Brians’ Got No Goldfish.
I’ve a third self-righteous critic to introduce to you
It is of course old Tonner---The quizmaster from Mensa
The keeper of our morals---Our self appointed censor
He’s organized a swear box, it’s sure to be a winner
The proceeds go to Brian for his yearly closed-shop dinner
Where the turns will all be vetted and up to Tonner’s mark
He’s soon to hold auditions in a shed up Oxley Park
He went to see the Parish Priest---A man of Holy Cloth
Who listened very patiently---Then told him to Feck Off
“Does anybody-else complain?” he asked him by the door
“No alas”, said Tonner, “They just keep shouting More!”
You’ve got to feel for Waddy---He’s got no chance at all
He’ll soon be getting blindfolded against old Tonner’s wall
He tends to F and Blind a bit--- I’m sure you will agree
Old Brian must be sinless---The caster of first stone
He’ll vet and scrutinize each turn (and watch them on his own)
And doubtless he’d be happy if he achieved this wish
And just in case you’re wondering, he doesn’t keep goldfish!
When he goes up to Heaven, and gets up to the gates
St. Pete will say “Well Fecking Hell, it’s one of Hawkins” mates
And Brian will go in a huff, and maybe, who can tell
Old Hawkins will have influence and Feck him off to Hell.
pc03.