A program devised to help struggling professional wrestlers whose lives were ruined after losing in the ring will continue to offer its vital services.

Scott "The Boy" Hellings has announced that his Red and White Ribbon Campaign will definitely continue its operations throughout 2006 and into 2007, welcome news for anyone who has to use the service.

"Not everyone can be as good as me, I understand that," said Hellings. "Sometimes people need a helping hand getting back on their feet. I'm just trying to what I think is right."

The surprisingly benevolent wrestler sells ribbons, coloured red and white in honour of his homeland of Canada, with the proceeds going to subscribers of the service. Potential users send in a request after having lost in the middle of the ring to Hellings and then an interview is held. If it is determined the applicant needs help, he or she will receive a number of helpful services.

These services include regular visits from professional therapists (the frequency of which are determined in the interview process - some users need counselling twice a day) who tries to help them cope with their loss. Users are reminded that they had no hope of beating Hellings and that it is not their fault they are a inferior wrestler. A member from a local employment agency is then hired to come meet with the user and advise other potential career choices. There is even group sessions for friends and family members of the user, so they can learn how to respect their loved one once again.

"Basically, I just want to make sure that they're okay," said Hellings. "We'll do whatever it takes to help them get back on their feet."

But not everyone is convinced the program is necessary or all that benficial.

"Dave," whose real name has been protected to avoid embarrassment, says that the campaign did not help him get over his loss at all, insisiting that it is still a problem for him.

"All I can think of is that one match," said Dave. "I had won matches before and I figured I could win that one too. I was just totally not prepared...in fact I don't think I could have ever been prepared for that.

"But the pgoram hasn't helped me at all. I'm still haunted by that night. All I can hear in my head over and over is someone counting to three."

Dave suggests that more funding be allocated to the campaign, but Hellings scoffs at the idea.

"I can only do so much, you know? I'm only one person," said Hellings. "Yet there are so many out there who need my help...and the list grows each and every week. How can I be expected to keep up with that?

"It's not my fault I'm this good; you can blame genetics or you can blame god, but the point is that I am this good. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"

Potential applicants can call a special toll free number for more information at 1-888-434-LOSE (5673).

"Mike" from Topeka writes,
"Your program has helped me regain the confidence I lost when I was pinned. I'll never be able to wrestle again, that's a given, but at least I can pursue my other dream in life - to be an accountant."

"Jim" from Hamilton writes,
"I thought that I had lost because I was a failure as a human being. Your program helped me learn that I'm not a failure at life, I'm just a failure at wrestling. I've learned that I'm still a moderately competent human being."

"Laura" from Manchester writes,
"At first I wanted to hate The Boy for what he did to me, ruining my life and shattering my confidence like that. But now I learned that there is no shame in losing to him. I also see now that I should celebrate him for liberating all the wrestling fans from being forced to watch another one of my awful matches. I have learned to forgive and forget; I cheer him on now, realizing that superior beings should be celebrated, not ostracized. I'm his number one fan."

"Rob" from Hartford writes,
"I didn't realize that so many other people had gone through the same thing, and were feeling the same things I was. It felt good to know I was part of a large, ever-growing community of people who have lost to The Boy. Once I sat in on the first group meeting, I knew that I was not alone, and that I could take comfort in knowing that there were at least a few hundred other people out there as awful in the ring as I was. Thanks to the program, my hair is growing back, I've lost weight, and my wife is back with me. She still sees her boyfriend, but only on weekends and only because she likes to be with a winner once in a while. And that's good enough for me!"

"Kevin" from Sacremento writes,
"I was convinced that the referee counted too fast. It consumed my whole life! When I wasn't obsessing about it, it put me into a violent, blinding anger. My family and friends refused to stand by me and watch me destroy myself and everyone and everything around me. At first, I was mad at them. REALLY mad. But then I found out about this whole campaign and the program it supported. It changed my life! The blackout rage episodes are few and far between now and my family is willing to talk to me once again. Best of all, I get out in just six months"*

*Editor's Note: That's six months...with good behaviour.

Recognize the Warning Signs

Is one of your loved ones in need of our services? The first step is, obviously losing to The Boy and the early warning sign is getting fired or even quitting from the world of wrestling...but do you know ALL the signs and symptoms? Ask the following questions to be sure:

1. Sudden withdrawal from family and friends, for fear of further humiliation.

2. No longer displays an interest in wrestling at all, either professional or amateur.

3. Avoids any competitive activities.

4. Has sudden "flashback" episodes when lying down, particularly when their shoulders are also down.

5. Has a sudden fear of anyone from Canada.

6. Loss of confidence, coupled with fears of helplessness, guilt, shame, and anxiety (notably in the form of panic attacks)

7. Lack of appetite.

8. Disturbed sleep patterns.

9. Afraid of large crowds due to belief that they will be booed.

10. Refusal to stay in "ring shape."

Moose Jaw, SK (July 30, 2005) Have you (or someone you know) lost to The Boy? Can't cope with it? Do not fear, you are not alone. Many have failed before and there are many more yet to come. While there is no shame in losing to The Boy, it can prove hard to deal with, knowing that you were beaten so badly. Wrestling is a business built upon egos and when yours is crushed, the pain can be almost intolerable.

That is why Scott Hellings has set up the Red and White Ribbon Campaign, for those who have lost to The Boy to show their support for their fallen brethren. It won't stop the hurting, but at least it will show that the many, many, many of you who have been beaten by The Boy are united by your inadequacy.

Ribbons cost only $4.95 (Canadian funds), .25 of which goes towards the Boy's Sufferers Fund, otherwise known as the BS Fund. All of the money raised by the fund will go towards those who truly need financial assistance, now that The Boy has devastated their careers.

"It's not that I don't care, I just can't help being better than everyone else. That is why I say I am the one and only UBERstar, because I am clearly superior to anyone in the wrestling industry," said Hellings. "This campaign should help show a sense of solidarity between those who have been destroyed by me so that those who have suffered can get together, go for a coffee and compare notes on how quickly they lost to me. Or if that doesn't work they can just join my fan club and become a Boy Scout. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?"

When asked if this was a legitimate campaign, Hellings responded. "Of course this is a real campaign. Would I lie to you? Probably, but that's not the point here. Let's face facts, I've beaten a lot of people. I've beaten the best and now I'm going to beat the rest!

"I'm kinda like McDonalds. They have that sign out front, the one that says 99 Billion served? Well I'm not quite there yet, but I have beaten a lot of people. Some I've beaten 3,247 times alone. I'd say right now I'm at about 7,452,098 served. Yeah, that seems right."

The Boy urges you to start your own support groups in your communities, to continue the path of healing.

For more information, or to purchase a ribbon (in Canadian funds or the equivalent amount, cash only please) send a self-addressed envelope to:

The Boy is, quite possibly, the greatest wrestler alive. Having spent years in the promotion known as Rampage World Wrestling, he is now a member of No Surrender Wrestling, where he is set to become the greatest and most decorated competitor on the roster. Trained in the infamous Hart Dungeon, he has superior abilities. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it.

No Surrender Wrestling is a new federation in the wrestling world, owned by James Higgins. Its flagship program is Overdrive, broadcast on ESPN every Saturday to millions of homes worldwide. But basically, it's known for being the home of The Boy. Nothing else is really worth mentioning.

McDonalds is a fast food restaurant, but not a very good one. We're not sure what it is they are serving, but it ain't food.