TOTAL PANDEMONIUM

Who`s problem is it anyway--at twelve-O`clock at night

When the “engineers” are home in bed and nothings running right

We`re prepared to try and fix things (we really must be nutters)

With only an adjustable and rusty wire cutters

I`ve never been arrested--or run in by the cops

But alas I`m just not trusted with access to the shops

Our Jamont mission statement just makes us look like fools

How can we hope to be “World Class” when we have got no tools

My mind is not mechanical I hope you will allow

I`ll never get much closer than a sixteenth of a thous

Old Joe might be a black belt at Shotokan Karate

But when he out-aligns me he`s going to throw a party

I thought I`d buy myself some kit--I went to Sainsbury`s

I thought a set of Stilsons was a special sort of cheese

I`ll never tackle level two--I`ll never make the grade

It takes me ninety minutes to change a hacksaw blade

The number five refiner across on number three

Needed drastic measures (they sent for Joe and me)

I must admit I struggled--I didn`t have a clue

Why Joe was hanging off the crane (to get the birds eye view)

We had to cut some brand new shims and Joe was very keen

To show me “Saifty-Practices” upon the guillotine

We set about the job in hand--we used the D.T.I.

And it wasn`t long before it was aligned as nice as pie

You know I do not gamble but I`d like to bet my wages

That whoever buys the process tools won`t fork out for Thread Gauges

          We may just get a straight edge----perhaps a ball of string

A Hammer and a Chisel that covers everything

Perhaps if we are really good, upon our bended knees

The budget might just include a set of Allen Keys

Who`s problem is it anyway when things aren`t going fine

While-ever I have got no tools it`s certainly not mine