Ash's Story

by Geri ([email protected])

My homepage: http://www.geocities.com/geri_chans_fics/index.html

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Ash/Takeshi (past tense); pre-slash hints between Ash and a new OC

Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts

Disclaimer: Based on the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.

Warning: This is a continuation of the Always series, but the main focus is on Ash, a minor character from Aftermaths, and Snape and Lupin appear only briefly at the end. Aric, Takeshi, Lukas, Narcissa, and Draco also make brief appearances.

Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, Phoenix Rising, Aftermaths, and The Revenant. (The beginning of the story starts a couple of days after the ending of "Aftermaths," at about the same time as "The Revenant," but most of the story is a flashback to Ash's childhood.)

Summary: The story of how Ash became a werewolf, and his struggle to adapt to his postwar life.
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Ash Randolf's world had turned upside-down in the space of a few short weeks. One day he was an outcast werewolf on the fringes of society, scraping together a living by smuggling Muggle merchandise and dealing in the black market, and was in fact sitting in a cell in Azkaban for that very crime, and then the next day (okay, well, technically the next week) the Minister of Magic himself was offering Ash a job at the Ministry. Not to mention the fact that his pack leader, who had once been as scruffy and disreputable as the rest of the pack, had turned out to be a pureblood heir, and was now Lord of the Diggory estate. In fact, he intended to open up the mansion and let the pack live there. Ash shook his head; this all seemed a little surreal to him, as if he had stepped into the pages of a fairy tale.

"Don't you like it, Ash?" Katherine asked.

"Huh? Oh...the robe is fine, I guess. I was just...er...woolgathering, I suppose."

"Well, pay attention!" the other werewolf scolded. "This is all for your benefit, after all."

His sudden change in fortune was why Ash was in Madam Malkin's today, shopping for new clothes suitable for a job at the Ministry. Katherine, a fellow werewolf from his pack, had been hired back at her old job as a seamstress there, with Madam Malkin's apologies, after the anti-werewolf frenzy had died down when it had been proven that the Auror Williamson had faked the so-called werewolf attacks. A recommendation from Arthur Weasley that the fired werewolves be restored to their former positions probably hadn't hurt, either.

Lukas was taking a honeymoon with his new bride, and none of the other werewolves except for Brian and Aric knew enough about respectable pureblood society to know what kind of clothing would be appropriate for working at the Ministry of Magic. Which was why Ash had found himself clothes shopping in Diagon Alley with Takeshi and Aric today, somewhat against his will. He didn't want to be shopping for fancy clothes in the first place, and he didn't particularly want to be doing it with the new lover of a man that he had almost fallen in love with.

Well, actually he had fallen in love with Takeshi, just a little, the night that the young mediwizard had sought comfort in his embrace. Which was stupid of him, and totally unexpected, because Takeshi had made it very clear from the beginning that he wanted nothing more than a one night stand, and Ash had not been seeking a permanent lover, either. He'd had no desire to settle down, and had been content to take casual lovers among the pack--physical pleasure shared between friends, by mutual consent and with no strings attached. In fact, he had secretly been a little proud of the playboy reputation he had garnered, in spite of--or perhaps because of--the long scar running across the left side of his face. He was a little self-conscious about it, but his lovers all claimed that it made him look roguishly handsome, like a pirate.

He was very fond of Takeshi, but he had never thought of him as anything more than a friend up until then. Ash had propositioned his friend more to distract him from his grief than anything else. He had not even really minded when Takeshi had called him by another name in bed, being more curious about who Takeshi was pining over than offended by that slip of the tongue. But a strange thing had happened that night, as he listened to Takeshi's tale of a doomed relationship with a pureblood heir, and tried to comfort him, first with words and then with his body. He had felt a desire to protect Takeshi and shield him from pain, which was similar to the desire he had to protect his packmates, but mingled with a tenderness he had never felt before--a desire to comfort Takeshi, and kiss away his pain, and make him smile. For the first time, he had felt the desire to bite his partner--not just a playful nip, but the desire to mark and claim his mate. Only, however much he might have desired it, he knew that Takeshi was not his mate. He had scoffed at some of the younger pack members' romantic notions of lifemates, borne out of the myth that werewolves mate for life, which in turn had been inspired by the fact that real wolves normally did mate for life.

But when he had looked into Takeshi's eyes, he had somehow known without needing to be told that Takeshi was never going to love anyone but Aric, even if Aric married someone else. And at the very moment that Ash had realized that he did want more than a casual fling after all, he had also realized that it would be impossible. It would be an exaggeration to say that his heart had broken at that moment, but he had felt a pang of wistful regret for what might have been.

He had said nothing of his feelings to Takeshi, of course, because it would only have made his friend feel guilty. They had both agreed that this was only a casual encounter, and it wasn't Takeshi's fault that Ash's heart had suddenly decided not to play by the rules. So Ash had smiled and laughed as if nothing had happened, gently teasing his friend out of his misery.

He had been tempted to continue their liaison beyond one night; Takeshi would probably have been amenable so long as he believed that Ash did not want anything from him other than friendship. But Ash had known that he would not be able to keep his emotions separate from the physical act of lovemaking, and would likely end up hurting them both--himself, by falling more deeply in love with someone who could not return his feelings, and Takeshi, because he would blame himself for hurting Ash. Perhaps if Aric had actually married Miranda, Ash might have been willing to settle for being second-best, willing to accept whatever Takeshi had left in his heart to give, knowing that most of his heart would always belong to Aric.

But Aric had willingly become a werewolf, giving up his fiancee and his pureblood inheritance. Ash thought it was all for the best, really. He cared enough about Takeshi to want him to be truly happy, even if it was with someone else. And Aric had risked his life in order to save Lukas, for which Ash was grateful. Ash had even found that he liked the boy once he got to know him, much to his surprise. But it still hurt, just a little, to see the two of them so happy together.

"How many robes do I really need, anyway?" Ash complained. "Lukas just bought me a new one, after all."

"That's a dress robe for formal occasions," Aric said. "You also need good quality but slightly less formal robes for everyday wear at work. Wool robes for fall and winter, and lighter robes for spring and summer--and trousers and shirts to wear beneath them, of course."

"That one looks good on you," Katherine said approvingly.

"Are you sure?" Ash asked dubiously. "It doesn't make me look like Snape?" The robe that he was trying on was indeed similar to the type that the Potions Master usually wore--black with a high collar, nearly floor-length.

"Your nose would have to be a lot bigger," Aric joked.

"You look very handsome," Takeshi said reassuringly, and Aric scowled at him. Takeshi laughed and whispered in a voice that only a werewolf could have heard, "There's no need to be jealous, my wolf."

Aric relaxed and smiled. It was extremely obvious, at least to Ash, that the two of them had consummated their relationship. Well, for one thing, they had been living together for a couple of days now, and if Aric hadn't taken the opportunity to make love to his mate, then he was a complete idiot, which Ash didn't think he was. But mostly, it was an air of intimacy that had not been there before when Ash had last seen them together at Lukas's wedding. Although it had been clear that they loved each other, there had been a certain nervousness and awkwardness between them that had since vanished. They seemed relaxed in each other's company now, and there was a look of peace and contentment in their eyes. There seemed to be an invisible but nearly tangible bond between the two of them, as if they were always aware of each other's presence, even when they weren't physically touching or even looking at each other. It was something in the way that Takeshi turned towards Aric as he laughed, and in the way that Aric leaned closer to hear what he whispered, almost but not quite touching his lover. It was in the way that they seemed to be able to communicate without speaking, a smile and a glance conveying love and affection without any need for words.

Once again Ash reminded himself that things had worked out for the best; Takeshi could never have formed so deep a bond with someone who was not his true lifemate. They might have found a measure of happiness together, but it would never have come close to what Takeshi and Aric now shared. Still, Ash felt another pang of regret as he watched them, wondering if he would ever share such a bond with a mate of his own. Yet at the same time, he wondered if he was really capable of loving someone that way, of opening himself up so completely to someone else. Maybe he had only fallen in love with Takeshi because he had known that nothing would come of it...which probably would not have made sense to anyone else, but it did to Ash, in a perverse sort of way. Although it would have been better not to fall in love at all...

"Ash, stop daydreaming!" Katherine scolded. "Here, what about this one?" She held up an outfit that was more of a suit than a robe--a long, navy-blue coat with matching vest and tie.

"Oh, please tell me that I don't have to wear a tie!" Ash groaned plaintively. "Why don't you just put a dog collar around my neck while you're at it?"

Aric laughed good-naturedly. "I don't think that a tie really suits him, Katherine. We should stick to traditional wizard's robes--"

"And no lace or ruffles!" Ash interjected.

"No lace or ruffles," Aric agreed, as Takeshi and Katherine chuckled. "Nothing too flashy or gaudy or trendy. I'm sure that at least half the Ministry thinks that Arthur Weasley's lost his mind, hiring a werewolf. If you at least dress conservatively, it will subconsciously set their minds at ease a little."

"Reassure them that I'm not going to gnaw on the furniture or have their children for lunch?" Ash asked sarcastically.

"Something like that," Aric replied calmly. "So...something simple and conservative, in dark, sober colors--black, blue, and gray, I think; you would look rather silly in pastels. Maybe a dark green, nothing too bright. But the cloth should be expensive and high quality; they won't respect you if you wear cheap or patched robes. Appearance is everything to the purebloods."

Ash growled irritably. "No matter how pretty I look, it won't negate the fact that I'm a werewolf."

Everyone laughed, then Takeshi said, "No, but Aric is right. People respond differently to Lukas now that he dresses and behaves like a Lord. They may not like him, but he commands a grudging respect from them."

"It's not really just the robes," Aric admitted. "It's also in the way he carries himself. Don't let the people at the Ministry intimidate you. Just act as if you consider yourself their equal. Which you are by law, even if they don't think so. If anything, you're better than they are--you at least are loyal to your pack, while most of them would gladly sell their mothers into slavery..." He smiled ironically, with a touch of bitterness. "...or their sons and daughters into arranged marriages, in exchange for a promotion." Takeshi placed a hand on his shoulder, a look of concern in his eyes, and the bitterness in Aric's face eased, to be replaced by a genuine smile.

"Can you two lovebirds moon over each other on your own time?" Ash complained, trying to keep his tone of voice light and joking to cover up the twinge of jealousy he felt.

"They can't help it; they're newlyweds!" Katherine teased, and Takeshi and Aric laughed sheepishly.

"Yes, but we are supposed to be clothes shopping," Takeshi said, blushing a little. "Why don't you bring out another set of robes for Ash to try on?"

Clothes shopping, Ash decided, was only slightly less excruciating than getting one's teeth pulled--in fact, he might have preferred the teeth-pulling. At least his companions seemed to get a great deal of amusement out of dressing him up like an oversized doll. There was just a touch of vindictive pleasure on Aric's part, Ash suspected. Although they had reached accord as pack brothers, Aric seemed to have guessed that there had been something going on between Ash and Takeshi in the past, and he probably didn't mind watching his rival squirm a little. Ash didn't really hold it against him; it was in a wolf's nature to be possessive of its mate.

Finally, though, he wound up with two large shopping bags filled with clothes, and a few more items that needed some alterations to be delivered later. Ash, of course, had not yet started his job and had no salary to draw on, but Lukas had left instructions for Malkin's to charge it to the Diggory account. Ash shook his head slightly, still finding the idea of Lukas being a Lord and having a Gringotts account rather mind-boggling.

He politely declined an offer to have lunch with Aric and Takeshi afterwards. They probably wanted some time alone together, still being in the "newlyweds" phase as Katherine had joked, and he didn't particularly want to watch them being lovey-dovey with each other.

He could have taken the Floo home or Apparated, but he decided to walk home instead, to give himself some time to think. And as he walked, he decided that he was not so much jealous of Aric specifically for having Takeshi (well, maybe just a little), but rather jealous of the closeness that they shared. He longed to find that same kind of closeness with a mate of his own, but at the same time he feared it. He loved his pack, but that was not the same thing. He had always kept a small part of himself guarded even from them; he had never shared the entire story of his past with any of the pack, although he had told Lukas a little about it. His childhood had hardly been one conducive to fostering love and trust, but he couldn't really claim that as an excuse. Just about everyone in the pack had a tragic story in their past, and painful memories that they wanted to forget. All of them, even Aric, had been cast out by their families. Lupin, who was not really part of the pack, was the only werewolf that Ash personally knew whose family had accepted him and done their best to love and support him. Ash's family had been exactly the opposite; they had never wanted him even before he became a werewolf. He had been nothing more than a mistake, an afterthought, an inconvenience to both his parents.

He happened to pass by a mother and child walking hand-in-hand, the little boy eagerly asking if they could stop by Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes and Fortescue's as the mother smiled indulgently and nodded. A wave of bitterness and something that was close to nostalgia washed over Ash--only it couldn't really be called nostalgia, because nostalgia was a yearning for the past, and Ash had certainly never experienced a loving, carefree childhood. He wondered if it was possible to miss something that you'd never had to begin with. He had experienced a brief, fleeting period of happiness, but he had known even then, as young as he had been, that it was only an illusion.

Ash continued to brood as he walked down Diagon Alley, his thoughts turning back to the days when he had not yet been Ash Randolf, but a little boy named Ethan Parker...
 

Chapter 2

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