There was too much to think about these days to worry about day-to-day niceities, anyway. For Anabelle, mayor of Muse, every day seemed like war. The Highlanders were clamoring for her blood, claiming she ordered a massacre of the Highland Kingdom's most promising youth squad, the Unicorn Brigade. As if she would resort to such a thing.
Anabelle paced back and forth in the bare, cell-like chamber in which she had been placed, atop Jowston Hill. She didn't like being cooped up like this. She was certainly no coward.
Standing at the only window, she looked every bit the serious leader she had gained a reputation for being. Her curly red hair, capped with a turquoise bandana, reached her waist. She was tall, sometimes imposing--at the moment looking very much annoyed--with strong features. She was garbed in a turquoise shirt, a red vest, and tan pants, as well as fur-topped boots.
"I shouldn't BE here." she protested to no one in particular, her hands gripping the window-sill. The threat seemed so silly, and yet, Muse officials couldn't afford not to treat it as a serious one.
She gazed out over her city, taking everything in. As a glint of something gold far, far below caught her eye, she raised an eyebrow.
So... she thought, The jackass came after all.
******
"I love a parade, don't you?" said Muse City's current most unwanted guest. He was a youthful-looking Winger, decked out in tight gold leather pants, knee-high boots with giant gold buckles on them, and a gold-and-silver sequined jacket. He had blond hair and was pretty darn good looking. He was also being carried atop a litter by his faithful servants---a small group, admittedly, but nothing could rain on his mood--or parade, for that matter.
"They've got bows trained on us, boss." said a gruff-sounding muscle-man hauling most of the weight.
"Hmph. They daren't shoot. Look at them. Look at their slobbish faces. They know that if they shoot now, they'll be denied a show of what true class can be. Besides, I'm dazzling them." the winger proclaimed, and with that, he flashed his best show of shimmering teeth and gave the stunned crowd his best beauty queen wave.
"Look, boss, that one fainted!" the chirpish voice of a young man who looked about thirteen said excitedly.
"Remove the fastenings on my jacket, if you would, please, Retina..." the Winger requested, blowing a kiss to the crowd. A slightly disgruntled woman dressed in black swung herself up onto the litter, almost throwing off the balance but certainly not the composure of the center of attention.
"Why, may I ask, sir?" she inquired. The Winger simply smiled.
"I'm Goldwinger, Retina... and Goldwinger... is TOO SEXY FOR HIS SHIRT!" With no further argument, Retina bared her boss's chest to all the world.
Too sexy, indeed.
******
On the outskirts of Coronet, something far, far worse was actually occuring. Walking along the road leading north to Muse, were four figures side by side. Was it the beginning of a tale of that One Unforgettable Summer for Four Boys on an Adventure? Probably not.
What it was was this: Fitcher, tired and a little bit hungry, walking nonetheless at his usual pace. To his right, the lovely Agent Orange, decked out in her favorite color, still carrying her awful looking sword at her side. Beside her, walked the middle-aged-ninja, who seemed ever so pleased with himself.
"I shouldn't have revealed it." he said for the fourteenth time, still not losing his grin. "It's really a trade secret."
"How is it a trade secret---just because you claim all ninjas are their own tailors?" Orange asked bluntly.
"It's a trade secret because, they are SECRETLY all their own tailors, foolish girl. I trust I know far more of ninjas than you." Aybabtu explained in a slow and patronizing tone. He turned to the skipping fiend beside him. "How are you liking your NINJA MAKEOVER, Pan, my flamingly... my lad?"
One thing was certain: The ninja makeover was not an effort to make Pan look like a ninja. What he was dressed in was a too-tight green tunic, a floppy green hat, and boots. He carried his family sword, Turnlaine, and a mock-up shield that Aybabtu had actually whittled for him on the ferry ride from Kuskus to Coronet. The ninja was apparently, among other things, a whittling fiend.
"Fitcherrrrr~!" Pan said in a singsong voice, skipping in front of he and Orange as they walked along.
"What?" Fitcher replied in a barely audible tone, not wanting to really answer.
"I'm not wearing any uuuuuunnnnderrrrweaaaarrr~~~!" Pan cried lavishly. Aybabtu snorted and gave him the thumbs-up-sign.
"That's enough." Orange snapped.
"But Miss Orange! I've been practicing my high-kicks!" Pan whined, proceeding to demonstrate.
"My EYES!" Fitcher screamed, clawing them out. Orange took a swing at Pan and the old ninja's smile faded.
"...Perhaps the high kicks were too much, lad..." he said gravely. Pan whimpered like a beaten dog.
Orange pulled Fitcher aside discreetly.
"Do those two really have to be here? They're almost certain to jeopardize the mission! Besides, they're not MSSA. And isn't that fruity one a SPY? He's the brother of the woman who duped you, if I remember right, isn't he?" she demanded venomously.
"I take offense at that. There's no need to take shots!" Fitcher spat back, hurt. "Don't worry about them. Pan's flighty, but he's no spy. No, both of them... their attention spans are generally too short to worry about. I'll keep an eye on them, though."
"I should hope so. T won't be happy if something goes wrong at a critical moment."
"Something always does." Fitcher pouted, under his breath.
"Look, look! It's Muse, it's Muuuuse! Muse makes me wanna sing some MU-SIC!" Pan shouted excitedly, bouncing a little too much in his tunic. Those things really left little to the imagination.
"Oh, please spare us your drivel this time." Aybabtu said, metamorphosing back to his usual semi-cranky self.
"C'mon, Fitcher, sing~! You're MSSA, too, right? Let's sing, 'The Ballad of the Maroon Sex Frogs'!" Pan requested. Orange nearly choked.
"You TOLD him?!" she gasped. Fitcher moved quickly.
"Hahaha, Orange! Of COURSE, I told him that I'm a member of the prestigious MALE SINGING SENSATIONS OF ANTEI. HAHAHA." he saved, making slashing motions across his throat with his fingers.
"Is something wrong, lad?" Aybabtu inquired.
"Not at all... there was just a misunderstanding about something." Orange covered, red-faced, "I just never knew Fitcher was such a good singer."
"Oh man~, me NEITHER!" Pan said with a wide grin, "He's never actually sang anything for me before! C'monnnnn, Fitchiepooersonnnn~"
Fitcher took a moment to choke on the nickname.
"Uh, sorry, I... uh, don't know the song." he said honestly.
"That's okay, I'll teachya!" Pan said.
"I hate to burst your bubble, Pan, but we're approaching Muse and it would be best to keep a low profile if we're to properly protect the mayor." Orange informed him. He nodded sagely. Aybabtu squinted up at the upper regions of the city, putting a hand up to shield his eyes.
"Isn't... that speck... the mayor?"
Fitcher sighed. It seemed they were... late as usual.
******
Anabelle took one determined step forward and took in what faced her. She had decided to come meet the would-be threat head-on, as that was more her style. She stood on the steps of City Hall. She supposed if worse came to worse, she could retreat to her office, and below ground to MSSA.
Before her stood a mismatched crew. Upon a litter was the most sickeningly self-absorbed Winger she had ever seen, dressed in gold everything, not to mention his shirt open with his manly pecs just sitting there... glistening... had she said that out loud? No. He had handsome features, and blond hair, not to mention an awful smirk on his face. It was the smirk that snapped her out of it. This was not a man to be trifled with.
"Against my better judgement, I decided to come out and meet you. So, you've been making threats against me?" Anabelle said casually. The Winger laughed.
"No, no, you silly thing you---oh, you're absolutely adorable already!---No, I don't make threats. I make promises. I'm Goldwinger, by the way. I came to take you away from here."
"You must be joking." Anabelle deadpanned. "What is this, some kind of joke? My security was all riled up because of this, you know. I hope you're happy."
"I'm quite pleased, actually. I do have you right where I want you." Goldwinger pointed out.
"I suppose you're looking for some sort of ransom, then? Why not just rob a caravan and save me the trouble? Not that I'd condone that sort of thing, but honestly. This is a little over-the-top." Anabelle sighed.
"NONE WOULD DARE," Goldwinger said exultantly, "to sweep into the Mayor's very own city and snatch her right from the very steps of the city hall! None but I, that is. That is what makes me the very cream of the crop."
"I'm sure you're very special, but it still doesn't explain why. Why go to the trouble? It's not the money? You're not after political gain? And I don't suppose you've fallen for me." Anabelle said with a hint of sarcasm.
"Because I can," he replied, his eyes glittering with the very gold he was named for. He smiled. "Let me introduce my friends to you, and then you will understand why no army you could raise can stop me from taking you away."
Goldwinger clapped, and the litter was set upon the ground. He gestured to the most threatening-looking of the lot outright--- a musclebound man clad in a black leather vest with a gold badge on his chest, which was otherwise bare. He wore simple black pants and boots. He certainly wasn't a handsome fellow, and was actually quite homely. He had a crew-cut, and brown eyes, one of which seemed bigger than the other.
"This is Macula, my right-hand man." Goldwinger introduced. "Macula, this is Lady Anabelle, the Mayor." He laughed.
"Don't make fun of me, Goldwinger." Anabelle warned dangerously. "I can tire of this game very swiftly, and you won't like it."
"Don't worry, don't worry. You'll get your chance to play your cards---the more, the better. But first, you meet my friends. That was the agreement." Goldwinger said cheerfully.
"We didn't have---" she protested.
"Ah, ah, ah! Wait your turn." Goldwinger said, grinning wickedly, waggling a finger at her. He turned to his next companion.
It was a woman with short, dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. She was something of a short, curvy woman, and was nonetheless decked from head to toe in black leather. She sported a gold badge and also looked a bit disgruntled. She was clearly armed.
"This is Retina." Goldwinger said, moving immediately to the woman beside Retina before Anabelle could say anything. This woman seemed to have no idea that anything before her was actually occurring, as she was staring out into space with a completely blank expression save a tiny smile. She was pretty enough, and had wavy brown hair that came to her shoulders. Her brown eyes were void of any substance, and she had a paintbrush tucked behind one ear. She was wearing a pale pink dress with an apron covered in paint, and slippers.
"I'd also like you to meet Cornea, Retina's partner---and this here is Lucifer, Cornea's intern." A boy who Anabelle figured had to be older than he looked, but who still looked about thirteen, dressed in black with unnecessary straps all over and combat boots, waved cheerily.
"Last, but not least, our newest recruit," the winger villain said, gesturing grandly to a slim man, dressed also in black, but without the gold badges sported by the others, with tanned skin and dark, dark blue eyes, "Resar, the Kanakan Assassin."
Anabelle tensed and backed up. She wasted no time in signaling her archers to take down the intruders.
"So, this was about assassination after all?" she said, pulling a knife and taking on a defensive stance. "I won't go down without taking a couple of you with me, then!"
"Calm down, calm down!" Goldwinger said firmly, moving his head to the side as an arrow whizzed by it. "I mean you no harm. Now hop on the litter, my dear."
"You're crazy!" Anabelle spat. "I'm out of here." With that, she swiftly turned and ran up the steps and on inside. Troops already in position sprung into action, swarming towards the seemingly outnumbered Gold Crew.
"Don't you DARE turn your back on me, my sweet muffin. NO ONE runs away from me, poodlecakes!" Goldwinger shouted, seething.
"We'll pin 'er down, boss." Macula assured him, activating his Shield rune and toppling the litter over to block the coming onslaught of arrows.
"Don't harm a hair on her pretty little head. But please GET ON with it, if you would." Goldwinger said through clenched teeth (and with clenched buttocks, I'm fairly sure---the angrier, the sexier, after all).
Soldiers began surrounding them, looking for an opening to attack.
"Open... THE CHEST." Goldwinger ordered. Retina snapped to it, nearly getting hit by an arrow in the process. Anticipating a superweapon, as they well should, the soldiers retreated temporarily.
"Where are you all GOING? I have plenty of copies right here---this is the issue of Megalomaniac Monthly in which I was voted this year's 'Sexiest Villain Alive.' Come back, you sugarplums, I've autographed them for you!" Goldwinger demanded with just a hint of annoyance, despite calling his opponents 'sugarplums.' "Gather around, people! I'm also featured on the centerfold, very nearly NEKKID, I might add!" He copped an obligatory blush and gave the crowd one more beauty queen wave before ducking another arrow. And he began passing them amongst the troops, dodging arrows all the while (with a smile!).
******
"We've got to hurry!" Orange fretted, running through the streets as fast as she could, towards the upper parts of Muse, where everyone could see soldiers gathering.
"I don't see Anabelle outside anymore..." Fitcher said worriedly, following along.
"Anabelle's more foolish than I remember, if she's holing herself up in that town hall." Aybabtu said with a shake of his head. "It's not the most strategic place to defend, and I should know, as I'm a ninja." Orange paused, slowing for a mere moment.
"Fitcher, he's right." she hissed. "Anabelle's going to try and hide at MSSA--the doorway from her office, remember?"
Fitcher, indeed, remembered that entrance all too well.
"Okay, Orange... you guys hold off the opposition as long as you can. I'll run for Jowston Hill." Fitcher decided.
"Don't run away, Fitcher~!" Pan protested, "Come with us!"
"Don't worry, Pan, I'm helping Anabelle. You be.. uh, be good." Fitcher reassured him, feeling more than a bit foolish.
"I'm always good." Pan said with a sexy wink.
Orange, Aybabtu and Pan ran up the steps towards the entrance of City Hall.
"My dear friends! We've been graced with more guests!" said the leader of the ruffians, an absolutely gaudily dressed Winger. Orange tried to ignore his blinding physique, a mixture of flash and genuine hotness. What the hell had come over her? She tried to shake the feeling.
"And just who are you?" Orange said icily.
"Goldwinger." he said with a flourish. "I'm here to kidnap Anabelle. Or did I forget to send MSSA a memo?"
"W-what?" Orange said, taken aback.
"That's RIGHT!" Pan cried shrilly. "We'll sing you into oblivion~~~!" Goldwinger laughed.
"I don't believe you've met my friends---except for the illustrious Resar, of course---but I'm afraid I have no time for introductions. Magazine?" the villain offered.
"Absolutely not." Orange snapped, drawing her sword. Two women jumped into action, blocking the path to the Winger. One was dressed all in black, with short blonde hair, and the other had longer brown hair and a pink dress. The latter waved a paintbrush.
"Oh, what a lovely shade of red-orange..." she murmured emptily. "I'd love to paint with that shade."
"Don't forget what we're doing here, Cornea." the first woman said warningly.
"Sorry, Retina..." Cornea replied absently.
Pan struck first, shouting an unintelligible battle cry before diving at Retina. She hit him square in the shoulder with her flail and knocked him out of the air. He crumpled to the ground.
"You dare strike against... NINJA MAKEOVER?" Aybabtu gasped. "...According to the Code of the Ninja, I owe you Utmost Punishment, and a Hair Makeover with... dun-dun-dun! BAD HIGHLIGHTS!"
Pan shrieked horribly. Retina shook her head and swung the flail at the old ninja. He dodged!--almost.
"Agh! My spine! Shattered like a donkey whose tail has been pinned on his ... forehead..." choked Aybabtu, before crumpling to the ground like a rag doll.
"I suppose this is up to me, then. At least I expected as much." Orange sighed. She made an overhand blow at Retina, who parried with the flail, jumping backwards as she did so. Orange compensated by hitting her opponent with the butt of her sword, and then shoving Cornea down the steps. Cornea didn't seem to notice.
Just when it seemed Agent Orange might have the upper hand, a muscle-bound hulk attacked from behind, putting her in a chokehold. Her sword clattered to the ground as she struggled to break free.
"Nooo! I love you, Ms. Orange~~~~" Pan squealed, going from a prone position to a springing-through-the-air one in a split second. He landed square on the muscle-man's huge head and wrapped his legs around the man's neck, not to mention he couldn't see anything as the tunic was over his face. "FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"
"AAAaaah! Retinaaaa, this guy's got no underpants on!!" the muscle-man proclaimed, his voice a strangled cry beneath the tunic.
"Just suck it up and kill them, dammit, Macula!" Retina said, recovering from her blow to the head. She stumbled to her feet.
"Agggh! His... deedlywobber's in my EYE, Retina!!" Macula gagged.
"...maybe 'suck it up' wasn't the best choice of encouraging words, lass." Aybabtu said, getting up into a sitting position. Retina glared daggers at him. The old man jumped to his feet.
"It's time for you to answer to the Code of the Ninja of the Honorable Yet Fiendishly Cleverly Hidden Hamlet of Rokkaku, bitch!" he screeched, tackling her to the ground once more. They rolled and scuffled right down the steps.
Finally, Pan made a decisive kick (or wriggle) and dislodged Macula from Orange's neck. Finally free, Orange scrambled for her sword. But it was then that she noticed something very, very bad.
"...Oh NO. Where's Goldwinger?!"
******
Fitcher was trying not to run out of breath. Jowston Hill, and indeed, Muse in general, had way too many friggin' stairs.
"Hold on, Lady Anabelle... I'm almoooost there..." he puffed, scrambling up step by step. He was suddenly met with a kick in the face that sent him reeling and falling down several stairs.
"Oww---jeez--!" he moaned, looking up. "You! Where'd you come from?!" Before him stood Resar, the spy who had nearly killed him and who had ripped through a squad of newbie South Window soldiers just to escape the city. A true bastard if Fitcher knew one.
"We meet again, rookie." Resar said with a great deal of satisfaction.
"Shut up. Just shut up. And get out of my way." Fitcher said angrily, jumping to his feet with a great deal of pain.
"I'm not finished with you, so I'm afraid not." Resar said icily. "Until I take from you what you took from me, I'll never be satisfied." He sprung at Fitcher, but Fitcher, for once, was anticipating this. He rolled to the side, and Resar missed. But in just another second, he came at him again. When worse came to worse, Resar was much more experienced than Fitcher.
"You know---" Fitcher said as he ducked a swing from the Kanakan agent, "You hurt and killed a lot of innocent people back there in South Window..."
"It's part of the job. You're just too soft to be used to it." Resar sneered, punching Fitcher in the chest. It knocked the wind out of him and he fell to the ground, wheezing.
Oh, gods... he's gonna destroy me... gotta get up, Fitcher... he willed himself.
"That's why you'll never be as good as me." Resar said, circling him like a buzzard. "You can't even kill a man properly. You're as useful as an infant in this position. Defenseless and weeping, that's what you are."
"Sometimes mercy's better than being an outright bastard." Fitcher gasped. Resar spat on him.
"Even now, you wouldn't kill me. That's the difference between us." he said proudly.
"That's right." Fitcher said, pulling out his pistol and firing two shots, one into each of Resar's legs. "Try walking now, you fuck."
"Aaaggggh!" Resar screamed, crumpling to the ground. Fitcher pulled himself together and got up, glancing back at Resar for only a moment before continuing up the stairs.
"You can't win this way, Agent Fitcher! You'll see! I'll get you!!" Resar snarled, writhing in agony as his blood trickled down the steps.
Fitcher fired one shot into the air, just to hear Resar scream like a schoolgirl. He then kept walking upwards, trying to hide the immense grin on his face.
******
Anabelle rethought her strategy as she ran deeper into the underground complex of the Muse Secret Spy Agency. Obviously, meeting this "Goldwinger" character head-on had been a mistake, and had only served to provoke the wacko.
"Lady Anabelle! Are you all right?" asked some MSSA worrywart---a newbie, apparently, his arms full of paperwork. She nodded.
"Don't worry about me... he can't get down here anyway. Just make sure nothing happens to my city or my people." Anabelle reassured him, waving him away dismissively.
Suddenly, there was a flurry of activity from behind her.
"L-lady---he's---he's IN!" cried the newbie.
"He's GORGEOUS!" a female guard gasped.
"Indeed I am. Hang around after the show, young lady, and I'll be sure to get you an autographed copy of my magazine!" said Goldwinger smoothly, entering the room.
"You stop right there, Goldwinger." Anabelle ordered, "I don't know how you got down here, but---"
"Oh, Resar knows all about your little agency down here, my dear. He's a useful tool to have around, I must admit." Goldwinger informed her. "Now, I was quite displeased when you ran off like that. You WILL come with me."
This clearly called for a change of tactics.
"Oh, may I?" Anabelle gushed, "Let me just bow at your feet, oh handsome one!" She wasn't the greatest actress of all time, but it was enough.
"Of course you may, my dear Anabelle." Goldwinger said, pleased. "Take your time."
Anabelle dropped to one knee. Feigning reverence, she clawed at the dirt floor with one hand, scooping enough loose dirt into her hand to use against him. Going for her knife was out of the question at this point.
"Has anyone told you... that your name is lovely?" Goldwinger said. "Oh, my, what are you doing, staring at the ground like that? I allow you to gaze upon my handsome features, even, I daresay, my 'package'!" He bent down and gently lifted her face upward with his hand beneath her chin. She replied with a fistful of dirt in his eyes.
"Aiiiiiieeeggghaah!" Goldwinger lamented, blind. Not wasting a second, Anabelle was on her feet and running, leaving the MSSA grunts to deal with him while she found another way out.
Luckily, she was a quick thinker with a memory like a steel trap when it came to documents. "Resar" was a name that stuck out in her mind because it was the last MSSA application she saw before both offices came to a mutual decision to stop sending them to her for fear of interception. That meant Resar didn't know about the Jowston Hill entrance to the complex, as it had been built after the library burnt down. This meant that Goldwinger didn't know about it either--- it was her chance to lose him.
She dashed down a corridor, and up a flight of stairs. Scrambling, she pushed open the heavy door, ran outside, and ran smack into---
"W--Fitcher?" Anabelle cried.
"A---L---Anabelle! Um, long time no see?" Fitcher said, collecting his composure. He remembered his mission after a few seconds. "Oh! I'm here to save you."
"You?" Anabelle said incredulously, suppressing a snort. "Sorry, Fitcher, it's just---"
"It's okay, I'm MSSA!" Fitcher reassured her, hiding his bruised and weeping ego. Wasn't he a bad enough dude to save the mayor?
"Fitcher..." Anabelle said, wide-eyed. Was she impressed? Was there something on his face?? She pulled out a knife. Jeez, he wasn't that horrible! "Behind you!"
He spun around to face his attacker. Okay, attackers.
The black-clad muscle man, Macula, stood before them, flanked by a young, young-looking boy. The boy was the most off-putting---he had tousled chocolate-brown hair, big brown eyes, and looked wholly out of place dressed in that black jumpsuit with way too many straps. Something about him was overly familiar to Fitcher. He was also in tears.
"Resar's hurt real bad, Macula!" he pleaded.
"Shut up, Lucifer. We've got a job to do here." the bigger man snapped back. Lucifer let out a pitiful whimper.
The next few moments happened like lightning. Lucifer drew a short sword and lunged at Fitcher.
"Madam President! NOOOOO!!!" came a scream. Lucifer was tackled to the ground by a certain bedraggled female with matted, bloodstained hair, tattered clothing, and missing teeth. She came from nowhere. From the other side, an equally stomped-upon male took out Macula---quite a feat, actually.
"Self-Sacrifice Sally! And Kent!" Fitcher cried, overjoyed to see them. Anabelle looked stunned beyond words.
"Go get 'em, tiger..." Sally gasped before 'dying.'
"Er... Madam President." Kent said, saluting awkwardly.
At that point, it seemed like they might get away.
"That wasn't very nice in there, sweetums." Goldwinger snarled, appearing from within MSSA. With that, he leapt forward, scooped up Anabelle, and took flight. Without even thinking of the consequences, Fitcher let out a strangled cry and jumped, grabbing Goldwinger around the legs.
They very nearly crashed right away, spinning out of balance.
Well, now what? Fitcher asked himself, clinging for his very life.
"Who invited you, pumpkin?" Goldwinger asked irritably, going ever higher in the sky.
"Put us down this instant, Goldwinger!" Anabelle yelled. She did not, however, struggle against her captor, mostly because she didn't feel like getting dropped.
"Absolutely not." Goldwinger said with a laugh. "Can't you imagine it? For years they'll speak of Anabelle, the first mayor of Muse to view her city from the sky, and me, the handsome cad who defied an army to sweep her off her feet!"
Fitcher admitted, it had a nice ring to it, but he was too busy watching his life flash before his eyes to say anything. He wished he'd had more girlfriends. Soon, he dared to sneak a peek below. Muse spiraled below them, a gray swirl of... damn it was far away. Ack.
Blue sky and clouds surrounded them. The sun seemed closer and more watchful than ever, Anabelle noted. She supposed it wasn't waiting for her to screw up anymore--- she'd already done that.
"I don't understand you..." she murmured.
"The cloud of mystery surrounding me is part of my allure." Goldwinger explained.
"Please, Goldwinger, I'm not going to ask again... when do you plan on bringing us back down again? It'd better be soon. I won't tolerate this much longer." Anabelle said firmly.
"Never!" Goldwinger laughed, "It would be so much better if we just vanished into the sky--- I'd become LEGEND!"
Clawing his hand onto Goldwinger's belt and tightening his grip, Fitcher used his free hand to pull out Bill from his holster.
"How about this?" he gasped. "Because you're a psycho and I've got to protect the mayor, I put my gun to your leg and fire, causing you to crash and burn if you don't land right now." He jammed it into Goldwinger's thigh, squeezed his eyes shut, and cocked it.
"Fitcher!" Anabelle gasped. "Where did you...?"
"Wretched, cupcake, absolutely wretched." Goldwinger said angrily. "But I'll do it, so just hold tight."
With that, the gaudy Winger flapped his wings and descended gently towards the earth. Fitcher breathed a sigh of relief, but didn't open his eyes.
******
"Look---they're coming back~!" Pan screamed, tossing off one last high kick he was so happy.
"Fitcher did it!" Aybabtu marveled.
"All right, worms, retreat!" barked Retina, rallying Goldwinger's followers.
"...what?" Cornea said.
"Run away, idiots!" Retina said, following her own advice. Cornea followed lazily after a moment. Soon, Macula, carrying Resar in his arms, scrambled after, tailed by Lucifer.
"I'm sorry I couldn't get to know you better. I'll try harder next time!" Lucifer promised Aybabtu cheerfully, before scooting off.
"Something about that little cretin is entirely too familiar." Aybabtu said, his brow furrowing.
"Should we chase 'em?" Pan wondered aloud.
"No, they're not the priority." Orange said, shaking her head.
Just before Goldwinger touched down, Fitcher dropped off his leg and landed safely. He resisted the urge to hug, kiss, or fornicate with the ground.
Goldwinger set Anabelle on the ground beside him, but didn't quite let go of her arm. There was a period of awkward silence.
"Um... ARREST THAT MAN!" Fitcher cried. The soldiers surged forward to do just that.
"Ah, ah---a good villain is nothing without his exit." Goldwinger proclaimed with a smile. He gave one last beauty queen wave and spun Anabelle into Fitcher's arms. "You'll thank me someday." he promised her.
With that, he took to the skies faster than man or arrow could follow him.
"He's so GOLD..." gasped an old woman from the crowd.
"That's a good word for it." sighed Anabelle. Aides and handlers swarmed in on her.
"Anabelle! My lady!"
"Mayor, we were going crazy down here!"
"He didn't hurt you, did he?"
"I'm fine, gentlemen. Just a bit shaken." Anabelle assured them.
At this point, Fitcher turned to his companions.
"Let's hope I never have to do that again." he said wearily.
"It was a bit reckless." Orange said with a smile.
"That's my Fitchiepooerson~!" Pan cheered.
"Ugh. Please don't call me that." Fitcher said with a frown.
"So, mission accomplished, then." Aybabtu prodded.
"Yes, we still have to find 'F' & 'M'. We should get a move on." Orange reminded them.
They turned to depart.
"Wait." came Anabelle's voice, "Fitcher, don't run off just yet. I'd like to talk with you if I could."
Ack. Was he in trouble? He'd probably broken some gun ordinance or something. He turned back to face her.
"Come on, let's go somewhere we can speak privately for a bit." she said, much to the chagrin of her handlers. She turned to his companions. "Don't worry. I'll give him back to you in one piece, and I won't be long."
Orange nodded.
"Mayor Anabelle, Mayor Anabelllle~~!" Pan said, bouncing.
"Yes?"
"You wanna 'Manhandle the Pan-handle?' It's easy access---I'm not wearing underwear~!" he announced. The color drained from her face.
"NO HIGH KICKS." warned Aybabtu.
"Let's go, shall we?" Fitcher prompted, leading her away by the arm.
******
The view from Jowston Hill was spectacular, as usual.
"You've changed, Fitcher." Anabelle said, gazing upon her city as she leaned against the wall. Her bandana flapped in the breeze.
"I have? Y'mean... I'm beefier?" Fitcher questioned.
"Not quite."
"Fatter?" he said worriedly. "Or...?" She laughed.
"None of that. I mean you've changed on the inside. I wasn't so sure about you, before..." she said, "I mean, when you worked for me."
"You weren't...?"
"I'm not sure what it was... you seemed like a bit of a loser, no offense... Maybe it was that you just weren't happy where you were."
"Oh..." Fitcher said with audible disappointment. "Well, I'm still pretty much a loser, so..."
"No, don't you see?" Anabelle said, looking at him. "You're a winner, Fitcher. What you did today really surprised me..."
"You, uh, you think so?"
"Of course." she said with a smile, but after a moment the smile faded away. "There's something I should tell you."
"What is it?"
"I've been thinking a lot lately about disbanding MSSA."
"W-what?! Really?" Fitcher exclaimed, his heart sinking.
"Yes. Especially as of recently." she said. Fitcher could feel his ears burning. "However---after today, I just can't. I owe you and your friends a lot."
Fitcher perked up. He wasn't dead!
"I..."
"You don't have to say anything..." she said. "The MSSA was created when my father, Darrel, was mayor. I used to think he was paranoid, but I know now my father made himself a lot of enemies. These days, I've got a lot myself. No, we still have a need for MSSA... I see that now."
"Thank you..." Fitcher said graciously.
"I love Muse, Fitcher. Thanks for protecting her for me." Anabelle said. There was a bit of a pause. "...If you have somewhere to be, that's all I wanted to say to you, Fitcher. You can go."
He nodded, and turned to go, but paused.
"Just remember, Anabelle..." he said, "I've got your back!" He had always wanted to say that! He waited until he was out of sight, then pumped his fist in a victory pose.
"I can see that, Fitcher." she called with a hearty laugh.
Curses. Foiled again!
******
"What did she have to say, Fitcher?" asked Aybabtu as they stood near the city gate. Fitcher let out a deep breath.
"I think I just saved our jobs." he said, pale. Orange stared in disbelief.
"Say." Pan interjected. "I hear theme music, and it's not MINE~!"
"The air's so... thick... it's like we wandered into some kind of powerful energy field without knowing it!" Aybabtu noted.
"Huh..." Fitcher said, "My pistol's vibrating."
"Phew..." Orange said, waving her hand in front of her face, "Does anyone else smell cigar smoke?"
Realization.
"Oh, holy crap, get DOW---" Fitcher screamed.
Flash.
Snap.
Crackle.
Pop.
And they were gone, without so much as a high kick to show that they'd ever been there.
