MAY 2003

May 6
I had two dreams last night. The first was of this grotesquly obese woman living in the wood by a river with her 12 year old daughter. I was lost in the woods and needed a phone so when I came across their house they let me in. It was in there that I realized that the mother was not well and that when she did finally have a heart attack the daughter was going to be in bad shape because she had never met anyone else in her life and the phone was not designed to call anyone other than the numbers known (no operator). So I 000 into the phone (Australian emergancy number) and then ordered them a new, more easily used phone. I told the aughter but not the mother. The second dream was that I was walking around the supermarket up the road and I was dating this guy who had complete control of the war that was going on around us, alongside of me. It wasa a dark dream. I decided that I did not want the war to go ahead but those who wanted it to had managed to persuade him that it was the best thing and there was nothing that I could do about it.

May 10
I dreamt last night that I was taking care of a camp where kids went. It was an under water camp which was not actually water t the alien world that it really was, but was like water to us human beings. It was full ofbeautiful fish and I was swimming around naked it without any breathing apparatus. Though I could not 'breath' under water I was able to take some breaths so that I didn't get the bends when coming up from below. I swam up to the top several times for proper breathing then swam around more in the serenity and beauty that was under the water. Then I realized that it was time for some of the kids to arrive so I got out and had to run for my clothes past an open door where all the other councellors were (one being George Cloony) and I knew that I was fat and thought that they would all laugh at me. But I over heard them saying when they thought that I was gone that George actually liked my body and they all thought that I was a nice person. But I didn't believe it, I thought they were all deluded. Finally the kids arrived with their really good looking teacher and I started the swimming. I gave them all diving masks and told them that if they wanted to claim anything as their own all they had to kiss thefish of their choice. Kate then came to visit and that was when I explained how it was an aliens world and the water wasn't really water just thicker air, but to us it was exactly the same.

May 16
I was walking up the road to go shopping. For some reason Birdtown had become the fashionable suburb and that was where all the shopping was to be done. My cat was following me and he ran out into the road. I tried to stop him but he got in front of a car. After the first one hit hi many others did. There was so many cars and they just kept hitting him and hitting him. I finally got to him and realized he was not dead, just in a lot of pain and would never walk again. But then the cat turned into K and she was the one that had been hit by the car. It devestated me that she would never be able to walk and I felt that it was all my fault. I knew that if she died I would not be able to keep living. I found out that she would live, but not very happily.
I woke feeling really bad about this and then I realized it was a dream.

May 30
Last night I dreamt that I was together with MAB again, yet essentially nothing had changed. I knew this time that he was cheating on me, but I still accepted him and thought that he may stop it and that he really loved me. We were sitting on my bed in B------ and I insisted that we should be totally honest with each other so we should read each others diaries. He thought that I did not know about the other girls and that I thought he treated me great, I informed him otherwise. So we swapped journals. What I thought was just one night stands in face turned out to be that he had another girlfriend that he saw only on weekends, and she thought that she was the only one. She was sick of only seeing him on weekends. Reading my journal he decided that he would take whatever was written and twist it so that I looked bad. At one stage he said- 'HA! You were a drug addict." I told him that what he read was entirely true and as he could see I had only tried one drug on purpose so how did that mean that I was a drug addict? He didn't care, he just decided to use it against me. Arsehole.