The Big Issue

Now once upon a time this bloke

Took safety first beyond a joke

Against each hazard he suspected

He made sure he was protected

With security he didn’t shirk

Until he reached his place of work

His house protection was amazing

With smoke alarms and double glazing

His guard dog’s bark was very loud

His circuit breakers did him proud

He felt that he was safe at night

With doors and windows locked up tight

His car was always fully taxed

And undersealed and turtle waxed

This Volvo was beyond compare

He M.O.T’d it twice a year

With locking nuts and anti-freeze

His every journey was a breeze

Now once a year he flew away

On a continental holiday

He liked to walk down by the sea

Caked in factor thirty-three

He slept soundly, never fret

He had his own mosquito net

But his principles went in the bin

From the moment he clocked in

However hazardous his task

He never wore his safety mask

(He’d wear a condom during sex)

But never wore his safety specs

He often seemed to chance his luck

When he drove a fork lift truck

He’d never check, he’d always guess

His work place was a constant mess

Until the moment he clocked out

Then he’d become safety devout

The moral of this story is

Don’t have principles like his

You may not think this makes much sense

But alas this verse is all past tense

What happened to our safety wonder?

He’s safe and sound and six feet under

                              Pc99