He was the new guy at work and I made friends. He was a little quirky, but essentially nice to all of us in my department. We had gone to lunch several times, both with and with out the group. As a senior member of staff, I offered lots of advice and considered us friends, too.
Then, it changed. We were in an office with two other people in our department and I put my hands on his cheek and said "Hhheeelllllloooo", like Billy Chrystal does. Everyone in the group had been yucking it up and slapsticking each other, so it wasn't out of the realm of what was going on in the office. So, when he said: "Don't you ever touch me again!" I didn't catch the switch from slapstick humor to serious, very serious, in that small moment in life. Me being me, I poked him in the arm with my finger. I felt so comfortable with our friendship that it didn't occur to me that he would abruptly change because of a misunderstanding on my part. He raged out of the office, screaming that he was going to the owner of the company. There was a large possibility I would be fired for my error in judgement.
I chose to go to my immediate supervisor and disucss the problem, promptly. I admit, I became quite upset when I realized the problem was going to be much more serious than I anticipated. My supervisor immediatly told me I was in "wrong" and, much to my horror, printed the segment of "Violence in the Work Place" from the employee hand book. She did talk to my colleague, but none of the witnesses to the situation and decided to tell us both that this was my fault. And that's when the Harassment began.
Every other day or so, I would recieve a nasty e-mail directed at me from this colleague. My supervisor was always copied, and the directive was usually in response to an e-mail that I had sent to the group and work related. E-mail communication, as well as verbal communication, is a must in our department. We're the link to the clients for our company. We need to share information and be a united front for everyone. His e-mail did not have any swearing; however, we've all received e-mail that was written in such a fashion as to completely and utterly demoralize a person. It's very easy to do if you don't care if you hurt the other person and you know that the other person DOES care. Again, my supervisor did nothing. She did say to me that it wasn't personal and that he was just being him, using an ironically childish pet name.
I went to the HR represenative, who first had me write a letter of appology for "touching" my colleague. I did so willingly; I just wanted the Harassment to stop. The Harassment did not stop. I went to the HR represenative again, she then directed me to my Supervisor. My supervisor told him to stop. He, again, did not stop the Harassment. The letters and the requests for help went on for over 6 months.
It became quite apparent to me, after a couple of months, that both my supervisor and my HR represenative were begining to take his side of the issue, considering me the instegator. "If I didn't want to get an e-mail", they stated, "then I should not have sent him one". They did not take the issue up the ladder to the owners of the company, which clearly should have been done once the situation was out of hand. I was put in for a transfer, and then told that my transfer would not go through if I "made a fuss". Yes, that's black mail; and, yes, I did make the choice. I wanted the transfer I've been requesting for over 2 years; long before this person showed up this company, so I took the only option I felt had.
He left the company as abruptly as he came, just walking in one day and saying he was taking a contract job in China. (No Kidding). And my Harassment was officially over. I felt such relief and such an unbinding of the soul that I cried. That night was the best night of sleep I had in months.
I'm sure you're wondering, what did months of Harassment do to me?
* I felt Ostracized
* I felt Humiliated
* I felt Depressed
* I would cry for no reason
* I stopped smiling entirely, even outside of work
* I couldn't sleep or all I would do is sleep
* I couldn't be in the same room with him with out getting sick
* I had frequent headaches
* I would not get out of bed on the weekends
* I didn't play with my dog or cat any more
* I didn't go out with friends
* I felt worthless and stupid
Pyschologicl harassment in the workplace is completely legal. The only thing you can do is cope and survive and BE CAREFULL whom you trust.
Take it from someone who's been there, it can happen to anyone, most especially the "strong" types because they are usually the "helper" types, too.
What can you do?
* Talk to your friends
* Tell anyone who will listen, don't make it a big "secret", that's how these people get off and get away with the harassment..
* Have trusted colleagues confront him/her. "I've seen the letters your writing such-and-such and I think you need to stop."
* If your supervisor doesn't help you, go to their supervisor and on until you get help
* Speak to a lawyer about your rights. As your lawyer to send a letter of repremand to the Harassor..
* If your state does not have legislation for plain old harassment, talk to your state senators and congressmen about implementing such legislation