Shag’s Maxims

1.       I’m thinking of becoming a pessimist, but I don’t think it will work out.

2.     I’m a born loser.  I even lose in my own fantasies.

3.     Everyone serves a purpose in life.  Even if it is to be a horrible example.

4.     When I’m right no one remembers.  When I’m wrong no one forgets.

5.     On it’s way to the ground, any dropped tool will first strike your toes

6.     Cut to fit.  Hammer into place.

7.     If you can’t realise your ideal.  Idealise your real.

8.     You can tell I’m not afraid of work by the way I fight it.

9.     He who gets too big for his britches gets exposed in the end.

10.  No matter how hard you shake it the last few drops will always run down your pants.

11.   Hindsight is always 20/20

12.  God must really love stupid people.  He made so many of us.

13.  Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.

14.  When all else fails read the instructions.

15.  It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realise you are in a hurry.

16.  Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

17.  If you are doing something wrong you will do it badly.

18.  He who hesitates is lost, and several miles from the next motorway exit.

19.  The light at the end of a tunnel could be the headlight of an oncoming train.

20.No matter which way you spit, its upwind.