It all started when I woke up with Jessica Alba sleeping next to me. I looked under the covers and she was wearing my boxers. I was like, "SCORE!" and accidentally woke her up while an empty bottle of Hennassey hit the floor. I was like, "DOUBLE-SCORE!" I went to the closet to put on some clothes, but my hangover was so strong.So I went to PLAN B.
PLAN B: Call my B*tch from the East Coast, and slap some clothes on me and feed me breakfast with crums of Advil on top.
So I was like "B*TCH FROM THE EAST COAST! WHERE THE F*CK YOU AT!"
She was like, "...i'm right here, Sexy Pimp..." she had brown hair wih blonde streaks and green eyes that stood out and stared at you when you talk to her. She was a shy girl, but when it comes to talking all the best things come out.
"WHY YOU SO F*CKIN LOUD?!...I"M TRYING TO SLEEP", Jessica woke up...
S L A P
That's all you heard after that. Not even the sound of my stomach digesting my pancakea with advil and syrup. The B*tch from the West Coast was deaf for rest of her life, but she didnt care. Because at the end of the day when her ears bleed from the Pimp Slap I gave Jessica, shes gonna be like "My G-Dawg , Joey, gave this to me and I should cherish it"... and her big a*s eyes were so wide if she closed her eyelids they would sit on top of her eye until she tries hard enough her eyelids would go behind eyes breaking the viens that hold the eyes and her eyes would pop out...
I looked at Jessica's new tattoo on her left cheek. I took out my purple sharpie and let everyone know that I owned her. She went back to sleep with a broken jaw and a bruised cheek. Paparazzi came
knocking on my door. I went to answer
it but i was still naked but no one told
me so I ran inside. Took the dog I didn'tt
have ...nakedly... Grabed the leash that
Jessica was wearing and and put it on
the dog and it walked me to the door.
I walked my dog nakedly while CNN
walked in my house and took millions
of pictures of Jessica's new tatt. Still
naked, I came back with s*it on my
bare hairy foot. Now I don't know if
those hair came from my foot as you
would think or my bogus dogs a*s....
There I was craped, hairy, and still
naked I went to the shop to pick up my
ride. I got a new body kit added in tinted
windows and lamborghini doors on my
pimped ride. My dad calls right after i
signed the recipt and said this weekend
we are going to Reno to break in your
new pimped out ride. |
