| Thoughts while listening to The Wall by Pink Floyd |
| Enough people have complained that I haven't updated this in forever, so this is for you, bored friends. The curious thing about feeling is that one never truly feels the same way twice. If I could describe to you how I feel in words, I would gladly do so. But I am not sure if that is possible. Recently, I have both loved and hated everyone, and now I am back to love. Right now, I am neither happy nor unhappy. Not numb, because I do feel something. I am at peace; I just didn't expect it to feel this way. I always imagined that peace would be happy and optimistic, even if I might have known better. Peace is the state where the battle has been fought, won, and after the armies have left the battle. After the wounded have chosen to live or die, after the dead have been buried, that is peace. Just when you think you might feel sorry for what has been lost, you realize that everything had to be. Maybe not fate, just cause and effect. We all have to die for us to truly live, and I have died. This does not feel like "just a passing phase" because it has that air of permanence. A few nights ago, I was invited out for dinner at a restaurant. I didn't show it then, because I had not yet realized the strange force that had possessed me. I can still be funny. I can make people laugh, and I can help bandage a wounded heart. I can be all of the things that I have always been because none of that has changed. Several months ago, I did my best to destroy my ego. I did not know it consciously, but I know it now. That is not possible, for all of those who are interested in that sort of thing. The ego cannot be destroyed for the very fact that it does not exist. The I, me, you, these individual titles are all faults in grammar. I am still Chris, but, rather, so is everyone else. And I am Neil, Neil is me, we are who we are. During the last few months of school, whenever a teacher mistook my name for another student, I always said something off the cuff that didn't make sense to me then. "It is okay, we're all the same anyway." I think I was being sarcastic, but a part of me knew the truth even then. We are the same, friends, but I am not sure how to explain that to you. My words will probably not hold the same value to you as they do to me, and I cannot expect you to understand. You have to live, and die, to know what I am talking about. My obsession with The Wall album should be fairly obvious by now. While there are many ways of interpreting the album, I will expound on mine. The Wall is nothing less than the ego. It is what we use to separate ourselves from the oversoul. Or, as I will call it, Buddha. We separate because we have not yet reached the maturity to understand. We cannot become immortal, or join an oversoul, until we know what it is to be mortal. Immortality cannot exist without mortality, and we must experience the latter to embrace the former. We are all connected to this Buddha by the fact that all life forms join Buddha eventually. Humans may not be the highest form of life, of this we cannot be sure, but there are ways of achieving the higher forms of life. One must realize that the soul is not constrained by the shell it appears to live in, rather, the soul is only chained in the soul's mind. It is like the cartoon where the animal walks off the cliff but does not fall until he realizes he is no longer walking on solid ground. While that seems a cheap fantasy, the soul operates on similar principles. It follows the rules it believes exists. If you believe in monism, then when your shell crumbles, your soul will be dragged down with it. The soul will remain attached to the physical world, waiting to be born again in another life form. If you believe in dualism, however, you will realize that the soul and the body are separate elements. When the body crumbles, the soul will break free from the constraints, because it knows it can leave the physical world forever. The soul that is brought down to the ground does not actually belong there, rather, it is confused by its own false assumptions. The soul is extremely powerful and versatile, the rules it is governed by are only explainable through the use of conjecture. My theory, I should say, because belief is far too strong, is only a theory. It is an explanation, not a definite answer. But I think it makes sense, and I hope it does to others. If not, maybe you will understand later. Then again, maybe not. The great thing is how we can each find unique understandings of life and the spirit, even if it does divide us at times. So, I am still curious about others theories, but I would appreciate some feedback about mine. Take care! Your writer, The Dark Dachshund |