March 2003
29 March
I had this wonderful dream last night. It wasn't one of the usual dreams that I wrote because they are so unusal and nothing can be taken from my everyday life. In fact this one almost everything can be made sense of by something that I had seen that day. And it ended badly, but I knew at the end it would be okay. (Dammit, my mouse has stoped working. One warning that the batteries were low and it stops!) I dream that one of my teachers at university was in love wih me, and I with him (Home & Away). However the teacher in question was that gorgeous guy from Always Greener (insert name once mouse is working, the one dating the older woman). My old flatmate Jennifer had come to visit (I had been thinking about her yesrterday) and was getting in the way. At the time there was a class meeting at my place but everyone else had gone off. The teacher took me by the hand and led me out to the back shed (which currently is full of the neighbours crap) and it had been transformed. It was just like anyother room rather than a shed, but it was beautiful. I laid down on the bed and closed me eyes. He asked me to trust him. I felt him undress me and touch me and ever so gently it was. I felt completely at ease with him. I felt him lay down beside me with his arm across my stomache. When I opened my eyes I saw that here was naked and for some reason there was something completely beautiful about his naked waist. Nothing feminim about it, just sexy. And I felt totally in love. Everything felt so right. I even knew that he had some disease that meant that if he ever got a woam that she would have a miscarriage and he would never have kids of his own. It didn't bother me because I already had one and would willingly adopt with him (that is how I feel in real life. I never want to have more children because it seems selfish- I wouldn't change K for the world- I just think that there are so many older kids out there, especially deaf or blind or disabled ones, that will never find a home and will be fostered to different families forever. So I would love to give them a home.) He didn't know this was how I felt and it scared him to ever tell someone this. There was just something beautiful about this dream, somethign that made me feel loved and happy and like verything was perfect. I want some of that in reality.