Aftermaths, Part 145

by Geri ([email protected])

Rating: Mostly PG-13, but NC-17 for overall story

Pairing: Snape/Lupin, Theodore/Blaise

Warning: AU; events that occurred at the end of Order of the Phoenix were significantly altered from the book.

Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, and Phoenix Rising.

Summary: The various characters deal with the aftermath of the war, and Snape and Lupin try to build a family together with Theodore and Dylan. However, some people are unable to let go of the past...

Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling, except Hob, who belongs to William Mayne; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
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Aric felt much better the next morning--well enough to devour a large breakfast of eggs, sausages, bacon, and toast. "Ah, real food!" Aric sighed with satisfaction, licking the grease from his fingers when he was done. He finished every scrap of food; the plates looked so clean that they almost didn't need washing.

Takeshi seemed very pleased with his appetite, saying that it was a sign that he was recovering. The bite wound was also healing rapidly. Takeshi removed the bandages, since Aric's flesh had begun to knit together and the wound was no longer bleeding. The newly-formed layer of skin was still red and tender, but Takeshi promised him that it would not leave a scar, and that the wound would probably vanish completely after his first transformation.

The thought of undergoing that transformation terrified Aric, but he tried not to let it show, not wanting to seem like a coward in front of his lover. "Great," he said, with an air of bravado. "I wouldn't want any scars marring my good looks!"

"I'll always love you, scars or no scars," Takeshi laughed, then gave Aric a kiss. But he must have seen through Aric's act, because he added gently, "And don't worry about the full moon. Everything will be all right. Remus and Lukas and I will help you through it."

"I'm fine," Aric said quickly. "I'm a little nervous, of course, but I'm fine." Takeshi kissed him again and left to check on his other patients, promising to come back when he was done.

But Aric wasn't really fine. The thought of changing into an animal was frightening, and he wasn't sure if he wanted Takeshi there to see it. He was scared--scared that it would hurt, because he had read that the transformation was very painful, and he wasn't sure how well he would be able to handle it. He didn't want Takeshi to see him screaming or crying; the transformation would be hard enough without worrying about whether he might humiliate himself in front of his lover. And he was scared because he was turning into an animal, and not just any animal--a beast, a predator. He knew that the Wolfsbane Potion was supposed to keep him from going mad, but what if something went wrong? What if he lost control of himself and attacked Takeshi? He knew that was an irrational fear, since Lupin had been taking the potion for years without any problems, but he just couldn't shake it. Besides, what if the poison in his blood somehow interfered with the potion? Takeshi didn't seem to think it was a problem, but then again, this situation had never come up before. The Healers said that it had been decades since the last time someone had been treated for the Sanguis Veneno spell.

He began reading one of Lupin's romance books to try and take his mind off of things. But he could hear a couple of nurses whispering as they passed by his room.

"That's the Dietrich boy, isn't it?"

"Poor thing, I hear that his family's cast him out. How horrible to be heir to a wealthy family one minute, and an outcast the next."

"But he chose to be bitten, so I hear," the first nurse said. "I don't think I could have done that!"

"Well, would you rather be dead?" the second nurse asked, and then their voices faded as they moved out of range.

Aric shuddered a little when he realized that he had only been able to overhear them because of his heightened wolf senses. Takeshi had spoke of them as if they were an advantage, but Aric saw that it was also a curse as well. Sure, it might be useful sometimes to hear things that you weren't supposed to, but there were some things that it was better not to hear--like the scornful, pitying, and curious comments that people were bound to make about him behind his back. He knew that the nurses' comments were probably mild compared to the gossip that must be buzzing around the school and the circle of pureblood elite that he no longer belonged to.

Now that he was aware of it, he found it hard to tune out the background noises around him. Not just the gossip, but the groan of a patient in pain, the voice of a Healer telling a nurse what medication to give a patient, the sound of a cart being rolled down the hall and the clinking of plates and silverware as an orderly gathered up the breakfast dishes from the other rooms. Aric continued turning the pages of the book, but was unable to concentrate on the story, and looked up with relief when he heard footsteps and voices coming down the hallway, this time familiar and welcome.

"Hello, Aric," Lupin said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thank you," Aric replied.

Lupin suggested a game of cards, and Aric willingly set aside the romance novel as Lupin dealt out the cards for himself, Aric, Theo, and Dylan. Snape merely greeted Aric curtly, then excused himself saying that he had an errand to run.

They played cards and talked for about an hour, until Snape returned and said it was time to go back to Hogwarts. "You go on ahead," Theo told the others. "I'll be along in a minute."

"What is it, Theo?" Aric asked curiously once they were alone.

"I brought you a gift," Theo replied. "But I thought it might be better to give it to you in private."

He handed Aric a leather-bound book. It appeared to be very old; the leather was worn and scuffed, and the pages were yellow with age, but the lavishly painted illustrations were still beautiful, if slightly faded. Aric idly flipped through the book, wondering why Theo had given it to him. At first glance, it appeared to be an adventure novel similar to one of Lupin's books, about a young wizard who was journeying to faraway lands. But then Aric turned the page, and the next illustration nearly made his eyes pop out of his head. He flipped through the book more rapidly, and discovered that the book was indeed a story about a young wizard's adventures--more specifically, his amorous adventures with handsome young men. The book was actually a sex manual thinly disguised as a novel, with very graphic and detailed text instructions, and equally graphic illustrations.

Aric slammed the book shut, his face turning a bright shade of crimson. "Where on earth did you get this book, Theo?!" he demanded.

His cousin just grinned at him unrepentantly. "Hidden in a secret cupboard in the Nott mansion library," he replied casually. "It seems that one of my ancestors had tendencies similar to mine. That book was quite educational, but I don't really need it anymore, so I thought I would pass it on to you."

"What makes you think that I need it?" Aric snapped, still blushing.

"Well, I've only heard of you having girlfriends, not boyfriends," Theo said with a shrug. "Although I guess that isn't the sort of thing that you'd advertise. But if you don't want it..."

"I didn't say that," Aric mumbled. He had fooled around some with guys at Durmstrang, but his experience was mainly limited to a little mutual groping and wanking, and the occasional blow job (received, never given) from one of the younger boys who worshipped the stars of the Quidditch teams. Takeshi was older and probably much more experienced than he was; Aric suddenly recalled his casual reference to past boyfriends, and felt a sudden surge of jealousy and uneasiness. Theoretically, he knew how men had sex with each other, but maybe he'd hang onto the book anyway. Just so he didn't look like a complete ignoramus or inexperienced schoolboy the first time they made love.

Aric opened the book again, and it fell open to an illustration that made him raise his eyebrows and turn even redder. "Merlin's Beard, is that actually possible?"

Theo leaned over to his shoulder to see what he was looking at. "Only if you're a contortionist, I think."

"So you and Zabini haven't tried everything in this book?"

"Not everything," Theo replied cheerfully. "I didn't really fancy trying to explain it to Madam Pomfrey if I pulled a muscle or tore a ligament. And I'm not into threesomes. The second part of the book is a bit...um...fanciful. But you should find the first half useful."

"Hello, Theodore," Takeshi said. "I thought you had left with the Professors. What are the two of you looking at?"

Aric jumped guiltily, shoved the book under the stack of Lupin's books, and hastily said, "Oh, nothing. Just one of Professor Lupin's romance novels. They're a bit silly, but there's not much to do here besides read." Aric laughed nervously, trying not to blush, although he was afraid that he was failing miserably. The one time that his new wolf senses would have come in handy, and he hadn't even heard Takeshi enter the room! Apparently they didn't work when he was being distracted by pornographic pictures.

"Well, I'd better be going," Theo said quickly, hurrying towards the door. He winked at Aric from behind Takeshi's back and said innocently, "Enjoy the books."

"I'm going to kill him," Aric muttered under his breath.

"I hope you haven't started fighting with Theodore again," Takeshi said sternly. "The two of you have been getting along so well recently."

"Er, no, everything's fine," Aric assured him. And mostly he was still grateful to his cousin, although he did want to throttle him at the moment.

"That's good," Takeshi said, then glanced at the stack of books. "Ariel Zoltaire, hmm? I've a read a couple of them; they're not bad." His eyes fell on Theo's book, and he said casually, "'Adventures of a Journeyman Wizard'? That's not one of Zoltaire's books, is it?"

"No, but it seems quite similar," Aric said, trying to sound indifferent. "Adventure, romance, that sort of thing." He quickly changed the subject. "How soon can I go home? I mean, back to Hogwarts?"

"You can probably return to school tomorrow, if you promise to take it easy," Takeshi replied, and they chatted about other things for several minutes. Aric relaxed, feeling relieved that Takeshi hadn't recognized the book or looked inside it.

At least until Takeshi said he had to take care of another patient, turned to leave, and then paused. "By the way, Aric," he said, his brown eyes sparkling mischievously behind his gold wire-rimmed glasses, "Hogwarts has a copy of that book in the restricted section of the library. I'm rather fond of page fifty-two, myself. Maybe we can try it out when you're feeling better."

The mediwizard casually sauntered out the door as Aric's face turned beet red and he cursed Theo under his breath. And then Aric picked up the book and turned to page fifty-two.
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While Lupin and the boys were visiting with Aric, Snape paid a visit to the Spell Damage ward. The Auror standing guard outside Williamson's room nodded at Snape and allowed him to enter unchallenged. Snape nodded back, entered the room, and shut the door behind him.

"What do you want?" Williamson asked sullenly.

"Now, now, is that any way to speak to your savior?" Snape asked in a silky voice, holding up a potion bottle.

"You're going to lord it over me for the rest of my life, aren't you?" Williamson groaned. "Maybe I'd be better off dead!"

"Well, if that's what you prefer..." Snape said with a shrug, heading for the door.

"No!" Williamson shouted frantically. "No, please wait! I didn't mean it!"

Snape smiled at him evilly, like a cat toying with a mouse. He waved the potion bottle in the air invitingly and purred, "So how badly do you want this, Williamson?"

"What do you want, Snape?" Williamson asked desperately.

Snape's voice suddenly turned brisk and businesslike. "You are going to stand trial in a few days. You will plead guilty to all charges and confess all your crimes. In particular, you will make sure to clear the werewolves and myself of any wrongdoing. You will accept the sentence that the Minister of Magic proposes."

"That's life in Azkaban," Williamson whispered.

"Life in prison, or no life at all," Snape said mercilessly. "It's your choice, Williamson. Just remember, that even if by some miracle you should win your freedom, it will be very short-lived without this potion." He held the potion bottle up high, then opened his hand and let it fall. Williamson let out a shriek of fear and protest, but Snape caught the bottle with his other hand before it hit the ground.

"All right," Williamson said in a defeated tone, his shoulders slumping. "You win. I'll do whatever you say."

"Good," Snape said. "Then I'll drop the potion off with your Healer." And then he left the room, smiling very smugly to himself.
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Aric received another visitor after lunch, a man that he didn't recognize, who appeared to be in his twenties and had dark brown hair. "Yes?" he asked cautiously.

"Hello," the man said, smiling at him pleasantly. "I'm Brian Perry. I'm a member of Lukas's pack. You don't know me, but I believe that you've met my wife, Kyra, and my nephew, Martin Parry. He's a sixth-year Gryffindor at Hogwarts."

"Oh, right," Aric said. "I didn't know that Martin was your nephew, though."

"My family disowned me after I was turned, so it's kind of a secret," Brian said without any bitterness. "Martin is the only one who's still speaking to me."

"I can relate to that," Aric said ruefully. "Well, it's nice to meet you, but..."

"But why am I here?" Brian finished. "I wanted to greet you on behalf of the pack, for one thing. And I also thought you might like to talk to someone who's been through the same thing you have. Takeshi is very knowledgeable about werewolves, but he isn't one himself. And Remus and Lukas have lived with their lycanthropy for all of their lives, and I'm not sure that they can really understand how disconcerting it is to suddenly be turned, to be bombarded with a sensory overload..."

"Yes!" Aric exclaimed, suddenly feeling a sense of relief that someone understood what he was going through. "Just this morning, I overheard a couple of nurses whispering about me, feeling sorry for the poor Dietrich boy. I'm sure they didn't realize that I could hear them. And I can hear all these other little sounds that I normally wouldn't, and it's driving me up the wall!"

"I know," Brian said sympathetically. "You'll find that your sense of smell has become more sensitive, too. Smells that used to be pleasant, like perfume, might be too strong and overpowering for the wolf to enjoy. And you'll find yourself being able to pick up subtle scents that a normal human would never notice. As I said, you'll find it disconcerting at first, but eventually you'll get used to it. And it does have some advantages. For example, I can recognize my mate's scent anywhere." He smiled, his eyes looking a little distant and dreamy for a moment. "It's reassuring, to be able to smell her scent and feel her presence in our flat, even when she's not there."

Aric wasn't sure that was enough to make up for all the disadvantages, but complaining about it wouldn't change the fact that he had been turned, and Brian was trying to be helpful, after all. "What about the transformation?" he asked nervously. "What is that like?"

Brian's expression turned grave. "I won't lie to you. It was terrifying for me at first. It's not so much the pain, although it does hurt, but the fact that you can feel your body changing, and feel the wolf's mind taking over your own. Doing it without the Wolfsbane Potion is..." He visibly shuddered. "...horrible. Transforming with the potion isn't as bad, because you retain your sanity, but the wolf's instincts still become stronger when you take wolf shape. Your sense of sound and smell is even more enhanced, but most of all, you can feel the wolf in your mind. I...I didn't get along with the rest of the pack at first, and I'd avoid them as much as I could when I was human, but we had to spend the full moon together. At first, I tried to sulk in a corner all night, but the wolf is a social creature, and I found myself wanting to join the rest of the pack--to romp and play with them, or even just to sit quietly and be near them. Sometimes we'd get into scuffles, and Lukas would come over and break it up. And when the pack leader growls at you, all you want to do is roll over on your back and submit to him." Brian grinned. "Sometimes I even feel that urge in human form! Lukas can be quite intimidating."

"Try taking Physical Defense lessons from him sometime," Aric said dryly. "And I know you mean well, but you're not really being very reassuring."

"I know," Brian replied, looking unoffended. "I just wanted you to be prepared. But it does get better with time. It'll go easier on you if you don't fight the transformation, and try to accept the wolf. A wolf is really not so different from a human when you come right down to it. Both seek companionship. Both defer to their leaders. Are the Houses at Hogwarts really so different from a wolf pack? Doesn't the Headmaster command the school, and the Minister of Magic command the wizarding world, the way that Lukas commands his pack?"

"I suppose you're right," Aric conceded. "And Lukas is certainly a better leader than Cornelius Fudge was!"

"And in some ways, perhaps a wolf is superior to a human," Brian continued. "Wolves are loyal to their pack. They work together to support and protect each other. From time to time, a wolf might try to challenge the pack leader, but he'll do it openly. Wolves don't try to stab each other in the back the way the pureblood nobles do."

"I guess you're right," Aric said reluctantly.

"The pack will help you," Brian said reassuringly. "I know the idea of being surrounded by wolves seems a little scary, but even when we weren't taking the Wolfsbane Potion, being with the other pack members made me feel calmer." Aric nodded, not really feeling convinced, and Brian said, "Look, I know none of this is really making you feel any better. All I can say is that in a couple of days, the worst will be over. Once you've undergone your first transformation, the others won't be so scary. And the pack will help you through it."

"Thank you," Aric said. It was true that nothing was going to take away his fear of the transformation, but the other werewolf's kindness did make him feel a little better.

"I know what it's like," Brian said softly. "Going from being a pureblood heir to being an outcast. I lost everything when I was turned. I had nowhere to go when I left St. Mungo's. Arthur Weasley was my roommate in the hospital, and we got to be friends. He loaned me some money--he didn't have much then, but he gave me what he could spare. That's the kind of guy he is. He also helped me find a job. And then Lukas found me and took me in. I lived in a cramped apartment with the other werewolves." He flushed. "I wasn't very grateful. Most of them had been werewolves a lot longer and were a lot more streetwise than me. I was scared of them, and I resented having to live with people I wouldn't have given the time of day to in my old life. But I couldn't leave, because I had nowhere else to go. I complained constantly about the life I had lost, even though most of the others had also lost their homes and families. I thought I was better than them, because I had been a wealthy pureblood before I was turned. The rest of the pack didn't like me much. They called me a whiner and were always telling me to shut up. I wouldn't have blamed them if they had thrown me out on the street, but they never did. And finally I realized that they never would. Because even if I was an ungrateful, annoying little git, I was pack to them, and a wolf is always loyal to its pack. They stood by me and looked after me in spite of all my whining. And I realized that they were my true family, and would never abandon me the way that my blood relatives had. Just as we will never abandon you, Aric. Because you are our packmate, our brother. And even if you weren't a werewolf, we would still love you, for saving Lukas's life."

"Thank you," Aric whispered, moved by Brian's words, and the obvious sincerity in his voice. He was too choked up to speak for a moment, but then he cleared his throat and managed to say in a normal voice, "I think you had it a lot worse than I did. I chose to be turned, so at least I sort of knew what I was getting into. And even if my family has halfway-disowned me, I still have a lot of people who are supporting me: Lukas, Takeshi, Professor Lupin and Professor Snape, my cousin Theo and his friends, and my sister Erika."

"I'm glad," Brian said warmly. "Welcome to the pack, Aric."

He held out his hand, and Aric shook it. "Thank you. I'm glad to meet you...brother."
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Aric was released from the hospital the next day and returned to Hogwarts, with stern instructions from Takeshi and the Healers to take it easy, get plenty of rest, and not exert himself. Brian had been right; breakfast in the Great Hall was something of a sensory overload, as he was bombarded by sounds and smells. The smells were mostly pleasant--the aroma of the breakfast foods, although he did notice that a few of the girls were wearing perfumes that made him want to sneeze. As for the sounds, he did overhear some of the students gossiping about him, but there were so many people talking at once, that it all mostly fused into an incoherent buzz. Dumbledore welcomed him back and praised him for his heroism, and the students, particularly the Slytherins, applauded loudly. Aric was both embarrassed and pleased by all the attention, but he was very relieved when breakfast was finally over, and he could retreat to the privacy and quiet of his dorm room.

His housemates welcomed him back with more warmth than they had ever shown him before, and a few of the younger ones wanted to ask him what it was like to be a werewolf. But fortunately, Theo and Dylan convinced them to leave him alone and let him rest. He spent most of the day resting in bed reading. He wasn't up to facing the crowd in the Great Hall for lunch, so Lupin had the house-elves deliver a meal to his room.

He tried to relax, but it was difficult to forget that the full moon was tomorrow, and he couldn't help but worry about what the transformation would be like. He even resorted to reading Theo's book to take his mind off of things--which resulted in an entirely different set of problems, but a little sexual frustration was preferable to imagining what turning into a wolf would feel like. There were a number of things he looked forward to trying with Takeshi after they moved in together, and a few things that were probably more titillating on paper than in practice. At least page fifty-two didn't seem to involve any acrobatics that might result in strained muscles. It showed the hero of the book making love to a beautiful young man who lay beneath him, an expression of ecstasy on his face, his long legs hooked over the hero's shoulders. It didn't seem all that different from having sex with a woman, which made it seem less intimidating than some of the other things in the book. Aric indulged in a brief fantasy where he was the hero of the story, and it was Takeshi writhing in pleasure beneath him, until he suddenly realized that Takeshi had only mentioned a fondness for page fifty-two, and had never said whether he pictured himself on the top or the bottom. Aric broke out into a sweat and set the book aside, thinking to himself that it was going to take some getting used to, being in a relationship with a guy. But then he thought of Takeshi's smile and silk-smooth hair and sweet kisses, and he smiled. Even if there was some initial awkwardness and embarrassment, eventually they would work things out. All that really mattered was that they loved each other and could finally be together.
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Meanwhile, Lukas and Lupin were in Snape's dungeon quarters arguing over where Aric should spend the full moon. Lukas wanted to take Aric to the townhouse where his pack lived, and Lupin thought he should stay at Hogwarts.

When Snape suggested that they take their argument somewhere else so he could read the Daily Prophet in peace, Lupin objected, "We're not arguing, Severus. We're discussing."

"You're 'discussing' very loudly, Lupin," Snape said sarcastically.

"I'm responsible for him," Lukas said stubbornly. "I'm the one who turned him; he's part of my pack."

"I'm just not sure that it's a good idea for him to spend his first full moon with your pack," Lupin told Lukas, ignoring Snape. "I think that he might feel intimidated and overwhelmed with so many other wolves around. And they're all strangers to him except for you. I thought it might be easier if he spent it here with just a few people that he's familiar with--you, me, Severus, and the boys."

Lukas shook his head. "Well, he's met Kyra and Brian, but you're right that they're mostly strangers to him. But I think that, in a way, he might feel more comfortable transforming in front of strangers. You have to understand the pureblood mentality, Lupin. He won't want people who have known him as he was before to witness his humiliation."

"But he doesn't--"

Lukas waved off Lupin's objections. "Oh, I know that he no longer considers non-humans to be monsters, but when you have lived in that world for so long, it's impossible to shake off your upbringing that quickly. Among my pack, he'll just be another werewolf, not a pureblood who's fallen from grace. I think it would be best, for the first time at least, that there are no humans around when he transforms. And I think it would do him some good to see that's he not alone. Here at the school, he's the sole werewolf among the students, while at the townhouse he'll merely be one of many. It will make him feel like less of a freak or outcast."

"What do you think, Severus?" Lupin asked.

Snape shrugged. "What he said about pureblood upbringing is true. My father went into seclusion to avoid having to face his peers after he lost his Ministry position. It all depends on whether Aric's pride outweighs his fear of spending the night with a pack of werewolves."

"The Slytherins often seem to have more pride than common sense," Lupin said with a smile. "Although that's a Gryffindor failing as well. I suppose we should go talk to Aric and let him decide."

Lukas blinked in surprise, then smiled a little sheepishly. He was so used to making decisions for his pack, that it hadn't occurred to him to ask Aric's opinion. "He's old enough to make his own decisions," Lukas agreed. "Takeshi's coming by soon to see Aric, so let's talk to him then.
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Takeshi stopped by in the afternoon to deliver his Wolfsbane Potion, which pleased Aric. He didn't really have to do that, since Snape had already brewed a batch for Lupin and Lukas. Aric choked down the potion, and was rewarded with a kiss and a cup of tea, but he soon found out that this wasn't just a romantic visit, because his two werewolf teachers had also arrived to discuss where he was going to spend the full moon.

"I thought I'd just stay in my room," Aric said hesitantly. "I'll be safe, since I'm taking the potion, right?"

"Yes, but you shouldn't be alone, especially for your first transformation," Takeshi said gently. "A wolf is a social animal and doesn't like to be alone, and besides, it's easier to bear when you have friends or family to support you."

"I would like for you to come meet my pack and spend the full moon with us," Lukas said. "We'd like to welcome you to the family."

"But if you prefer to stay at Hogwarts, you're welcome to spend the night with us," Lupin said, smiling at Aric warmly.

"Us?" Aric asked.

"Severus, Theo, Dylan, and myself," Lupin replied. "We always spend the full moon together. It's become something of a family tradition."

"If you want to stay at Hogwarts, I'll stay with you, too," Lukas said. "But I don't think that you should be alone during the full moon."

"Because something bad might happen?" Aric asked apprehensively.

"No, Aric," Lukas said in a surprisingly gentle voice. "It's just that--as Takeshi said--the transformation is easier when you have other people with you. The first time you transform is always a little scary."

"Were you scared? Your first time, I mean?" Aric asked.

"I was terrified," Lukas replied promptly, without any sign of shame. "But my parents stayed with me--I was just a small cub then, so a strong Sleeping Potion was enough to keep me too sedated to bite or scratch. And having them near me calmed me down. My mother always sang lullabies to me during the full moon, even after it became too dangerous for my parents to stay in the same room with me, and that seemed to calm down the wolf a little, even during its worst rages."

Takeshi reached out and laid his hand over Aric's. "I'll stay with you, too," he said tenderly.

"No!" Aric said sharply, without thinking, then felt guilty when Takeshi looked hurt. "I mean, that's nice of you, but...um...if something goes wrong..." He struggled to find an explanation that wouldn't hurt Takeshi's feelings, which was rather difficult, because he was having difficulty explaining it to himself. He knew that his fear was mostly irrational, but that didn't make it any less strong.

"There's no danger if you're taking the potion--" Takeshi started to argue, but he subsided when Lukas shook his head, although he still looked a little hurt and unhappy.

"I'm sorry," Aric said contritely. "I'm just nervous, I guess. I didn't mean to snap at you. I know there's nothing to worry about, but still...what if the poison has some weird effect on the potion? I don't want to hurt you if anything goes wrong."

"It's all right," Takeshi said gently, squeezing Aric's hand. "You don't have to apologize. I know you must be nervous. I've spent plenty of time treating werewolves at the hospital and the clinic, and I've been present during several transformations without any problems." He and Lukas exchanged a look. "But if it will make you feel more comfortable, I'll entrust you to Lukas or Remus tomorrow night."

The three of them waited expectantly for him to make a decision. The thought of being around an entire wolf pack was a little intimidating, but so was the thought of transforming in front of Theo, Dylan, and Snape. They lived with Lupin and had apparently witnessed his transformations, so Aric knew that they wouldn't be frightened or disgusted by him, but still...he didn't really like the thought of having an audience. And of course he didn't want to bite them, either, on the off chance that something did go wrong. At least with the werewolf pack, he'd be on equal footing, since they would all be transforming, and would be unlikely to hurt any of them--at least not permanently.

"I'll spend the full moon with your pack," Aric said to Lukas in a quiet, hesitant voice. "If that's what you think I should do."

Lukas nodded, looking pleased. "Then I'll meet you here tomorrow. We'll leave before it gets dark, so we can have an early dinner with the pack. It'll give you a chance to meet everyone before moonrise."

The word "moonrise" filled him with terror, no matter how many times Aric told himself that there was nothing to fear. He nodded silently, afraid that his voice might squeak with fear if he spoke.

Lupin must have sensed what he was feeling, because he suddenly gave Aric a hug and said reassuringly, "Everything will be all right, Aric. I promise. I'm always here if you need me."

At least that startled Aric out of his fear. "Ah...okay, Professor," he said, feeling a little flustered and embarrassed. "Thanks."

Lupin chuckled. "Don't mind me; Severus says that I'm a sentimental Gryffindor idiot. And you can call me 'Remus' if you want. I won't be your Professor for much longer, but I hope that I can be your friend."

Lupin's grin was so infectious that it was impossible not to smile back at him. "Okay, Remus," Aric said. "Thank you."

Takeshi kissed him on the cheek, right in front of Lukas and Remus, which made Aric blush, which he supposed was pretty silly. It wasn't like the other two werewolves didn't know what was going on between them. "I need to get back to the clinic, but I'll stop by with your potion tomorrow."

"You're not mad at me, are you?" Aric whispered anxiously. Then he realized that there was no point in whispering, since the other two werewolves could probably hear him. This heightened sense thing seemed to have a lot more drawbacks than advantages.

"No, I'm not," Takeshi said softly, with a look of such love in his eyes that Aric could not doubt him. "I wish I could be with you, but I know that Lukas will take good care of you. And you'll see that there's nothing to fear." He kissed Aric again, and then left with Lupin and Lukas.

Still, Aric felt bad about hurting Takeshi's feelings, and he promised himself that he would find a way to make it up to his lover later.
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Takeshi was still feeling a little hurt as he left the dorm with Lukas and Remus. "I know that he's scared, but I thought he knew that he could trust me," he said sadly.

"It's not so much you that he doesn't trust, but himself," Lukas told him. "He's afraid that he might lose control of the wolf and hurt you. It's the greatest fear that any werewolf has, the fear that we might hurt our loved ones. Along with the fear that our loved ones will see us as monsters."

"But I'm a shapeshifter myself," Takeshi argued. "And he knows that I work with werewolves--"

"It's not a rational fear, Takeshi," Lukas interrupted. "Aric knows all these things. Intellectually, he knows that his fears are irrational, but he can't help himself." He added in a gentle tone of voice that seemed to be meant to take the sting out of his words, "Only another werewolf can truly know what it's like. Even though you are a shapeshifter, it's not the same thing. You retain control of your mind when you change, and the change itself is a conscious, voluntary action, unlike the forced transformation of a werewolf."

"I can understand how Aric feels," Remus said softly. "I was afraid to let Severus watch me transform. But he insisted on staying, and I felt such relief to know that he still loved me, that he wasn't frightened or repulsed by my wolf form." Then he grinned. "And he's very good at scratching me behind the ears!"

"Let Aric spend this full moon with the pack," Lukas told Takeshi. "Once he understands that he's still himself even in wolf form, and that he won't turn into a ravening beast, I think he'll feel a little easier about letting you spend the next full moon with him."

"He is a Slytherin," Remus said thoughtfully. "And Slytherins don't like to lose control of themselves in front of other people, even people that they love--in some circumstances, especially people that they love. And undergoing the transformation into a werewolf is the ultimate loss of control."

"I understand," Takeshi said, feeling much better. "I'll be patient with him. I won't pressure him, but I won't give up, either. I want him to know that I love him no matter what form he takes."

"Persistence," Lupin said cheerfully, "that's the key. You keep wearing them down until they're too tired to fight you anymore." His eyes sparkled with mischievous glee. "That is how I won Severus, after all!"

Takeshi laughed along with his two friends, feeling almost lighthearted. Aric was nowhere near as formidable as the Potions Master, after all. It wouldn't be easy, but he was confident that everything would work out in the end.
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Meanwhile, in his quarters, Snape suddenly sneezed and then muttered to himself sourly, "Why do I have the feeling that someone is talking about me?"

Chapter 146

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