Why in the name of a carpenter's son should these bastards get V.I.P treatment? What, they're in a car accident and so for the rest of their life they get to park at the damn door of every supermarket in town? Why? I've never understood this, it's crazy talk. Whoever came up with this shit ought to be sprinkled with holy water by a priest chanting 'repent' over and over.
What about us lazy bastards? The overweight? The easily lost? Don't we deserve to get preferential parking?
I really am sick of this shit.
Minority Parking, brought to you by Tesco! Look out for our Parking For Poofs system, coming late summer 2004, whereby all homosexuals and their partners can park in a special designated area inside the store! Also, for all the Johnny Foreigners among you, watch out for our upcoming car park policy, Niggaz 4 Lyfe. From January 2005, blacks can dump their car wherever the hell they like, hand the keys in at the front desk and one of our underpaid workers will park your car appropriately for you. We will strive to get your car as close to the front door of the supermarket as possible, therefore alienating the non-minority customers and leaving them to park in a dark, sheltered corner at the edge of the car park - perfect for lurking car thieves!
More often than not, these people have driven to the store. Even if someone else drove them, they're fit enough to walk from the car to the door, and walk right round the shop, aren't they? Or those in a chair are fit enough to wheel themself around the store. You see my point. The supermarket I'm talking about is a huge store, and if they can make it right round that for their 'weekly big shop', then surely they can make it the extra fifty feet or so that parking in a regular space would add to their journey?
Just so we can be clear on this, for all you dense twonks out there, I don't have anything against cripples. I'm not at all prejudiced against them. I just don't see why they're getting special treatment. Is it because they've suffered, and deserve our sympathy? If so, why not give better spaces to the clinically depressed, the partners of the recently deceased, or the post-Euro 2004 England football fans? What's wrong with these groups?
These are the questions I've asked myself, and I've came to the conclusion that...prepare yourself for this...Tesco are arranging the third rise of the Nazi party. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first. Alert George W Bush. Replenish the missile stock. Load the cannons. We're going to war.
Seriously, why else would they promote such blatant segregation? What secret agenda do they have against us members of society that can walk steady on our own two feet? They're nurturing a superior race, I'm sure of it. In a deceptive tactical swing, they've selected the people that Hitler would have thrown in his bonfire: the disabled, homosexuals, Jews, blacks, etc. Who would have seen it coming? It's so blatantly not Nazi policy that almost every last one of us was fooled. Except me.
So to Tesco, and to all other supermarkets and public car parks that employ this retarded policy, I ask this: Why do you perpetuate this outdated politically correct bullshit? Face it, we're in the 21st century now, and this sort of pish should be phased out, not encouraged. When will you realise that 90% of the time, you're not even benefiting the disabled? Usually, I go to Tesco at about midnight, and by then the spaces are a fucking free-for-all.
Trolleys sit in disabled spaces, idly rolling in the breeze of the night, either abandoned by ignorant customers or the automobiles of disabled peasants that have delusions of grandeur but can't quite afford a real car. I'm guessing the first. Even during the day, there's only about 50% of disabled spaces being filled by the disabled: most are occupied by spoiler-a-plenty modified hatchbacks, clearly the cars of perfectly abled neds. So why is this policy still in use? It's not benefiting people. You know what? I think it's just encouraging cripples to be complacent and lazy. Bastards.
Get your finger out your arse, Tesco, and change this. Every time I come to your store, I demand that my driver park in the nearest possible space to the door. I'll be the first to admit, I'm a fucking lazy bastard. And I want preferential parking for all, or for none. Fuck your disabled customers, I'm through with them being treated like royalty. They can all roll themselves off a cliff for all I care. Yeah, that's a good idea. Who's up for organising a mass disabled suicide attempt? No-one?
Oh well.