DISHWASHER FRIENDLY

THE COOKER AND I ARE ON FIRST NAME TERMS

IT PRODUCES THE THINGS THAT I'VE PLANNED

BUT THE DISHWASHER AND THE WASHING MACHINE

 SPEAK A LANGUAGE I DON'T UNDERSTAND

MY WIFE GETS ON WELL WITH THE DISHWASHER

SHE COMMUNICATES WITH IT JUST GREAT

BUT WHENEVER I TRY TO UNLOAD THE DAMN THING

I INVARIABLY CRACK A BEST PLATE

OR I'LL WRITE OFF A SAUCER THATS ONE OF A SET

OR A BOWL OR A BONE CHINA CUP

OR I'LL SEVER MY FINGER, MY WRIST OR A HAND

ON A KNIFE WITH THE BLADE STICKING UP

MY WIFE WON'T DISPLAY HESITATION

SHE'LL OPEN THE DOOR WITHOUT DOUBT

BUT I KNOW IF I EVER ATTEMPT IT

THE WATER WILL COME FLOODING OUT

THE WASHING MACHINE HOLDS MY SOCKS HOSTAGE

IT NEVER RELEASES A PAIR

AND THOUGH I GET DOWN AND SEARCH THROUGH THE DRUM

I SOON WALK AWAY IN DESPAIR

MY WIFE DOESN'T NEED THE INSTRUCTIONS

SHE SEEMS TO KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO

AND THOUGH I HAVE STUDIES THE MANUALS

I ADMIT THAT I HAVEN'T A CLUE

I'VE A KNOWLEDGE OF NUCLEAR PHYSICS

I CAN UNDERSTAND NATURAL SCIENCE

BUT I TRY TO CONCEAL MY ACHILLIES HEEL

TO WORK A DOMESTIC APPLIANCE

                                        Pc84