| Project Illumination |
Project Illumination sounds rather fancy and all powerful, but it is really a pet project of mine. I have become rather curious about the people around me, my friends, my family, complete strangers, and what makes them tick. And on a more human note, how they think about themselves and each other. A friend of mine, I'll call him Dr. K, has known me since I went to day care. We usually rode the bus to and from school, so you think we would have had a lot of meaningful heartful discussions. Ehhhh--wrong. Not until recently, several months ago, in fact. This was when I happened upon a new friend of mine, call her Mrs. S. (This should be painfully obvious who I'm talking about to my friends, but what who) Dr. K was very impressed. Mrs. S was exceedingly attractive, and she was unknown in my circle of close friends. So Dr. K and I began to talk about her, what we thought of her, and then what we thought of ourselves. We were both worried. A little scared too. We were unsure of what our lives were going to be, and we suddenly began to gush with secrets. I told him about my bizarre nightmares, he told me about his deepest fears and most heartfelt regrets, and we started talking. We talked about what things drove us, what kept us wanting to live another day. For me, I find the little marvels in life. A smile on a girl's face, the giggling that they sometimes make when they are happy, (silly, maybe) and that funny joke that made the entire class burst with laughter. I find those little things to be highly rewarding, and even if I do make bigger and more complex reasons for living, I will always have those moments. Because to me, logic only works when you feel logical, they won't work if you feel depressed or scared. But memories, memories stay with you forever. And all of those little moments in my life will always be enough to keep me from doing something harmful or just plain stupid to myself. (conscious decisions anyway, I'm sure I will hurt myself and make myself look stupid many many many more times) He needed something else. He found peace and solace in his very own microcosm. Maybe microcosm isn't the best word, more like his very own world. He feels secure in a world of complicated moving parts that he has total understanding over. I mean computers, but there is something bigger than that. He finds his peace in a world that few understand, where he is king and we are all peons. And when he does find someone who lives in the same world (computers) they both laugh and make jokes to each other. Like they are in on a secret, and nobody else knows. He needs to feel that control, the control which he feels is lacking in our world. In our lives, you can wake up one day and BAMN, your guts have been spread throughout 23rd and Penn Street because some imbecile of a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel. We all know it could happen, but we play life safely and we don't take unnecessary risks. But we still know that any day it could happen, so we pray for the best. He can't do that. He can't just sit back and await the inevitable. So he has escape, and escape he does, to the world where he is king. Where death is impossible, because all you have to do is hit restart. And the worst thing that can happen is a fried computer, so you just go out and buy a new one. He isn't thinking about his death when he escapes to the world, that's WHY he escaped in the first place. Because he is scared. So am I, so are all of us. Project Illumination is an attempt to understand ourselves, a new chance to overcome our petty problems and shortcomings and to unite in a circle where each of us can gain strength from one another. Where we can help those who need our wisdom, and seek those who have what we need. I don't want to know what makes people tick so I can exploit them, and that's why I try to be as open and forthcoming as possible. If we all hold back something, what have we lost? Everything. I love all my friends, and I don't understand why we create so much pain in the world. But I do know that the secret to happiness does not lie in the world of computers, in the world of philosophy, or maybe even in the words of God, but within ourselves. Some find the Holy Books to be enlightening, I find them to be a weird and wild ride of sex and intrigue, and occasionally a moral story. Entertaining, and sometimes thought provoking, but I prefer a good friend to a good book. A good book might provide entertainment and insight, but you can never ask them a question. You can never make them giggle or smile, and they can't spend their whole lives with you the same way a person can. Okay, so I sound a LITTLE soap opera-esque, just don't blame me when your life hits the fan. Or the bus, or a 9mm round. Life is too short to spend alone, so maybe we should spend it together. Learn a little about each other, learn a little about ourselves, maybe even share a good laugh or two. It's not much I know, but it is Illumination. And Illumination is a very good thing. -The Dark Dachshund Good night everybody! |