http://communities.msn.com/NsyncAlotMore
I'm not perfect. In fact, I am nowhere near it. Yet, thousands of girls see me as this perfect being who can do no wrong. The moment I make a mistake, the minute I act human, I could lose that.I've spent my life in the spotlight. I gave up my childhood to have a taste of fame. The years I should've been hanging with my friends, dating, and going to school dances, I spent touring, singing, making people scream.I know that my face graces the walls of many american teenage girls bedrooms. I know that there are girls out there who make websites devoted to me, who write fiction about me. I've never read it, and I never will. The thought scares me. The fact that people use me as a character, write stories about me. I could never read it, it's something I find impossible to fathom. Barely a day goes by when someone's not taking a picture of me, or shoving a pen and paper into my hand, begging for an autograph, proclaiming their undying love and devotion.Those girls don't know the first thing about love. Hell, I don't know the first thing about love. I haven't been given the chance to fall in love. I've dated, and dated often, miraculously hiding it from the public. There was a time when I thought I was in love, but I've come to realize that I was nothin more than a stupid kid. When you're me, there's no room in your life for love.I guess you could say that finding love is my biggest wish. We've gotten so famous that, now, I can't meet a single person who doesn't know who I am. I've been burned before, had girls who I thought could be someone very special, only to find that they were only dating me because of who I was to the public, not who I really am. In some ways, the face you see on television, the face you see in the magazines, he's not me. He's always happy, always laughing and smiling. I don't always laugh and smile, I'm not always happy. I get depressed just like every other teenager. But no one can know that, because then I would lose the perfect image. I would become more human. When I was younger, I used to play the 'what if?' game. What if I hadn't joined the group? What if I had gome to high school in Memphis and had a normal life?I've since stopped doing that. It doesn't change anything. I'm on this course, and there's no way to take back my past and make different choices.I watch the fans sometimes. I watch them and I wonder; why? What is so special about me? I'm not that much different from the guy who sits behind you in chemistry class and plays basketball. The only real difference is that his face isn't plastered all over the world. Sometimes I wish that I could just have a day of nofame. Just one day where I could go out and do as I pleased, not have to worry about which security guard is willing toaccompany me, not have to worry about being mobbed. I know I should be careful what I wish for, because, one day, this will all come to an end. This industry, the pop market fickle. I'm constantly amazed that we've lasted this long, and, by the looks of things, how long we will end up lasting in the long run. But no matter how popular we are, how big our fan base is, there will come a day when we just can't do it anymore. It's so hard, sometimes, not to feel contempt for my fans. They made me who I am, but at the same time, they've made my life impossible. When I'm in Orlando, I barely leave my home. Not even a hat and sunglasses works as a disguise anymore. More often than not, if one girls sees me, she'll scream and start a mad rush. That happened to me, a mad rush, when I was, for once, alone and free of security. It was the scariest experience of my life. They literally had me backed into a corner, and damned if I wasn't afraid for my life. Maybe because I'm the youngest the younger fans feel more connected me, maybe it's just because I'm a pretty face. I know for a fact that I have fans who stare at my pictures but rarely ever pop in a compact disc and listen to my voice. It makes me wonder. If I didn't have this face, would they still listen to my voice? Or do the looks outweigh the talent? If something happened to me, if I had a disfiguring accident, would they just stop being there? So what if I'm 'hot'? Without true talent, I would never be where I am today. I live in a constant fear that I will do something wrong, that I will upset someone, do or say something I shouldn't. I'm not allowed to have a bad day, I'm not allowed to show when I'm feeling emotional stress. That's when they turn on me, call me names, say I'm arrogant, full of myself. I'm not arrogant. I have stayed amazingly grounded through all of this. Do you know how hard it is to keep your ego in check when thousands of girls scream practically every time you breathe? God forbid I show an emotion other than happiness. God forbid I act like a person, and not a Stepford boy band member. God forbid I be me. But that's what I am. I am not perfect, I am just me.I'm Justin Timberlake, and that's all I am.
