Ken introduced this dirty kid as Joe. He explained Joe had moved into the house next door to him and that Joe was "pretty cool". When I first met him, I wasn't impressed. Joe had dishwater blonde hair that was cut into a crude bowl shape on his very round, misproportioned head. Joe's head was much to small for his body, which was mostly legs. His legs were long but, they were accentuated by the fact that he pulled his pants up over his belly button. In fact, Joe pulled his pants up so high that the seam of the jeans he wore seperated his testicles and there was a clear outline of each of his nuts that showed through his thin, old jeans. These type of pants, and the wearing of pants in this fashion became known as "Nuthuggers". Joe also had large ass. Joe's ass was bulbous, and wide. Actually, Joe was kind of wide all over. His torso was short but, it was wide and his arms were long. Joe was very pale, and had large long feet kind of like clown feet. His face was wierd as well. Joe had a kind of pug-nose and he had "gay eyes". [[Definition: Gay eyes - eyes that are partially closed, as when a women has "bedroom eyes", and the eyebrows are raised up and slightly arched. Gay eyes kind of look like someone has something sour in the mouth (probably aftertaste of semen) and kind of look like "retard eyes" but, not exactly. Gay eyes are most typically observed on gay men, soon to be gay men, Joe, and trans-sexuals.]] To my knowledge today, Joe wasn't, isn't and never was gay. Joe also had dark brown eyebrows that made his brow look like it proturded like a cave man's brow. His face had an uncanny resemblence to Lou Ferigno's so he received the nickname "Lou".
Joe also had a lisp and a lazy tounge that made his words sound like this tounge was much too large to be in his mouth. When Joe spoke it often sounded like he was adding a "D" before certain words like his name. When Joe said his name, it sounded like he was saying "Doe Ebans" rather than Joe Evans. This also earned him the nickname Doe in a short time. In a short time Ken and I convinced Joe that it would be a good idea if he started smoking. Since Ken and I smoked, we decided that it would be exceptionally beneficial to us if Joe smoked. You see Joe's dad, Al, smoked Marlboro cigarettes and that was the brand that Ken and I smoked at the time. In a short time Joe was instructed to steal cigarettes from Al and report back to Ken and I with the merchandise. This lasted for about two weeks. Al caught on ( I mean really, how could you think you could snatch smoker's cigarettes like they wouldn't notice).
Joe was grounded for a short time (short for us because we weren't grounded), and he would sneak cigarettes out his window to us. Now, Ken and I had already been buying cigarettes at the Gastown up the street but, these cigarettes were free and this way we could actually buy lunch with the money our parents gave us. So we continued our cigarette hijinx with Doe until he was ungrounded. Ken and I then convinced him that it would be a really good idea for him to keep stealing cigarettes from Al.
Joe got grounded again.
Around that time, Ken and I discovered that Ken's dad smoked opium. I convinced Ken that it would be a good idea for him to start stealing chunks off his dad's opium log. Ken agreed and that was my first expeirence with opium. Man, I had some fucked up dreams. Word got out that Ken could get opium and he ditched me for a little while for cooler people, that is, until the opium ran out.(Ken was always like that and as far as I know he's still using whatever he can to hang out with the next "coolest" person) Then we were back to hanging around with each other smoking weed, cigarettes and burning stuff.
Around mid-spring right after the "opium scandal" which, it was refered to as hence fourth, Ken, Joe and I discovered a whole shit load of cinder blocks in the woods behind Ken's house. During the "opium scandal" Joe was sent to the detention home then to rehab for chronic smoking and cigarette stealing by his parents. They also beleived he was smoking pot. When Joe left for his "vacation" (this is what we called Joe's stay in the DH and rehab), he was about 5 foot 10 inches and weighed about 120 pounds. When Joe came back he stood 6 foot 4 inches and weighed about 240 pounds. I don't know what they fed him in the rehab or what they did to him in DH but, he came back like a monster. His nickname "Lou" for Lou Ferigno, really fit him now. He litterally was a hulking human being. So we decided to make a huge fort out of these cinder blocks. We would all have our own seperate rooms and we built a roof out plywood. The rooms were about five foot by five foot and about three foot high. We had carpet, candles, porn, and individual fireplaces inside those dirty little caves. The "doors" were made out of garbage picked carpet. After realizing that if we had fires, burned candles and smoked pot and cigarettes inside our rooms, we were starting to stink pretty bad. Ken and I decided to rent our rooms out to other kids in the neighbrohood. Joe didn't care since he stunk already. Joe decided that if we weren't using our rooms he would simply make his bigger. The fort that once had three rooms was now converted into one super huge room and one tiny little crawl space. I mean you litterally had to crawl into that second room. If Joe had it his way, he would have just made it one giant room and lived in it. At least that way, he wouldn't have to deal with Al hitting him all the time. Ken and I decided to rent out the other "room" to Mike Goldstone. His rent was a pack of cigarettes every other day and whatever else we could beat out of him. Now, you want to talk about an odd couple, Oh boy. Joe and Mike hated each other. Joe had beaten up Mike, no less than 50 times at various points in our youth.
In the meantime, Ken and I had built a fire pit outside of the cinder block hotel along with a bench, lean-to, fence and we also brought lawn chairs back there. We would sit outside of the cinder block hotel and smoke bowls and cigarettes and drink beer and listen to Mike and Joe bicker about space. Mike went to Catholic school and got home earlier than the rest of us. So, while we were in school Mike would go to the cinder block hotel and slowly make his room bigger then go home. He would then come back and act like he didn't do anything. Joe, however, had a fucked up kind of relationship with that fort. He would know if Mike even moved a peice of plywood or carpet. So, by the time Mike got back to the fort, Joe had already put it back to his specifications. Mike would then carry on about how it seemed like his room was getting bigger. Joe eventually started making Mikes room smaller and smaller. Mike freaked out one day and Joe burnt him in the face with one of Al's cigarettes. Mike was evicted shortly after that but, he still had to pay his rent to Ken and I.
Joe took over the cinder block hotel and finally made it one huge room. Ken and I thought this had gone on long enough because Joe was now isolating himself inside his fort and wouldn't even come out to get high. When Joe went away one weekend Ken and I payed Mike to sledge hammer the fort down and then burn it. Mike was more than happy to do it, we probably didn't have to pay him. When Joe came back, he went over to Ken's house with (as Ken described it) tears in his eyes, shaking asking "What happen to da fort?" "Who wecked da fort?" Ken told him Mike did it. Thus we begin the epic battle of Mike vs Lou.