Aftermaths, Part 26

by Geri ([email protected])

Rating: Mostly PG-13, but NC-17 for overall story

Pairing: Snape/Lupin, Theodore/Blaise

Warning: AU; events that occurred at the end of Order of the Phoenix were significantly altered from the book.

Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, and Phoenix Rising.

Summary: The various characters deal with the aftermath of the war, and Snape and Lupin try to build a family together with Theodore and Dylan. However, some people are unable to let go of the past...

Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling, except Hob, who belongs to William Mayne; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
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One evening Harry found himself with nothing to do, and wandered around the house feeling restless and bored. Ginny and Ron had gone out with their family to have dinner with the Clearwaters, a sort of getting-to-know-each-other dinner to prepare for Percy's and Penelope's wedding. Hermione and Dylan were talking quietly together in the library; Dylan was showing Hermione some photos of his parents, and it seemed to be a rather personal and private conversation, so Harry hadn't wanted to interrupt, and left without the pair even noticing he was there. Theodore and Snape were playing chess in the drawing room, and he didn't want to interrupt them, either--besides, hanging out with Snape was not exactly Harry's idea of a good time. He went upstairs and noticed that Lupin's bedroom door was open, and peered inside.

Lupin was sitting at his desk writing in a notebook, but he set aside his quill and looked up at Harry with a smile. "Hello, Harry."

"Hi, Professor," Harry said. "Am I interrupting you?"

"Not at all," Lupin replied. "I was working on my lesson plans, but there's no rush; I still have plenty of time to finish them before school starts. Come in and pull up a seat."

Harry walked in and sat down on the empty chair beside Lupin's desk; he had been wanting to talk to his Professor, but this was the first chance he'd had to catch Lupin alone. What he wanted to discuss was not something that he felt comfortable sharing with the Slytherins, or even his friends.

"We haven't really had a chance to just sit down and chat, have we, Harry?" Lupin asked cheerfully, as if he could read Harry's thoughts. "What's on your mind?"

"It's just, well..." Harry began hesitantly. "I never wanted to be the Boy Who Lived or to have to fight Voldemort, but still, that was my main purpose in life for the last six years. I was planning to become an Auror so that I could fight the Death Eaters, but now I don't need to, and...well..."

Lupin smiled, a look of understanding in his blue eyes. "You feel at loose ends?" he asked. "You don't know quite what to do with your life now?"

"Yes," Harry replied, grateful that Lupin seemed to understand how he felt. "I should be happy, and I am, but I don't really know what I'm supposed to do now."

"Welcome to the life of a normal teenager, Harry," Lupin said, still smiling. "Well...you'll never really be normal, exactly, after everything you've been through, but would it surprise you to know most of your classmates are probably having similar thoughts?" Harry looked startled. "The lives of Draco and the other Death Eater offspring were permanently altered by the battle, too. Their parents all had plans for them--I think it's just as well that those plans were never carried out, but now they'll have to start over completely from scratch, which I'm sure they find a little scary. And even your other classmates, the ones who did not take part in the battle, are probably feeling a little frightened and unsure of themselves. Their teachers and parents are telling them that they have to decide what kind of careers they want, but very few people know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their lives at age seventeen."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Really," Lupin said firmly. "You don't have to decide the course of your life right now, Harry. It's okay not to decide on a career right away; it's even okay if you try out a job and decide later that it's not for you. Sometimes it takes awhile to find your path in life."

"Thanks, Professor," Harry said, feeling much better.

"You're welcome, Harry," Lupin replied. "And you know, you don't have to call me 'Professor' when we're not in school; you can call me 'Remus'."

"Er..."

Lupin smiled at the uncomfortable expression on Harry's face. "You don't have to, of course, but you can if you want to."

"Uh...okay, thanks," Harry said. He wasn't sure that he would feel comfortable calling Lupin by his first name, but he noticed that Dylan and Theodore did, and it made him happy to be granted the same privilege. Although, come to think of it, Lupin had told them two summers ago that they could call him by his name, but Harry and his friends hadn't taken him up on it.

"Professor...um...er...Remus?" Harry asked awkwardly.

"Yes, Harry?" Lupin said patiently, looking amused.

"I've been thinking about my dad a lot recently," Harry continued. "Ever since you told us that story about him and Snape playing Quidditch in the rain."

"I see," Lupin said, his expression suddenly becoming more guarded.

"I keep thinking about how much he and Snape hated each other," Harry said, "and about what I saw in the Pensieve." He hastily added, "I know you guys told me he was young, and that he grew out of it, but...well, I was wondering what he'd think about all this. I mean, about you and Snape being together, and Professor Blackmore and Sirius, and the Slytherins helping to fight the Death Eaters and..." He hesitated, then finished quietly, "And about how I had to embrace the Slytherin side of me to kill Voldemort."

"Ah," Lupin said softly, suddenly understanding what Harry was really concerned about: he was wondering whether his father would be proud of him for defeating Voldemort, or angry and disappointed in him for embracing his Slytherin side and allying himself with the people his father had regarded as enemies. Lupin wasn't sure himself how James would have reacted; he had the uneasy feeling that James would definitely have objected to his own relationship with Severus, and to Sirius's marriage to Branwen, whom James had always suspected of being a Dark Wizard even though she had not been a Slytherin. In fact, Lupin was very afraid that Sirius would never have matured enough to recognize his feelings for Branwen if James had lived; he had tended to follow James's lead, and the two of them would likely have continued to support each other's somewhat idealized and narrow-minded view of the world. And Lupin wondered if Harry would have grown up into the young man capable of defeating Voldemort if he had been raised by James, or if he would have become as arrogant and intolerant as James had been as a child. Lupin felt guilty for having such thoughts, but he kept remembering how James and Sirius had stripped and humiliated Severus beside the lake just for the fun of it, as well as numerous other petty pranks, and he suddenly had a vision of Harry, standing tall and proud, an arrogant sneer on his face, looking rather like Draco Malfoy, except that he was sneering at the Slytherins instead of the Gryffindors. Such a boy could never have embraced the Serpent within him as Miyako had prophesied that he must, and he would have fallen to Voldemort, and the Dark Lord would have won the war, and they would all be dead or enslaved...

Lupin suddenly shook his head, telling himself that he was being silly. Yes, James had been narrow-minded, but if he had lived, surely he would have grown and matured, as both Severus and Sirius had! And of course there was Lily...Lupin sighed with relief. If Harry's parents had lived, surely Lily would have raised him to be as compassionate as she was, and she wouldn't have let her son get too full of himself. She was the main reason why James had begun to mature in school; he had been in love with her practically since the day they met, and when he finally realized that his swaggering act was not going to impress her, he started behaving in a more responsible manner, which did. Then Lupin scolded himself for getting all worked up about something that could never happen--Lily and James were dead, and nothing could change that, but Harry had grown up into a fine young man.

Lupin smiled at Harry and said confidently, "I'm sure your father would be proud of you, Harry. It's true that he had some prejudices, and he probably would have been upset about my relationship with Severus, as Sirius was, but I believe that like Sirius, he would eventually have grown up and overcome those prejudices. After all, Severus and Sirius eventually made peace with each other."

"That's true," Harry laughed, looking greatly relieved. "After what happened at the end of third year, I never would have thought they'd ever be able to stay in the same room without killing each other, much less learn to get along with each other! Even when they were both working for the Order, they nearly got into a duel when they were arguing over my Occlumency lessons!"

"It wasn't really you they were fighting about, Harry," Lupin said gently. "It was just a convenient excuse."

"Yeah, I get that now," Harry said. "Sirius was on edge from being cooped up in the house, and it seems like he's always been overprotective of the people he cares about. I mean, that's why he pulled the Shrieking Shack prank, to scare Snape away from you because he was afraid Snape might hurt you, right?"

That was actually a pretty insightful observation, Lupin thought, but Harry was still too young and inexperienced to see down to the deeper truth that lay below the surface: the mutual hatred Sirius and Severus had shared for so many years had been motivated mainly by jealousy on the part of both men. Lupin's lips twisted in an ironic smile as he recalled that Severus had recently told him that he was too popular for his own good; back when he had been a lonely, friendless young boy living alone in the woods with his parents, he had never imagined that someday people might actually be competing with each other for his affection! However, it was Sirius's place, not Lupin's, to tell Harry the real reason behind his animosity towards Severus. So all Lupin said was, "I love Sirius dearly, but he used to have the very bad habit of thinking that he knew what was best for everyone," which was true enough. "I think it's been good for him, having Branwen around; she doesn't let him get away with things like that." Lupin remembered, with shame and regret, how many times he had let things slide because he had been too afraid to confront Sirius and the others and risk losing their friendship.

Harry just laughed and said, "Professor Blackmore doesn't let anyone get away with anything--I should know!" Lupin laughed as well, and Harry rose from his seat, saying, "Thank you for talking with me, Professor; I feel a lot better now."

"You're welcome, Harry," Lupin said warmly. "I know I've been busy this summer, but I hope you'll always feel free to call on me if you need someone to talk to. I'll have Sirius or Branwen show you how to use the mirrors we Order members used to communicate with each other, and of course when we're back in school, you can stop by my office anytime."

Snape, who had been standing outside the open door eavesdropping, quickly retreated out of sight down the hall as he heard Potter prepare to leave. He had finished his chess game with Theodore, and had gone up to his room to get a book on chess strategy that he wanted to show the boy, but when he'd heard Potter's and Lupin's voices, curiosity had gotten the better of him; sneakiness was a Slytherin trait, after all. He had overheard Potter asking Lupin what his father would have thought of the whole situation, and Lupin's reply--after a very long pause--that James would have matured out of his old prejudices. Snape wasn't nearly so sure of that; Potter senior had been even more stubborn than Black in some ways, and would definitely have objected to Snape teaching his son Occlumency, even more strongly than Black had. Black had reluctantly deferred to the Headmaster's orders, but Snape knew that Dumbledore would never have been able to convince James that Snape wouldn't somehow harm or bewitch Harry during the lessons. And surely Potter would have hit the roof when he realized that his best friend had renewed his old romance with Snape, and Snape suddenly felt a pang of fear as he wondered what Lupin would have done if Potter had tried to make him choose between the two of them. Would he have had the strength to defy his old friend for Snape's sake? Snape reminded himself that Lupin had defied Sirius for his sake, but Black had been vulnerable in a way that Potter never was--after twelve long years in Azkaban, as a fugitive on the run with no one else to depend on, Sirius Black had not been willing to risk losing his old friend over a disagreement over that friend's lover. But if Potter and Black had presented a united front, what would Lupin have done then...? Snape's conscience told him that he was not giving his lover enough credit, but he was suddenly very glad that James Potter was dead, although he felt a little ashamed of that sudden surge of relief. It was not so much due to the old hatred as it was to the fear of losing what was most precious to him.

Then Snape berated himself for behaving like an idiot; it wasn't as if James Potter was going to rise from the dead and steal Lupin away from him! "I wonder what you'd think, Potter," Snape whispered, "about the fact that your best friend is sharing my bed and has your son associating with my Slytherin students?" He also wondered how James would have reacted to the knowledge that Lily and Harry were Salazar Slytherin's descendants; would his love for them have overcome his revulsion towards Slytherin, or would he have turned against his wife and son, unable to accept the tainted blood in their veins? He stood there ruminating as he waited until he heard Potter junior descend the staircase, then waited a few minutes more, and only then did he casually walk into the room he and Lupin shared.

"Hello, Severus," Lupin said, looking up from his lesson plans. "I didn't hear you come up; I thought you were downstairs playing chess with Theo."

"I was, but the game's over," Snape replied. "I managed to beat Mr. Nott this time." He walked over to the bookcase and retrieved the title he was looking for. "I came up to get this book on chess strategy for him; I thought he could use a few pointers."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate it," Lupin said with a smile, then his eyes flickered towards the doorway. "Er...you didn't happen to pass by Harry on your way up, did you?"

"No," Snape replied honestly, if somewhat deceptively. "Why do you ask?"

"Harry and I were just having a little chat before you came up," Lupin said, looking at Snape as if he wasn't quite certain that he believed him.

Snape gave Lupin his best nasty Potions Master grin. "Perhaps he ran away when he heard me coming."

"You're utterly terrifying," Lupin laughed, then suddenly rose from his seat and hugged Snape tightly. "I love you, Severus!" he said fiercely.

The unexpected embrace knocked the breath out of Snape for a moment; apparently he wasn't the only one who had been brooding about the past. "I love you, too, Remus," he gasped, "but could you ease up just a bit? I can't breathe."

"Oops," Lupin said with a sheepish grin. "Sorry." He loosened his hold on Snape but did not let go of him. "I was just thinking about how much I love you," he said in a more serious tone, "and that I don't know what I would do without you."

That irrational fear of losing Lupin suddenly vanished. "I was thinking the same thing," Snape replied softly, and kissed the werewolf, a long and deep kiss that left him breathless once again. He tried to return Lupin's embrace, but the book he was still holding got in the way.

Lupin laughed and reluctantly released his lover. "I suppose we shouldn't keep Theo waiting," he said regretfully.

Snape nodded guiltily; the boy was probably wondering what had kept him so long. "You're right," he said, giving Lupin a brief kiss on the lips before turning to leave.

"Wait, Severus!" Lupin said, grabbing a deck of cards from his desk. "I'll go down with you, and the three of us can play a game of cards together."

Snape smiled, immediately cheering up. That wasn't quite as appealing as a night of lovemaking, but it ran a close second; Snape was a little surprised to discover how much he enjoyed these little domestic moments of shared family time in the evening. He felt so smug and content that he didn't even object when Lupin slipped an arm around him as they headed down the stairs together. He gloated a little at James Potter's imaginary shade, thinking, {Lupin is mine, and no one will ever take him away from me again!} Then he got absorbed in the game of Exploding Snap with Lupin and Theodore, enjoying his lover's smiles and the rare sound of his foster son's laughter, and completely forgot--at least for the moment--about ghosts, old grudges, and childhood rivalries.
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The rest of their stay at Grimmauld Place passed by quickly; the children were getting along with each other, and Theo had no more nightmares. Lupin worried, however, that Dylan and Hermione might be getting along a little too well, and was faced with another awkward parenting problem.

"Er...Sev," Lupin said to Snape one day. "Have you noticed that Hermione and Dylan have gotten closer lately?"

"I don't see how I could have failed to notice," Snape said sourly, "what with them mooning over each other all the time. Personally, I'd prefer that the students restrict that sort of sappy display of affections to Madam Puddifoot's, but..." Snape frowned, looking a little puzzled as he interrupted his own rant. "Why do you ask, Lupin? Aside from your Gryffindor penchant for stating the obvious, I mean."

"Well," Lupin said, "I don't think their relationship has progressed beyond holding hands and stealing a few kisses in the library, but...um..." He blushed a little. "Perhaps you should have a little talk with Dylan about the...er...facts of life."

Snape snorted. "Slytherins aren't nearly as naive as you Gryffindors, and I'm quite sure that both of them know where babies come from, Lupin!"

"Yes, but do they know about birth control charms and spells?"

Snape froze in place, a horrified look suddenly spreading across his face, then he snorted again and shook his head. "They're both too sensible to do anything stupid, Lupin."

"Yes, but sometimes teenage hormones can overrule one's common sense," Lupin added with a sly grin, and Snape flushed as he remembered how he had become infatuated with a certain Gryffindor boy, in spite of all logic and common sense. "I'm probably worrying over nothing, but it's better to be safe than sorry, don't you think?"

"Why do I have to be the one to talk to him?" Snape whined. "Why can't you do it? I'm sure you would be much better at this sort of thing."

"But you're his mentor and Head of House," Lupin said sweetly. "It seems to me that it's your responsibility."

"We share equal guardianship of the boys," Snape grumbled, glaring at Lupin.

Lupin shrugged. "Well, personally I would be delighted to have a cub or two running around the cottage, but I thought that you--"

That look of horror returned to Snape's eyes and he ran out of the room, shouting, "Fine! I'll talk to him, already!" Lupin laughed as he watched his lover leave; it was probably a little mean of him to tease Severus this way, but he just couldn't resist.

"Stupid werewolf," Snape muttered under his breath, as he heard Lupin's laughter echoing behind him. "It was all his idea; I don't see why he couldn't handle it himself." He found Dylan, Theodore, and the girls practicing their Japanese together in the drawing room. "I would like a word with you, Mr. Rosier."

The other three children gave him apprehensive looks, but Dylan calmly set aside his textbook and said, "Yes, sir." Snape decided to go up to his workroom, where they were unlikely to be interrupted; he didn't really want anyone, especially the Gryffindors, to overhear their little chat.

Snape closed the door behind them, cleared his throat, and said, "Mr. Rosier..."

"Yes, sir?" Dylan asked, now beginning to look a little worried.

Snape coughed again, and felt his face turning a little red. "Lupin and I have observed that you and Miss Granger seem to be forming a...ah...close friendship."

"Yes, sir," Dylan replied, still looking anxious. "I know that you don't like the Gryffindors, but--"

Snape shook his head, saying, "No, I'm not telling you to break it off, Rosier," and Dylan looked relieved. "It's just that...well...Lupin thought..."

"Sir?" Dylan asked, puzzled. He had never seen Snape look so flustered before, except when Lupin was teasing him.

Snape cleared his throat one final time, forced himself to stop dithering, and said in a determined voice, "I suppose I should have had this talk with you before, considering what a ladies' man your father was, but Lupin and I wanted to make sure that you know how to cast birth control spells--and that you are aware of the consequences of not using them."

Dylan's face turned bright red, and Snape felt a bit of malicious pleasure at knowing that he was not the only one suffering from embarrassment at the moment. "Oh no, sir!" Dylan exclaimed. "I mean, yes, I know how to use those spells, but Hermione and I...uh...haven't reached that stage in our relationship yet."

"Good," Snape said, heaving a sigh of relief. "But when...I mean, if...things should get to that point, be sure to use those spells or better yet, pick up a permanently enchanted charm." Birth control charms could be bought, discreetly disguised as pieces of jewelry, usually pendants or bracelets.

"Yes, sir," Dylan said, still blushing.

Snape was about to let the matter drop, but he was suddenly curious about something. "By the way, who taught you those spells? Did you study them on your own, or did one of the older boys teach them to you?"

Dylan's face turned even redder, and he looked completely mortified. "Mother taught me," he mumbled.

"Oh," Snape said, his own face reddening and he was suddenly sorry that he'd asked. Well, at least Ariane had not shirked her motherly duty!

"I was kind of an accident," Dylan continued, staring at the floor. "I mean, a happy one, because Mother said she was glad that part of Dad lived on in me, but she, um, never planned to get pregnant. She wanted to make sure that I wouldn't become a father until I was ready for it."

That was a little more than Snape really wanted to know, but at least he wouldn't have to teach Dylan "the facts of life," as Lupin put it. "Very well, Mr. Rosier, you may go."

"Yes, sir!" Dylan said, and fled the room.

"Well, that was a complete waste of time," Snape muttered. "Stupid werewolf; I told him Dylan was sensible!"

"So what did Professor Snape want?" Hermione asked when Dylan returned to the drawing room.

"Nothing," he replied, but his three friends gave him a suspicious look when he blushed.

"He called you out of the room for nothing?" Ginny asked skeptically.

"Well, uh, nothing really important; he, uh, just wanted to make sure that I was keeping up with my studies," Dylan said, thinking that it wasn't that much of a lie. "He just wanted to make sure that I'm, um, studying...er...certain spells that I'll be needing for the current term."

"I don't see why he couldn't have talked to you about that here," Ginny said, still looking suspicious.

"Who am I to argue with Snape?" Dylan asked desperately. "You know how he is; nobody in their right mind is going to tell him what to do--except for Lupin, of course."

"You're right," Hermione said, taking pity on him even though she was still curious herself. "Professor Snape has his own way of doing things." Dylan flashed her a grateful look, and she said, "Shall we pick up where we left off?"

As they began conversing in Japanese again, Theodore leaned over and whispered, "I can't wait to hear about this one!" and Dylan blushed again.

Later, in the privacy of their room, Theo fell back on his bed laughing as Dylan scowled at him. "It's not funny, Theo! How come Snape never had a talk with you about the birds and the bees?"

"I don't think he knows about me and Blaise," Theo said with a grin. "And even if he did, it's not like I can get Blaise pregnant!" Then he started laughing again.

"I'm not going to get Hermione pregnant!" Dylan shouted indignantly.

"You better keep your voice down, Rosier," Theo laughed. "You wouldn't want the Gryffindors to overhear you!" So Dylan had no choice but to sit there and glare at his foster brother in silence.

Part 27