Oh – and it’s very, very obvious
that Calypso would like a sibling. She loves playing with other kids, both
older and younger – In fact, she often tells us about her brother or sister
(i.e., the children she was playing with that day). She dotes on her dolls and
real babies with gentleness and she likes making babies smile.
A running theme with Amelia has been doing unusual things
with no previous experience, learning and figuring things out as she went
along. Sometimes she succeeded and sometimes not, but she’s generally eager to
try out new challenges.
Stories
If you’ve gotten this far, we thought you might be
interested in hearing about us in greater depth, i.e., where we’re from, our
parents & heritage – just generally what we’re all about. But we also
thought you might be getting a little bored with the same old rigmarole -
hearing folks talk about themselves can understandably get a little dry after a
while.
So we thought we’d share a few stories (all true) that
would hopefully entertain you a little and give you some insight into
the people and events that shape who we are, why we’re so keen on embryo
adoption, etc. To wit…
The (Mostly) Happy Trails of
Amelia, Todd & Calypso
Short
Story #1. Oops!
Our first story
takes us back to 1964 in Angeles City, the Philippines. The U.S. was in the 6th year of what turned out to be a long & protracted war in Vietnam. A young officer was stationed at Clark Air Force Base - one Peter G.
("Pete"). Pete was an Indiana-boy, where he had a very strict and
proper upbringing. Pete's mother was a strong woman who cared deeply about the
welfare of her children, but was very strict with them as well. Pete's father
was a mild-mannered high school math teacher who fell largely in the shadow of
his strong-willed wife. Pete went to college and got a degree in accounting. By
most any measure, Pete had lived an idyllic life - He grew up middle class in a
solid, upstanding family in a smaller community. He attended officer training
school after college, and in 1963(?) was sent to the Philippines.
While stationed
there, Pete met a beautiful little Filipina - one Sulpicia T.
("Solly") - who was 19 years old. A GI meeting a young local woman
was a very common occurrence in that particular time and place. Also very
common was the fact that Solly had lived a difficult, impoverished life.
Solly's mother had
died in her arms when Solly was twelve after 3 years of progressively declining
health. All 5 of her older siblings had already left home by their late teens.
Her father, previously a robust farmer, became a heartbroken drunk, leaving
Solly to raise her 5 year old sister alone, while she herself was only a
budding teen. She did so to the best of her abilities, but by the time she was
a teenager, she desperately wanted to just get out of her situation to make a
life for herself. Which is exactly what she did when she turned 16.
Soon after they
met, Pete & Solly began dating. Despite the cultural differences, they got
along very well, so Sulpicia moved in with Pete in an off-base house he rented.
He'd play songs on his guitar and serenade her, and she'd ride on the back of
his motorcycle - Solly was having the time of her life. They got along so well,
that soon enough - Oops! - Solly got pregnant. The timing couldn't have been
worse, as she found out just before Pete was about to leave for a deployment
for several months. Well, you can imagine the state that Solly was in -
confused, getting scores of conflicting advice from her friends & extended
family, worrying that she'd never see Pete again, and questioning whether she
could parent this child alone (Adoption wasn't a viable option in that time
& place).
But despite it all,
on July 21st, 1965, Solly had a healthy daughter whom she named Amelia, after a
famous Filipina movie star of the time. A few months after she was born, Pete
returned to the Philippines briefly and saw them. But he left after a few days,
and ultimately returned to the United States to resume his idyllic life,
leaving Solly and Amelia half a world behind. More on them later.
Short Story #2. Oops! Redux
Jerry met
Cindy when they were both 16. She and her friend had a flat tire and
were stranded on the side of the road in rural, North-Central Indiana where
they all lived. Jerry and a friend of his were passing by and pulled over to
offer to help them. Jerry was very handy, even as a teenager – he had worked on
hundreds of cars, and had bought and sold a bunch of them (most of them
junkers) by the time he was 17 years old. Having been a stranded traveler
himself many times before, he always stopped to help another. It just so
happened that this time, the stranded travelers were teenage girls about his
same age who lived in the next town over.
Jerry & Cindy
became sweethearts almost immediately after they met. Just like Pete &
Solly, Jerry & Cindy got along famously. And also like Pete & Solly,
dating also resulted in a little bun in the oven. One difference was that in
Jerry & Cindy’s case, they weren’t quite 18 years old.
Another difference was that Jerry asked Cindy to marry him
right away. Despite apprehensions, he loved her and definitely wanted to do it.
Of course, his being expected to marry her was the custom & convention of
that time & place (rural Indiana, 1970). But what was neither customary nor
conventional was that Cindy’s mother (see short story #7) and grandmother told
Jerry straight-away, “You do NOT need to marry her. She and the baby will be
just fine with us.” They were against the whole marriage!
But Jerry &
Cindy loved each other very much, so despite objections they got married
anyway, and have stayed married ever since. It was a very nice, very modest
little wedding. Cindy’s favorite wedding memory was cutting the cake. Jerry’s
favorite wedding memory was his relief when the thing was over (He was a
notorious recluse at the time and couldn't stand being the center of
attention).
Soon after getting
married, Jerry found a union job in a concrete factory, and worked there for
over 30 years. And Todd was born about 6 months later. More on him next.
Short Story #3. Breaking out
Todd grew up in a
small town in rural, North-Cenral Indiana. His family had lived in three
different houses all his life, and all three were within 2 miles of one another.
Todd went to the same school system his entire childhood, and spent every
summer (and much of the school year) working whatever jobs he could find, doing
chores at home, playing in the woods out back, and playing sports.
Speaking of sports,
Todd excelled in all sports (primarily basketball, football, wrestling, and
baseball) throughout his entire childhood and high school. Sports was really
the only thing he found interesting or challenging. This was because he also
happened to be the smartest kid in school, which was unfortunate because he was
utterly bored with school. By the time he was in middle school, he had grown to
dread school, which lasted for many years.
Todd also worked odd jobs all his life, even as a child.
His purpose wasn’t a particularly noble one – He just wanted to buy things, and
his parents didn’t have any disposable income to speak of (years later as an
adult, Todd eventually figured out that he had grown up among the working
poor!). Finding jobs was especially important in the months preceding
Christmas, because he had to earn enough to buy everyone a gift, which he did
every year. He adopted this trait from his Grandmother (see story #7) at a very
early age. But finding jobs was particularly tough for a 6 year old, so he had
to be both diligent and creative. Some examples include:
·
- Going door to door in the summer peddling cat-tails (which are
basically swamp weeds) to all the neighbors
·
- Raking leaves & shoveling snow in the fall & winter
·
- Selling Christmas wreaths he made out of coathangars &
plastic bags
As a teenager, he
moved from odd-jobs to steady part-time & summer jobs. These included:
·
- Working as a utilityman in an old-style steel foundry
·
- Shearing Christmas trees (Fresh trees don’t naturally grow in a
cone shape – you have to tend to them every year in the summer to keep them in
shape).
·
- Stocking shelves at an old department store (the perfect place to
meet teen-age girls)
·
- Operating the forktruck and hoist for an aluminum extract company
·
- Running the spot-welder for an automotive exhaust manufacturer
As Todd entered
high school, he became even more serious about sports, and eventually focused
entirely on football. Again, this wasn't from some noble, inner drive to
succeed, but rather a practical decision - he assumed he'd need to get an
athletic scholarship to be able to pay for college, and it became obvious
football was the one that was most viable. Few students went to college from
his high school, and very few of those graduated. "Paying for it" was
by far the main reason cited for not entering college or eventually dropping
out.
Fortunately for
Todd, his mother (Cindy) took it upon herself to become deeply knowledgeable
about financial aid and the college process, and was able to make sure all the
necessary paperwork was submitted properly and in a timely fashion. Also
fortunately for him, he kept his grades up throughout high school, despite his
contempt for school. As a result, he was accepted by very well-funded colleges
who were able to provide him with significant grants throughout college that
paid for over 90% of his tuition, room & board - all without having to play
football (which at that point Todd considered simply another job).
Todd eventually
graduated, had a successful career, earned a masters degree with honors,
married a wonderful woman, and had a happy, healthy child. Now he's hoping to
adopt an embryo or two.
Short Story #4. Are fairy tales ever real?
Solly had been
raising Amelia as a single mother in the Philippines for about a year and a half
when she got “the letter.” Lou, another Air Force officer, was friendly
with Solly after Pete had abandoned her and Amelia. When Lou’s tour of duty was
finished and he returned to the U.S., he had a bundle of papers prepared to
marry Solly and to adopt Amelia, and sent them along. When Solly received the
letter & the forms, she was in utter shock - Lou had done all of this
without as much as a post card letting her know what he'd been working on!
After reading and
re-reading these official documents, Solly let the idea sink in. Although they
hadn’t been close when he was stationed in the Philippines, she was a little
hurt that he hadn’t personally proposed. Just this impersonal letter. And Solly
wasn’t even attracted to him in that way -- he was less than fashionable in his
manner and dress (read: He was not one of the cool kids).
Solly thought long
and hard about it. You can imagine what was going on in her mind, ranging from
"What a great blessing it would be for my daughter to grow up in the US," to "I know very little about this man - and what little I do know, I don't
really like!"
After much counsel
among her friends and family and much introspection, Solly filled out the forms
and sent them to Lou, accepting his proposal. He flew to the Philippines while he was on leave, and they were married in April of 1967. Shortly
thereafter, Solly and Amelia moved to the U.S. where Lou was stationed. Lou
("Papa Lou") adopted Amelia shortly after that and he became the only
father she ever knew.
We wish we could
say Papa Lou & Solly lived happily ever after, but unfortunately they were
never particularly happy together. Solly threatened to divorce him several
times, which she eventually did when Amelia was 8. As a single mother again,
Solly had a really hard time paying the bills, so she eventually sent Amelia's
little brother (Neil, 7 years her junior) to live with Papa Lou. This was
heart-breaking for both Amelia & Neil. Over the years, Neil moved back and
forth, sometimes living with Solly & Amelia, and other times living with
Papa Lou (who eventually retired at Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas).
With the divorce
and much moving around (with Papa Lou in the Air Force, they moved a lot even
before the divorce) growing up was a real struggle for Amelia, but after
graduating high school in Florida, she moved to Boston and got a degree from a
small women's college. She later moved out to the Bay area, and landed a job
with Oracle. So like Todd, she has also had a successful career, married a
devilishly handsome spouse, and had a happy, healthy, fun-loving daughter.
Although, at this
point though, one can't help but think about all the "What would have
happened?" questions...
Short Story #5. So this is modern romance...
After getting his
graduate degree, Todd was working at a start-up internet company just as the
market started the down side of the internet bubble, August of 2000. Like so
many others, his company was folding, so he resolved to take some time off, travel a
little bit, etc. He was single with no kids, so he figured he'd travel light,
sleep on couches or in hostels, use miles to fly around, and spend his paltry
savings & go into a little debt if he needed to.
After 6 or 8
months, he found that he hadn't had a regular date with a regular woman in
ages. So a few days before he was flying back to San Francisco for a brief
stay, he posted an ad on craigslist.org seeing if anyone was interested in
having a nice, casual, low-pressure date.
He was surprised to find a lot of responses. Some didn't
seem terribly serious about meeting face to face, but a few were very
promising, so he lined up a couple dates. One of them, this "Amelia" character, he found to be particularly odd in that she forced him
to go through several rounds of photograph exchanges (later attributed to,
"I couldn't see him in his photos!")
Eventually he found
a photo that she found acceptable, so they met for supper and really hit it
off. They started dating exclusively almost right away. And they've stuck
together ever since. Various highlights include:
- A two week vacation to Thailand, where they got engaged (and where Amelia vomited on a scuba instructor)
- Training for a marathon (they made
it half-way before Amelia's injuries and Todd's hatred for running
prevailed)
- Many home-cooked meals (Amelia
likes to cook, and Todd likes to eat)
- Many Bay area hiking expeditions
(well, one-day hiking expeditions)
- And eventually Calypso. We'll get
to her a little later.
Short Story #6. What goes around comes around
Young Amelia was 9
years old when she arrived home from school one day and heard her Mom sobbing
by the phone (this was after her divorce with Papa Lou, when her 2nd husband
was stationed in Thailand). Amelia felt sad and scared seeing her mom like
this. Solly inhaled deeply then said, "He's dead." Amelia was
confused during the long pause. "Your father ‘Pete’ died two years
ago." At that moment, Amelia was forced to grow up, simultaneously
learning that her Papa wasn't her biological father, and that her
biological father had died. And that his name was Pete.
It seems that Solly
would call Pete every year or two to see how he's doing. All she had was his
parents' phone number, since that was Pete's only permanent phone number when
he & Solly were together. This time, she reached Pete's Mom, who told her
that Pete had died in a motorcycle accident.
Amelia's shock
eventually wore off, and as an adult, this became a little story Amelia would
occasionally tell people. One Friday afternoon, she was telling some co-workers
this story, when one of the men asked, "How do you know he died? His mom
could have lied about it, just to get rid of Solly," adding, "You
might even be able to find him by going to the geneological library - it's just
around the corner." All of this had never occurred to Amelia before, but
she didn't think any more of it and got on with her weekend.
After the weekend
had passed, the co-worker popped by her desk on Monday morning. "I just
happened to be passing by the geneological library this weekend..." and
then SLAM! He laid a huge dossier of information about people named "Peter
G." that he'd looked up over the weekend on her behalf. It seems that
the co-worker was actually reunited with his own biological daughter a few
years ago, so Amelia's story was of keen interest to him.
Amazed, Amelia went
through the information together with her co-worker. Since Pete didn't have a particularly common last name, they didn't have too many matches. They
found one who had died, who they immediately dismissed (since that wouldn't
leave much intrigue!) Ultimately they identified two possible candidates, both
of whom had addresses in Indiana, and who may have been old enough - one of
whom they actually had an email address for.
Amelia considered
contacting these gentlemen to see if one of them might have been Pete or may
have known of him, but after drafting a letter of introduction, she chickened
out – too afraid that it could turn out badly. A few years later when Amelia
& Todd were seriously dating, they planned to do a trip to Indiana to visit Todd's friends and family. Todd suggested, "Hey give me the info for
those two fellas from Indiana, and I'll contact them before we leave. Maybe if
they know something we can visit them while we're there." It sounded like
a fun little mystery, so Amelia dug out the dossier and gave it to him.
Todd promptly
forgot completely about it until 3 days before they left. He thought, "Oh
crap - it's too late to send a letter! I'll just send an email to that one
guy." So just before he went home from work, he shot of a quick, rather
awkward note to the effect of: "You don't know me, but my
girlfriend...."
Todd sent it off chuckling, thinking there was about a
0.0001% chance that this would turn into anything. He was mainly hoping he
wouldn't tick someone off, but figured that most people would take it
light-heartedly. The next morning, he received two brief replies from the
gentleman he emailed the previous night, "What's her name?" and
"How old is she?" Todd thought, "That was odd." He then
raised his internal likelihood to 1% and responded with the requested
information, adding extra details about Amelia, such as, "...she has a
successful career..." and "... the worst that could happen is that we
buy you lunch..."
Toward the end of
that day, Todd was talking with his brother Chris on the telephone, and saw his
email reply, "Well, it looks like you've found the right guy..." and
proceeded to provide some previously undisclosed details that proved it - This
was Pete! Shocked, Todd almost called Amelia right there and then, but Chris
advised not to do so since she was still at work and would likely fall off of
her chair and get injured or have some other undesirable effect. So Todd waited
for supper that night, asking her, "If Pete were alive and you could meet
him when visiting in Indiana this weekend, would you want it to be a surprise
or know about it beforehand?" She thought a second and said, "eh - I
guess I'd rather know beforehand." He said, "OK - we're meeting him
and his wife (Janice) for lunch this Saturday in Indianapolis."
Well, you can
imagine that lunch was a very tense one. Most all of us were trying to conceal
tears at various times throughout. It turns out that Pete's Mom (who passed
away several years ago) not only lied to Solly, but she did so without Pete's
consent or knowledge. In parallel with that, Pete had grown over time to
suppress the memory that Solly getting pregnant had ever happened, likely a
product of his strict upbringing (by his overbearing mother) that "Good
people don't do things like get little foreign girls pregnant."
Janice and their
kids had become aware of the possibility of Amelia because Pete had a serious,
life-threatening tumor in lining of his brain 10 years earlier. At one point when
he was barely conscious, he recounted to Janice the tale of Solly getting
pregnant and giving birth to Amelia (this may sound like a soap opera at this
point, but it's all true). At the time, no one knew if this story was true or
if it was a delusional concoction of someone who is very sick (Pete had surgery
and eventually fully recovered). Even Pete was unsure of the truth.
Of course, even
after "the Lunch," Todd the skeptic was still in disbelief about the
whole thing, until later that afternoon when he saw pictures of Pete's mom. She
looked exactly like Amelia. So similar that you could have colored their
hair differently (Amelia had a green or purple streak in her hair at the time)
and you could have told anyone it was Amelia and no one could have known the
difference.
Amelia had grown up
her whole life wanting to have a family resemblance - she didn't look anything
like her mom, Papa Lou, Neil, or anyone else she knew. She had finally found a
family member who she looked like, exactly like her in fact, and it turned out
to be the person who was the source of her abandonment as an infant.
Well, unlike other
stories, this one does have a happy ending. Everyone on all sides are really
good friends, even Pete & Solly, everyone is doing very well. This has
become just a story, and everyone feels quite comfortable with each other (for
example, Calypso, Todd & Amelia just recently visited Pete & Janice and their son's family, and Amelia was the maid of honor at Diana’s (Pete & Janice’s daughter)
wedding).
And best of all,
Calypso and her soon-to-be sibling(s) have a whole new side of the family to
enjoy!
Short Story #7. One tough softie
The story wouldn't
be complete without mention of Todd's maternal grandmother, Rose Marie, who was
one of Todd's biggest influences.
Rose Marie was
born in 1931, the second oldest of four girls. When she was a senior in high
school, she fell for a new boy, Carl G., who just moved into town. They
were quite a match - He was tall, handsome and athletic, and she was petite,
smart and beautiful. Less than a year after high school, they were married and
he joined the Air Force. They had Mike a year later, and Cindy two years after
that. So far so good.
Over time, Rose
Marie learned that Carl was cheating on her. The last straw was when Rose Marie
found a letter from a woman in Korea asking when he was going to send for her
and her son to come to live in the US. Rather than tolerate a cheating husband,
she divorced him & moved back to Indiana with Mike and Cindy.
In order to avoid child
support, Carl discharged from the service, but worked for them as a civilian
overseas so he was untraceable. He eventually came back to the States and was
arrested for not paying child support. He paid a small lump sum, so she agreed
to let him out. But she and the kids never saw him again, and never collected
any more child support.
Life was very
difficult for Rose Marie and the kids at that point. Back then, there weren't a
lot of single mothers. In fact, it was widely known that men earned significantly
more money than women even for the same job because, "Men need higher
wages because they support the family. Women's wages are just extra."
So Rose Marie had
her back against the wall. Unlike Todd’s upbringing, there was no uncertainty
about their situation - they were poor. But she happened to be tough as nails.
She worked a full-time job plus 2 part-time jobs, barely sleeping, just to make
ends meet.
A few years later
she met and married Louie H. At first, he was a fine, solid husband. He
had a full-time job and was nice to the Mike & Cindy. They had two more
kids, Brenda and Fred. After a few years, Louie picked up a few gigs playing in
bars and clubs (he was reasonably talented musician). Unfortunately, being in
bars regularly lead to him starting to drink. A lot. He became a nasty drunk
and was often physically abusive to Rose Marie. Very abusive.
Now she was in a
real bind - she had to get her and the kids out of that situation, but there
was absolutely no way she could afford all four kids by herself - and there was
no way Louie would ever pay any child support.
Then a stroke of
luck finally came her way - She landed a very good factory job. She calculated
that between the full-time job plus a couple of part-time jobs, she could keep
everyone fed and a roof over their heads. So that's what she did.
Life was still
tough, but Cindy was old enough to take care of the younger kids and keep up
the house. Mike was smart, so he kept his grades up and went to college on an
ROTC scholarship. And everyone worked very hard.
When the four
children were adults, they began to set her up with dates, to no avail.
Eventually, she was fed up with constantly being set up and asked, "Why do
you keep wanting me to get married again - Don't you want me to be happy?"
The most important
thing to note is that despite all of her hardships, Rose Marie was one of the
most generous people the world has ever known. This was always true, but it was
particularly conspicuous during Christmas, when Rose Marie's tiny house was
literally filled with presents. She'd give all of her kids and grandkids a
dozen or more gifts - each. After including all of the other people in her
life, she bought hundreds of gifts every single Christmas.
Then at her
funeral, we were all shocked when person after person would come up to us and
tell us how she had secretly helped them, sometimes when things were really
bad, sometimes for many years. Not one person in her family knew about this
anonymous charity. We'll probably never fully know the extent of her
generosity.
Short Story #8. And then there was Calypso
Soon after Todd
& Amelia were married, they found out Amelia was pregnant. While very much
welcome, it was also very much unexpected. Neither thought it would happen
quite as fast as it did!
Everything was fine
during the entire pregnancy. Both Mom-to-be and Dad-to-be were taking their
natural childbirth classes and they got everything prepared (including both a
boy’s name and a girl’s name). In short, everything was peachy – until week
38.5 when Amelia’s water broke.
Todd got a call
while he was at work, saying that Amelia had a rather severe case of
preeclampsia and they were going to induce. Todd had no idea what preeclampsia
was, but his recent training ensured he remained positive. But after 40 hours
of labor with no pain relief other than breathing exercises, Todd’s positivity
turned to sheer terror.
Amelia remained
cool, but realized that it was time to retreat. She was given pain medication,
and after an hour, began to try again. Amelia was too weak at that point and
the baby’s head was stuck half-way down. We and the doctors agreed that the
best path was a C-section. It was not without its risks, but something had to
be done – her hypertension diagnostics had not subsided one iota and birthing
the baby would relieve the preeclampsia.
Fortunately, all’s
well that ends well. Calypso was delivered without a hitch on February 19,
2005, at 7 lbs. 2 oz. and 20 inches long. She’s bright, healthy and happy, and
Amelia recovered nicely. Those few hours of dread are like a movie that you
watched a long time ago (at least for Todd and the extended family – Amelia
truly remained positive throughout the whole thing).
Because of this
experience, we thought a lot about surrogate pregnancy. However, multiple doctors have proclaimed Amelia to be as healthy as a horse, and should have no problems carrying another baby.
Regardless - Our
next little one (or two!) will have quite a doozy of a “birth story” – Just
without all the complications!
In conclusion (hooray!)
We’d just like to
thank you for slogging all the way through our various tales of woe, triumph
and hope, and indeed hope you’ve enjoyed them.
We’d also like to
sincerely thank you for considering us as potential candidates for parenting
your little ones.
Warmest regards,
Todd, Amelia &
Calypso
P.S. Feel free to email us at k_family_norcal@ yahoo.com
oh - and here are some other pics...
We are a three-person family seeking to expand through embryo donation/adoption. This page is our attempt to give you some insight into who we are and what we're all about. Our wish is that your search for
qualified parents for your embryos is a positive, hopeful experience - That is certainly the way
we feel about it! We are
eager to bring home embryos to expand our family for several reasons:
Besides music, playing dress-up, puzzles and books, she also
likes to propose role-playing scenarios. At the playground recently, she
observed that a boy fell from a 2-foot platform onto the sand. She
approached him to check “Are you okay?” After a pause, he said “Yes.” Then
Calypso climbed onto the platform and flung herself onto the sand and
moaned the way that the boy had. He then asked her if she was okay and so
on. Then Calypso dusted herself off and told another kid to fall onto the
ground and told another young girl to ask him if he was okay. It was
charming to see several rounds of kids play through the drama of possible
injury and compassion from friends until the next game started.
almost jump over his head. Then he realized he needed to focus on
football…
place in the league.