| I wrote the following for Pam McGrath, on the occasion of her moving to Tulsa, OKlahoma, to attend seminary. All due apologies to Dr. Seuss (RIP). PAM ON THE LAM I am Pam. Pam I am. That Pam I am We really like that Pam I am. Would you like it if I went on the lam? We would not like it, Pam I am. We would not like it if you went on the lam. No, ma�am. Would you like it if I went to Oklahoma? I won�t pick up a buffalo aroma. We want you here, in your Atlanta homa, Where you�re accustomed to the traffic jam aroma. We would not like it if you went on the lam, Pam I am. No, ma�am. Would you like it if I went to Tulsa? I don�t think you�ll have an ulcer. We would not like it if you went to Tulsa. We think it WOULD give us an ulcer. We want you here, in your Atlanta homa, Where you�re accustomed to the traffic jam aroma. We would not like it if you went on the lam, Pam I am. No, ma�am. Would you like it if I went to seminary? Where, I hear, the women are hairy? We would not like it if you went to seminary, Even if ALL the women are hairy. We would not like it if you went to Tulsa. We think it WOULD give us an ulcer. We want you here, in your Atlanta homa, Where you�re accustomed to the traffic jam aroma. We would not like it if you went on the lam, Pam I am. No, ma�am. What if the seminary is the one called Phillips? I can study the feminist theology of Paul Tillich. We would not like it if it�s Phillips. There IS no feminism in Paul Tillich. We would not like it if you went to seminary, Even if ALL the women are hairy. We would not like it if you went to Tulsa. We think it WOULD give us an ulcer. We want you here, in your Atlanta homa, Where you�re accustomed to the traffic jam aroma. We would not like it if you went on the lam, Pam I am. No, ma�am. But you can visit me on the plains. You can help me pick some grains. We would not visit you on the plains. We would not help you pick some grains. We would not like it if it�s Phillips. There IS no feminism in Paul Tillich. We would not like it if you went to seminary, Even if ALL the women are hairy. We would not like it if you went to Tulsa. We think it WOULD give us an ulcer. We want you here, in your Atlanta homa, Where you�re accustomed to the traffic jam aroma. We would not like it if you went on the lam, Pam I am. No, ma�am. You would not like it, so you say. But I�m going anyway. Love me, love me, Even when I�m far away. Well, damn, Pam I am. Now we are in a jam. At least you�re not going to Vietnam. Or, God forbid, Birmingham. We really, really don�t want you on the lam. Not if you give us all a yam. Not if you let us pet a lamb. Or a ram. Not if you�re wearing a tam. Not even if you spray yourself with Pam. But, since you�re going anyway, And we can�t make you delay, We won�t let our feelings fray Nor let our minds puree. We�ll send you on your way With a hip hip hooray! Still feeling chipper and gay. Sad you�re going where they harvest hay But knowing those Tulsans will soon say� Well, I�ll be Uncle Sam, We, too, like that Pam I am. |