Become one of The Boy Scouts Today!

What does it take to be a Boy Scout? Very little, other than cash (or credit) and a willingness to devote your whole life to Scott Hellings.

You must:

• Recognize that Scott Hellings is the greatest alive today and that, if he could prove so, he'd show you that he's even better than any of the dead or future wrestlers as well.
• Wear your badge at all times.
• Recognize that everything Scott Hellings is true and anything he predicts will come true. NOTE: if you ever doubt his ability, you must turn in your badge.
• Cheer only for Scott Hellings and chastize anyone else. Remember, the only person worth watching is The Boy, so don't give anyone else the time of day.
• Purchase as much Scott Hellings merchandise as possible. Even if it comes down to not eating for the next week or buying that new Scott Hellings bobblehead, you should ALWAYS pick the bobblehead.
• Watch as much Scott Hellings content as possible. Tape all of his matches so that you can watch them over and over, so that you have something to watch in between his matches.
• Treat other Boy Scouts with respect, for they understand what true greatness is. Similarly, you must relentlessly mock anyone who is not a fan of The Boy, with no sense of remorse whatsoever. Remember, you saw the light and this is the only way they will ever learn.
• You should always give The Boy Scout salute whenever you see a fellow Boy Scout. You should CERTAINLY give The Boy Scout salute to Scott Hellings whenever you are within 500 metres of him.
• You must celebrate The Boy's birthday every August 2.
• If you aware that he is coming to your town, you should attempt to throw some sort of parade in his honour.

What do you get for being a member of The Boy Scouts?

1. Your own personalized Boy Scout fan badge with your name and fan # on it.

2. An autographed photo of The Boy.

3. A lifesize cardboard cutout of The Boy to adorn your room or office. (If more than one is required, please specify when ordering. Each additional cutout costs just $10.95 CA).

4. A special message from The Boy welcoming you to the club.

5. A copy of "The Best of the Boy" DVD

6. Special access to The Boy's personal website that allows for exclusive content and downloads.

7. A Scott Hellings pen.

8. You'll also be able to collect your very own Boy Scout badges, for such accomplishments as "Seen The Boy Live 20 Times," "Met The Boy," "Watched Scott Hellings Matches 500 Times," and "Seen The Boy Win 100 Matches."

So go ahead and join The Boy Scouts today. Don't you want to be part of an elite club that celebrates an elite person? Don't you want to cheer for a truly dominant athlete? Come on! All your friends are doing it! Plus, memberships make GREAT stocking stuffers and/or presents for birthdays, weddings, bar mitvahs...anything! There is never a wrong time to give the gift of The Boy.

NOTE: Be prepared to quote The Boy Scout Oath when ordering. What is the oath? You don't know it already? Remember this:

It has been estimated that, as of 2006, there are 50 MILLION members of The Boy Scouts worldwide, with more members joining daily. 18 million of these fans are from The Boy's own homeland of Canada alone. A University of British Columbia study recently estimated that the only people who are not already members are either (1) French-Canadian (or speak another language other than English) and cannot understand what The Boy is saying and are, thus, not as interested (2) do not have cable TV and have thus never seen The Boy in action (3) are homeless and thus do not have a television (4) have suffered severe brain damange or some other form of head trauma and thus do not comprehend greatness (5) are dead...or at least blind and (6) are Satan-worshiping Neo-Nazis who hate everyone and everything. And if I were you, I wouldn't want to fall into any of those categories...especially #1.