Long ago (last week I think) in the Port of Chester, there was a frog by the name of Bob. He was small and green, but was also courageous. He was friends with a jumping bean by the name of Bill, who was supercilious, but at the same time good hearted.
"Yo, Bob, we gotta get us a holy grail," said Bill.
"Why so?" asked Bob.
"Because we got nothin' else to do."
So, off went Bob and Bill to search for the holy grail, wherever it may have been. They traveled through the park of the lion, and ended up at a dark cavern called "Ho Sai Gai." There they met three men: Rich, Steve and Geoff.
"Where, where, where?" asked Steve, "Where could the second demigod be?"
To which Rich replied, "We shall not rest until we find he."
"Who are you looking for?" asked Bob.
"We are disciples of the demigods Moogoo and Garpan." said Geoff, "but, it seems that Garpan is missing."
"Do you have any clues where he went?" asked Bill.
"I have search many a place, the high school, Mike Cappola's car, and even random people?s bathrooms, but to no avail." said Rich.
"But, fortuitously, we overheard a foolish debauchee discussing this matter." said Steve, "and he heard a caterwauling sound from the cottage on the hill, the lair of the elf king Ed. This may mean he has trapped Garpan and is torturing him with techno."
"For the elf king does not like techno." said Geoff, ?it must be a torture method."
"Well, good luck. I hope you find your demigod." said Bob.
"Thank you." said Steve, "and if you come across a corpulent seven foot Chinese man by the name of Garpan, let us know."
"No problem," said Bill.
So, off went the disciples to the cottage on the hill. Bob and Bill continued, onward to the land of the Green Witch they went. Many rich, prodigality lived there, so it was not long before they came upon the dreaded golf course.
Golf balls were landing all around, and nearly turned Bob into a puddle of amorphous, green, icky stuff.
"Maybe if we jump from divot to divot, we can make it through unharmed." said Bob.
"Go on, I'm just too good to be hit by these foolish golf balls." replied Bill.
BOOM!!!
The bean went flying in the air, and was nearly made asunder from Bob. Luckily jumping beans aren't as squashable as frogs and Bill is quite magical anyway.
"Maybe you're right..." conceded Bill.
They made it through the golf course, but realized that they had just come back to the Port of Chester, although on the other side from where they had begun their journey.
"Hey, who's that?" Bob pointed out an angry bovine outside of Costco.
They approached to greet him, but he was too busy pacing and ranting to notice them.
"Pasquinade!" he yelled, though he knew not what it meant. "Those insidious, truculent prigs! How could they do this to me?!?! So what if Stew Leonards has a cow?! They can?t sue Costco for having one too, can they?!" He had a factiousness expression in his voice.
"Um, hello." said Bob.
The cow noticed them, "Oh, hello!" his demeanor changed immediately.
"Hey, who are you?" asked Bill.
"I am- or was- the Costco cow." said the cow.
"Nice to meet you. You seemed angry there." said Bob.
"Yes, well, I was just fired." said the cow.
"That's terrible-"
Bill cut Bob off, "-why don't you give them their due retribution?"
"You know, you're right. Let me get my boomstick!" the cow proceeded inside the store.
Bob turned to Bill, "I don't think that was the best thing to say."
Just then, the three disciples came out of Costco.
"Ah, hello frog and magical jumping bean." said Geoff.
"Hi, did you rescue your demigod?" asked Bill.
"No, unfortunately it was the wrong seven foot Chinese man." said Rich.
"Oh, that stinks." said Bob.
"But we have discovered that the Bear King may be harboring him." said Steve. "the elven king made an alliance with us to aid us in our quest, but he hath gone elsewhere."
"Yes, the elven king, it does seem, wishes to conquer the Burger King." said Rich.
"So where are you going now?" asked Bill.
"To find Moogoo. For the Bear King is the incarnation of limburger cheese. We must have an ally to fight this smelly foe." said Geoff
"Don't forget the bananas either." said Rich, "we have bought them in bulk here, and we must proceed to make the Bear King fear the banana."
"Do you mind if we come with you? Maybe we'll find what we're looking for." asked Bob
"Sure." said Geoff, "come along."
So, the group traveled down to the great Post Road. And in the distance they saw an elvish figure entering the land of the Burger King. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with his hands in his pockets as he entered. Two seconds later, the minions of the Burger King, spatulas in hand flew though the windows.
"It is Ed!" screamed Steve. The disciples ran upward, never to be seen again by Bill and Bob.
Then, as they lowered their eyes, Bob and Bill saw a portentous sight. It was a twin of Bob! He seemed to be equally stunned, as they stared at each other for a good fifteen minutes before Bill said, "alright, now this is freaky."
"Who are you?" asked Bob.
"I am Rob the Frog." said the twin.
"Are you my long lost twin?!" asked Bob.
"No..." Then Bob noticed the small print on Rob's back.
"What's that?" asked Bob. He then read it. It said "� Clone Aid."
"You're a clone?!" asked Bill.
"Yes, I escaped from the Clone Aid laboratories." said Rob, "those people are nuts."
"You're telling me." said Bill.
Just then, a black SUV swerved onto the sidewalk, flattening Rob, and leaving a not-so-redolent odor.
"Well, that stinks." said Bill, "no pun intended."
Just then, our heroes noticed a sign on a nearby thrift shop. It said "We Have Grails!" The two hurried in. They ran to the counter and inquired about the grails.
"Yeah, we got us grails." said the man behind the counter, "what kind of grail you want?"
"A holy one." said Bill.
"I think we're out of those, but I'll go check in the back."
The heroes waited in eager anticipation.
"You're lucky, we got one left. That'll be twenty bucks."
"You got the money, Bob?" asked Bill
"Uh, I forgot my wallet..." said Bob.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!? We came all this way, found the grail, and you don't have any money?!"
"Yeah, sorry about that."
The two found a nearby caravansary. They were lying in bed, wallowing in self pity.
Then, out of nowhere, Blind Guardian jumped in and began playing "Nighfall." Bob and Bill then realized that the grail was overrated. Over-the-top German power metal is much better. Woo!
Coming soon: Moogoo and the Search For Garpan !!!
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