Essex Girls

An Essex girl walks into a dry cleaners.

She places a garment on the counter and says

“ I’ll be back tomorrow to pick it up”

“ Come again” says the clerk, cupping his ear.

“No” she replies “This time it’s mayonnaise”

Essex girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says “Choose from the display on the wall”

She says “I’ll take the red one”

The man replies “That’s a fire Extinguisher”

An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car accident

and is trapped and bleeding.

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

“ It’s OK I’m a paramedic and I’m going to ask you some questions”

“OK” says girl.

“What’s your name”?

“Sharon” says the girl.

“OK Sharon, is this your car”?

“Yes” says the girl.

“Where are you bleeding from Sharon”?

“Romford” says the girl.

An Essex girl was driving her car down the A13 when her mobile rang.

It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her,

“Treacle, I just heard on the radio there's a car going the wrong way

on the A13 please be careful”.

“it’s not just one car” says the girl “There’s hundreds of them”.

An Essex girl phones her boyfriend and says

“Please come over and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle,

and I can’t figure it out how to get it started.”

Her boyfriend asks “What’s it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The girl replies “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

The boyfriend decides to go round and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and leads him over to where she is attempting to

assemble the puzzle on the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment then looks at the box, turns to

His girlfriend and says “First of all, no matter what we do we’re

not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything

resembling a tiger. Second, I’d advise you to relax. Have a cup

of coffee, then put all these Frosties back in the box.