Lee Van Cliff

My mind is in confusion, I just can’t understand it

How Clifford plays off twenty eight, he really is a bandit

We often have a four ball, with competition stiff

But alas I just can’t hit the ball half as far as Cliff

His iron shots amaze me, from really awkward lies

His woods are like his handicap, really oversize

His driver is enormous, making mine look rather sorry

They delivered it one Sunday on an articulated lorry

He dare not use a nine iron, the reason’s elementary

He hits the ball so bloody high it burns up on re-entry

His wife’s a golfing widow spending any lonely days

And he sometimes makes her scrub his balls the night before he plays

He often plays in Spain you know, he even speaks the lingo

He has a local nickname, “El Cliff the Bandit Gringo”

He sometimes has a bet with them, the stakes are often heavy

And many a peseta has come to Cliff from Sevvy

He won’t join the society, the reason is simplistic

Eddie would quite quickly make his handicap realistic

So he’ll stay independent, and keep Ed in the dark

He’s quite content to be “El Cliff” the bandit Stocksbridge Shark

         Pc97