(The scene opens up with Scott Hellings walking up to a porch and knocking on the door. It appears to be early in the morning. Will Ferrell answers, wearing a house coat and pajamas.)

WILL-
"Can I help you?"

HELLINGS-
"Hey Ray. You might recognize me, I live right across the street from you."

WILL / RAY-
"Oh yeah! Greg, right?"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah, that's right."

WILL / RAY-
"Hey, how's your wife doing? She's...I don't mind saying, she's a fox man. If I was single..."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Excuse me?"

WILL / RAY-
"What? I was just kidding around. You know that. I'm a happily married man."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"I thought your wife left you."

WILL / RAY-
"What? No, she just goes on the road a lot. You know how it is at work and stuff - it's crazy man."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"I thought she was just an accountant."

WILL / RAY-
"Listen, is there something you need? Because I've got, like, A LOT of stuff to do today."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah there is. Look, I just wanted to talk to you about your Easter decorations."

WILL / RAY-
"Aw, thanks. Man, I LOVE Easter!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah, yeah I can see that."

WILL / RAY-
"So you just came over to get a better look at them or something?"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"No, that's not it at all. See, last night we had a neighborhood meeting..."

WILL / RAY-
"No we didn't. I wasn't invited."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah that was the point Ray."

WILL / RAY-
"Wait a minute...are you guys planning a suprirse birthday party for me! Gosh, that's...awesome! I'm stoked! My birthday's not really for another seven months but...I'm touched. Really."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"No, that's not it at all. Listen, we had a meeting and I was chosen to come over here and speak with you. See, Ray, the thing is...we all hate the decorations."

WILL / RAY-
"How can you hate them? It's Easter man!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah, I know. And there's nothing wrong with getting excited about Easter. But most people, well, they don't really decorate the way you do."

WILL / RAY-
"What's wrong with my decorations? They're festive!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Ray, you have a giant chocolate bunny on your lawn!"

WILL / RAY-
"So? Bunnies are synonmous with Easter!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"It's twenty feet tall! Old Mrs. Wilson hasn't seen the sun in four days!"

WILL / RAY-
"So what? Have you seen Mrs. Wilson? That woman has seen enough sun in her lifetime! Her face looks like a damn catcher's mit!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Ray..."

WILL / RAY-
"Well I guess I could move it a little bit to the left or something..."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"It's starting to melt! It's attracting stray dogs! One of them bit my son!"

WILL / RAY-
"That was your son? Say, he's a really good kid. A bit of a bleeder, but y'know, he's a nice kid. That didn't leave a mark, did it?"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Ray, get rid of the damn bunny."

WILL / RAY-
"Fine. I'll get rid of the bunny. Happy?"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Well, not really! You also also have to get rid of that thing on your roof..."

WILL / RAY-
"Hey! That's not fair! You had a Santa Claus on your roof at Christmas!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah, but that was normal. You have a depiction of The Last Supper on your rooftop Ray! It's completely sacreligous! I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! Not only that, last night, the wind blew John the Baptist right through my front door!"

WILL / RAY-
"Really? Listen, I'll pay you back for that man, honest. Is that, uh...everything then? Because I was cooking some pancakes and..."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"No. You also have that Jesus on your front lawn and..."

WILL / RAY-
"Hey! It's just like Christmas time, Jesus is the reason for the season man! Don't lose sight of that!"

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Yeah, I agree with you. But Christmas and Easter are different: one celebrates the birth of Jesus, the other the death of Jesus. Do you really want to celebrate the death of Jesus?"

WILL / RAY-
"He doesn't really die you know. He comes back. He's like...Zombie Jesus."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Look, let me put it this way: at Christmas, I had a little nativity scene on my lawn. And that is perfectly normal, a lot of people do that. But what you're doing is not normal. You have a Crucifix on your lawn, Ray!"

WILL / RAY-
"Hey! I just asked myself 'what would Jesus do' when I was decorating."

HELLINGS / GREG- (Sarcastic)
"And Jesus told you to put on a representation of him dying on the cross on your front lawn?"

WILL / RAY-
"The Lord works in mysterious ways Greg."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"It looks like the freakin' KKK was here! The Andersons were so upset they went to a hotel until I could clear this up!"

WILL / RAY-
"The Andersons are a bunch of whiners anyway! Look, it's all staying man. Sorry."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"No. I don't think so Ray."

WILL/RAY-
"Oh, what you gonna do about? Huh, big man? You gonna hit me? Go ahead, hit me!"

(The Boy shrugs and proceeds to "hit" Will Ferrel in the gut. Will doubles over in pain. Hellings grabs one of the chairs that was on the porch and breaks the prop over Will's head. Will struggles to get to his feet but finally does, clutching his ribs and his head. He then tries to take a swing, but The Boy ducks it and grabs him in a headlock.)

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Gonna take those decorations down now?"

WILL / RAY-
"Yeah, sure. I promise I'll do that later."

HELLINGS / GREG-
"Later? Why not right now?"

WILL / RAY-
"Because...LIVE FROM NEW YORK-IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"