OPEN ALL HOURS

At Arkwright’s White Emporium it really is fantastic

He sells batteries and candles, and sledges made of plastic

He displays his wares outside his shop; it’s quite a sight to see

He must have gone to Oxford for a marketing degree

The view from Chateau Marie is really panoramic

And sometimes we see Arkwright making novelties ceramic

He’s also on the World Wide Web and I’d like to have a bet

That Arkwright’s is the place to shop upon the Internet

And what of local customers?----He couldn’t ask for more

Like a certain muppet person who only lives next door

A roll-up or a toilet roll, whatever is her need

She’ll bounce across to Arkwright’s like a pogo stick on speed!

Blue cross day at Arkwright’s is quite a sight to see

There’s discounts on his buckets, they’re buy one get one free

There’s thirty-three per cent off a second lime green sledge

And if you play your cards right he’ll even cut your hedge

Now Arkwright has a true love, a lady called Vanessa

To help to keep his pecker up she buys him chocolate (bless her)

She drives round doing peoples’ hair, a blow job costs you more

And its doubtless her ambition to own the shop next door

He must be really wealthy with all the stuff he’s flogging

With flower pots and light bulbs, plus the odd tobbogan

He’s clever and he’s on the ball, don’t ever think he’s daft

With his pinny and his marigolds he’s really up for graft

So next time you’re on Smith Road, perhaps to post a letter

Why not call at Arkwright’s, where bargains don’t come better

It’s right next door to Janet’s, be sure to make a stop

You might even see a muppet, and catch her on the hop