The Thoughts of Pulperman Shag

Confused he say……

1.       The pain will go away when it stops hurting.

2.       A closed mouth gathers no feet.

3.       Do not walk behind me for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me either.  In fact just leave me the hell alone.

4.       The journey of a thousand miles in reverse begins with a broken fan belt and a slow puncture.

5.       It is always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk that’s the time to do it.

6.       Be irreplaceable.  If you can’t be replaced you can’t be promoted.

7.       No one is listening until you fart.

8.       Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9.       If you think no one cares if you’re alive try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10.   If at first you don’t succeed, sky diving is not for you.

11.   Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes.  That way when you do criticise someone you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have his shoes.

12.  If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13.   If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


 

14.   Some days you are the insect; some days you are the windscreen.

15.   Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

16.   Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

17.   Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

18.   Never miss a good chance to shut up.

19.   Don’t cross the bridge unless you’re going to the canteen.