I've been driving a taxi in Virginia since the beginning of 2001. And I've seen some strange things go down. So for my amusment I've decided to start listing these things. So here goes.
In January I was driving down the Prince William Parkway where The Parkway meets Horner Road. It was 2 AM. On the side of the road I saw a small red car on the right side of the road, smashed up all to hell. Thinking the guy was in an accident I was looking for another car. There was none. Then when I passed the guy I realized what happened. He had hit a deer. And for some insane reason the guy was pulling the deer by the horns onto the median strip of the road. I went down to pick up my customer off of Horner Road. When I came back up The Parkway I saw the deer in the median strip. Suddenly the deer started to wake up and try to get up. Apparently, the guy freaked and decided to thing for him to do was to hold the deer down by its neck (the best he could) and slug the hell out of the deer with his right fist. The guy looked like Mike Tyson had just entered his body. I told our dispatcher to call the cops so this idiot wouldn't kill himself.
In Feburary I got a call at the Dumfries Super 8 hotel. My dispatcher told me about the woman I was about to pick up. Apparently, she used to run a whore house off of Horner Road. She was a crack addict and she always went up to South East Washington DC to score some crack. Also she was a expert pick pocket. Several of our more scumbag cabbies had taken her up on taking her to DC for free in exchange for sexual favors. While she would give them a BJ she would also be pocketing their cash. So that's who I had to deal with. When I got there to pick her up, she bounced up to my cab and I asked for money up front. She said she didn't have any and started to say something like, "but I could do you a favor...." Before she could finish I was gone.
Later in Feburary I picked up a lady from Potomac Hospital. Apparently she had burned her hand or something. She looked like she was in her late 50's and homeless. She wanted to go to all these different grocery stores to pick up some kind of pain reliever. It was 3 AM. All the grocery stores were closed. I knew that. But of course she had to go see for herself. Finally she had to pick between 7 or 8 7-11's that are along Route 1 in Woodbridge. By then she had started insulting me. Calling me an idiot. Trying to rip her off of as much money as possible. Basically being a total bitch. Finally she got out at a 7-11 to pick up her medicine. I leaned over, closed her door and left her there. I told our dispatcher not to give her another cab. I left her there and didn't collect $14 dollars, and I could care less. You couldn't pay me $200 to put up with the crap she was giving me. Later that night my dispatcher told me she had been calling all night long from that 7-11, saying she would pay me. I told our dispatcher to tell her that I didn't want her money or anything to do with her.
I got a call at Dak's Grill in Dale City. It was Sunday night around 1 AM. I waited for quite some time. Finally this guy brought this woman out to my cab, who apparently was so drunk she couldn't even stand. This girl tried her damnest to get this guy to come home with her. But he wasn't gonna go, he said he had to be at work in the morning. So she said she was going to Staffard (the county south of us) and passed out. After we passed the Stafford county line she woke up and started to get extra close to me, and trying to flirt. So then I asked, "So are you married?!? I am!" Slowly after a long pause she said "yeah." Then passed out again. Finally I got her home, and she was barely able to get out of the car and close the door without falling down. She didn't even pay me. The guy from Dak's gave her some money which she left in the seat. He had left $25. The meter went up to $36. Got burned on 11 bucks. Oh well. The next day I got a call from the Stafford County police about her leaving her perse in the car. Later the woman I took home was basically accusing me of taking her perse and throwing it out the window. Well, I picked up many people after I picked up her and anyone of them could have done that. Besides I wouldn't do something like that. Really.
In late April I picked up a guy in Woodbridge who needed to stop by 7-11 to take out money from an ATM machine. (Yes the same 7-11 I left that bitchy lady at from the hospital) While my guy was in the store another guy stumbled up to my car. He looked like he was a mulatto, wearing gangsta clothes topped off with a straw cowboy hat. He was drunk out of his gord. He started asking me for a ciggarette. I smoke cloves (which are $4.19 a pack) and I was down to my last two. I told the guy no. Then I explained to him there were cloves, not a ciggarette, which he didn't understand. He was doing everything he could to get one. He was reaching into the car trying to grab them (which was retarded because the cloves were sitting on the passinger seat and he was trying to reach in aimlessly in the driver side window.) Finally he offered me a dollar for one. Just wanting him to go away I asked for him to give me a dollar. Then he said how about 75 cents. Then he offered me his lighter. By then my customer came back to the car. He was more freaked then me. So I told him I had to go and I wasn't going to give him anything. Then he said, "I dare you to pull away with my arms in the car." He was getting pissed. So I rolled up the window, his arms still in the car, and backed up quickly. Scraped up his arms a bit. Oh well.
The beginning of May I picked up these two guys (very drunk) at the Spotlight bar. One guy was a dumbass redneck. The other was an Arab. They were going in opposite directions, but the Arab agreed to pay for the other guy. The Arab was actually very humble and sweet. When the redneck got dropped off the Arab got to talking to me. He said he was the grandson of the former king of Turkistan. When the Soviet Union annexed Turkistan he became a refusgee, and fleed to Afghanistan. Then in the 80's The Soviet Union tried to annex Afghanistan and that's how he came here. The guy was really believable. Finally I dropped him off at Dumfries. Everyone I know calles Dumfries 'Dump-fries'. Because that's exactly what it is. A dump. Suburban ghetto. Just think the royal family of Turkistan living in a hell hole like Dumfries. Is life to fucking weird or what?
More to come.....
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