The Top Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"
- New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
- The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.
- Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
- Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'"
- During one lonely night, Princess Leia finds R2D2's special attachment.
- Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
- He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
- Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Leia on the knee with a light saber.
- Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."
- Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.
- Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.
- New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.
- The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.
- Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.
- Commander of the Death Star: Dr. Kevorkian
- Land speeders replaced with bitchin' pink Miatas
- Comic relief provided by Cheech Marin as Luke Skywalker's wacky Mexican caddy
- Darth Vader's voice goes up three octaves after Dennis Rodman kicks him in the groin
- Instead of "May the force be with you," Obi-Wan Kenobi says, "Show me the money!"
- Cameo appearance by Bob Dole as Yoda's great-great-grandfather
- Luke and Darth Vader work together to beat the crap out of a bunch of Trekkies
- New scene in which Jabba the Hut is hugged by a sobbing Richard Simmons.
- R2D2? Gay.
- Darth gets in touch with his feminine side.
- The emperor looks into a mirror.
- Luke goes through puberty.(Decided it shouldn't happen until he is 35. Can't it for the sequels! 7....8...9)
- C-3PO and R2-D2 share an intimate moment.
- R2 speaks!
- Yoda putting on his facial cream
- Obi-Wan getting high.
- Boba Fett without his mask. (Those idiots!)
- Obi-Wan's saber failing to ignite in the Cantina and Luke meets his maker. (Darn!)
- Darth Vader trying to go to the bathroom. (Where the heck is the zipper anyways?)
HOME
