Jason are you there?” came from the other side of the door suddenly. 

 

It was Francis.  “Yeah but I can’t get up, do you have the key?” He was the only other guard he trusted to some extent.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Come in then.” He said, a tad bit annoyed, at being roused for no reason at all.

 

“Find my pills.” He uttered.

 

“Okay.”

 

As Francis was looking for the pills Jason was staring at the phone. Should he call her to see how she was doing?  Would it be wise?  Would he regret it if he did?  He just couldn’t bring himself to do it.  Would she call him?

 

At that instant his phone rang and he almost jumped.  “Hello?”

 

“Good morning sunshine.” Johnny said, “Are you in pain?”

 

Jason closed his eyes instantly at not hearing Carly’s voice at the other end.  “Yeah but Francis is looking for my pills.”

 

“Kitchen counter, first drawer.” Johnny muttered.

 

Jason screamed to Francis and he smiled, “How did you know that?”

 

“I saw Carly put it there.  Why she would put it in a drawer is beyond me maybe she thought that she would be there in the morning as well.”

 

“Yeah.” Jason said, as he stroked his hair.

 

“She left because Sonny called.” Johnny pointed out.

 

“Figured that much Johnny.” Jason said sarcastically.

 

“Well just in case you didn’t ….” Johnny smirked.

 

“I did.”

 

“Okay so what’s next?”

 

“I don’t know.” Jason said, honestly.

 

“Okay so on to Sonny then.”

 

“Yeah.”

“I’m on my way to the Penthouse.  Are you back or not?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I still am not strong enough to deal with him.  You tell him that I called you and said I wanted to be on the road a couple of days. You could take over what I had to do.”

 

“What if he wants to send someone out to look for you.”

 

“He won’t, he doesn’t know that I hate him enough to want him dead.” He whispered, so Francis wouldn’t hear him.  Johnny and him were the only ones that knew right now and he wanted to keep it that way. “Besides he feels guilty as hell. He will think he’s giving me time.”

 

“True. Okay I will see him and then go to your place.  You don’t think that he’ll have me followed. Do you?”

 

“No, but you’re smart enough to catch on for one and two he doesn’t know that were this close, we just hang out he still thinks that he is my father and brother.”

 

“Got it. See ya later.”

 

+++++

 

Carly looked at the phone for like the thousandth time and wondered if he was up?  Should she call him or just go over there?  Or maybe she should call Johnny and see what he thought.  No, she couldn’t keep on using Johnny every time. She had reached an important decision last night and she would stick to it.

 

She got the courage to pick up the phone and dialed Jason’s number, “Hello?” she heard Jason’s voice on the other end.  She breathed in deep before saying, “Hey.”

 

Jason’s gripped the phone tighter to his ear and inhaled sharply as he heard her voice.  “Hey.” He said. 

 

“How are you feeling?  Did you find the pills?  It’s time for you to take them again.” She said, hurriedly.

 

“Yeah, Johnny saw you put them in the kitchen drawer.”

 

“Sorry.  I just put them there, habit of hiding medicine from Michael.” She laughed.

 

“How is he?” he almost whispered, but kept a normal tone to his voice.

 

“He’s with Leticia, I am going to go and pick him up a little bit later.  Do you want to see him?” she questioned, slowly.  He had given up his rights but if she did decide to leave they would have to say goodbye to each other. What was she talking about? She already decided to leave. This was their goodbye. All of their goodbyes.

 

“Yeah I do.” Jason said, not knowing if that would be a good idea, but missing him none the same. 

 

“I can take him to see you.” She offered. 

 

“Yeah that sounds good.” Jason offered. 

 

“See you later Jason.”

 

“Bye Carly.”

 

+++++++

 

Carly and Michael walked up the stairs at Jake’s on their way to Jason’s room.  “Were going to go see daddy.  Do you want to see Daddy?” Carly smiled as she rubbed noses with Michael.

 

“Yes.” Michael said nodding his head up and down. 

 

“Good.” She said, “Make sure to tell him you love him.”

 

Francis was at the door and smiled when he saw Carly and Michael.  “Hey Ms. Benson.”

 

“Carly.” She said, and smiled as she opened the door hesitantly. Jason turned his head automatically towards the door and saw her and Michael come in.  He smiled as he saw Michael in her arms.  He had not seen him in a while and he had grown so much. “Hey buddy.” He said, as Michael’s face lit up and screamed, “Daddy!”

 

Carly laughed.  “Remember what mommy told you Michael.  You can’t squeeze Daddy cause he has a boo boo, okay?”

 

“Okay mommy.” Michael said, desperately trying to get his mom to put him down so he could run to Jason.

 

“Let him come Carly.” Jason said, as he extended his arms, trying to hide the discomfort that brought him.

 

Michael ran to his side and stopped at the side of the bed.  He looked at him adoringly and kissed his arm.  “I love you Daddy.” He said. “Get better.”

 

Jason was overcome with love for this little boy. “I love you buddy.” He muttered, as his throat threatened to shut.

 

Carly saw them and tears sprung to her eyes. She had separated them, her plan had of course not worked and now all that she had left was this huge feeling of loss, the loss of Jason, the loss of Jason in Michael’s life, and the loss of the love of her life. She could probably of had it all if she hadn’t panicked and started this plan. He had been willing to leave with her and Michael and not look back, but she couldn’t do it. It had to be her way, no other way but her stupid way.

 

“Mommy.” Michael said, “Come here.”

 

“I’m coming sweetie.” She said, as she wiped her tears.  She looked at Jason and smiled, “You need anything?”

 

“No.” he said, “Come and sit.”

 

She went and sat in a chair next to his bed and started caressing Michael’s head. “You happy Mr. Man?”

 

“Yes.” He said.

 

“Tell Daddy how school is.”

 

“Fun.”

 

Carly laughed as she looked at Jason, “He doesn’t say much.  Much like someone I know.”

 

“He learned from the best.” He replied.

 

“Were living at grandma’s.” Michael said suddenly.

 

“Really?” Jason said, as his brow furrowed. He didn’t know.

 

“Yeah. We don’t live in the big house. They scream a lot.” Michael said, his eyes getting big.

 

“I know.” Jason said, “Do you like it at grandma’s?”

 

“Why wouldn’t he?” Carly laughed, “He has his Uncle Lucas to play with.”

 

“Yeah!” Michael screamed. “We play Play Station.”

 

Johnny came in and smiled at the picture that was in front of him. “Ah the familial ties.” He remarked, as he went to Michael and kissed his head.

 

“Johnny.” Michael said, “Did you bring me candy?”

 

“Don’t even think about it Johnny.” Carly said, “He hasn’t eaten.  You spoil him rotten.”

 

“Mommie.”  Michael said, as he rolled his eyes. “Let Johnny give me candy.”

 

Jason laughed, he was having so much fun with him here. He missed him, but he didn’t remember him being such a talker. It was that he was growing so fast and his mouth just ran with him. Just like his mom.  “Buddy you can have candy after you eat.  Do you want pizza?”

 

“Yay.”

 

Johnny still reached into his pocket and gave him a chocolate kiss. “Just don’t tell your mommie.”

 

“Hello … I’m right here.” Carly said, waving her arms in the air.

 

They all laughed as Michael put the chocolate in his mouth and smiled.  “He loves chocolate.” Johnny said, “I always have some; tantrums, never know when they strike.”

 

“He doesn’t have any tantrums.” Jason pointed out, defensively.

 

“Woah .. buddy.” Johnny said, holding up his hands.  “All kids have tantrums. Just cause you love this kid to death does not mean that he doesn’t have tantrums.”

 

Jason looked at him but refrained from saying anything.  He was right of course, but it had been a while since Michael had made a tantrum or that he knew of one. It suddenly hit him that he missed everything about them, even the loud annoying things.

 

“Since you are here,” Carly said, “Can I leave Michael while I go and run some errands.”

 

“Where are you going?” Jason said, automatically, not reacting till he said the words out loud. But she had been so quiet so he knew that something was bothering her, well besides the obvious.

 

“I need to go and do some things.” She said, avoiding the topic. If she was going to say goodbye to Jason she wanted to do it once she had everything in her hand. 

 

“What things?” Johnny said, interrupting, knowing full well that Jason wanted to know.

 

“Things.” She said, waving her hand.

 

“Carly.” Jason said.

 

“I’ll be back soon okay.” She said, as she made her way to the door.

 

“Take Johnny with you.” Jason said.

 

“He needs to stay here with Michael. You shouldn’t strain yourself.”

 

“I have Francis, take Johnny.”

 

“No.”

 

“Where the fuck are you going?” Jason said, frustrated.

 

“To get some bus tickets!” she screamed, mad at all this bantering.

 

Jason eyes widened, “What?”

 

“Were getting out of here.” She said, frustrated.  “I wasn’t going to tell you till I came back.”

 

“Carly this is crazy.” Johnny said. “Where would you go?”

 

Carly knew that there was no getting out of this now. “Michael, honey will you go and keep Francis company?  Mommy needs to talk to Daddy and Johnny.”

 

“Kay.” He said.

 

As soon as the door shut behind Michael, Carly turned to Jason and said, “It’s for the best. I can’t stay here for one, AJ wouldn’t let me keep Michael and two I can’t stand to be here and you looking at me with hatred all the time.”

 

“What will you do for money?” Jason said, logically.

 

“I have some money that I managed to get from AJ and then I’ll work.”

 

Johnny laughed out loud and at Carly and Jason’s pointed look he shrugged and stated, “I’ll be outside with the happy people. Now you two don’t fight.”

 

As soon as Johnny was out the door Carly turned to Jason, “It’s for the best Jason. That’s why I brought Michael. For you and him to have one more day. I couldn’t leave and you not say bye to him.”

 

“So you’re leaving and you don’t know where you’re going. Why?”

 

“Cause I can’t stand to be next to you and you hate me. I told you this already. Jase I hate myself.  I constantly am reminded of what I did and I can’t bear to be near you.  Or to see you with someone else, cause that is what is going to happen eventually.” She whispered the last part, but Jason still heard.

 

“How can you think that I would be with anyone else when you absorb all my time?” Jason said, logically.

 

“You’re with Elizabeth aren’t you?” Carly said, finally asking what had been on her mind.

 

“Where did you get that?” Jason questioned, this was the second time she mentioned this.

 

“Sonny told me.”

 

“So you said.” Jason said, with an edge in his voice.  “You should have known better.”

 

“Yeah well I didn’t.” she said, frustrated.

 

Jason turned his head. His thoughts were in turmoil.  On one hand he had wanted her to leave, even yesterday, the thought was still in the back of his mind. But today, he wanted her to stay and try to get through this. What sense would it be in her running?  Eventually she would come back to him right?  She always did. And he knew in his heart, if he decided to really listen to it that he would be waiting until she would come back. Why go through that?

 

“Don’t go.” He whispered.

 

“What?” she said, turning her head towards him. 

 

“I said don’t go.”

 

Carly looked at him expectantly. “Why not?”

 

“You know why.”

 

“Did you forgive me?”

 

“No.” Jason said, truthfully. “But I’m trying to understand and I know that you do crazy things, it hurt me like hell. But I love you Carly and I don’t know if that will go away.”

 

“You looked at me yesterday like if you hated me.”

 

“I did.” He said, honestly. “I was so upset and so hurt, but today is another day and today I’m seeing things that yesterday were not that clear.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like me never telling you how I felt. Like me never spelling it out for you and I know that you need things spelled out if not you panic.”

 

“Will you ever be able to trust me again?” she asked hopeful. “Cause I swear that I will never do what I did yesterday no matter how fucked up our relationship is.”

 

“I honestly don’t know but I’ll try.” Jason said, looking at her sincerely.

 

“So are we friends?  What we used to be?”

 

“We’ll never be what we used to be. This is all new and too many things have happened for us to just pick up where we left off.”

 

“Do you think we can be better?” she asked.

 

“I hope so.” Jason said, emotion evident in his voice.

 

“I love you Jason.” Carly said, as she approached him and put her hand above his heart. 

 

“I love you.” Jason said, as he choked up a bit, putting his hand over hers.  “I just need a little bit of time.”

 

“You got all the time in the world.”

 

“Are you still leaving?” he said, looking into her eyes once again and then turning his gaze downward to her mouth.

 

“No. I’m not.” She said, a smile coming to her face. “How could I leave now?”

 

++++++

 

A couple of months later….

 

“Carly!” Jason screamed from the door. “Where are you?”

 

“I’m up here.” She said, from her room at the Brownstone. “What’s up with you?” she screamed.

 

“Come down here.” He said, impatiently.

 

She ran down the stairs and smiled as she saw him in his leather jacket and jeans. Since he had taken over the organization a couple of months ago, he had worn at least dress pants most of the time. She loved him this way. Not, that he didn’t look good in dress pants but this was the Jason that she fell in love with first.  The mob boss came later. She never really found out what had happened or how Sonny was out of the picture, but a week after Jason got shot, things were good, Sorel was dead and Sonny was on his way to Puerto Rico, not to be seen or heard from again. Naturally Jason took over she expected nothing less and she never did ask him what happened, it was his business and she would respect that and she saw that Jason appreciated that gesture.

 

“Jeans?” she said, as she pointed to them.

 

He smiled, a genuine smile. She, had been so good these past months finally growing up and maturing. She didn’t ask him any questions about the business that she knew she could not know and she was patient in his demand that he needed time to reconcile with her and the love that he felt for her. He stopped talking to Liz because he knew that might help and it did; he was glad.

 

“Yeah. I got some time off and I want to go for a ride on my bike and I want you to come with me.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.  Come on put some pants on and lets go.”

 

She smiled and hugged him to her and ran up the stairs. “I’ll be ready in a sec.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jason’s cell phone rang and he picked up. “We need you at the warehouse.” Was Johnny’s response.

 

“Deal with it Johnny. That’s why you are my partner now, not my body guard.”

 

“I know Jason but this needs to be signed by you or Sonny.” He stated. 

 

“Tell the person that you are taking over for Sonny and to check his files cause we made all the changes that needed to be made.”

 

“Okay. So why aren’t you here?” Johnny said, curiosity getting the best of him.

 

“I want to go for a ride on my bike. I need a little bit of time off.”

 

“With Carly?” Johnny laughed, already knowing the answer.

 

“Yes.”

 

“You ready to forgive her asshole?”

 

“I already did a long time ago.”

 

“You finally gonna tell her you love her?”

 

“She already knows.”

 

“Were not going through this again Jason.” Johnny said, hitting his forehead with his hand.

 

“No were not.” Jason said, and hung up as he saw her come down the stairs and held his breath. She was breathtaking.  Her jeans fit her snug and boy could she wear a pair of jeans. She had on a white tank top that barely covered her stomach and if she sat down he could probably see her belly button ring, with a short and stylish leather jacket.

 

“Lets go.” She said, as she went to the door and opened it. “Come on.”

 

They got to his bike and she hopped on smiling at him as he looked at her. Something was different today. He actually looked happy and relaxed, well more so than before. He hopped on and her arms went around his waist and to her surprise he leaned back a little and smiled as he gave her cheek a kiss. “Where do you want to go?” he asked, realizing that he would probably take her anywhere she asked him to.

 

“With you anywhere Jason.” She said, voicing his thought out loud as she returned the kiss lovingly.  He felt her lips on his right cheek and smiled.

 

He revved the engine up but before pulling out he asked, “Where’s Michael?”

 

“In pre-school.” She said, “But Leticia and Francis are going to pick him up and then take him to lunch at McDonald’s, then they are going shopping. She told me yesterday.”

 

“So we have the whole day?” he said.

 

“Yes.” She replied.   “All day long.”

 

He nodded and pulled out. As the wind hit their faces and Jason picked up speed, Carly hugged him tighter and leaned forward to be close to him.  She wanted nothing more than to never let go of this man, she loved him but she said that she would wait for him and she would. She was tired of pressuring him and him pulling back, if he ever was ready he would let her know and if he never wasn’t, then she would have to accept that this was as good as it got.

 

They headed out of the city and into a road that led to God knows where, as far as Carly was concerned. She had no clue where he was taking her.  After about half hour of being out of the city, Jason pulled into a forest of some sort and starting weaving through small streets, it seemed that he had been there before and was familiarized with the territory because to her, she could have been in Alaska and it wouldn’t of made a difference. She would be lost.

 

He finally came to a halt at the edge of a cliff. It was breathtaking, they could see Port Charles from here and it looked beautiful. Leave it to Jason to find the perfect spot.

 

“What is this place?” Carly asked once she jumped of his bike.

 

“I used to come here and think.” He offered, as he looked into her eyes.  “I love it here.  It was the only place where the Quartermaines couldn’t scream at me and make me feel like shit.”

 

“You came here a lot?” she questioned.

 

“Yes.” He smiled. “And I wanted to show it to you.”

 

“Its beautiful.” She offered as she made her way to the edge. “Do a lot of people know about it?”

 

“I don’t know.  Nobody ever bothered me while I was here.”

 

“So why are we here?” she asked.

 

Jason looked at her. It was now or never. He had forgiven her a long time ago but as always he never told her that he loved her because he was afraid. But now was the time, she had proven to him that she had changed and that she had matured. He had to tell her. He was afraid now of making the same mistake, and losing her. It shifted, his fear, it went from telling her about his love to fear of losing her if he didn’t.

 

“I wanted to talk to you.”

 

“Okay.” Carly said, nervously. She knew that something had been bothering him because of the way he had been acting.  “Am I going to like this?” she said, trying to alleviate the situation.

 

“I hope so.” He replied.

 

“Well shoot.” She said, with a confidence she wasn’t feeling.

 

He didn’t know how to begin, but now was a good a start as any. “A couple of months ago you were going to take off.” He began. “And I asked you to stay.”

 

Carly nodded her head.

 

“I asked you to give me time and you have.” 

 

Carly was looking at him, not even knowing exactly what to think but he could see that her eyes were blinking rapidly suggesting that she was nervous but looking hopeful.  He smiled. He could still read her like a book.

 

“I love you Carly.  I always have. I just want to be with you.”

 

Carly gasped out loud. She had waited so long to hear that from him and now that he was finally telling her it was better than anything she had ever heard.  She smiled at him as she flung herself in his arms. “Jase I love you so much.”

 

“I know.” He said, “I know.”

 

He pulled back slightly and his eyes went to her mouth. Even before she married AJ, he didn’t even know when, maybe when Robin was still around, he had wanted to kiss her. Those full lips drove him crazy.  He had wanted nothing else but to wrap her in his arms and kiss her for the past three weeks. In that time he thought of nothing else. It was almost obsessive. Even Johnny had called him on it and told him that he wasn’t concentrating. 

 

He leaned in. Feeling her lips against his was overwhelming. She was so soft. He licked her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, begging her to let him in. She smiled as she complied. He shoved his tongue through her lips rapidly and moaned out loud. “God I want you so much.” He uttered. “Its been too long.”

 

“You have me.” she said, as she kissed his neck.  “Always and forever.”

 

“I love you.” He said; surprised a bit at how easy that was.

 

She got closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, going inside his jacket and rubbing his back sexily.  “Jason I have waited so long for you to kiss me like this.”

 

“I have wanted to for a long time.” He said. “I want to make love to you, right here, right now.

 

“Right here, right now?” she said, as she pointed to the where they were standing. 

 

Jason smiled, while saying, “But if you want to wait I’ll understand.”

 

Carly laughed out loud, as she said, “What are you waiting for?”

 

He smiled as he kissed her one more time softly. “I remember that we didn’t even need a bed most of the time but this would definitely be a first.”

 

“Well come on.” She said, as she took his jacket off. “What are we waiting for?” she said, again.

 

“I happen to have a blanket right here.” He said, as he took it out of the small compartment in his bike. 

 

“Did you plan this Jase?” she asked, running her hand over his arm sexily.

 

“No.” he said, honestly. “Sometimes I would decide to stay here and the blanket came in handy.”

 

“Ah, logical and sensible Jason, like always.”

 

Jason laid the blanket down and sat down stretching his arm out to her. She smiled as she linked her fingers through his and screamed when he yanked her down to him, hard and fast.  She laughed, sheer joy invading her.

 

She found herself straddling him and could feel his arousal growing.  She brought her hand to the front of his jeans and rubbed gently.  “I’ve missed this.” she said, as she looked downward at his arousal and licked her lips.

 

Jason smirked as he shifted closer to her hand and jokingly replied, “Its missed you.”, his eyes turning dark with desire.

 

“Well lets remedy that.” She whispered into his ear as she pushed them both onto the blanket.

 

She laid completely on top of him and sighed out loud.  She looked into his eyes and her hands came to frame his face.  She sweetly and softly caressed his face, like if it were the most precious thing that there was to her.  She started by lining his lips while he kissed her fingers softly. She then proceeded to caress his cheeks while bending down to kiss his ear lobes. 

 

Jason shivered in ecstasy. He loved the way she touched him. Even though he had rejected her at times and had told her that if he ever let her touch him it was just because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, it wasn’t true.  He wanted to kiss her and he wanted to touch her he just didn’t even admit it to himself back then. But now that was all over with and now he could touch her as much as he wanted to and not be afraid to be road kill. He finally trusted her with his heart and she finally trusted him. They could not go wrong. 

 

His hand finally came up to caress her back slowly.  He put his hand inside her blouse and felt her soft skin.  Jason felt Carly tremble slightly and smiled as he lifted his head and finally kissed her again.  It was a soft kiss that instantly turned into a deep and intense kiss that would be able to ignite the passion in anyone that saw them if they were to pass by.

 

He lifted her blouse and she put her arms upward so he could slide it off her.  The night air was chilly but she didn’t seem to mind.  She was consumed by Jason’s warmth and his gaze at her made her feel warm inside, this was all she needed. 

 

Jason bent down his head and placed a gentle kiss in between her breasts making Carly’s breathing quicken a bit.  If there was one thing that Jason could do was melt all her defenses. She was putty in his hands.

 

Carly tugged on Jason’s shirt and hastily removed it.  She admired his chest.  It was near perfection, her arms went around his shoulders and she hugged him to her, relishing the feel of his naked chest against hers.  Their hearts were beating as one, or so it seemed and nothing could ever change that. The sheer knowledge of knowing that made her heart soar. 

 

He unfastened her bra strap and admired Carly before kissing her again.  He turned her around, making him be the one on top. “I love you Jason.” He heard her say and he smiled, knowing he would hear that for the rest of his life and not minding one bit.

 

Jason undid the button of her jeans and pulled them down at the same time that Carly did his.  Both of them not being able to resist any longer, Jason plunged into her.  He knew that it was fast and that he should of probably waited, but the wait had lasted so long that he didn’t think one coherent thought could be made from his brain until he felt himself inside of her one more time. 

 

Carly groaned at the quick invasion, but was too enthralled to feel anything but pleasure. Sometimes if she concentrated hard enough she could still feel him and how they used to make love but having it be real now, was so much more than she had ever desired. 

 

“Oh God.” Jason muttered as he moved within her.  “I had forgotten how good this felt.” He said, in between moans.  He pumped faster as Carly egged him on with heavy breathing and a little bit of moaning herself. 

 

Feeling for Jason had been one thing but actually being in love with him and making love to him at the same time, was something that she had never experimented. She had been in love with him for so long but he had rejected her at every turn. But now things were different, now they would try and they would succeed.  They had to. They were entitled dammit!

 

“Jason I love you so much.” Carly found herself saying, as she almost reached her orgasm.

 

She saw Jason smirk and he looked deeply into her eyes while continuing to stroke her, and knowing and feeling that she was almost there he increased the pace while saying, “I love you too.”, as he kissed her mouth deeply.  That was all Carly needed to send her over the edge, she had been on the verge and feeling Jason’s lips on hers, kissing her so intimately brought her the release she so desperately desired.

 

Hearing her screams of pleasure intensified his desire and brought him almost to the edge. He had never felt like this with Carly, and it was beautiful.  He had never felt this with anyone, his heart seemed like it would burst and he would not have cared if this was the last thing he had done in his life, being with her would have been the best thing that he could have ever had.

 

He realized and it excited him to no end to know that this was something that they could do every day, several times a day if they wanted. There were no more hidden feelings and no more doubts.  He was hers, completely and totally and there was no going back.  He wanted it this way.

 

The realization of this made him ecstatic which brought him to explode inside of her. He trembled his release and groaned out loud while trying to breathe evenly. He felt Carly’s fingers on his damp hair and smiled as he laid his head on her chest.  He was content, and he was happy. He had not felt complete in so long. She completed him.

 

They stood quiet for a few minutes, both regaining their composure and letting the events that had just transpired fill them up with love and awe. 

 

Suddenly Jason lifted his head up and smiled at her, his smile almost reaching his eyes, “You okay?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

 

“I’m perfect.” Carly responded, as she stroked his cheek.  “How about you?” she teased. “Breathing back to normal?”

 

“Yeah.”  He said, as he bent down and kissed her sweetly.  “I can’t believe I waited so long for this.”

 

Carly laughed out loud as she kissed his shoulder. “Me either.”

 

“This is it Carly.” Jason said, “No more turning back and no more running.  I’m here for the long haul.”

 

“Me too.” She said, as tears filled her eyes.  “No more running.  I love you and only you.”

 

++++

 

The End …..