Wor Billy and the SAS (or Bill's part in Saddam's downfall)
My brothers Bill and Peter both work in the oil industry, installing refineries, oil and gas platforms, and pipelines and the like. They have both worked all over the world and have loads of great stories to tell.
Bill was working on an oil platform in the North Sea. He was the rig super, (boss), during the day. The night shift rig super was a Sweaty Sock (Jock-Scotsman) called Mac.
The powers that be decided to have a terrorist attack exercise on Bill's rig and the only two people on the rig who knew about it were Bill and Mac.
The chopper flew in at the usual time and settled noisily on the helipad. Instead of the relief crew and supplies, twelve heavily armed men jumped out, wearing camouflage overalls and balaclavas. Bill and Mac watched as they quickly captured all of the crew and took their prisoners to the "quiet room", an area of the rig where the men would be secure. Before long the "Terrorists", who were actually marines, had the rig well defended and seemed ready for a long stay. For safety reasons Bill and Mac had the freedom to go anywhere on the rig apart from the quiet room.
The "Terrorist Leader" contacted Aberdeen and made some demands which were to be met by the government. He gave them a deadline and threatened an environmental disaster if they were not met. He also declared an air and sea total exclusion zone of ten miles around the rig. His grim faced men constantly patrolled the platform and set "explosives" at various vulnerable points on the rig. Heavy objects were lifted onto the helipad to prevent any landing and machine gun nests were everywhere.
The deadline came and went and the "Terrorist Leader" was locked in talks with someone from the mainland. He told the Government negotiator that he would open a valve, discharging oil into the sea if his demands continued to be ignored.
It was a beautiful clear evening and Bill and Mac could see for miles. Not a ship was on the horizon nor a plane in the sky. Bill remarked to Mac that if this situation was for real then the government would probably have to concede. The rig seemed impregnable and did indeed pose an environmental threat to every fish in sea and the coastlines of Britain and the continent. A friendly "terrorist" passed by them and said that the exercise was scheduled to last another week. As he disappeared up a gangway a black clad figure climbed over the side of a railing and dropped next to Bill and Mac. Another followed, then another. Bill and Mac were astonished. These guys had climbed up one of the rig's legs which were vertical and one hundred feet tall. The first one over turned to Mac and asked in a whisper:
"Which way to the Quiet Room?"
Mac looked him up and down and replied in a broad Glasgow accent,
"Are you a goody or a baddy?"
With that the mysterious wet suited figure swung a punch which knocked Mac unconscious. He turned to Bill and asked:
"Which way to the Quiet Room and please don't fuck with me!"
Having witnessed Mac's treatment Bill immediately directed them to the quiet room and they crept off to storm the rig.
Within ten minutes the exercise was over and a helicopter swept in to take the rescuers away.
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Some years later Bill was working in the Middle East on an oil refinery. He received a call from his boss telling him to expect some new guys......