"So...so this is where you've been...all this time." he said, choking up. "Why didn't you tell me?? Why did...?" She gazed sadly at him, caressing his face lovingly.
"My little boy..." she whispered. "You've...become so..so handsome." She looked as if she was trying to keep herself from crying. "I'm so sorry...I never meant to worry you, all this time..."
"I..." he said, tearing up.
"My darling...I'm so happy, seeing you again. But...it's too soon. This isn't your place..." the woman said sorrowfully.
"I don't want to leave you!" he protested. His vision was suddenly blurred, and tears ran down his face.
"Wake up, Clinker..." the woman murmured. "Wake up..."
"Don't go! Not again!!" he protested. He felt so dizzy...
"Wake up, Clinker! Oh, gods, please wake up..." the woman's voice pleaded. Wait, no...was that Nora?
The sun beat down on the heat-cracked ground. A few shrubs were scattered around the desert area they had appeared in moments before. There didn't seem to be a speck of civilized life anywhere. The only indication that they even remained in the same world was an almost-obscure path that had been beaten into the dirt.
"He still has a pulse, but..." said a crusty voice. Clinker's eyes fluttered open to find Aybabtu's bushy, gray face staring down at him.
"Oh! Clinker!" Fitcher cried. "Thank the gods! He's awake!"
"How are ya feeling, buddy?" came the timid voice of Pan Lione from somewhere that Clinker couldn't quite see.
"He's lost so much blood." Nora's distressed voice floated over. "And I'm not even sure at all where we are..."
"Frankly, neither am I." Fitcher replied, frowning. "Where the heck is this desert place? I've never seen anything like it."
"...These must be the Badlands between the Empire and Jowston!" Pan concluded. "I've never been here either, but I've heard it's a place of pure evil and monsters and banditry!"
"I doubt it's that bad." Aybabtu said dubiously.
"What......happened...??" Clinker moaned, trying to sit up.
"No, don't move!" Nora said urgently. "You'll only..." Clinker's head fell back once more.
"...he's out of it again. I'm afraid he might not come back again if we don't get him some medical attention, and soon." the middle-aged ninja said gravely.
******
Fitcher took Aybabtu aside, walking a good ways away from where Nora and Pan remained with Clinker.
"Have you ever been through the Badlands before, Aybabtu?" he inquired anxiously.
"Can't say that I have, lad." Aybabtu admitted. "But I know that there are a few scattered settlements on the fringes of the place. Whether they have enough medical knowledge to save Clinker...I have no idea. But I'll stake my reputation as a ninja that if we go far enough south, we'll reach the Empire again, and if we go far enough north...um...we'll..."
"Reach Jowston, which would be better. I know of some good doctors in South Window." Fitcher said. Aybabtu frowned worriedly.
"I hope they make house calls, because you'll likely have to bring them here. Clinker's in no condition to be moved around a great deal, really." the ninja proclaimed. Fitcher considered---he was right. Someone would have to go for help...
"I'll go try to find someone close." Fitcher decided.
"Alone?" The ninja quirked an eyebrow. "You know...there's danger afoot!" Fitcher frowned in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"That." Aybabtu said with a shrug, pointing. He indicated a nearby weathered old sign, tucked between some bushes, that Fitcher had missed before.
Beware: Danger Afoot! the sign read.
"...Oh. Well, that's certainly blunt." Fitcher said dismissively. "In any case, no...I won't go alone. I thought..er...I'd take you along, you know, what with your ninja skills?"
"My lad, I am well aware with your fanlike infatuation with my massive store of ninja powers." Aybabtu said proudly. "However, I think it best if I stay with the poor lad. Nora won't leave him, and I can protect them both!! You...can go with that fruity fellow."
"Pan??" Fitcher said incredulously.
"I don't trust him enough to leave him with Clinker, you see." Aybabtu said. Fitcher frowned.
"But it's okay if he comes with ME?"
"My dear Fitcher, please understand. While I may have the oft-coveted Ninja Skills + Infinity, you DO have that Gun of Killing +3, which tends to be a bit faster, though it pains me to admit it." the ninja explained loftily. Fitcher smiled weakly. That was true.
"Okay, then. I'll take Pan and go for help. I'm counting on you to watch Nora and Clinker..." Fitcher said.
"Of course." Aybabtu said confidently. "What could go w--"
"Don't finish that, please. I don't need to read Magnolia's little book to know that that particular phrase always ends in imminent death." Fitcher said dryly.
"As you wish."
Fitcher walked back over to the others. Clinker was still laying out on the ground, the peaceful expression on his face starkly contrasting the violent scene portrayed by his bloodstained outfit. Nora was kneeling next to him, her hand clasping his. She had ripped off the sleeve of her long coat to use as a temporary bandage for Clinker's wound. Pan seemed to be drawing in a sketchpad.
"Uh...I'm going to go try to find some help for Clinker. Pan, I need you to come with me." Fitcher announced. Pan looked up at him, a look of joy on his face.
"Really???? ME???" he cried, jumping up. "Yes! Yes! I've dreamed of this day!"
"Er...dreamed...?" Fitcher said concernedly, but Pan went on.
"Oh, rhapsody~! Luckily I drew myself character portraits for the occasion!!" He pulled a small square of paper that he had cut down to size out of his sketchpad and pinned it to his vest. It was what appeared to be a drawing of a very happy Pan.
"Pan joins the PARTY~~~!!" he sang happily, twirling, posing, making a little 'peace' sign with his hand, winking anime-girl-style, and blowing a kiss into the air (that he later explained was to his "fan-base." Fitcher wished HE had a fan-base...).
"Uh..." Fitcher said, struck dumb. "Let's just go..." He turned and began walking roughly northwest. Pan skipped along after him.
"...What's a 'character portrait'??" Fitcher heard Nora whisper as they walked away.
******
As they ambled along, Fitcher was unsure what to say to Pan. He seemed cheerful enough---of course, so had Pearl when they first met. Fitcher wasn't entirely sure he could trust this...colorful...guy, especially remembering how quickly he had volunteered to change sides back in Gregminster. His gut told him that Pan was okay, and that he truly was on their side at the moment, but...still, he was awfully flighty.
Pan, on the other hand, saw no problem with striking up immediate conversation. Fitcher could never be sure what to expect, especially from a guy who had turned the people of Gregminster into pawns in his own little musical. What he didn't expect, though, was something that could be considered regular man-banter. Well, regular from anyone except Pan.
"So, was the sex hot?" Pan asked conversationally.
"Excuse me??" Fitcher replied, taken aback.
"You know..." Pan said with a naughty expression. "S-E-X."
"I know what sex is, Pan." Fitcher said, annoyed.
"Then the question is easy!" Pan concluded. "Was the sex hot?"
"What sex?!" Fitcher exploded.
"With Pearly~!" Pan said, rolling his eyes. "DUH!" Fitcher blinked. Why on earth did he think...?
"I didn't have---" he began.
"You want to kill her, don't you? ALL of the men who want to kill Pearl had sex with her, silly~!" Pan said bluntly. Fitcher blushed guiltily, remembering how close he had actually come to that in the Banner Forest.
"But...er...I didn't." Fitcher corrected. Pan stared at him incredulously, and then burst out laughing.
"That's a good one!!" he cackled. Fitcher, feeling positively impotent, turned as red as his bandana and picked up his pace, getting ahead of Pan.
Dammit. Why does everyone point out the fact that I never get lucky?! Fitcher fumed. I'm a SPY, for goodness sake! I should be able to pick up SOME woman!
That's right, you should. another voice in his head agreed. You can prove it, too! Prove your manliness by getting it on with the next woman you meet! Haha! Eat your heart out, Dublos!
"Hmph. I will!" Fitcher said aloud.
"Huh? You'll what?" Pan asked, confused.
"I'll get it on." Fitcher said, fiercely determined.
"With Pearl?"
"Hell no. With the next woman I come in contact with, that's who. I bet you she'll be a real babe, too." Fitcher insisted.
"Oh, okay." Pan said, as if such dealings were commonplace in his world. "Hey, look! What luck, there's one coming over there!" Fitcher was supremely startled. He hadn't even had time to warmly encourage his somewhat timid sex appeal to come out of hiding! Let alone making his appearance look at all rugged, or spy-hot. He brushed the dirt off of his clothes self-consciously and hoped his hair looked okay (Who was he kidding...his hair NEVER looked like he wanted it).
"Uh, o-okay, where is the lucky la---" Fitcher said, attempting at first to sound like someone charming might sound (the only one who popped to mind was Dublos, but Fitcher hated that guy). He stopped, however, as he turned to face the north.
The three figures headed towards them were traveling at a slow walk at first, but upon seeing him, bounded excitedly forward. On the left, a man, middle-aged and fairly tall, clad in simple beige traveling clothes with a brown travel-cloak and boots. Curly graying-brown hair and a beard framed his face, held in place by a simple yellow headband. He had deep brown eyes and carried a lumberjack's axe.
On the right, the to tall man's left, was a much-shorter old woman, running full speed despite her age. Her gray hair was pulled back in a simple bun, and her eyes flashed with a fire equal to that in the rune on her right hand. She was clad in a homespun purple dress, and a matching shawl, and she carried a cane that she seemed to be ignoring at the moment as she ran.
And to Fitcher's inital dismay, running faster than both of them, bouncing and jiggling unpleasantly like some living gelatin, was a large, bulbous woman covered with warts and blemishes. Her unkempt shoulder-length brown hair flew in a tangle behind her, and the condition of her stained blue dress was almost as frightening as the large machete she was wielding.
"Fitcher!!!" the warty one shouted in a voice as pleasant-sounding as gravel. "Ye've come back!!" Like a deer in the headlights, he was slammed into by the large woman, who was so overcome with happiness she didn't seem to notice that she had knocked the wind out of him AND made him fall on the ground. She scooped him up and squeezed any remaining life out of him.
"H-Helga...!" Fitcher choked. "...gack..."
"I do believe you're killing him, Helga..." the tall bearded man observed, catching up. He smiled. "Good to see you again, Fitcher."
"Hi, Abraham..." Fitcher said, grinning broadly as he broke off the embrace from Helga, who was nearly beside herself with enthusiasm. "How...uh...how have you been?" he said, trying to make conversation as a first instinct. He was interrupted by a rather annoyed clearing-of-a-throat.
"Ahem. I see you've still learned no manners." barked a familiar voice. Fitcher laughed, turning to the short old lady.
"I didn't forget you, Phanny..." Fitcher said, giving her a hug. "I'm happy to see you guys, but...what on earth brings you out to the Badlands?"
"Looking for you, dear, what else?" Phanny said, winking. "We were oh so worried when you didn't return from Scarlet Moon. Since she's not with you, I trust Pearl was properly delivered?" Fitcher paled.
"It's a little more complicated than that, I'm afraid. Long story short---Pearl tried to have me executed, and we're not friends any longer, you see." he explained regretfully. Phanny's eyes widened.
"You...you're joking! Pearl? I didn't think she'd have the brains to do much more than admire her own appearance..." she exclaimed. Fitcher shook his head.
"Yeah, that's what she knew we'd think. Turns out she's much smarter than she let on, but...anyway. I actually have returned to Jowston since then, and I'm on my way back to Jowston for a second time. I'm afraid Clinker's been hurt, badly. He might not make it."
"Clinker...?" Phanny said. "I don't recall..."
"Loudly dressed guy we met in South Window." Fitcher filled in.
"Oh! Right!" Phanny remembered. "What happened to him??" Fitcher frowned darkly.
"Pearl stabbed him." he said bluntly. Phanny gasped.
"I...see..."
"Is he nearby, darlin'?" Helga inquired. Fitcher remembered belatedly that Helga was a nurse.
"Y-Yes! We can take you to him." Fitcher said quickly.
"Fitcherrrrr~!" Pan whined, cutting into the conversation suddenly. "We're supposed to be finding help~~~! You can get it on with her LAAATER!" Helga's eyes lit up.
"Ya promise??" she said eagerly. Fitcher blushed furiously.
"Er...uh..." he stammered.
"Save it." Abe said with a smirk. "Let's see this injured man of yours."
"Heh, right." Fitcher said sheepishly.
"Random Strangers joined the PARTY~~~!!!" Pan cried excitedly.
"Shut up and walk, you freak." Phanny snapped.
Fitcher hadn't realized how much he missed that, and he tried to hide his huge grin as he walked and Pan pouted.
******
Helga bent on one knee and examined Clinker as everyone stood around, anxiously watching.
"Yeah, ya weren't kiddin', were ya? I can take care o' this, but it'll take some work." She felt his pulse, and then extended her left hand over his body.
"Is there anything we can do?" Nora asked.
"Yell." Helga said, as a warm glow appeared at her fingertips and spread over Clinker's body.
"Excuse me?" Nora said, confused.
"She's using a spell. She has a Resurrection Rune, you see." Abraham explained. Nora nodded.
"Oh...will it heal him?" she asked tentatively.
"Enough ta keep him from dyin' right away." Helga said bluntly. "If he makes it or not'll depend on if I can get 'im to South Window."
"We can help you take him there!" Pan volunteered.
"Sorry, but it'll be faster fer me if'n I can go alone. 'Sides, I'm thinkin' Abe needs ya'll here." Helga said, gently hoisting Clinker into her massive arms. Fitcher turned to Abraham and Phanny.
"You never did tell us why you're really out here..." he said. Abe's brow furrowed.
"We're following a criminal." he said gravely.
"Abraham's niece, Della, was kidnapped." Phanny explained.
"Any idea who's behind it? I'll gladly dispatch them for you with my neverending ninja powers." Aybabtu said fiercely.
"A man called Xavier, that's all we know." Abe said darkly. "He showed up at my sister's house in South Window looking for me, apparently. When he found out I wasn't there, he grabbed poor Della..."
"Of course we'll help you look for her." Fitcher volunteered.
"So did your sister actually see him come this way?" Nora asked. Phanny nodded.
"She was quite adamant about it. He went through the Badlands." the old lady confirmed.
"Ah...I'll be goin', now, if ya don't mind. Gotta get on m' way." Helga put in. Fitcher turned to her.
"Oh, Helga. Your sister says hi. I think she might be headed your way sometime, just so you know." he said.
"Ya met Olga? Ah, Fitcher, ya devil. Romancin' two sisters at once! We'll have ta settle up fer that later." Helga said with a wink. With that, she turned and trudged to the north, carrying the teleporter in her arms.
"Er..." Fitcher mumbled, wishing he had had time to correct Helga's notion. Oh, well---Olga had seemed far too taken with Glasses to give him a second glance, and that suited him just fine.
"Lead on, Abe." Aybabtu prompted.
******
An hour or so down the road, they had covered a fair bit of ground but still hadn't found a trace of Abraham's niece or her kidnapper. Even between their large group---Fitcher, Nora, Aybabtu, Pan, Phanny, and Abe---they had yet to even glimpse a clue. Pan had exchanged his joyous 'character portrait' for a much more haggard-looking drawing of himself that looked on the verge of death.
"I'm tirrrred..." he whined. "This bright sun is making my hair lose its luster..." Phanny blinked, staring hard at the man.
"Fitcher..." she began.
"Yes, Phanny. He's Pearl's brother." Fitcher sighed.
"How on earth did that happen?" she asked.
"Long story." Fitcher said with a tired smile. He glanced over at Abraham, who appeared to be staring at another odd sign.
"What'd you find?" Phanny inquired. Abe pointed at the sign.
Beware, tresspassers! For this is the place of which you must...BEWARE!!! the red letters plastered across the sign read.
"What nonsense." Aybabtu grumbled, walking over to the sign and kicking it disdainfully. "You see? That's what idiots like that get for posting such absolute bullsh---"
"There's another one, over here..." Nora pointed out. They all crowded over to read the next sign, which was comfortably nestled in a patch of yellowed grass.
You've been warned! the sign cautioned.
"Baaah, I'm getting sick of this. Die, sign!" Aybabtu cried, pulling out a throwing-star and embedding it neatly in the sign. Suddenly the ground began to rumble, and the sign sank into the dirt, and a new one rose up to replace it.
Shit happens. it read cheerfully, as a trapdoor opened beneath Fitcher and his companions.
"Aaaah!" they screamed, falling down into the darkness.
******
Landing in a heap in the pitch-black, Fitcher struggled to move. Whoever had planted that trap had a sick mind. The various moans and groans of his friends echoed somewhat---they must have been in a more expansive area than he thought. This wasn't just some pit?
"Gentlemen," a voice boomed, "Welcome to my underground lair." Flames flared up in torch brackets around the chamber on cue. Dramatic music was coming from an organ somewhere. Light finally flooded into the place. Fitcher looked around. Oh, NO.
"How nice of you all to ...'drop in'!" A black-cloaked bald man wearing a fake eyepatch said with a chuckle, quite taken with his own sense of humor.
"Doctor Badnooz!" Fitcher exclaimed obligatorily. The mad doctor cackled, thunder and lightning effects appearing behind him. He was mounted on a magnificent throne upon a huge pedestal above them. Looking around, Fitcher saw that this particular underground lair was a great deal fancier than the previous ones he had seen.
"Oh, for pete's sake. Don't tell me you posted those ridiculous signs outside." Phanny said sourly. "But then again, who else would be so amazingly stupid?" Badnooz, realizing something suddenly, did a double take.
"Wait a minute! It was only supposed to be that Ableman fellow she's with! Phanny, you aren't supposed to be here! And you either, Fletcher!" Badnooz said, scowling.
"Sorry, but it looks like you got more than you bargained for." Nora sneered at the runemaster scientist. He burst into maniacal laughter.
"More? Nonsense! Why, this is more perfect than I ever could've imagined! All of my greatest foes (except Greenhill), here in my clutches, ready for the squishing! Oh, feel the power of evil!" Badnooz said grandly, extending his arms upward. Fitcher sighed.
"So, what is it this time?" he asked wearily. Badnooz switched his eyepatch to the other eye and gave Fitcher and his companions a look of muted glee.
"Why, I thought you'd never ask." he said, devilishly rubbing his hands together. He gave a thoughtful pause. "I'm going to blow up Greenhill, and the world! KAaaaahahahahaha!" Fitcher and the others exchanged several puzzled glances.
"That's exactly what you said last time. That's nothing new." Fitcher pointed out. Badnooz looked supremely annoyed. He held up what appeared to be a stack of paper.
"Hmph. As you can see, Megalomaniac Monthly has clearly stated that the art of World Domination/Destruction, while over-the-top, is a classic way to demonstrate True Evil!!" Badnooz insisted, breaking into a fit of evil laughter again before stopping to stare distastefully at the cover. "Drat, they voted Goldwinger as this year's 'Sexiest Villain Alive' again! I must defeat him!" Ignoring his band of captives for a moment, Badnooz clapped his hands three-and-a-half times. A burly man that Fitcher recognized as a member of Badnooz's official henchmen, the Thugs of Muse, scurried across a suspended platform to his master's throne and handed him a mirror.
"Ahhh, divine beauty!" Badnooz said vainly, admiring his reflection. He scowled. "There's no way Goldwinger is sexier than ME! Thugs, aren't I the Sexiest Villain Alive?!" All the assorted Thugs of Muse in the room suddenly snapped to attention, nodding and bowing graciously.
"Y-yes sir, you're very sexy." choked the one who had brought him the mirror.
"The sexiest!" echoed another.
"Of course I am." Badnooz agreed, handing the mirror back. Phanny cleared her throat loudly again.
"Are we quite finished here? We have work to do, so if you'll kindly put your insanity on hold long enough for us to leave, that will suit me just fine." she snapped. Badnooz flew into a characteristic rage.
"Guards! SEIZE them!" he commanded. The Thugs of Muse quickly obliged, swarming in to surround the group. Fitcher noticed that Pan had somehow had time to exchange the picture on his vest for one of him that had a terrified expression. They weren't going without a fight, however.
Swinging his axe, Abraham cut through two Thugs with superhuman fury. Pan attempted to draw his sword, but it got stuck in the sheath. Aybabtu got knocked down before he could attack, as did Nora. Phanny was clinging to the shoulder of a particularly large Thug, beating him with her cane and gearing up to use her Fire Rune.
"Firestorm!" Phanny cast. A glowing red symbol of a fire rune appeared in the air, but suddenly---just disappeared.
"Hey, what gives?!" Phanny cried. Badnooz cackled.
"Yes, yes! All goes to plan. Guards, secure them quickly!" The Thugs of Muse hastily bound them all seperately with tight rope.
"Something's not right here..." Abraham muttered. "I cut that Thug's arm with my axe just moments ago, and the wound is closed up!"
"I see you've all observed my inescapable trap." Badnooz said smugly, grinning evilly. "Behold---my new weapon!"
Half-expecting to see Badnooz unveil another Rune Ray machine held together with tape perhaps, Fitcher was surprised to see a mere man walk into view.
The young man appeared to be in his late twenties. He had a long, pointed nose, and tinted pink glasses. He was wearing a matching gaudy lime green outfit---a shirt and too-short-shorts, with Roman sandals and a yellow cape to top it off. He appeared to be sporting the mother of all mullets, and it looked like a blond rat had died on his head.
"Aaaack! Mullet! My eyyyyes~!" Pan shrieked, shrinking away. His 'character portrait' reflected his mood as usual.
"I am Deuce X. Machina." the mullet-man announced. "Henchman of the great Dr. Badnooz." Badnooz used his rune to make more thunder-and-lightning effects. Phanny rolled her eyes.
"You've outdone yourself this time, Reeley. Where did you dig this loser up?" she said. Deuce quirked an eyebrow.
"Ma'am, I can assure you, I am top villain quality..." he began, lauching into a fun-devoid explanation of his various credentials. Abraham, meanwhile, was putting two and two together.
"Deuce...X. Machina?? ...You're Xavier!" he figured, glaring at the gaudily dressed henchman. Badnooz's jaw dropped.
"No fair, no fair! How did you figure that out?!! Curses, my whole dramatic revelation was pulled out from under me! Quick, forget you ever said that! You can't do it yet!" the mad doctor protested.
"Give me back my niece!" Abraham bellowed angrily.
"I'll teach you to steal my thunder." Badnooz cursed. "Throw Ableman in the brig, and release the scorpions!" He rubbed his hands together evilly once more. The Thugs dragged Abe away and through a heavy steel door, despite the protests of Phanny.
"Wait a minute." Fitcher said, confused. "How does having that mullet guy on your side equate to having a new 'weapon'? That's what you said..." Badnooz grinned again, the evil glint returning.
"Deuce, show them what you do." he said dramatically. The organ music was suddenly interrupted by a sound not entirely unlike 'DUN-DUNNNN!'. Deuce nodded and raised his left hand.
"The Improbability Rune! It defies convention, and gives me my powers!" Deuce X. Machina said in a booming voice.
"You'll never get away with this!" Pan howled. Aybabtu glanced at him, making normal conversation even though he was bound and held by a Thug of Muse.
"You were a bit premature on that one, lad. He hasn't demonstrated it yet." the ninja said dutifully. Deuce activated his rune, and an emblem that looked like a swirl of question marks appeared. Suddenly, the number of Thugs in the room doubled, at least.
"H-hey!" Fitcher cried, startled. "That's not fair...!"
"What a powerful rune...!" Nora exclaimed. "Surely it...has...some limits?" Fitcher realized what she was doing---attempting to goad Badnooz into revealing just what those limits might be. But, he didn't bite.
"Now for my favorite part! Are you ready?" he said giddily, signalling to a Thug of Muse who was stationed at a large gong in the corner of the cavern. "Time for..."
"More nonsense?" Phanny interjected.
"Us to leave?" Nora asked hopefully.
"You to shut up?" Fitcher said dryly.
"You to die?" Aybabtu snorted.
"You're joining the party?!!!" Pan shrieked, drawing his own conclusions. Badnooz scowled.
"No. Time for..." he said, drawing it out again, but keeping it short enough so they couldn't interrupt him this time. "The Unpleasantries!" The gong sounded on cue.
"Oh, joy." Aybabtu said, rolling his eyes. Badnooz waved his hands.
"I admit I had not planned for so many guests, however, I can improvise." He clapped his hands loudly. "And to dispense the wholly unpleasant Unpleasantries, which will be all of your DOOM, may I present...my lovely assistants!"
"Oh, dear gods..." Fitcher moaned.
"...Lovely?" Aybabtu and Pan said curiously.
"First, my newest lovely assistant, a delight for all ages (even the kiddies, may it warp their little minds, mweehee)..." Badnooz announced proudly. The lights dimmed, except for a few oddly colored flames which gave the cave an eerie dreamlike quality. Fitcher could swear he heard what could be considered porn music rev up, and smoke effects abounded.
A voluptuous woman in a slinky black dress appeared in a flash of Badnooz's lightning. She wore black fishnet stockings and black knee-high boots. She had long, elbow-length blue-black hair, and a figure to die for. She blew Badnooz a kiss, and was greeted with loud fanfare among the Thugs.
"...Ecstacy!!!!!!" Badnooz shouted excitedly, showing off his new prize. Fitcher blinked. This certainly was no Empathy!
The second woman ignored the colored-flame, walked right through the smoke effects without a backwards glance, and made no attempt to look at all dramatic. The porn music abrubtly stopped, and no music replaced it. She walked to the platform in silence, and was greeted with such from the Thugs. She had hair-colored-hair that hung limply, a blah-gray pantsuit and shoes, and a dull expression on her face. She wore a fedora, now, Fitcher noticed, but not much else had really changed. Badnooz seemed to see this as well.
"...and Apathy." he said, almost sighing with disappointment.
"At your service, sir!" Ecstacy said with a flourish.
"Mwahahaha!" Badnooz cackled. "And now for your doom! Hmmm, what shall I do this time, Ecstacy?" The lovely assistant eagerly gave thought to the matter.
"The sharks, sir!" she said with a relish.
"Kwahaha! Spoken like a true Villainess, my dear!" Badnooz said complimentingly. Ecstacy beamed.
"Pah, villainess. She looks like a two-bit whore." Aybabtu muttered.
"WHAT?!" Ecstacy shrieked. "How dare you!! I'm the evil one here, I'm calling the shots!!"
"Bah." Aybabtu said defiantly.
"D-Did you hear what he called me, Apathy?!!" Ecstacy fumed.
"So? I don't care." Apathy made clear.
"Enough! Guards, take the old ninja and the nag and chain them together, and lower them into the shark tank!" Badnooz ordered. A shark tank was dramatically unveiled on his signal. The Thugs of Muse dragged the two old-timers away, despite sharp protest (and Phanny tried to bite them, too).
"Now!" Badnooz continued. "Apathy, take the young woman and get her into the proper attire, pronto!" Apathy shrugged, hopped off the pedestal, and landed with a thump on the level where Fitcher and the others stood. She boredly grabbed Nora by the arm and hauled her off.
"Good, good..." Badnooz said approvingly. "Finally, tie the MSSA agent to that flamboyantly dressed fellow, and...STRAP THEM UP!!!" He broke into a spasm of maniacal laughter, and Fitcher found himself being dragged to a very familiar steel slab.
"Fitcher~!" Pan said, surprised. "You're a part of MSSA??" Fitcher's eyes widened.
"H-How did you...? Who told you about MSSA?!" Fitcher gasped.
"Pearly, of course~!" Pan said casually. "She showed it to me, back when she was nice, and now I'm part of MSSA too! But I didn't know you had such talents..." Fitcher frowned. Wait a minute...
"You're part of...MSSA?" he asked suspiciously.
"Sure! Male Singing Sensations of Antei, right? I've been a member since I was sixteen!" Pan said cheerfully, as a Thug restrained his limbs with leather straps. Fitcher let out a sigh of relief.
"Of...of course..." he said, daring to breathe normally again.
Suddenly, Ecstacy let out a squeal.
"Doctor Badnooz!!! There's....there's scorpions all over the ground!!" she screamed in horror. Badnooz did a double-take.
"Aaack! What's going on here?!!" he demanded of a Thug.
"W-We just followed your orders, sir. We threw that guy in the cell and then we released the scorpions like you said!" he said, cringing.
"Released...?" Badnooz murmured. Shock fell onto his face. "INTO THE CELL, you idiots!!! Not all over my underground lair!!!"
"Er...I'm sorry, sir..." the Thug mumbled.
"Argh. You have failed me. Do you know what the price is....for failure?" Badnooz said ominously. The Thug of Muse trembled. Badnooz raised his hand as if to strike the henchman, then turned, shot a bolt of lightning at another random underling, and killed him instead. "THAT IS THE PRICE FOR FAILURE! DON'T FAIL ME AGAIN!!!"
"Y-y-yes, sir!!" the Thug said, saluting before scurrying away. Badnooz looked thoughtful.
"Am I forgetting anything, Deuce?"
"The girl, Badnooz..." Deuce reminded him, primping his mullet.
"Ack! The girl! I did forget her...curses. UNVEIL THE GIRL!" Badnooz shouted.
Pulling back a curtain, the Thugs of Muse revealed a giant glass hourglass, within which sat a small girl of about ten. Her brown hair was done up in short pigtails, and she wore a simple blue dress. She clutched a bunny-rabbit who absolutely oozed cuteness, gazing fearfully out of the hourglass prison with wide, sparkly eyes of innocence. In the top half of the hourglass was a vast amount of sand, held back by some invisible force.
"Bwahahahaha! Behold! Isn't it....evil?" Badnooz laughed. Of the people left in the room, they certainly agreed that it was indeed evil, but none of them had any idea who the girl was. She, of course, must have been Abe's niece, but none of them had actually MET her before, and therefore certainly couldn't react with the caliber of shock that Badnooz had expected.
"...Why all the blank faces? Don't you recognize her?" the mad doctor said ominously. His face fell. "...No one? Whaaat, curses! I forgot to bring out her blasted uncle! Gaaah, I did it wrong again! The suspense, ruined!" He gave a look of complete woe.
"Don't worry, Doctor....I thought it was all perfectly EVIL." Ecstacy said grandly. She gave Deuce a look of desperation. Nodding, he gingerly raised his rune behind his back out of Badnooz's view. Suddenly, Abraham appeared in the main chamber.
"What...? ...DELLA!!! he shouted, horrified. Badnooz suddenly perked up, and cackled evilly once more.
"Perfect!" he laughed. "Everything is going to plan!"
******
The 'plan' was set into motion. Slowly but surely, Phanny and Aybabtu were lowered closer and closer to the tank full of hungry sharks. Slowly but surely, sand trickled down on top of poor Della, threatening to fill the hourglass and suffocate her. Abraham was being held steady by two mega-big Thugs, forced to watch his niece's doom. Fitcher and Pan were still strapped to a large slab, which was slowly advancing on a VERY unpleasant-looking machine, which resembled a mechanical octopus which wielded a wicked sword in each tentacle. All this wasn't enough, however---Badnooz also felt the compulsion to laugh evilly non-stop until they met their dooms, apparently.
Apathy returned to the main chamber, hauling Nora in tow. She was now clad in a two-piece bathing suit, much to her dismay. Apathy let go of her.
"Aaack, no! Put the restraining devices on her, remember? We don't want her getting away!" Badnooz warned. Apathy shrugged, muttering something about how she didn't care one way or the other, but obligingly put a pair of high-heels on Nora's feet. Sure enough, she tried to run, but slipped and fell on the cavern floor.
Fitcher had no idea how he was going to get out of this one, but he figured he'd better get thinking fast, or there'd be more of him to go around once that machine was through with him.
"Oh, eek!" Pan said, squirming. "I don't wanna die~!"
"Neither do I..." Fitcher muttered. He cringed as the madly-slashing blades drew nearer.
Nora, meanwhile, attempted to stand upright.
"What the hell ARE these?!" she cursed, prying at the high-heels.
"Kwaha, I thought you'd never ask." Badnooz said evilly. "Those are the hardest-metal high-heels money can buy, my dear! A foolproof way to keep young maidens from escaping my nefarious clutches!" Nora was certainly beginning to agree with him, as she couldn't get close to getting the damn things off her feet. She hopped on one foot, prying at the other, and accidentally fell right into the groin of one of the Thugs holding Abe back. The result was obvious.
"Della! I'll save you!" Abraham cried, freed and running. The other Thug gave chase. Badnooz shrieked in indignation.
"No! My plans! Deuce, Apathy, Ecstacy, stop them at once!" he barked. Deuce and Ecstacy backflipped in perfect coordination in front of Abe, barring his path. Apathy shrugged and jumped down to get Nora under control. She had finally managed to pry at one shoe enough that it flew off---FLEW---and ended up hitting Apathy in the face.
"Apathy!" Deuce cried. "Are you okay? You're bleeding!"
"I don't care." she muttered, wiping her lip.
"Apathy, you fool! What did I outfit you like that for, if not to USE your powers?" Badnooz called. "Kill them with your steel-brimmed hat, Apathy!"
"It's not---" Apathy began.
"KILL!" Badnooz commanded. Apathy shrugged and tossed her fedora at Nora like a frisbee. It, of course, did nothing. Abraham dashed over and grabbed Nora's steel-shoe, and chucked it with all the force he could muster at Della's hourglass prison. It shattered magnificently.
"OOooooh. If I weren't being lowered into a tank of sharks, I'd take note of that." Aybabtu remarked. Della scampered out, flanked by her rabbit.
"Uncle Abe!" she said, hugging him.
"NO! NO HUGGING! THIS IS DOOM!!!" Badnooz shrieked. "That's it. This calls for...the RUNE!"
"Oh no! Not that stupid potato thing again. You know, you didn't destroy anything last time and you won't this time, either." Phanny shouted.
"Quiet, wench!" Badnooz cried, raising his hands to the heavens. "Devastato-Potato Rune..."
"Wait...which spell is he using?" Deuce said uncertainly.
"Hers." Apathy said with a slight smirk, indicating Ecstacy.
"I-Da-Ho!!!" Badnooz cast grandly, the air filling with light. The golden glow subsided to reveal the most heavenly------hookers?!
"Wha...? Hey, did you call?" one particularly trashy looking hooker asked.
"Of course! I am Reeley Badnooz!" the doctor announced. The hooker looked him over.
"You sure are, hon, but ya still gotta pay full price." she said.
"Nnnnghhh! No, you foolish whores! I have summoned you to do my BIDDING!"
"The highest bidder? Well, obviously that's who would summon us." the other hooker said.
"No, you don't understand! Destroy them!!!" Badnooz raged, pointing at Nora and Abe.
"Heh. There's only so many suckers willing to do your dirty work you can summon with that spell, I guess." Apathy mused. She glanced at Ecstacy. "She was really the only one crazy enough..."
"H-how dare you! I am a villainess!" Ecstacy exploded.
Nora, meanwhile, removed the other shoe. Unsure of how to use the powerful tool, she decided first to take out the only real threat at the moment---the unpredictable Improbability Rune.
"Ugh, I can't believe I'm going to touch that thing..." she said, wrinkling up her face as she beat Deuce in the back of his mullet. He slumped over. She looked around wildly for another use as Apathy, Ecstacy and the two hookers advanced on her.
"Nora, quick!" Fitcher called, about to be sliced and diced into bite-size pieces. In a rare moment for her (it must have been the bathing suit), she spun in slow-motion and flung the shoe into the heart of the sword-wielding machinery. Obligatory sparks flew and smoke billowed out. Abe scrambled over and he and his niece worked at the knots strapping Pan and Fitcher to the slabs, as the machine hadn't fully stopped and could still kill them both if they didn't get outta there. Badnooz sent lightning spells their way, singing the hair on the backs of their necks.
"Freedom~!" Pan sang, springing from the contraption. Abraham untied the knot on one of Fitcher's hands, and he attempted to spring free in a similar fashion. However, the knot Della had been working on was not fully untied, and he was wrenched backwards.
"Ack, the swords!" Abe cried, pulling his niece out of the way and ducking. Which was all well and good for Fitcher, who was about to become a side dish. Through some twist of fate, however, the machine sputtered to a stop, doing nothing except for cutting the shirt off of his back.
"Oh...Oh.....dear GODS!" Badnooz shrieked, out of genuine horror. "T-the hero has lost his shirt! It's all over! Retreat, abort, run, before we all die in flames!!!" With that, he shrieked and ran for his life out one of the many unmarked doors in the complex. Deuce regained consciousness.
"Well, the least I can do is this....Improbability Rune, do your stuff!" The complex began to rumble and collapse rapidly, as the chief henchman's mullety head slumped over again. Ecstacy and Apathy dragged the body of their comrade towards one of the doors while the Thugs of Muse ran around screaming in the catastrophe.
Aybabtu and Phanny wolf-whistled. Fitcher crossed his arms over his pale chest self-consciously. Geez, someone could've at least given him advance warning so he could've gotten something resembling a tan. Nora tossed him his gun. Gods, she looked sexy in that bathing suit. He was pretty sure the firearm added to the whole effect.
"The whole place is collapsing!!" Pan cried, as if it wasn't already apparent. His 'character portrait' had been changed again for a picture of him showing extreme dismay.
"Fitcher...we can't let Badnooz escape this time! We have to stop him, once and for all!" Nora said. Fitcher considered. She was probably right. He couldn't afford to fall into any more of his damned underground lairs!
"Let's go." he said in a dramatic voice that he had never possessed before. Hell, this shirtless thing was turning out all right after all! He climbed up the rumbling pedestal, and through the door that Badnooz had ran through. Nora followed, along with Pan. Abraham and Della helped to free Phanny and Aybabtu, then pursued them as well.
Fitcher burst into a dimly-lit chamber. It appeared to be the personal quarters of one of the Thug members---probably Badnooz, judging from the bad shag carpeting and animal-fur-covered furniture. Cowering near the lavish bed was Badnooz himself. A wall panel slid open, and his two lovely assistants plus Deuce entered. Deuce, however, was in no condition to fight---Ecstacy had some ice pressed to the large lump on his head left by Nora's shoe.
"Stay back! I don't trust shirtless protagonists!!" Badnooz shrieked. "That's the cardinal rule of villany (are you taking notes, Ecstacy? Good!), you know! Once my opponent loses such a critical article of clothing, it's all over!"
"Well, good." Fitcher said, resisting the urge to flex. Pan, Nora, Abe, Della, Phanny and Aybabtu sprang into the room. Pan immediately ripped off his vest, too.
"Hah~! Eat that, spawn of darkness! Check out those pecs~!" he gloated. Badnooz shriveled.
"Aaaaah! No, no! My beautiful evil! Apathy, Ecstacy, stop them at once!!" he cried. Nodding obediently, his assistants quickly put themselves between their master and his attackers.
Nora leapt into action. Apathy strode forward and swung at her. Ducking, she nailed the uncaring assistant in the stomach with a high-kick. Undaunted, Apathy cracked her knuckles and charged at the MSSA agent. Jumping in the air, Nora did some sort of leap-froggish move off of Apathy's back, landing gracefully a few feet from the bed.
"Yaaah! Die, protagonist swine!" Ecstacy screeched, diving at Nora. Grace or not, she had just made her landing and wasn't prepared for another attack. Luckily, Phanny had her number.
"Flaming Arrows!" she spat, as snakes of fire charred Ecstacy, causing her to go off-course and land in Badnooz's feathery bed. Seeing one of his bedposts, she suddenly went into a trance and began pole-dancing on it, ignoring her surroundings.
"What the...?!" Aybabtu said, gaping. Abe quickly covered his niece's eyes.
"I thought we broke her of that habit!" Badnooz muttered. Apathy shrugged.
"Who cares?"
"Her eyes...don't have any pupils anymore!" Fitcher noted worriedly.
"She's sure in a deep trance...!" Pan said, ogling. Nora nudged Fitcher.
"We've got them!" she whispered. "Somehow your and Pan's shirtlessness has nullified his usual villainous powers! We just need the clincher!" Fitcher nodded, coming out of his own little trance. He signalled to Abe, who suddenly ripped his own shirt off.
"EEEEEEEYYYAAAARRRR!!!" Badnooz howled. "E...enough! Time for my grand escape!" He forcefully grabbed Deuce's prone form and tossed it carelessly onto his bed. "Apathy!"
"What?" she said boredly.
"The ESCAPE!" Badnooz said ominously, gesturing far-too-obviously to a very-fake-looking book on his neat little shelf entitled How To Make A Truly Evil Exit. Apathy hurried over to the book and pulled on it, quickly hopping onto the spacious bed afterwards.
"They're getting away!" Nora wailed. Aybabtu's hand moved to the front of his outfit, as if preparing to tear it off like the others. Phanny caught his hand.
"Whoa!" she said. "Think of the children."
"Screw them. I want to strip, too! Unhand me, woman!!" Aybabtu pouted.
To their dismay, or relief, Fitcher wasn't sure which, Badnooz's huge feathery bed suddenly rose from the floor on a rapidly moving platform, and up through a trapdoor in the ceiling. It truly had been an evil exit. As if to punctuate its evilness, Badnooz's lair immediately resumed rumbling and falling apart as soon as the mad doctor had escaped.
"Quick, we have to find the exit!" Fitcher shouted above the rumbling. A sizeable chunk of ceiling fell behind Della, underscoring his statement.
"Mr. Twinkles says the exit is that way!" Della said clairvoyantly, pointing at the wall panel from which Ecstacy and Apathy had emerged. She clutched her cute-oozing rabbit, "Mr. Twinkles," tightly. They didn't have time to stop and think about how on earth her rabbit might have known that, so they all ran frantically through the secret passage concealed behind the panel.
Debris rained around their heads as they dashed through the corridors of the crumbling complex. A large piece of stone narrowly missed giving Fitcher a much flatter hairstyle. Finally, they reached a staircase that appeared to lead to somewhere outside of the lair, judging from the shaft of natural light shining inwards. Aybabtu started up the stairs, followed by Nora, Pan, and Fitcher. As Pan and Fitcher passed a certain spot, the ceiling above them cracked visibly.
"It's comin' down!" Phanny gasped. Abraham dashed over to the crack and held the roof in place with his arms.
"Go, hurry!" he said through clenched teeth, using all his strength to stop the impending collapse.
"Abe, come on!" Phanny urged, passing him and turning back. Della gazed at him with those too-huge-to-be-natural eyes of hers.
"U-uncle, aren't you coming??" she asked.
"Run, Della! Don't look back!" he said dramatically. Phanny realized she was missing her cut of the action.
"B-but Uncle Abe..." Della pleaded, before being violently shoved out of the way by Phanny.
"Outta the way, kid! This is MY time!" Phanny said. She paused a moment, fixing her hair and getting the proper tragic tone in her voice. "...Oh, Abraham! Don't do this to me...I can't live without you! Don't make me lose you!" Della scowled at her new aunt, but hurried up the stairs with her rabbit.
"Phanny, just go! Now!" Abe said. "I'll always love you!"
"My one True Love...I'll never forget you!" Phanny said, milking it for all it was worth.
"Come on!" called Fitcher from above. Phanny glanced backwards one last time at him, before dashing up the stairs to freedom. On cue, the entire place rumbled loudly and collapsed magnificently, shooting up a cloud of dust and debris that was visible for miles.
******
Fitcher sputtered, choking on thick dust. He peered through the swirling cloud of dirt that was slowly beginning to settle on the ground. Coated in dust, as he surely was too, Nora appeared next to him. Looking around, he caught sight of Della and Pan.
"...aack...." he cleared his throat. "Did everyone make it?" Phanny and Aybabtu emerged from the debris, hacking.
"No....Abraham stayed behind..." Phanny wailed tragically.
"What?!" Fitcher exclaimed. "Why did he go and do a fool thing like that?"
"He Saved Us All~!" Pan praised, twirling around.
"Ahhh, woe!" Phanny lamented, sinking to her knees. "How ironic, that after finally finding True Love, my blasted ex-husband snatched it away from me so quickly!" Nora shook her head sadly, and Della sniffled loudly. Aybabtu attempted to comfort her.
"Now, now, lass...your uncle is in a better place now. These things..." the old ninja explained.
"Some things...are just....destiny..." Pan said, gazing dramatically at the sky as the wind blew his hair and the sun reflected off his bare chest and he looked generally heroic.
Before Fitcher could complain that Pan was getting more flattering effects, however, the young blond man was quickly outdone as they all heard an ominous humming sound. Soft blue light in the shape of a sphere shimmered and rippled, coalescing rapidly and then fading gently to reveal a solitary figure.
"...Leknaat?" Fitcher said, blinking.
"Where??" Leknaat said, looking around wildly. After a confused moment, her mind somehow got back on track. "Ahh, yes. Did someone say 'pizza'?" They looked around, exchanging glances.
"...no..." Nora said uncertainly.
"Well, dammit, someone said something, didn't they? Or was it the drugs again?? I've GOT to stop using those..." the Seer muttered. She reconsidered for a moment. "...Nah, they're too fun."
"Uh, is there a reason you're here?" Fitcher inquired, fervently hoping she had taken a wrong turn (which she had been known to do before). Leknaat appeared to sink into deep thought.
"Ah-HAH!" Lekkie said after several minutes. "Finally, the 108 Bars of Destiny have gathered, so I can use my nifty magical powers..." Fitcher cringed. He remembered the LAST time she had tried her 'nifty magical powers'. "...to resurrect the one soul you have lost!"
"Abe!" Phanny chimed in. Della looked around.
"But...counting Mr. Twinkles, there's only seven of us, not 108..." she said uncertainly. Leknaat looked around in disbelief.
"...really? What?" she gasped.
"Yeah...I don't know what you were thinking, but..." Fitcher said.
"Oh well. It'll have to do. I'll just cut a few corners, then." Leknaat decided. She raised her hands.
"Hit the deeeeck!" Fitcher screamed, diving onto the ground. Nora, no fool, quickly followed suit. Della, however, seemed confident nothing was wrong, Phanny was insistently waiting for her Love to be resurrected, Pan was enthralled with Destiny, and Aybabtu had dozed off.
"True Pottery Rune---" Leknaat chanted.
"That's 'Rune of the Gate'..." Fitcher corrected.
"Quiet, you fool!" she snapped. "Fear my evil pottery powers!" She, however, listened to his advice. "Ahem. Rune of the Gate, bring back....er....what was I doing again?"
"Reviving my Abraham!" Phanny said fiercely. Leknaat lit a stogie.
"Right, right." she said, puffing on it. "What she said, Rune! Pronto!"
There was a magnificent flash of light, and Abraham appeared---covered in grime and dust, still missing his shirt, but unharmed. Phanny flew into his arms.
"Abe~!" she gushed. "I'm so happy you're resurrected!!!" Abraham held his wife, but looked more than confused, and almost annoyed.
"Revived, nothing! I was climbing out of the hole myself, and she just teleported me a few feet!" he explained. Leknaat glared, puffing her stogie. Fitcher wondered to himself why Leknaat didn't just use her stupid True Rune to summon back all her missing toads, but figured he probably wouldn't like the answer.
"I love happy endings~!" Pan sang.
Suddenly, as if to dispute Pan's statement, one of the hookers that Badnooz had randomly summoned wandered up. She looked at them.
"Which one of ya is Fletcher?" she asked.
"I'm Fitcher." he replied. She handed him a note.
"Dear Fletcher,
Bwahahahahahaha! You almost got me this time, old boy, but so sorry for you---evil has once again prevailed! Mark my words, you agent scum, we shall meet again! And next time, the time in which is the one where we shall meet again---it will be DOOM FOR YOU! HAHAHAHA!
With love (which really means hate cuz I am evil! Kwaha!), Doctor Badnooz!"
"...what a head case that guy is." Fitcher muttered, handing Nora the letter so she could read it.
"Well, at least he's sincere..." she said, scratching her head. The random hooker looked the group over.
"So, like, do any of you want some entertainment?" she shrugged. "I have no idea where the hell I am, but I may as well make some cash." Aybabtu nearly raised his hand, but for some mysterious reason, came over with a sudden case of Nora's-elbow-in-his-side.
"Uh, not really...I can tell you you're in the Badlands, though." Abraham offered.
"Huh...well, maybe I'll follow you people outta this hell-hole." the hooker said.
"Random Skanky Ho joined the PARTY~~~!!!" Pan cheered, jumping up and doing a victory pose. The hooker glared daggers at him.
"Never mind. I'll find my own damn way back." she muttered.
"Er, wait, maybe Leknaat can take you back or something." Fitcher said. Leknaat jumped, startled.
"What? Crackpipe?!"
"...Well, lady?" the hooker said. "I don't got all day. Are ya gonna take me back or not?"
"What?!!!" Leknaat raged. "I could never be seen in the company of a woman of your moral character!!! How dare you insinuate that I would transport someone of such a deplorable career anywhere, let alone---------quickly, now. Quickly. If you're coming, come quickly." Leknaat said, randomly changing her mind. The soft blue light surrounded her, and the hooker shrugged and stepped into it. The light faded away, melting away their figures like ice, and they were gone. Fitcher could've sworn he saw Lekkie exchanging cash with the woman right before they disappeared, but he wasn't sure...
He turned to his companions with a weary grin.
"Well, shall we start off for South Window?" he suggested.
"Of course!" Phanny said. "I could use some nice, hot s---tea---to calm my nerves. Meeting my ex always makes me nauseous." She wrinkled up her face distastefully.
"Wait until Mr. Twinkles tells all my friends how you saved me, Uncle Abraham!" Della said excitedly. The bunny gave no indication that it knew it was being spoken of.
"It'll be a hot bath for me, as soon as we reach South Window..." Nora said tiredly. "It's been a long day." Fitcher nodded in agreement.
"You wouldn't mind taking that bath with a friend, would you?" Pan asked innocently.
"You're getting your own room." Nora said with a frown. Pan pouted, and Fitcher noticed that somehow his pouty character portrait had survived the disaster and was now pinned to his pant leg.
"It'll be good to be back in Jowston, won't it?" Abe said conversationally as they began to walk.
"Harumph." Aybabtu said irritably.
"What's the matter, Aybabtu?" asked Fitcher curiously. The ninja scowled.
"As if you didn't know! You all, consorting with that boobalicious villainess! You didn't even let me have fun with the hooker, AND everyone got to strip but me! And I'm the ninja!" he exploded.
"Ninjas don't strip. They act shrouded and mysterious." Phanny corrected.
"You stay out of this! It's your fault anyway!" Aybabtu growled.
"It's probably better this way, Aybabtu." Nora said with a grin.
"Baaah. I'll kill you all." he muttered.
Tuning out the ensuing argument that erupted between Aybabtu and Phanny, Fitcher grinned. As they walked into the north, he idly hoped that Clinker was okay. Despite all that had happened, he was in surprisingly good spirits---perhaps because of Nora, perhaps because losing his shirt had actually been beneficial to him for once in his life. He didn't know. Whatever it was, he didn't stop grinning, even when Pan burst into random song a mile into the walk.
