1.                  Did you hear about the mouse who ate viagra? After half an hour he shouted “Where’s the Fucking Pussy Now!!”

2.                  3 things not to say in a gay bar:

·        Fuck me it’s hot in here.

·        Bugger me this beers good.

·        Do you mind if I push your stool in a bit.

3.                  Two dyslexic robbers walk into a bank shouting “air in the hands motherstickers, this is a fuck up”.

4.                  Wife says to husband “did you know a bull can manage sex every day? thats 365 days a year! Husband replies “yes but he does not have to shag the same cow everytime”.

5.                  After Michael Jackson’s wife gave birth to their son he asked how long it would be before they could have sex? She replied “For fuck sake Michael, at least wait until he can walk!”

6.                  Why is a woman like a KFC?? Because once you’re past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you have left is a greasy wet box to put your bone in.

7.                  What is better that winning a medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

8.                  What’s blue and fucks old people?

Hypothermia.

9.                  What’s the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives shelter?

The dishes if she knows what’s good for her.

10.       What’s the definition of making love?

Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

11.       What do 54,000 abused women a year have in common?

They don’t fucking listen.

12.       Why did God invent Thrush?

So women would know what its like living with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

13.       What’s the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?

Acne does not come on a kid’s face until he’s at least 13 years old.

14.       Why do men pay more for car insurance than women?

Because women don’t get blow jobs when they are driving.

15.       What’s a mixed feeling?

Seeing your Mother-in-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

16.       What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole weak..

17.       What’s so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?

You know she’ll swallow.

18.       Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.

19.       What’s the definition of Macho?

Jogging home after your own vasectomy.

20.       What’s the difference between a woman and a sheep?

A sheep doesn’t get upset if you shag her sister.