pizza

Kalyfornya Pizza Kitchen
(California Pizza Kitchen)

As told by Danielle & Jenny...
Jenny: "It was a steamy hot summer's day, humid... and just plain hot."
Danielle: "A bunch of us band/speech/drama geeks planned a trip to Waterworld USA before our senior year started. So we went."
Jenny: "After so much hard work climbing stairs and sliding down slides, we had worked up quite the need for nourishment."
Danielle: "We all decided to leave the park for lunch, as we did not want to consume an overpriced cardboard hamburger. So we pile in the cars and head out. I thought we would end up at a Burger King or Subway or somewhere equally cheap. But someone suggested the California Pizza Kitchen. I bet it was Chris Murphy, that rat."
Jenny: "Yeah I think we all thought we were headed to some cheapo burger joint, but California Pizza Kitchen it was. I'd never been there, in fact I don't think anybody except Murphy had been. Somehow I still imagined an equally cheap 'Round Tablish' pizza that was way greasy and good."
Danielle: "Yeah, you know, with like red peppers scattered on the plastic table, and disgruntled bored teenagers behind the counter, and little bowls of pepperoni with grease puddles on top. Quality cheap ghetto pizza."
Jenny: "So we sit down, stupidly I might add, and begin to look at the menus. $50 bajillion for a small or anything bigger, and the personal pans were no better - still an amazingly even more overpriced that the water park $600 trillion. But hey we're all made of money right?!?! BS!"
Danielle: "I have to add here that this was the only pizza place I have been to that had a "Please Wait To Be Seated" sign in the front, and the waiters had crisp white collared shirts, and there was like set tables and crap with glasses made of glass, not the brown plastic cups we are so used to. But yeah, the pizza prices were outrageous, and me being a 16 year old with no job, had to bum some money off of Jen so I could nourish my body."
Jenny: "At any rate we bummed money, begged, washed dishes, did whatever we could to replenish our deprived bodies. We ordered, we ate, and dammit we ate every last nibblet of pepperoni and cheese, and gourmet vegetables that we could lick from the greasy (still metal, like any other crappy pizza place) pans. I'd never eaten so much pizza, but dammit I wanted my $5 katrillion worth."
Danielle: "And then the bill came...there were like 10 plus of us geeks, and each one of us ordered a personal pizza...the bill was like 9 million dollars times 57. No, it was more like 119. But still, a hundred bucks for pizza is totally retarded. If we went to Round Table I could have put my 5 dollars on the table and got way more pizza with a freaking salad bar and plastic cup of pop to boot. 119 dollars. Jen and I were amazed. Maybe it is because we consider King Fong and Denny's to be fine dining. Maybe it is because we are not overtly wealthy and our mammas bargain shop, even for food. We were pissed."
Jenny: "Pissed?!?!?! Pissed doesn't even begin to describe how we felt! We were... well.. we were... READY TO BREAK STUFF! $119 later, with over stuffed tummers from nasty gourmet pizza, and somehow still a bit unsatisfied, we jumped that joint and jammed back to the now seemingly cheap water park. We drove with fury in our eyes, and madness in our hearts, and NOTHINGNESS IN OUR WALLETS! We blasted the stereo with the sweet sultry tunes of Fred Durst and his Limp Bizkit gang reverberating in our ears... "I pack my chainsaw... I'll skin your ass raw!" Well needless to say I was ready to skin some ass, or perhaps grind some into a fine chocolately powder."
Danielle: "The moral of the story is...SCREW YOU California Pizza Kitchen! Ahnold is coming to terminate your despicable prices. And he will drive his Hummer through your Kalyfornya Kitchen. And I will support him, even though I did not vote for him in the recall election. And it really drives me nuts how he says California. It is not Cahl-lay-forn-nyah. And quit looking constipated all the time. Okay, I am stepping off my soapbox now."
Jenny: "Yeah, me too. And I vow to never eat anything but ghetto-ass Round Tablish pizza from now on, even if it's suggested to go elsewhere. Lame non-grease puddled pepperoni gourmet crapola! P's out!"