Aftermaths, Part 97

by Geri ([email protected])

Rating: Mostly PG-13, but NC-17 for overall story

Pairing: Snape/Lupin, Theodore/Blaise

Warning: AU; events that occurred at the end of Order of the Phoenix were significantly altered from the book.

Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, and Phoenix Rising.

Summary: The various characters deal with the aftermath of the war, and Snape and Lupin try to build a family together with Theodore and Dylan. However, some people are unable to let go of the past...

Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling, except Hob, who belongs to William Mayne; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
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The second troublesome thing that happened that week was much more serious. It started out innocently enough, with Lady Selima sending a letter inviting Snape, Lupin, and the boys to tea on Saturday afternoon. To Lupin, the invitation was nothing out of the ordinary, and indeed, he had been expecting one. Snape, on the other hand, wondered uneasily if it was an ordinary invitation and Selima was simply pretending that their argument had never happened, or if it might be a peace offering of sorts. He was not in a hurry to return to Snape Manor and find out, but he couldn't think of a way to refuse without making Lupin suspicious.

So Lupin asked the boys to drop by his and Snape's quarters before dinner, and cheerfully informed them that they would be going to Snape Manor that weekend. Theodore's reaction surprised him.

"Do we have to go?" Theodore protested in a voice that was just short of being sullen, almost whiny.

"Is there some reason you don't want to go?" Lupin asked carefully, giving his foster son a puzzled look. He seemed to have momentarily regressed into the old Theo, who had always skulked around Hogwarts looking sullen and frightened.

"Well, it's just that I'm really busy right now," Theodore said, somewhat evasively. "I have my N.E.W.T.s to study for, and a test coming up in Ancient Runes, and our Quidditch match is next week. Can't we do it some other time?"

"I know you're busy, Theo," Lupin said pleasantly, but his eyes were firmly fixed on Theodore's face, while the boy kept trying to avoid his gaze. "But surely you can pull yourself away from your studies for just an hour or two. And I'm sure that Lady Selima misses you and would like to see you."

"I don't want to go!" Theodore shouted, then flushed as everyone stared at him in shock. "I mean, um, now is just not a good time," he added lamely in a much quieter voice.

"What's wrong, Theo?" Lupin asked gently. "Why don't you want to go to Snape Manor?"

"Nothing's wrong," Theodore insisted in a defensive voice. "I'm just busy, that's all." But his eyes flickered towards Snape for just a second.

Lupin noticed. "All right," he said. "Why don't the two of you head back to the dorm, then?" Lupin smiled at Theo wryly. "Since you have so much studying to do."

Theodore hastily left the room, and Dylan followed looking confused and worried. Unbeknownst to Lupin and Snape, Theodore lingered behind, hovering nervously outside the Potions Master's door.

"Theo?" Dylan asked. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Theodore replied. "Go on, I'll catch up with you in a minute."

But Dylan remained where he was, crossing his arms over his chest. "All right, Theo, what's going on? Why don't you want to go to Snape Manor, and why did Lupin just kick us out?"

"Shh!" Theodore hissed. "They'll hear us!"

"I'm not leaving until you do," Dylan whispered, stubbornly refusing to move. Theodore couldn't argue with him without raising his voice and attracting their guardians' attention, so the two boys remained outside the door together, trying to hear Lupin's and Snape's conversation.

Meanwhile, Lupin was saying to Snape, "What's going on, Severus? Theodore had a wonderful time at Snape Manor during the holidays, so why he is suddenly so reluctant to go back?"

"I have no idea, Lupin," Snape replied coolly, shifting his gaze to a point on the wall behind Lupin, so that he wouldn't have to look the werewolf in the eye. "Maybe it's the stress of the N.E.W.T.s. Students frequently become short-tempered or agitated during their seventh year."

"That's the first rule of Legilimency, isn't it, Severus?" Lupin asked softly. "Eye contact is usually necessary to read a person's thoughts. I'm not a Legilimens, but I think you have something to hide, Severus. Something to do with your fight with Selima the night before we left, perhaps?" His pale blue eyes bored into Snape's black ones, with a gaze that was nearly as intense, keen, and merciless as the Dark Lord's, and Snape flinched in spite of himself. "Was Theodore involved in this quarrel of yours?"

"No!" Snape protested, but a look of guilt filled his eyes. "He wasn't even in the room at the time," Snape continued, but suddenly sounded uncertain of that.

"Well, something happened to upset him," Lupin pointed out. "Maybe he wasn't in the room, but could he have overheard your argument?"

"I don't know," Snape mumbled. "I didn't think so."

"What was the argument about, Severus?" Lupin persisted.

"It's none of your business, Lupin!" Snape snapped.

"It was none of my business when it only affected you and your mother," Lupin said in a level voice. "But when it affects Theodore, it IS my business. Now what happened?"

"Nothing," Snape insisted, looking guiltier by the minute. "Just a stupid fight with my mother over nothing."

"Then why is Theo so upset?" Lupin asked suspiciously. "The fight wasn't about Theo, was it?" The look on Snape's face told him that was exactly what it had been about. "Severus!" Lupin cried. "What happened? Why were you arguing with Selima? She hasn't changed her mind about Theo and Blaise, has she?"

Snape shook his head curtly. "I said it was nothing!"

"Theodore doesn't think it's 'nothing'!" Lupin said angrily.

"I'll straighten it out, Lupin," Snape said. "I didn't realize that Theodore might have been listening to us."

"He loves both of you, Severus," Lupin said. "It's got to upset him to see the two of you at odds with each other. I know I can't force you to forgive your mother, but you have to at least--"

"You're right!" Snape interrupted. "You can't force me to forgive my mother, and don't tell me that I 'have to' do anything! This is between Lady Selima and me, so stay out of it, Lupin!"

"No, I will not stay out of it, because it's not just between you and Selima anymore!" Lupin retorted. "How long are you going to carry that hatred around inside you? You don't have to like your mother, but when you decided to go back to the Snape family and adopt Theodore, you knew that you would have to make peace with her!"

"I will carry it around as long as I damn well please, Lupin!" Snape shouted. "And it was you who pushed me to go back to my family, it was you and your Gryffindor idealism that wanted a fairy tale happy ending! Well, this isn't a fairy tale, Lupin! You have no idea what I went through as a child, not really! You had a nice cozy little family, with parents who loved you even though you were a werewolf. Your father never cast a Cruciatus Curse on you, and your mother never stood by and watched while he did it! Your parents never abandoned you when they thought you were about to be convicted and sent to Azkaban! So you have no right to tell me that I have to make peace with my mother!"

The door suddenly swung open, and Theodore suddenly burst into the room, screaming, "Stop it! Stop it!" Lupin and Snape turned, startled, to see Theo standing in front of them, looking wild-eyed and close to tears. Dylan followed behind him, looking pale and worried.

"I don't want to be the Snape heir anymore!" Theodore shouted, and Snape went white, feeling as if his heart had stopped. "I told you before that I didn't care about the inheritance, that all I wanted was to be your son!" Theodore continued. "So please, let's just forget about the Snape estate--let Lady Selima run it and worry about who the heir will be. Can't we just go back to the way things were before, when it was just the four of us? I don't want to go back to Snape Manor, I don't want the Snape inheritance, so please, please stop fighting with Remus, Father!"

Snape let out a shaky sigh of relief and his heart started beating again; he had thought for a minute that Theodore no longer wanted to be his son. Then he sobered as he realized that he had really made a mess of things this time. Lupin put up with all of Snape's fits of temper, petty insults, and bitterness--which wasn't really fair to Lupin, Snape had to admit, but at least Lupin understood that Snape's anger wasn't really directed at him--most of the time, anyway, and that Snape still loved him even when it was. But Theodore was an emotionally fragile child, who had grown up in a family where he and his mother had lived in fear of Thaddeus Nott's rages. He wasn't used to friendly arguments, or not-so-friendly ones that eventually blew over. Snape thought of all the times that he had scornfully accused Black of being immature and told him to grow up; he should have taken his own advice. He was suddenly painfully aware that he had been behaving more like someone Theodore's age than like a grown man with two sons to look after.

"Theo, oh Theo, shh, it's all right," Lupin said gently, looking very guilty as he wrapped his arms around the near-hysterical boy. "I'm so sorry, Theo; we didn't mean to upset you. We didn't know you were listening."

"You also overheard me fighting with my mother the night before we came back to Hogwarts, didn't you?" Snape asked quietly.

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping," Theodore said, still looking distraught as Lupin tried to calm him. "But you were angry and I didn't know why. I'm sorry, Father, if I've done something wrong. I didn't mean to, I swear! I won't spend any more time with Lady Selima if you don't want me to, I won't go back to Snape Manor at all if that's what you want. Just please don't fight with Remus because of me. I don't want to lose either of you, please..."

Lupin held the boy as he began to weep. He and Snape stared at each other over Theodore's shoulder, both looking equally guilty and concerned. "I think we need to talk," Snape finally said.

"Come," Lupin said gently, "why don't we sit on the couch, have some tea, and talk things over?"

A few minutes later, they were all seated on the couch, sipping cups of hot tea. Theodore's eyes were dry now, but still a little red, and he still looked anxious and unhappy. Snape didn't seem to know where to start, so Lupin went first. "I'm sorry that you overheard us fighting, Theo," he said. "We both lost our tempers and things got a little out of hand."

"You weren't just fighting," Theodore said miserably. "You were fighting over me! I can't stand the thought of being the cause of you two..." His voice trailed off.

"Breaking up?" Lupin finished. "Oh Theo, I promise you that will never happen!" He smiled tenderly at Theodore and brushed a lock of hair back from his face. "I let Severus leave me once, when I was too young to know better, and I promised him that I would never let that happen again! If I had to, I would follow him around, send him Howlers, and camp outside his door until he took me back!"

"Werewolves are very persistent," Snape said with a wry smile.

But Theodore did not look reassured, and Lupin said in a gentle voice, "Theo, even two people who love each other very much will fight from time to time; it's only human nature. Don't you ever quarrel with your friends sometimes?"

"I guess," Theodore said uncertainly, then remembered how he and Blaise had argued during the Yule Ball, and before last year's Ball as well. He also remembered how he and Draco had fought during Draco's first visit to the cottage during the summer.

"But you forgave them, and they forgave you," Lupin said. Theodore nodded, but still didn't look quite convinced. Trying a different approach, Lupin asked, "Didn't you and your mother fight sometimes, Dylan?"

"Not really," Dylan replied, and Lupin heaved a sigh. Well, perhaps that was a bad example, he told himself. Ariane and Dylan had been unnaturally close, perhaps to a slightly unhealthy degree. Ariane, having lost her lover, had lavished all her affection on her son, doting on him and spoiling him a little, while Dylan had worshipped his beautiful young mother. He had grown up in exile for thirteen years, having little contact with anyone but the Donners, and completely trusting no one but his mother. They had been co-conspirators, secretly plotting to take revenge for Evan's death, and it was not surprising that all Dylan's anger had been reserved for the people he had considered responsible for his father's death and his mother's exile.

Suddenly realizing that he was not being very helpful, Dylan hastily added, "But my mother said that she fought with my father a lot when she was younger." He grinned rakishly. "She said that sometimes a good argument was fuel for passion." Lupin gave Snape a knowing grin; the Potions Master flushed, and Theodore relaxed just a little. "And Hermione and I fight sometimes," Dylan continued. "Well, not so much now, but we used to when I still had to pretend that I wanted to be a Death Eater."

"Secrets aren't very good for a relationship," Lupin said softly, and Snape flushed again, with guilt this time, and Theodore ducked his head, letting his dark hair fall across his face. Lupin smiled at them both, then placed his hand beneath Theodore's chin and tipped his face up until their eyes met. "Severus and I have very different personalities, and we're bound to clash sometimes," Lupin told him. "But just because we get angry at each other, it doesn't mean that we don't love each other, and it certainly doesn't mean that we'll break up. I will never leave Severus, and I will never leave you or Dylan. The three of you are my family, and I love you more than anything else in the world."

Theodore turned hesitantly towards Snape, and Lupin gave him an expectant look. Snape cleared his throat and said gruffly, "I won't leave the werewolf. Where else would I find someone willing to put up with me?" Lupin chuckled, Dylan laughed, more from release of tension than anything else, and Theodore smiled tentatively. "Lupin does lose his temper from time to time, Theodore," Snape said in a slightly more serious voice, Òand when he does, it's usually justified." Snape sighed. "And I must admit, it's usually my fault."

"Then you're not mad at Remus or me?" Theodore asked hesitantly.

"No, Theodore," Snape replied, looking very weary.

"But you told Lady Selima..."

Snape sighed again. "I wasn't angry with you, Theodore."

"But you were angry at Lady Selima because of me," Theodore persisted.

"I was estranged from my family for years," Snape said. "The argument that night...that was more about me and my mother than you. Things are...complicated...between us." He could see that wasn't going to be enough to reassure Theodore, but he didn't think that saying he was jealous of his own son was going to make things better. Lupin gave him a loving, encouraging smile, and Snape took a deep breath, then spoke. "I resented my mother for not protecting me from my father, much as you did Marta," Snape explained, choosing his words with care. "I was glad that Lady Selima seemed to be treating you well, but..." Snape hesitated, then continued, "But it made me wonder why she couldn't have treated me that way when I was a child." Snape hastened to assure his son, "But I was angry with my mother, not with you." Saying the word "love" still made him a little uncomfortable, but he knew that Theodore needed to hear it, so he said, "I love you, Theodore. Adopting you as my son was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life, and I will never regret it." Theodore's face filled with love and relief, and Snape managed a real smile. "It was well worth returning home for," he said, and meant it.

"But you don't have to!" Theodore said earnestly. "I meant what I said; I don't care about the inheritance as long as I'm your son! If...if you don't want to be part of the Snape family anymore, then neither do I!"

Theodore had just chosen Snape over Selima, and it hadn't escaped Snape's notice that he had gone back to calling her "Lady Selima" instead of "Grandmother". He wondered why that didn't make him happier. He glanced over at Lupin, waiting to see what his lover would say.

Lupin stared at him thoughtfully for a very long time, then finally reached out and laid his hand over Snape's. "I'm sorry, Severus," Lupin said, very gently. "You're right, I grew up in a loving family, and I can't really know what your childhood was like. Up here, perhaps, but not here." He tapped his head and then his heart with his free hand. "And you're right that I'm an idealist and that I want a happy ending. But it wasn't just for the sake of a fairy tale ending. Your family hurt you when you were a child, and I thought returning home would help you to heal. But maybe I was wrong." Lupin hesitated, then continued in a quiet voice, "I believe that Selima regrets what she did in the past, even if she hasn't actually said so. And I believe that she's trying to change. But some wounds run too deep to be healed, and some things cannot be forgiven. I was wrong to push you, Severus. I remember when you still could not forgive Sirius, that I told you that you must take things at your own pace, that no one could force you to change the way you feel. But I wanted so badly for us all to be a family that I rushed things, and I'm sorry. Only you can decide what is right for you, Severus. When--or if--we return to Snape Manor is up to you, and I will abide by whatever you decide."

Snape was touched by Lupin's apology, ashamed of starting the fight that had provoked it, and a little irked that Lupin was throwing the whole mess back in his lap. He was used to the werewolf badgering him into doing what was right even when he didn't want to. And he knew that cutting ties to his mother at this point would be wrong, although the childish, cowardly part of him would like nothing better. He knew that, despite his words, Theodore still cared about Selima, and even more importantly, he would have forced his son to choose between two people that he cared about--much as he had tried to do to Lupin. But Lupin was stronger than Theodore, and Snape knew that if he did this, Theodore would never really believe that his father's love was unconditional, and it would poison their relationship. Even if things went back to normal on the surface, Theodore would never really feel secure or happy again. He didn't want his son to grow up the way he had: needy and bitter, never really believing that anyone loved him. And maybe somewhere deep inside, a small part of Snape was reluctant to irrevocably estrange himself from his mother, even if he didn't really want to forgive her. But that thought made him uneasy, and he quickly shunted it aside, telling himself that he was doing this for Theodore's sake.

"No," Snape said, "I overreacted. Lady Selima and I declared a truce, but we are both of us stubborn, and tempers flare from time to time. This was a brief skirmish, if you will, but not enough to break the truce and start a war." Theodore looked cautiously relieved, but still a little uncertain. "I can't promise that I won't fight with my mother again," Snape said. "Most likely I will. But it will be about us, not you. I promise that no argument with my mother will ever make me disown you. Whatever happens between Lady Selima and myself, you will always be my son, Theodore." Suddenly mindful of the possibility of sibling rivalry, Snape added, "You and Dylan will always be my sons." Dylan smiled at him warmly, not looking the least bit jealous, but then, Dylan was used to being loved.

"Then should we go over for tea this weekend?" Lupin asked, much more diffidently than he usually did. Snape sighed; he didn't really want to go. This whole long discussion had drained him, and besides, he was a little embarrassed about facing his mother again after what had happened. On the other hand, if he didn't go, Theodore might take it the wrong way.

Seeing his hesitation, Lupin suggested a compromise. "Well, we are quite busy this week," he said casually. "Why don't we invite Lady Selima to the match next week? Perhaps we could have some tea or lunch together after the game, and then we could go to Snape Manor some time when we're less busy, perhaps in the following week or two?"

"That sounds like a good idea," Snape said, although he felt a bit cowardly about postponing the visit. The boys nodded in agreement.

All the arguing and explaining had taken a great deal of time, and it was now past dinnertime. Rather than go to dinner late, Lupin had some food sent up from the kitchen, and they spent the evening together, playing chess and talking quietly of trivial things until it was time for bed. Theodore seemed much calmer, though he was still looking a little fragile, and Snape suspected it would take some time for him to completely heal. The Potions Master silently cursed himself, and resolved never to be so careless and selfish again.

"What will we tell everyone, when they ask why we didn't come to dinner tonight?" Dylan asked, thinking like a practical Slytherin.

Snape thought for a moment, then said, "Just tell them that we had some Snape family business to discuss. That's true enough, and anything else is none of their business."

The boys smiled and said goodnight, and Lupin hugged them before they left. Still feeling like he needed to make things up to Theodore, Snape gave both of the boys a quick, awkward hug as well, and they looked very surprised but pleased. Then they went back to the dorm, and Snape felt oddly disappointed. He had an irrational urge to check up on them during the night to make sure they were sleeping well and tuck them into bed, as he had done sometimes at Grimmauld Place and Snape Manor. Lupin smiled at him, as if he could guess what Snape was thinking, and kissed him tenderly. They went to bed, and despite his worries and guilt, Snape slept soundly, wrapped in his lover's comforting embrace.
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The next day, Selima received a letter which read:
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Dear Lady Selima,

I regret that we will be unable to come to tea this Saturday. The boys are very busy with tests and extra Quidditch practice, as Slytherin has a match against Ravenclaw coming up next weekend. Severus and I also have a full schedule. We do hope that you will be able to attend the match; I am sure that Theodore would like to have you cheering him on.

Perhaps we can pay you a visit in a couple of weeks when things are less hectic, if that is convenient for you, of course.

Sincerely,
Remus J. Lupin
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Selima folded it up and sighed. The letter was very politely yet evasively worded--the werewolf was almost starting to sound like a Slytherin. Reading between the lines, she interpreted it to mean that Severus was still angry at her, but that Lupin was attempting to smooth things over. Well, at least Severus wasn't angry enough to prevent her from coming to the Quidditch match--or the werewolf was simply more stubborn than Severus. Which was saying a great deal, actually, but she didn't doubt that he was more than a match for her son. It was a little disturbing, and yet almost comforting at the same time.

Severus had been angry enough that it wasn't worth insisting on the visit. Selima sensed that it hadn't been one of Severus's normal outbursts, that he really had been on the verge of leaving the family once again--perhaps for good this time. She knew by now that money and power gave her no leverage over him; the only things that kept him from leaving were his lover's Gryffindor sentimentality and the need to give his son an inheritance. Selima felt a sudden surge of fear--the Snape family was on the verge of falling apart, and she stood to lose not just the Lord and heir, but her son and grandson. Finally--and ironically, since it might be too late--she had come to value them for themselves and not just as a means to continue the Snape line and uphold the family honor. Perhaps this was some sort of divine retribution for the way she had treated her son as a child. Her husband had inflicted a Cruciatus Curse on their son, not just once, but intermittently over the years, and she had failed to protect him. She wondered now why it had come as such a surprise to them that Severus had felt no loyalty to his family.

She took a deep breath and told herself not to panic. Severus, as angry as he was, had agreed to abide by the truce, and the letter seemed to indicate that Lupin was prepared to enforce it. But she decided to be careful from now on, to avoid driving Severus even further away. Perhaps it would be prudent to distance herself a little from Theodore. But might that not hurt Theodore? There was a certain vulnerability, an eagerness to please, beneath his outward Slytherin mask of composure. But it might be better for him to resent her a little than to lose him entirely.

Selima sighed again. No sense borrowing trouble and possibly fretting over nothing. She would wait till the Quidditch match, and reassess the situation; perhaps Severus would have calmed down by then. She rang for Vorcher and told him to prepare some tea for her, hoping that would calm her nerves.

Part 98