The Wright Stuff

There’s a special place near Hereford, they use for Special Courses

And special kinds of people go; they’re called the Special Forces

He’s been there on manoeuvres in the darkest dead of night

He’s big and mean and strong and tough, his name is Private Wright

With his Bergen on his back and his paint upon his face

He led his squad out from the camp and set a cracking pace

They said it was a speed march; old Nige was at the double

With his rifle at the ready, in case there was some trouble

He was so enthusiastic his sergeant was impressed

He said that Private Nigel was undoubtedly the best

Armies march upon their stomachs and so does Private Wright

And the rations that he cooked up were something to delight

There were beef burgers and chicken spread, biscuits and plum duff

And everyone had seconds, they couldn’t get enough

The sergeant said “Fix Bayonets!” Old Nige said “Mines not broken”

And everybody laughed because they thought that he was joking

They sent him to the rifle range; his score could not get higher

He quickly took the target out when they said “Open Fire”

Old Nigel set the standard; no one else could lick it

And when it came to camouflage they named him Private Thicket

They sent his squad down to the woods; in for a big surprise

Old Nigel was the sentry and he didn’t close his eyes

It’s a good thing that they’d issued blanks; of that there is no doubt

When Nigel saw the enemy he would have wiped them out

The weekend was a great success; old Nige had lots of fun

Learning lots of soldier stuff and discharging his gun

And doubtless he’ll be back again; come rain, or hail or snow

Master Private Nigel Wright; if his wife lets him go!