Spencer Residence

“Knock, knock!” Bobbie called out as she tentatively entered her brother's home, with Lucas guiding the way. She was carrying a large glass casserole dish and was glad to find the lights on, the tree lit, Lulu still in her pajamas looking up at them from the floor, surrounded by a pile of torn wrapping paper, a smile on her face.

Lucas immediately joined his cousin, handing over the gift bag with the stuffed animal poking its head out from within. He then sat down to inspect her loot of Christmas toys and to show off the handheld digital planner he'd received that morning.

“Bobbie!” Laura called out, rushing from the kitchen to relieve the dish from her hands. She took a quick pleasing whiff and smiled. “You shouldn't have,” she said, though she really was grateful.

Laura was having a hard time trying to put her constant worries on hold long enough to focus on the holiday meal. Her reserves of good cheer had been depleted earlier as she, Luke and Lulu exchanged gifts. Laura's gaze trailed to the packages still left unopened under the tree.

Bobbie reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out a small wrapped box and placing it with the others, attempting a bolstering smile, which seemed too melancholy to encourage real hope. Still, company might help distract them from the somber mood of the day.

“Well, I figured since you guys weren't going to be at the brownstone this year, we'd all come here.”

“All who?” Luke grumbled, coming down the stairs just as the front door opened again. He could do without a pity parade. He didn't need moral support, what he needed was a lead on Lucky. He needed to find his son and bring him home.

Carly bustled in, guiding Michael in front of her. The little boy was desperately trying to push his scarf down so he could see where he was going, but the mittens hindered his efforts.

For a moment Luke recalled Lucky at that age, already too wise for his years. His son had to grow up faster than most, thanks to the choices Luke had made. He hoped to god his boy wasn't still paying for his mistakes.

Michael lurched forward and Luke caught the kid before he tripped into the staircase. “Whoa! Who do we have here?” he teased, lifting Michael up off the ground like a sack of potatoes. “Can't quite tell under all the winter weather gear. Who's in there?”

“Geez, Luke, you're going to drop him!” Carly huffed, shedding her coat and tossing it over the banister, clearly not in the most playful mood.

“It's ME!” Michael squealed, though his voice was muffled by the woolen knit.

“Ah, okay,” Luke set him down and patted the boy's hooded head before Carly swooped in to unwrap her son.

Laura smiled at Luke's interaction, although it all still felt surreal to her. They were putting on a good performance. But underneath it all was still the uncertainty and dread - the unanswered questions to their son's latest disappearance.

Bobbie took off her winter coat and grabbed the dish from Laura, heading into the kitchen to lend a hand. Carly managed to free Michael from his cocoon, chasing after him to retrieve his wet shoes as he joined Lucas and Lulu by the tree. Luke turned to get the door, and found Jason standing there, fists shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket, looking uncertain, like he was about to turn around and head back to the car.

Luke gave him a nod and a smile, then held out his hand in greeting. “Jason, get in here,” he warmly insisted, holding the door open with his foot.

This was the absolute last place Jason wanted to be, but just when he and Carly finally showed up at the brownstone, Bobbie insisted on moving the Christmas festivities here.

Right now he wished he had stayed upstate with Lucky. As hard as it was to face what he walked in on that morning, it was a hundred times worse shaking the hand of the man whose son he'd been defiling, dominating, and fucking for months.

Jason's grip was cold and brief. Luke assumed it meant there was no new word on Lucky. Jason was obviously beating himself up for not finding him yet. “We'll talk later,” Luke determined, trying to put him at ease. “I appreciate everything you've done,” he added, giving Jason a light slap on the back as they stepped into the living room.

“Yeah,” Jason stammered, choking on the knowledge of what Luke would do if he really knew “everything” Jason had done to Lucky. He couldn't give Luke the reassurance he was looking for, the news that Lucky had been found and was safe and okay - as okay as he could be, considering. He couldn't give them any reassurance, until Lucky was ready to return on his own. He hung back, relieved when Luke joined Laura and Carly with the kids.

His attention was diverted from the cozy scene when the kitchen door swung open and someone else entered the room.

“Laura, Bobbie wants to know if you want the yams in now or if we should wait until the stuffing is out.”

Elizabeth Webber.

Jason wondered if there was still time to change his mind about being here.

Elizabeth glanced around the room, as if Lucky might be in attendance and no one had bothered to tell her yet. Jason avoided her gaze, catching the disappointment on her face before she disappeared into the kitchen again. He tried not to think about Lucky's feelings for her, what she meant to him. They never really talked about Elizabeth, just like they usually avoided talking about Carly. Some subjects were best left out of their conversations.

Actually, when they were together, talking wasn't a priority.

It was all about need, urgency, heat, lust, strength and control. His. Lucky's. A combination and culmination of their intense connection and mutual desire.

His thoughts suddenly flashed back to the beginning of their relationship - when things were uncertain and uncharted. Lucky's body was still new territory that Jason yearned to explore and conquer…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what is this place?”

Lucky took in his surroundings while Jason remained by the door, pulling it shut.

There wasn't much to inspect. The secluded building was small, intimate. The inside was as nondescript as the outside, yet the room had an almost familiar feel to it.

It was perfect.

“Used to be a safe house,” Jason explained. “But it hasn't been used in years. It's a place where I can just...”

“Do whatever you want?” Lucky slowly turned to face Jason, his lips curling slyly. “Because you can, you know – whatever you want.”

Jason wasn't sure what the hell he wanted anymore, or what he intended to do, bringing Lucky up here. Actually, that wasn't really true. Jason knew. He just couldn't bring himself to admit it.

His eyes drifted around the place, avoiding Lucky's unrelenting gaze. “I come here sometimes, when I need to get away,” he confessed.

Lucky nodded, his eyes trailing to the bed. “You get away a lot?”

“Not lately,” Jason muttered, now lost in Lucky's determined, desirous eyes.

“Well, I have a feeling you'll be coming here - often.”

Jason would come to recognize that tone - classic, seductive Lucky. Confident, cocky, in control. Jason felt himself twitch in response to the flirtatious words and alluring half-smile.

Since that first encounter on the docks, they'd only had a few fast, furious fucks. But Lucky recognized the signs of Jason's arousal immediately - the darkening eyes, the hitch in his breathing, the slight flush to his cheeks, the growing bulge in his black jeans.

As thrilling as it had been to feel Jason take him quickly and feverishly, this was what Lucky had been waiting for. A place and time when they could take their time, where Lucky could show Jason exactly how much he could take. How long, how far, how deep, how often.

He let out his own involuntary growl, imagining the elaborate tortures this simple room would witness. He knew they had to start out slowly. Lucky couldn't push things. Jason was still testing himself. But he was confident he wouldn't have to wait long. Jason was a quick study.

He remembered their second time. Sonny and Jason had come to Luke's club on business. Lucky was there - having another blowout with his father. He stormed out, past Sonny, past Jason. The next thing he knew, he felt Jason's hand over his mouth, his hard-on against his back.

Jason had told Luke he'd try to find Lucky, calm him down. And maybe Jason had even been concerned about him. But as soon as he saw Lucky, other things became more important. More pressing. He'd proceeded to drag Lucky to the limo and fucked him senseless.

Oh, yeah, Jason knew how to exploit an opportunity. And Lucky knew how to exploit him.

Just as he'd predicted.

Perfect.

“So…” Jason awkwardly tried to establish some sort of command over the situation.

“Where do you want me?” Lucky cut in.

Everywhere, Jason sighed. But he couldn't seem to articulate anything as he felt Lucky approach.

“On the bed, the floor, the chair?” Lucky prompted.

Jason finally pushed Lucky down to his knees, rasping out more of a plea than a command. “On my cock.”

The floor it is, Lucky smiled to himself as he assumed the familiar position. He jerked Jason's zipper down roughly, reaching in and grabbing Jason's throbbing dick. He took it in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head, lapping at the tiny beads of pre-cum, teasing and tonguing the tip as he lightly stroked Jason's length with his hand. After just a few frustrating moments, Jason grabbed Lucky's head and forced it down.

“Suck it, now! All of it!” he demanded, pushing himself further into Lucky's throat.

Lucky felt his own hard-on burn as Jason took exactly what he wanted. He sucked and licked Jason's long, thick shaft, meeting each thrust, matching every moan.

There was no need to worry about interruption or discovery, and Jason reveled in the opportunity to cry out in desire, shout out his needs.

“Fuck, yeah, don't stop, keep going, Lucky. Harder, faster, come on!” Jason ordered. He wanted his cock as far down Lucky's throat as he could take it. He was consumed by the desire to mark every inch of Lucky, inside and out. To claim him. To possess him.

Lucky struggled for air as Jason fucked his mouth completely, mercilessly. Not knowing how long Jason could maintain this pace and needing to breathe, Lucky surprised Jason, running his finger from Jason's heavy balls to his ass, pressing into that sweet spot.

Jason gasped and exploded immediately, flooding Lucky's mouth with hot spurts of cum. He struggled to remain standing as his orgasm subsided. Lucky drank it all in, swallowing Jason's full load.

As Jason withdrew his dick, Lucky started to clean him off, lapping at the sticky fluid on Jason's thighs. But Jason pushed his head away and roughly pulled Lucky to his feet.

“Why did you do that?”

“What?”

“You fucking know what. Did I tell you to make me come?”

“I thought that was the whole point,” Lucky drawled.

Jason seemed to have lost his sense of humor, but not his erection, Lucky noted. He was pleased that Jason had been annoyed by the power play, and he was even more turned-on as Jason finally took command, throwing him down on the bed.

“Take off your pants,” Jason ordered. He tried to suppress his sigh of desire as Lucky shed his jeans, revealing the perfect ass and enticing cock that Jason spent most of his nights, and days, fantasizing about.

But Jason couldn't hide it. He wanted Lucky. And Lucky knew it. He didn't know why or how, but in the space of a few weeks, this game, this dance, this body, had become Jason's obsession. He had to have it. To have him. He wanted it. He needed it. And he would take it.

He just had to prove it - to Lucky and to himself.

With one long, powerful thrust into Lucky's tight hole, Jason began to do just that, drilling him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Deep?”

Raising his gaze, Jason met Luke's curious expression. Visions of the past quickly dissolved as he stared up at Lucky's father. “What?”

“Your thoughts.”

“Oh…yeah…right,” Jason muttered as Luke sank into the chair beside him, setting his glass of whiskey on the table. Jason had half an urge to grab the drink and down it himself.

The kids were playing in the middle of the floor, and Michael had a green bow stuck to his bottom. Carly had her digital camera out of her purse, snapping picture after picture to capture the moment for future embarrassment.

Jason was trying to keep his eyes off the time. Laura poked her head out of the kitchen, flooding the living room with mouthwatering aromas. “Dinner's almost…”

Her eyes went wide and her hand flew up to cover her mouth. Luke turned to follow her gaze, as did everyone else in the room.

There'd been no knock, nothing alerting them of his presence. He just stood there patiently observing, waiting for them to welcome him home.

“Lucky!” Laura finally cried out, overcoming her shock before anyone else had a chance. In an instant she had her son in her arms, holding him as tight as she could.

Even under the padding of his heavy winter coat, the strong embrace reminded Lucky that his body still hadn't completely healed. He squirmed slightly and his mother withdrew to get a better look at him, her eyes spilling over with tears, thankful laughter escaping her smile as she touched his face.

Lucky felt his own eyes cloud, and a pang of guilt clutched at his throat. He should have called and ended her worries days ago. His mother hugged him again, her grip gentler this time, and then his father was there, drawing them both to him.

From across the room, Jason watched as Lucky abruptly pulled away from the embrace. He caught the troubled look on Luke's face as Lucky turned his attention to his sister, who raced over to greet him.

Lulu’s excited squeal drew laughter and tears from Laura as she watched them hug. Lucky released a laughing groan, feigning injury as Lulu squeezed him, but Jason could tell by the purse of his lips that he wasn't entirely faking the pain.

Carly was still snapping pictures of the homecoming as Jason moved closer to the crowd. Bobbie replaced Lulu, welcoming her nephew with a light hug and rubbing his back as she whispered something scolding in his ear, to which he nodded and chuckled softly.

Once his aunt stepped aside, Lucky's lips curled into a shy smile. Jason recalled some of the smiles Lucky had dazzled him with in the past. Playful smirks. Seductive, come-hither grins. Breathless, fucked-sore, gloating, toothy flashes. And dreamy, sated, orgasmic beams. But this was one he hadn't seen before. This was something special.

Something only Elizabeth could kindle.

She seemed to bask in the moment before relief and joy, laughter and tears broke through all at once. “God, Lucky, I was…we were all so worried,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around him.

Lucky closed his eyes for a moment as she hugged him. Jason wanted to close his as well, but before he had the chance, Lucky's blue gaze found him, from over Elizabeth's shoulder. It was just a brief glimpse, and it was gone before Jason could read it, but it left him feeling calmer than he had a second ago.

Lucky was reassuring everyone with his mere presence. The tension was seeping out of the room. He was smiling and greeting everyone, as if he'd just returned from a long vacation. He appeared relaxed and at ease. Jason was stunned at how well Lucky could hold it all in and cover up the pain.

He was an amazing liar.

Lucky turned toward the flash of a camera, finding his cousin standing there with a chagrined look on her face. “Carly,” he smiled warmly as his mouth went dry and Jason squirmed in the background. Lucky hadn't expected to run into her - them - Jason's family. He wasn't sure what he had hoped to find coming here. “So, are you the family paparazzo now?”

Carly held up the digital and smiled. “Jason gave it to me, for Christmas.”

“Nice,” Lucky nodded, trying to sound sincere while his brain swallowed the disparity. A camera. Jason gave his wife a digital camera and built him an entire fucking house? How was he not supposed to feel indebted after that? Owned? There was no way he was accepting it. He had told Jason that, and he meant it. And yet he let his hand brush over the outline of the gold key in his pants pocket. He should never have taken it with him. He’d give it back to Jason as soon as he had the chance.

“Lucky, where were you?”

It was Lulu who finally voiced the question on everyone's mind.

Jason tensed, watching Lucky pause, all eyes on him. Despite the pain of Lucky's indiscretion and their heated exchange that morning, Jason wished he could spare Lucky from this.

Then suddenly that charming smile returned to Lucky's face. He focused on his little sister's curious gaze. She was still worth shielding. For all the reasons he had to hate Nikolas, at least his love for their sister had saved her from Helena's grasp. Lucky would see she stayed that way, untainted by their war.

“I was out trying to track down the perfect Christmas present,” he bluffed. “I wanted to get a real gift – not some boring item from the mall. This had to be special. So I traveled all over. It took a while, but I finally found something that no one else would think to get you.”

Lulu looked skeptical, but there was a flicker of excitement in her eyes, sparked by Lucky's own enthusiastic telling of his tale. “What?”

“You know, it's the darnedest thing,” he sighed. “The airline, they lost my luggage. I had this huge…” he spread his arms wide, “huge suitcase. And it had all these stickers all over it, so they'd be extra careful with your perfect present. Bet you're wondering what I had in there for you, huh?”

By this time everyone in the room seemed entranced. Jason envied them. Instead his mind flashed to Lucky being hauled out of a garbage can, unconscious, broken, bleeding.

“Well, I can tell you this,” Lucky glanced around secretively, then leaned in closer to Lulu. “I think it got away on its own. And after all the trouble I went to. But somewhere out there is a kangaroo hopping around wearing a nice high-quality suitcase marked 'fragile - this end up.'“

Lulu stared at him for a moment, then rolled her eyes and let out a heavy groan. “You don't expect me to believe that, do you?” Lucky smirked at her exasperated expression then winced at her follow-up. “You know, Lucky, I'm not a baby anymore.”

Lucky swallowed hard, caught between sorrow and resentment at having missed out on all those years with his not-a-baby-anymore sister. But he had to admire her tenacious claim of maturity. He'd always hated it when people treated him like a kid.

Lulu caught the lost look on her brother's face and felt bad for saying that, for reminding him that she grew up while he was away. Unconsciously, her fingers rose to her neck to play with the gold locket that she had received that morning.

“Sorry, kiddo. I forget sometimes. Just keep reminding me - I'll get it right.” Lucky reached out to admire the necklace. “Guess I should have gone with something like this instead, huh?”

“It opens,” Lulu beamed, showing him her treasure.

Inside was a picture of Nikolas looking back at him, as smug as ever. Lucky clicked the locket shut with a pained, apologetic smile. “I didn't have time to get you anything,” he finally admitted. “But I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

“You don't have to get me anything, Lucky,” she said sincerely, innocently. “Having you come back was the only thing I asked Santa for.” Lulu smiled and hugged him again, and Lucky swallowed back the lump in his throat. The entire room seemed to be holding its collective breath as Lucky returned the hug.

“So you're not too old to write to Santa, I guess?” Lucky teased, drawing another exasperated sigh from his baby sister, then a wide grin and another hug.

A hand settled on Lucky's shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze as Lulu pulled away.

Luke cleared his throat, and nodded to his daughter. “Why don't you take Lucas and Michael upstairs to play until dinner's ready,” he suggested, though his tone was insistent. He turned to Carly before she could object. “You just stay where you are. They'll be fine,” he declared. “We've got fire extinguishers up there, what could be safer?”

Lulu sighed and collected her cousins, leading the way up the stairs. Lucky could hear Michael asking if they were going to see the kangaroo. He made a move toward the staircase, but his father's grip tightened, turning him back toward the living room.

Lucky shook him off, his expression quickly changing from relaxed to riled, anticipating a confrontation. “Oh, you want me to stay, with the grown-ups? I figured you were sending all the kids out of the room.”

“When have I ever treated you like a kid?” Luke demanded, frustrated and saddened, and alarmed, by Lucky's defensive attitude.

“I could use some help in the kitchen…” Bobbie interrupted, trying to diffuse the situation. But no one took her up on the ploy, so she remained as well.

“We need some answers, Lucky. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Lucky answered Luke’s dubious stare.

“Then where have you really been?” Luke's tone was serious and filled with concern. “And don't give me that bull about Australia. No way you spent the last month trekking across the outback, and if you did, why didn’t you call? Hell, even the aborigines have cell phones these days.”

“Maybe I'm just inconsiderate and thoughtless. You know, like you. How many times have you left without telling anyone where you were going, when – or if – you’d be back?” he glared accusingly. Luke stepped back, as if slapped. “Don’t like it?” Lucky pressed. “Where do you think I learned it?”

“If you have something to say, Lucky, I wish you’d just say it. You need to get this out, so we can get past this, move on.”

“Just like that? It’s always so easy for you, isn’t it, Dad?” Lucky spat.

Luke noted the bitterness in Lucky's tone, the angry glint in his eyes. "None of this is easy, Cowboy."

"Yeah, I know. And that's why I went away. So you wouldn’t have to deal with it."

Luke didn't buy that for a second. “Funny how you and Helena decided to disappear around the same time."

“Lots of people like to get away for the holidays, escape the family melodramas for a while,” Lucky intoned.

“Lucky,” Laura interrupted, hoping to ease the tension. “We're just worried about you. It's not like you to just vanish without a word.”

“Oh come on, Mom. It’s what I do best.”

“That's Helena's bag of tricks, boy, certainly not yours,” Luke seethed.

“You'd be surprised how much a guy can pick up in three or four years,” Lucky shot back.

“Why the hell are you doing this?” Luke began to lose his patience. “Just tell me - what did she do this time?”

Lucky's jaw clenched, accentuating his furious expression. He spun around, facing Luke head on. His anger finally boiled over, and he erupted. “What's with the sudden interest, Dad? You never asked for the details the last time. What do you care? As long as she keeps returning me alive and in one piece, your conscience is clear, right?”

Luke looked shaken by the outburst and the confirmation it contained. He took another step back and Lucky flew past him, storming out of the house.

Jason instinctively moved to follow, but caught himself. He wanted more than anything to go after Lucky, comfort and calm him. Get him the fuck out of here. After everything he'd been through, the last thing Lucky needed to come home to was an interrogation.

But all Jason could do was sit there. Powerless. Frustrated. Angry. Carly plopped down next to him, and he recoiled. “Man, what is with you, today?” she whined. “You'd think you were the one abducted by aliens.”

“Helena Cassadine, Carly. Not aliens.”

“Whatever,” she retorted weakly. “I knew we shouldn't have come here.”

Jason looked at her incredulously. Carly was the one who had insisted they go to Bobbie’s. He’d wanted to stay home, lock out the world, forget this whole day had even happened. But Carly forced him to go to Bobbie's, and then Bobbie had forced them to come here. “I thought you wanted to be with your family.”

“I did,” she conceded. “I just forgot that they’re all insane.”

“Carly, we need your help in the kitchen,” Bobbie called, as if on cue.

Carly sighed and rolled her eyes as she got up, though Jason didn't seem to notice. His attention was focused on the porch, on her volatile cousin. She should have been relieved not to be the center of the family drama for once, but Carly had an uneasy feeling as she headed off to the kitchen. She whispered to Jason not to worry about Lucky, but she wasn't sure he heard.

Front Porch

Lucky paced back and forth, oblivious to the cold blasts of air swirling around him. Anger and resentment and frustration mounted. He had to get out of here. If he stayed one minute longer, he was going to do something crazy. Scream or break something. Or better yet, go back in there and grab Jason by the collar, kiss him breathlessly then fuck his brains out on the living room floor. Right under the tree.

He chuckled, imagining the looks on their faces, watching him grope and grapple with his cousin-in-law. Boy, would that shut Luke up. Show him that Lucky didn't need his protection or his love or his concern. He had Jason now.

Except you don't have him, Lucky reminded himself. You lost him this morning. Threw him away for a quick fuck with the security guard, remember?

Okay, so Jason wasn’t his best option right now. Maybe he could find Zander - finish what they had started last night.

But that wasn't what Lucky wanted, either. He needed something rougher, something sharp and stinging. He wanted to be chained down, spread wide, tortured and toyed with, and then fucked until his emotional pain became overpowering physical agony. The only Christmas present he truly deserved.

He was halfway down the stairs when he heard the quiet plea.

“Lucky, don't go.”

He couldn't turn around, couldn't face her. But he didn’t leave.

“I know that was awful for you, and you probably want to get out of here, but it’s just…I never thought I'd celebrate another Christmas with you, Lucky, and I need…I mean, we all need…” she sighed, struggling to find the right thing to say. “I know it's selfish, Lucky, but can you please stay?”

“Elizabeth,” he whispered, finally turning to her.

He was chastened by the pain and confusion in her eyes. After all this time, he still couldn't seem to stop hurting her. “I'm sorry,” he breathed, returning to the porch. He saw her shiver in the cold, trying to regain her composure. “Here. Put this on,” he insisted, removing his jacket. “You're going to freeze out here.”

“And you're not?”

“Don't argue with me.”

“How about a compromise?” she relented, threading her arm through one sleeve in the jacket, holding the other one out for Lucky.

“We're sharing?” he asked dubiously. Elizabeth's emphatic nod convinced him, and he slipped one arm around Elizabeth and the other in the jacket.

“Big enough for two,” she declared. The coat actually was, in fact, too big for Lucky. “I guess you didn’t get to pick it out,” she gathered. She was surprised Helena didn’t know his jacket size by now.

Lucky looked out at the driveway again and tried to pull away, but Elizabeth held onto him.

“Don't, Lucky, please. I'm sorry - I won't ask any questions. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I just…”

“What?”

“I'm happy you're home, that's all.”

He looked down at her open, honest gaze, and smiled that same smile Jason had noted earlier. It sent a shiver through Elizabeth, and Lucky drew her closer.

“It's too cold - you should go inside.”

“It's gone again,” she noted wistfully.

“What?”

“That look.”

“What look?”

“Whenever you look at me, for a brief second, you get this expression on your face. I don't know how to describe it. It's almost like…”

“Like what?”

“Forget it. It's silly.”

“No, tell me, please. I want to know.”

Elizabeth blushed a little. “I don’t mean to sound vain, but sometimes when you look at me, your eyes light up, and for a moment, it's almost like the way we were, you know, before...”

“Before the fire?”

“Yeah,” she said softly, regretting it immediately when she saw Lucky's eyes turn cloudy. “Lucky, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up the past. I know things aren’t the same with us. I'm not trying to make you remember. I guess I was just surprised to see that look again.”

“You don't have to do anything to make me remember, Elizabeth,” he corrected her. “I haven’t forgotten. For so long, I thought I'd never see you again. All I could do was imagine what it would be like. I lived inside those memories for as long as I could. But life went on – things changed. I have new memories now, and as hard as I try, I can’t forget those either. Or maybe I just don’t want to.”

“I shouldn't have said anything.”

“Don't,” Lucky shook his head, dismissing her guilt. “I want to explain. I don't want you to think I'm trying to hurt you, playing some sort of mind game.”

“I would never think that, Lucky.”

“When I see you…” he paused, trying for the right words to explain this, even though he wasn't sure he fully understood it himself. He started again. “Your face, the memory of you, the hope that I'd see you again - for so long, that was the only thing that kept me going. So sometimes when I look up and you’re actually here with me, I don't think my brain can quite believe it. No matter how many times I see you, Elizabeth, it's always going to be like a miracle to me.”

Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears as she listened to Lucky's declaration. He hardly ever talked about his time in captivity. It moved her to hear his memories, the hopes he once had. The love that once saw him through.

“Seeing you is my proof that I survived.”

“But…” she prompted knowingly.

“But it’s also a reminder that I’m not who I was before the fire. I’m not even the same guy who dreamt of you night after night. I couldn’t bring him back with me. He didn’t survive.”

Elizabeth winced at the blunt declaration. But she knew Lucky was right. Those fleeting moments between them were just lingering memories and unfulfilled hopes. For whatever reason, he had stopped wishing for a future with her. Watching him over the past year, and just now with Luke, she wondered if Lucky could envision a future with anyone.

She wondered if one day he’d just give up on any kind of future at all. Maybe that was Helena’s ultimate revenge: not to take Lucky away from Luke, but to drive him so close to the edge that Lucky would jump on his own, and no one would be able to pull him back.

That thought made her even sadder and she couldn’t hold back the tears that spilled down her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. I never wanted to hurt you,” Lucky repeated. He pulled his arm out of the jacket, away from Elizabeth’s grasp and walked to the railing, leaning over the porch. “I should never have come here today. Hell, I should never have come back at all.”

“Lucky, don’t say that!”

“Why not, Elizabeth? It’s the truth. I don’t belong here anymore. All I do is make people tense or unhappy.” He ran his hand over his side. “Unsafe.”

“Lucky, none of this is your fault.”

Lucky released a bitter laugh, continuing to stare out into the distance.

“It’s true, Lucky. I know you feel responsible, but you aren’t. This war began before you were even born.”

“And continued even after I died,” he noted sarcastically. He felt another pang of guilt when he heard Elizabeth sigh.

“I’m sorry…” he began to apologize again, turning around. But Elizabeth silenced him, placing a finger to his lips.

“You don’t have to keep apologizing, Lucky. You don’t owe me anything…”

“That’s not true,” he objected. “I promised you everything, and I’ve given you nothing. Not even a fucking Christmas present.”

“God, Lucky, you gave me everything. You gave up your life for me, to keep me safe. And then, when you came back, even though I know you didn’t want to, you tried to make it work with us.”

Lucky groaned and turned away again, remembering those first few months after his return. How eager Elizabeth, and everyone else, was for things to go back to the way they were. How hard it was to play the happy resurrected hero in public. It was impossible in private.

Elizabeth had tried everything she could – patience, seduction, guilt, anger, jealousy. But nothing worked. She couldn’t get Lucky to open up to her, to confide in her. To even touch her.

She shivered at the same rush of memories. Sometimes, if she cried hard enough or if Lucky was completely exhausted, she’d been able to persuade Lucky to sleep with her. Not to make love. He refused that, always.

But he couldn’t deny her any contact, any comfort. And he needed it, too. Even if he started out every night on the other side of the bed, by morning, he was in her arms. Sometimes he would even kiss her, and she got to feel the thrill and the joy of his lips on hers. She treasured those moments, and tried to prolong them. She’d wake up at dawn and watch him, thankful for whatever respite sleep afforded him. She knew it wasn’t much – he tossed and turned and trembled more often than he was at rest. And as soon as he awoke, he’d pull away, scanning his surroundings to ensure himself that he was safe. That he was home.

Except that he never really seemed to believe that. And she could never convince him.

As the months went by, Lucky stopped coming to her bed at night. Eventually, he stopped coming home at all. Elizabeth had some inkling of the traumas Lucky had suffered. And she had some idea of where he went at night to exorcise his demons. Or to embrace them. But she had never figured out how to talk to him about it.

“Lucky, look at me.” He shook his head. “Please.”

Slowly, he turned around again.

“I know you want me to, but I don’t blame you for what happened. I know you wanted to love me, that you tried. That a part of you still does, even if you can’t admit it. That you are struggling to figure out who you are, what you want.”

Lucky looked up at her in amazement that she could still read him so well, that she could still care, after the way he’d treated her.

“I know you want to come to terms with the past, and I hope you can find some comfort, some peace.” Elizabeth’s tone was urgent and sincere, and Lucky felt himself surrender to it. She smiled, and moved closer to him, opening the jacket and pulling him closer, trying to warm his body and ease his mind.

“One of the things you are going to have to accept, Lucky, is that I loved you once, and you loved me. We are a part of each other. It didn’t end up the way either one of us wanted it to, but that doesn’t diminish what it was,” she said softly but firmly. “Do you hear me?” Lucky nodded. “Do you believe me?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Good! Then don’t say that you shouldn’t have come back. I never want to hear you say that again. Your coming back was a miracle, Lucky. For me, for your parents, your family, your friends. Let it be one for you, too. Let us help you. Please.”

Lucky allowed Elizabeth’s soothing words and gentle touch wash over him. He closed his eyes and leaned into her, kissing her forehead, drinking in the feel of her. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t deny himself this small comfort. So he accepted it, and lingered there.

Maybe the day could be salvaged after all.


Inside

The children were upstairs, again, eager to get back to the day’s real goodies. The adults were finishing up with coffee and dessert. Dinner had proceeded uneventfully, if a bit awkwardly. It wasn’t the usual raucous Spencer celebration. The joy of the day, especially of Lucky’s homecoming, was tempered by the palpable tension between father and son.

Squeezed between Carly and Michael, and across the table from the watchful gaze of his mother-in-law, Jason had only caught Lucky’s eye a few times during the meal. His expression was almost completely unreadable. Jason couldn’t tell if Lucky was still angry and hurt from their morning encounter, or if he even cared at all anymore.

Jason barely touched his own plate. He was too busy wondering if anyone else noticed the way Lucky could be so sexy simply eating a mouthful of stuffing or a slice of pie. Did the others notice the way his tongue darted out, catching the small drop of vanilla ice cream then swirling it in his mouth. Was this a show just for him, or was Jason just so hard for Lucky now that any motion or movement he made reminded Jason of something else – Lucky on his knees, Lucky on his back, Lucky spread wide, taking him, licking, sucking, slurping, swallowing…

Carly’s sudden sharp gasp snapped Jason out of his reverie. “What are you doing?” she whined, wiping at the whipped cream he had spooned all over her skirt, and not his plate. “What the hell is wrong with you today?”

Hoping no one else noticed Lucky’s sly, tantalizing lick of his lips, Jason tried to help a muttering Carly clean off the offending white stain.

“Hey, Caroline, it’s Christmas. Watch the goddamned swearing,” Luke smirked.

Carly just rolled her eyes. She wanted to get up, go home and get out of this outfit, out of this “celebration.” But Michael, god bless him, was having an obliviously merry time, and she didn’t have the heart to spoil it for him.

“Luke,” Laura eyed him warningly.

“All right, darlin’. I’ll be good.”

“Right,” Carly and Lucky simultaneously sneered. Jason cringed at the conspiratorial smile Carly flashed. Lucky tried his best to ignore it. Just a little while longer, and he could get out of here, and then it would be to all a good night.

“Lucky, honey, we have a surprise for you,” Laura beamed as she served him another huge slice of pie.

Lucky was completely full, and his stomach lurched at Laura’s unexpected words. He didn’t want any more pie, or surprise gifts. Not today. Not ever.

“Come on, aren’t you curious?” Luke pressed.

Jason shook his head. For people who claimed to know Lucky so well, Luke and Laura didn’t seem to have a clue. It was obvious that Lucky didn’t need this now. ‘Right – you’re the only one who really knows him.’ If that were true, he would have expected the surprise he walked in on that morning. Jason let out an unmistakable sigh, drawing stares from the table, and an outright glare from Carly, who couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her usually stoic husband.

“Okay, fine,” Lucky relented. Might as well get this over with. And give Jason a few minutes to get his act together. Lucky was trying not to think about what it meant that Jason seemed to be having so much trouble tolerating even the simplest family interaction today. “What’s the big surprise?”

Laura was disheartened by Lucky’s complete lack of enthusiasm, but she didn’t let it show. She wanted this to work out. “Your father and I, and Lulu, want you to move back in here…”

“No way,” Lucky immediately cut in.

“Wait, Lucky, let me finish,” Laura insisted. She knew it would be a hard sell, but she also believed it was the best thing, for all of them. “We fixed up your old room – new paint, new furniture, new everything.”

“No kidding? Kind of had to do that, though, since Dad threw all my old stuff away.”

“Lucky, don’t be spiteful,” Bobbie chastised.

Lucky shook his head. “Jumping in to censure the truth. Some things never change,” he muttered.

“She does that to you, too?” Carly sympathized. “I’m so glad it’s not just me.”

“You’re not helping, Carly,” Bobbie reproved.

“You think you are?” Carly snapped back. “It’s obvious Lucky needs some space. Why don’t you all just back off?”

“Since when do you know anything about what my son needs?” Luke blasted. “Why don’t you stay out of this. It doesn’t concern you.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t bring it up at the dinner table,” Jason jumped to Carly’s defense. Luke was right – Carly had no idea what Lucky needed. But Jason just wanted them to stop talking about it. Actually, he wouldn't have minded if everyone just shut up completely.

“Suddenly I’m getting etiquette lessons from the mobster and his moll,” Luke drawled.

So much for that hope, Jason mused.

“Luke, please,” Laura implored. “Let’s get back to the matter at hand.”

“As enjoyable as this little family squabble has been, there’s nothing to get back to,” Lucky declared. This visit had been a complete disaster. It was time to end it, before he did something irrevocable. Elizabeth tried to squeeze his hand for moral support, but he shook her off and stood up. “It’s been almost five years since I lived here. I’m certainly not coming back now.”

“Yes, it has been almost five years,” Luke agreed, standing up and confronting Lucky head-on, finally. He hated resorting to these tactics, but he had nothing left to lose. He had to make Lucky see reason. “It’s also been five years since you were safe.”

Lucky swallowed hard. Direct hit. But Luke had no idea who he was playing with anymore.

“I haven’t been safe a single day in my entire life. Canadian diner, Port Charles living room, Greek island prison cell. It’s all the same, Dad. My life for your sins. And there might not be anything I can do to stop it. But I sure as hell don’t have to live under your roof and wait for it.”

Luke’s eyes darkened, and he clenched his fists to keep from just grabbing Lucky and shaking some sense into him. The entire room was silent as Lucky watched the full range of emotions flash in his father’s eyes – anger, confusion, sadness, guilt. He refused to let Luke see the same feelings in his eyes, which blazed only with fury.

“Lucky, please,” Laura tried again. Lucky hated making his mother cry, but her tears no longer moved him the way they once did.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you think I can move back here and everything will go back to the way it used to be, but that’s just never going to happen. The sooner you accept it, the better off we’ll all be.”

“But what will you do? Where will you go?”

“Back to my place.”

“It’s not safe there, honey.”

“It’s not safe anywhere,” Lucky stated plainly. His resigned tone frightened Laura.

“But Lucky, Helena didn’t have any trouble taking you from there…”

“I wasn’t at home when she kidnapped me.”

“Well, where the hell were you?” Luke snapped. Jason cringed, wondering if Lucky would be so angry, he’d actually answer that question. But Luke’s next blast overshadowed the first question. “And why weren’t you more careful?”

“Luke!”

“It’s okay, Mom. I know Dad blames me for this. After all, he taught me everything he knew, and still, I’ve been kidnapped not once, but twice. How could I be so stupid, so careless? That’s what you really think, isn’t it, Dad? You can admit it. I know it’s true.”

“Don’t put words into my mouth, Lucky.”

“Why not? It’s the only way to get them there. I know it eats at you. Am I really the son you raised? Falling victim to Helena one more time. Maybe once you could excuse. I was young, just a kid. But then I stayed all those years; I never got away. And then she nabs me again after I’ve been back less than a year? Didn’t I learn anything from you?”

Luke couldn’t even look at Lucky as he continued the withering assault.

“Or maybe there’s something else going on. Maybe I actually wanted to be there. Isn’t that what keeps you up at night, Dad? Just like with Mom. You say you blame yourself, but the truth is – you blame us. You blamed Mom all those years ago. And you blame me now.”

“Lucky, stop that!” Laura demanded, her tears flowing freely. Luke fumed silently, at a loss as to where Lucky’s venom was coming from.

“Why? It’s the truth, Mom. You know it, even if you’ve never been able to say it out loud.”

“Lucky, please,” Elizabeth went to him. “Let’s just go. Let me take you home.”

“No, no, no,” Laura insisted. She refused to let Lucky go off unprotected. Even if he hated it, at least here, they could keep him safe. Or at least she could reassure herself with his presence. “I want you to stay here. This is your home. You can hate us, Lucky, but we are still your family. We want what’s best for you.”

“And what about Lulu?”

“What about her?”

“You really think this is what’s best for her? Living with this tension, not to mention the constant threat of Helena just waiting to take me one more time.”

“I can take care of my children,” Luke blustered. It sounded pathetic, even to him.

“Take care of Lulu, Dad. She needs you. I don’t. I don’t need any of this.”

Lucky remained defiant. Luke and Laura looked utterly defeated. Elizabeth sank down in her seat, feeling empty and sad. Jason quietly seethed, frustrated by his utter lack of control over this situation. On the second floor, Lucas, Lulu and Michael crouched at the top of the stairs, curious and concerned by all the raised voices.

"If you want him safe and protected, I know just the right place," Carly casually announced, breaking the unbearable silence. Everyone turned to her with dubious expressions. "Jason's still leasing the penthouse next door. It's completely empty. Lucky can move in across the hall from us."

Lucky stared at his cousin like she was insane. But she wasn't insane, just clueless. There was no way Jason would allow this. Even if they could get past the morning fallout, he knew Jason needed that separation between their relationship and his family. "I don't think so…”

"Now hold on a minute, Lucky," Luke mulled it over. "Maybe sweet Caroline's right, for a change. A place like that would be more of a challenge for Helena. And a hell of a lot safer for you with Jason there to watch your ass..."

Jason clanged his coffee cup against the pie plate as he picked it up and took a sip, trying to camouflage his discomfort.

“What if I don’t want him watching my ass?” Lucky challenged.

Jason couldn’t tell if Lucky was serious or smirking. He met Lucky’s blue gaze, recognizing the desire and the defensiveness raging there. It was a combination he could never resist.

“Too bad,” Jason announced authoritatively. “I think it’s perfect.”

The elevator rose steadily to the top floor.

Lucky still wasn’t sure about this.

Of course, it was better than moving back home. He’d come through some hellish situations, but there was no way he’d survive that. Living under the same roof with them again would rival any torment Helena could inflict. Maybe this really was the best solution.

But he could already feel the awkward tension of this situation. Most of it exuding from the other occupant in this confined space. His own personal moving-man.

"Guess I owe you another thank you," Lucky estimated, smiling at the thought.

Johnny cleared his throat and tried to maintain his composure. Since picking Lucky up, Johnny hadn’t been able to shake off the memory of Lucky’s last act of gratitude. It was a bittersweet recollection, considering the consequences of that night.

"I’m just glad you’re doing okay," Johnny admitted. Then his voice grew quiet and apologetic. "I swear, Lucky, if I had known…"

Lucky met Johnny’s gaze, noting the regret on his face.

"You should let me carry some of that."

Johnny had Lucky’s suitcase in one hand, a duffle over his shoulder, and a cardboard box under one arm. "You’re still healing," he mothered.

"I can manage a suitcase."

"I’ve got it," Johnny insisted. "It’s not a lot. Are you sure this is all you need?"

Lucky shrugged and nodded. "I don’t own much. Habit, I suppose. I learned to live light. The less you have, the less you have to leave behind."

The elevator doors opened and Lucky stepped out first. "Cheery," he observed.

Johnny moved around him and into the hallway, which looked like a high school gymnasium decorated for the school dance. The abundance of shiny red and green garland streamers, Christmas cutouts and twinkling lights turned the traditional adornments into a garish mess.

"Carly let Michael do it a few days ago. He wanted to make it nice for when Jason returned from his…uh…trip."

Lucky nodded, imagining Michael decorating the hallway in excited anticipation while his daddy sat by Lucky’s bedside keeping watch over his recuperation. Lucky felt the guilt settle in.

"I can’t do this," he muttered softly, taking a step back toward the elevator.

"Lucky?" Johnny called out as he unlocked the unoccupied penthouse. He walked back to find Lucky lingering near the elevator. The light on the down button was lit. "Where are you going?"

Lucky faltered, unable to come up with an answer. He hadn’t thought it out that far.

"Come on, at least take a look at the place first."

What the hell. There was something in Johnny’s coaxing tone that Lucky couldn’t refuse. Repentance, perhaps, mixed with sincere concern. Johnny wasn’t responsible for what happened that night at The Battering Ram. Lucky knew that. But if this would help alleviate Johnny’s guilt over the kidnapping, Lucky reasoned, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just go along. For a little while, anyway.

"After you," Lucky demurred, heading back to the apartment. He smiled when Johnny checked over his shoulder to make sure Lucky was still with him.

The door opened and they stepped inside. The penthouse was bright and big and soaked in beige and eggshell and ecru tones that made Lucky feel like he shouldn’t touch anything. It smelled slightly floral, like dried flowers or potpourri.

It didn’t feel like home, but then nothing ever did anymore. Lucky always managed to adjust to his surroundings anyway. This was preferable to many.

Except for one thing.

Lucky stared at the object displayed as the centerpiece of the room. It sat near the windows, set apart from the living room furniture, but seemed to be the focus of attention. At least his.

"What’s with the…" he gestured.

Johnny set everything down near the staircase and turned to glance at the elegant grand piano. "Oh, it belonged to a previous tenant, but we can have it removed, if you want."

"Definitely," Lucky nodded, his eyes glazing as he continued to peer at it.

"If you want to pick out a room upstairs, I’ll take your stuff up," Johnny offered.

Lucky turned to him, his expression suddenly wary. "No, I… I’ll do that later."

Johnny wasn’t sure if Lucky wanted to explore the place first, or if he was planning to take off again once the coast was clear. He wanted to put him at ease, give him some reassurance. "You’re going to be safe here, Lucky. And Jason’s going to make sure they pay for what they’ve done to you," he vowed.

"What? What do you mean – what’s Jason planning?" Lucky demanded, weariness changing to worry. Jason didn’t know Helena, he wasn’t familiar with her tactics.

Before Johnny could reply, Carly appeared at the open door with Michael. "So, neighbor," she greeted him with a smile. "Enjoying your new place?"

Lucky tried to return the smile, but didn’t quite manage it. He could lie and deceive and betray. He could fuck her husband behind her back without giving her a second thought. But he still had the semblance of a conscience - and his duplicity didn’t come without a cost.

"I think he’s still getting used to it," Johnny spoke up.

"Well, at least you won’t have everyone breathing down your neck here," she consoled. "But if you need anything, Lucky – Jason and I are right across the hall."

That attraction was the one thing keeping him here – knowing Jason was close by, watching his ass, as his dad so appropriately put it. But watching it and fucking it weren’t the same. Living here could turn out to be more tormenting than Lucky had anticipated.

"Is that okay, Lucky?"

The question pulled him back into a conversation he hadn’t been participating in. But Carly was prompting him for a response. "Uh, sure," he answered.

"Great. I just didn’t want to steal him away from you. We’ll learn to share," she winked.

Lucky met his cousin’s sharp gaze and realized she was talking about Johnny, not Jason.  Lucky blamed his misinterpretation on his own guilty conscience.  If Carly knew something was going on – he’d know. 

The whole town would know.

"Ready to head to the mansion, Mikey?" Johnny ruffled the boy’s hair as he headed to the door.

"I get two Christmases," Michael beamed at Lucky.

Carly noted Lucky’s sad smile – she knew that one Christmas had been more than enough for Lucky this year.

"I swear, the Quartermaines spoil him rotten," Carly tried to cover the silence. "He’ll be up all night unwrapping presents over there. We should really get going, Johnny."

Lucky just nodded as they headed into the hallway. He stood in the doorway, watching them leave. He wanted to ask if Jason was going along. Instead he waved as Johnny, Carly, and Michael stepped into the elevator and he was left in his new home. Alone.

~~~~~~

The shower worked. It worked pretty well - washing all of his thoughts away for a few blissful minutes under the hot pouring blast.

But it didn’t matter how many showers he took – or how often he tried to scrub the memories away – they always came back to haunt him.

Lucky descended the stairs in his bare feet, wearing only a pair of jeans, his chest and back wet with beads of water, his hair tousled to dry. His stuff was still piled at the bottom of the staircase, but he wasn’t ready to unpack just yet.

He tried to ignore his thoughts, plopping down on the sofa, surveying the room.

His gaze trailed to the piano. It stared back.

"What the hell are you looking at?" he challenged, rising from the couch and walking over to it.

He wanted to resist the pull, but it was no use. Once he slid onto the bench, Lucky couldn’t stop himself. He lifted the cover, exposing the keys. He wasn’t sure he’d remember, but it all came flooding back as soon as he positioned his fingers and let them fall.

The notes were loud, echoing through the penthouse, but the tempo was slow, moving and sincere. His mind wasn’t focused on what he was playing, but he played it well. The music took him somewhere else.

But the knock at the door brought him back.

Lucky jumped up from the bench, staring at the piano, trying to let go of lingering, unwelcome memories. Another rap on the door drew his attention. He turned and crossed the room, grabbing the knob before finally calling out.

"Who is it?"

"It’s me."

The reply made him smile for a second, before reality set in. They never really talked during the afternoon’s fiasco of a Christmas celebration, and he really didn’t want to pick up where they left off this morning. Lucky had reached his fill of confrontations today. He opened the door, trying to appear as aloof as possible while his every urge seemed to involve drowning himself in his visitor.

Jason stood in the doorway, distracted by Lucky’s state of undress. His eyes drank in the sheer beauty of the lean, graceful body. The cuts were healing, the bruises were fading, his chest glistened and his nipples looked enticingly hard. Jason had to remind himself that he wasn’t here to drag Lucky off to bed.

He wasn’t really sure why he was here. He swore to himself that he'd stay away, but he couldn‘t stop thinking about Lucky all night. The music finally lured him over.

"I don’t have any sugar yet," Lucky coyly joked, deftly arching against the wall, enjoying Jason's visual inspection.  "You know, if you’ve come to borrow a cup."

Jason finally met Lucky’s gaze, his brow furrowing. "Why would I want to borrow sugar from you?"

Lucky released a humored breath and shook his head, stepping closer to Jason. He reached past Jason's shoulder and pushed the door closed behind him - shutting out the rest of the world. "Then what do you want? Did you come to say good-bye again? We’ve done a lot of that lately."

"If I wanted to say good-bye, I’d just stay away from you."

"But you can’t, can you?"

Jason tried to retain his cool façade, when all he really wanted to do was drop the act and push Lucky up against that wall, and fuck him until they both screamed.

"You can’t stay away, you can’t stay mad at me."

"You think I’m not mad anymore, just because I came by to…"

His words drifted off into an awkward silence.

"To what? See how I’m settling in? Come on, Jason, you can do better than that."

"I just… " Jason fumbled for an explanation other than his all-consuming desire.  "I heard the piano," he indicated, glancing at it.  "I didn't know you play."

"I don't," Lucky quickly replied.

"But you were just..." 

"There are still a lot of things you don’t know about me, Jason," Lucky challenged. "Things you don’t want to know."

"I want to know everything about you, Lucky," Jason revealed, dropping the act and stepping closer. "You don’t have to hide anything from me."

He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t resist. Lucky risked a glimpse into Jason’s ice blue gaze. Just for a minute. And he saw true, honest love there. He didn’t look away.

And in that brief moment, Jason got to see that love reflected back at him. It made his heart actually ache. Because he also saw the fear underneath it and the shame. And that made Jason angry.

Lucky flinched a little, watching Jason’s expression shift from pure love to almost unadulterated fury. He ached at the loss of that light in Jason’s eyes, but quickly recovered. He didn’t want the love, didn’t deserve it. But anger and rage – that he understood. And he knew just how to capitalize on it.

Lucky pushed himself off the wall, closing the remaining distance between Jason and himself. "I’m not hiding anything, Jason. You know how much I want you." He reached down and rubbed his hand along the crotch of Jason’s tightening jeans. "Feels like you’re the one who’s hiding something." He gave Jason’s dick a hard squeeze, then unzipped the fly and snaked his hand inside. "Now why don’t you tell me what you really came here for tonight."

Jason cursed silently. They had almost made a breakthrough, but the moment had been lost. He couldn’t seem to dwell on that, though. He was rapidly surrendering to Lucky’s seductive tone and pleasuring hand. "If I tell you, will you give it to me?" he rasped, breathing into Lucky’s neck.

His voice was hoarse, husky. Lucky swore he felt Jason's words grate over his skin like the soft scratch of stubble, and it left him itching for even more. A slow, sly smile drew across Lucky's face.  "No.  But I'd let you take it," he dared.

Jason considered it for a second, wondering how far he was willing to go.  After their infuriating morning, the long unbearable day and that flirtatious performance during dinner, he was more than eager to accept the challenge.

Then his hand was on Lucky’s neck and his mouth was on Lucky's lips, tearing kisses from it.  Lucky stumbled back, then caught his balance as Jason's arms wound around him, pulling him closer, traveling down his back, gripping his ass tight enough to make Lucky moan into their kiss – until Jason's tongue stifled it.

The heat between them was enough to evaporate the drops of water from Lucky’s skin. Jason pushed him up against the wall, pressing his whole body against Lucky, desperate to feel every inch of him, to rediscover all that beauty and reforge their bond.

Lucky needed that, too. But he needed more. He needed to feel Jason’s skin against his own. He tugged at Jason’s t-shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it into the living room. Then he went back to work on Jason’s jeans, trying to tug them down. But Jason stopped him, pushing his hand away.

Not again. Lucky wanted to scream. But then he realized that Jason was still holding his hand, and leading him up the stairs, to the bedroom.

"We’re going to christen this place, together, Lucky. Tonight. Right now."

They stumbled and kissed their way to the bedroom, neither one wanting to pull away long enough even to catch his breath. Or for the other to change his mind. It had been so long since Jason kissed him like this, Lucky didn’t want it to end. He wasn’t sure he could stand it if Jason rejected him again.

But Jason had no intention of stopping. Not even long enough to turn the lights on. He guided them, by memory, through the hallway and into the master bedroom. The only light in the room came from the city lights below and the clear winter night above. But even in the darkness, Jason could see the desire shining in Lucky’s eyes, could sense the need in his eager, trembling body. A need Jason could feel pulsing through his own body and soul.

"I want you, Lucky. Now. I can’t wait a minute longer."

"Then don’t. I need to feel you inside me again. It’s been so long. Please, Jason…"

Jason closed his eyes and captured Lucky’s lips, answering his urgent plea with an even more urgent kiss. Lucky didn’t have to say why he needed this. Jason knew what he meant: Make me forget. The past month of hell, that awful night at the Battering Ram, the misery of Christmases past and the loneliness of the present.

Finally free of any clothing – or doubt – Jason and Lucky fell back across the width of the bed. Jason raised Lucky’s hands above his head and held them there, draping himself over Lucky’s arched, aching body, the burning touch of skin on skin heating the air on this cold Christmas night.

Jason began to grind his hips, rocking his erection steadily against Lucky’s full arousal. He let go of Lucky’s arms and reached down, wrapping his hand around both of their cocks and pumping them in unison.

Lucky gasped at the novel feeling, the incredible sensation of their dicks throbbing together in Jason’s grasp. He wanted their mouths connected, too, so he wrapped his hands around Jason’s neck and drew him in for a fevered kiss. Jason moaned into the kiss and accelerated the pace, stroking their growing flesh harder and faster as their bodies became a tangled mix of limbs, their mouths a heated exchange of whimpers and moans.

Almost at the point of no return, Jason pulled his hand away. Before Lucky could protest, Jason slid himself down Lucky’s body, continuing to stoke him as he kissed his way around the hollow at Lucky’s collarbone, across his bruised but beautiful chest, down that sexy trail of hair before reaching his dick. He licked it one time, startling Lucky, who bucked his hips, propelling himself back to the edge of the mattress. Jason almost drove him over that edge, literally and figuratively, as he trailed his tongue over Lucky’s balls, then tickled it over his tight hole.

Lucky’s groan of pure pleasure let Jason know he’d hit the right spot. He lathered the area thoroughly with his tongue before settling his own erection there.

Jason was about to ask if Lucky was ready, but when he looked down at Lucky’s open, willing body and his hungry, anxious gaze, he knew it was time. It all seemed to come together in a rush, but the moment was right. They’d had weeks of separation and agony, then a painful few days of stopping and starting, fighting and frustration. This was what connected them – they needed to feel it again.

Jason wanted to rebuild Lucky’s faith in him. He wanted to be able to trust Lucky again, to forget the bitter betrayals on both sides. But all of that flowed from this – he had to show Lucky that he still wanted him, still craved him, still, yes, loved him. And he did.

Lucky cried out in that familiar mixture of bliss and pain as Jason entered him, finally, then paused to make sure Lucky was okay before falling into a hard, fast rhythm, rocking himself in and out of Lucky’s tight hole. Lucky clutched at the sheets as the force of Jason’s thrusts pushed him further over the side of the bed. His head craned off the mattress, his throat fully exposed as he closed his eyes, concentrating on the sensation of Jason filling him, erasing the vile memory of past abuse.

With each stroke, Lucky could feel Jason’s cock glide over abrasions and bruises made by George’s sadistic torture. He urged Jason on, running his legs up those strong, muscular thighs, then pressing them into Jason’s ass, pulling him deeper inside, needing to bring him as close, as tight, as fast as possible.

Jason seemed to crave the same inseparable connection. His grip on Lucky's hips became vise-like, his fingertips leaving their mark. He was quickly approaching his end – the buildup had been so long and so intense, that the ecstasy of being inside Lucky again could last only a few perfect minutes. He opened his eyes, wanting to look into Lucky’s gaze when he came, but Jason was riveted instead by the sight of Lucky’s body dangling half off the mattress, his eyes closed, his breath hitched.

Concerned, Jason stopped for a moment, causing Lucky to lift his head. He looked directly at Jason, smiled reassuringly and then sent him over the edge with just one simple word: "Come."

The unexpected role reversal sent a thrill through Jason, who obeyed Lucky’s command, coming in one more long, hard thrust, spilling himself into Lucky with a seemingly endless orgasm.

Jason collapsed on top of Lucky, unable to move, unwilling to break the spell. He lifted his head, needing to feel Lucky’s lips again. But Lucky was still teetering over the edge of the bed. His eyes were open and he was staring up at the skylight, where a soft, light snow was beginning to fall.

Jason reached down to cradle Lucky’s head, and he rolled them both onto the bed stretching out along the length, lying back against the pillows.

"Is that better?" Jason asked softly. He leaned on one arm and reached the other out to caress Lucky’s face, gently stroking his forehead and his cheek. Lucky seemed mesmerized by the snow. It twinkled in the light, like countless tiny falling stars. Jason put his head down on the pillow next to Lucky’s and they lay there in silence for a few minutes, watching the white flakes briefly cloud the view, then evaporate, letting the light filter through again.

"It’s beautiful, isn’t it?" But Lucky didn’t answer. He wasn’t looking up anymore. His eyes were closed, and his cheeks were wet with tears. "Lucky, what’s wrong – did I hurt you?"

"Yes," Lucky revealed, squeezing his eyes tighter and making Jason’s heart clench. He knew he’d gone too far, too fast. He began to apologize, but was cut off by Lucky’s words. "But I hurt you first. I can’t help it, Jason, I swear. I don’t meant to…"

"Lucky, shh, it’s okay," Jason soothed, leaning his cheek into Lucky’s, wiping away the tears. "Open your eyes, Lucky, look at me. I’m okay. It’s okay. I promise. Let me make this better for you, Lucky, please."

Lucky opened his eyes but he didn’t see the skylight anymore. He couldn’t see the snow that had reminded him of the night before, when he had betrayed Jason in what was supposed to be their place. All he could see now was Jason’s clear blue gaze, full of love and hope. It amazed Lucky that Jason could still want him, could still want to trust him, after everything that had happened. And it scared him how much he wanted the same thing. He couldn’t say it yet, but if Jason was still willing to give it a try, then so was he. He nodded his assent.

Jason breathed a sigh of relief. He wanted to find a way to make this right for Lucky. He wasn’t sure what had happened, but he knew that just moments before, Lucky had been in the same state of bliss as Jason. But Lucky hadn’t come.

Jason reached his hand down and found that Lucky was still aroused, though not fully. He gave the long, hard cock a gentle squeeze, simultaneously nuzzling Lucky’s neck and throat, whispering how much he wanted him and needed him, how good it felt to touch him again. How he wanted to make Lucky feel as good as Lucky had made him.

The ache in Lucky’s heart eased as Jason repeated the long, slow, tantalizing trail down his body. When he reached Lucky’s crotch, Jason nudged his face against the fullness of his aroused dick. And then Lucky felt that overwhelming thrill. Jason’s tongue. There. But this time, Jason lingered.

Oh god. The silky heat of his mouth was amazing. It wasn't the sensation alone that set Lucky’s nerves on fire. He'd been sucked off countless times before. The fact that it was Jason doing the sucking was what blew his mind. It was Jason exploring him, pleasuring him. Jason who, Lucky realized, was getting very good at this. Lucky closed his eyes and let go of everything else but the sheer pleasure of the moment. He held his breath, as if that alone could stop time and keep him in this heady state of ecstasy forever

Jason felt Lucky arch into him, his cock jutting aggressively. He smiled, realizing that Lucky was relaxing even as his cock was tensing. Jason pulled back at first to counter the thrust, then followed into it, taking even more of that warm hard shaft into his mouth. It was alive, throbbing, quivering, and Lucky's low growling moans were delicious.  Lucky’s passionate response inspired Jason, who continued to lick and suck, swirling his tongue and lips and teeth along Lucky’s length, driving Lucky to the brink.

Lucky pushed his fingers into Jason’s hair, gasping as Jason engulfed him fully and swallowed. The tight muscles clenching around his cock felt like an unspoken cue to come, and Lucky cried out in relief as he exploded.

Jason felt Lucky’s body jerk and then he was coming in a rush. Jason drank it all in, eager to revel in Lucky’s salty release.

It was a lingering, intense, rewarding climax - and the aftermath was just as long, slow and sweet.  Lucky was so totally relaxed, he felt like he'd melted into Jason.  He couldn't tell where his body ended and Jason's began.  And he didn't want to.  As Jason moved over him, stretching out once again on top of his prone body, Lucky couldn't move. 

Jason stared into Lucky's face, enjoying his sated expression.  He moved his finger to Lucky's temple, tracing the shape of one eyebrow, trailing down his nose, outlining those incredible lips.  He suddenly felt starved for them and leaned in with hungry kisses.  How could he have lived all those weeks without these lips, this body, without the man he craved beyond all sense and reason?

"God, Lucky, I’m so sorry I left you that night, that I ever took you back there."

Lucky met Jason’s suddenly somber expression and read the deep regret in his liquid gaze. The Battering Ram. He wished he could push the memory away, send it off where it could no longer return to hurt them.

"I couldn’t think about anything else when you were gone," Jason revealed. "I just wanted you back, so I could tell you I was sorry, and I was wrong to try to force you to feel something you don’t. I do love you, and nothing is going to change that, whether you feel the same way or not. I know you don’t want to hear that…"

Jason was wrong. Lucky had needed to hear Jason say all of that. Even if he could never accept it. "I don’t deserve it, Jason."

"Lucky, that’s not true."

"What about last night or this morning?" Lucky reminded him. "And what about the things you said that night at the Battering Ram, Jason?"

"The things I said that night were…"

"True?"

"Horrible and vicious," Jason finished. "I was hurt. I couldn’t get you to do what I wanted, to love me that way I love you, so I lashed out. I was deliberately cruel to you, Lucky. I shocked myself, even. I never knew I could hurt someone like that, someone I love. But it’s because I’ve never hurt that way before, that deeply."

Lucky sighed, closing his eyes against Jason’s pained expression. But Jason continued.

"That is no excuse, Lucky. I realize that now. And I thought I could make it up to you, upstate…"

"And then I ruined everything, because of Zander."

"No, no, you didn’t. Yes, I was angry, but I’ve calmed down now, Lucky. I know you needed someone to comfort you, to hold you. And I wasn’t there. Again. I don’t like it, but I don’t blame you for fucking him."

"I didn’t…we didn’t fuck. We did other stuff," Lucky revealed, suddenly shy about detailing his intimacy with the guard. Jason was flooded with relief. "I couldn’t let him inside me," he admitted. "Not when I was thinking of you, when I wanted it to be you."

"Thank you for telling me that, Lucky," Jason whispered. The truth left him feeling both comfort and melancholy. "And I’m sorry I left you alone on Christmas Eve. If you had any idea how much I think about you, how many times during the day I have to force myself to get back to work because I’ve been fantasizing about you, thinking about us, wishing we were together."

Lucky stopped Jason’s admission with a soft, sexy kiss. "We’re together now, and we’re all alone," Lucky murmured. "You don’t have to imagine anymore. Just tell me what you want and I’ll see if I can oblige."

"Oh, you’re calling the shots now, huh?" Jason grinned, happy to be able to relax a bit, to enjoy the smooth, easy back-and-forth that he and Lucky used to engage in so often.

"Sure seemed like it earlier. And you didn’t seem to mind, as I recall." He laughed, then, and so did Jason.

"Are you going to order me to come again?"

"Oh, yeah," Lucky smirked, sliding himself down the length of Jason’s hard body. "You’re all mine, Morgan."

For tonight, anyway, Jason smiled, closing his eyes and surrendering to Lucky’s will – and mouth, tongue and hands.

Tomorrow, they’d worry about family, friends and foes. But for now, Jason let the snow and the moonlight blanket them, shielding Lucky and himself from the bitter cold reality outside.

The world could go on without them for a while.

Their earlier rush and desperation was replaced with lazy exploration and indulgence. The slow teasing was a soothing treat. They were lost in the tranquil exchange, until the insistent ringing of Jason’s cell phone interrupted their serenity and brought the outside world crashing back in.

Jason reluctantly climbed out of bed and fumbled for his pants, putting a finger to his lips to warn Lucky to be quiet.

"This better be good…" Lucky whispered in annoyance as Jason turned his back to take the call. Lucky smiled at the view, eager to get him back into bed.

"Morgan," Jason answered. His voice was still heavy and raspy, which made him cringe for an instant, even before he heard the reply.

"Mr. Morgan, so glad I could reach you." Her voice had the same effect of fingernails down a chalkboard and Jason’s jaw tightened. "I couldn’t let the holiday pass by without extending my sincere best wishes to you and your family. Including, of course, your wife’s cousin. I assume he’s close by?" she inquired.

Jason turned to find Lucky watching him, his eyes keen to the sudden tension in Jason’s face. Lucky seemed to read the situation, and his expression grew dark.

There was no use playing it off to try to shield Lucky from the truth. Jason gripped the phone tighter and snarled into it. "Why waste what little time you have left, Helena? Any threats you want to make against him are pointless. You won’t live long enough to carry them out," he coldly advised.

Lucky could feel the venom in Jason’s voice and knew Helena was purposely provoking him for a reason. He immediately slid from the mattress and reached out, snatching the cell phone before Jason could give her the exact details of his chosen plan of attack.

For a moment he considered just hanging up, but he knew that wouldn't get rid of her, not really. Lucky raised the cell phone to his ear.

"If you want to talk to me, Helena, here I am."