I haven’t been sleeping well lately. In a way that is an understatement, as I don’t think that I have ever slept well. I wake several times a night and sometimes it is so difficult to get back to sleep that I lay there for hours in the darkness listening to the darkness.
Last night was not any different, except instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour and laying awake for half the night, I went to bed at a later hour and lay awake.
The only times that I do not have difficulty drifting off to sleep is when I have been drinking- then I pass out almost instantly. Last night I sat up watching horrible movies. It started with Muriel’s Wedding and finished with the terribly demeaning made for television movie Legacy of Sin. I have a thing for tales from real life- otherwise I would not be addicted to reading online journals!
That is not what I came here to write. I came to divulge what the Bitch thinks about me so that people can know how truly horrible I really am. She has a better perspective than me. However, I will defend myself, I have the right to do that. This is the first email that she sent me after that unfortunate comment that was taken completely the wrong way:

You're joking right? I mean about being mad at me because I didn't call earlier?? [Yes, I was joking.} Wow. Gee, obviously no 'Oh that's okay, sorry you're weekend turned out to be a disaster... It's such a shame that Bort's car literally blew up causing thousands of dollars worth of damage... Sorry that everyone was in a terribly depressed mood and just wanted to get home to sort things out. [I had absolutely no idea what happened as her message was terrible vague. ] ' No, god forbid you think about anyone else's feelings but your own. So 'sorry' Samantha that I didn't call you earlier, how very very inconsiderate of me. I should have gotten someone to take the tandem trailer off the car to make the 15 minute trip into Heathcote just to call you.
I don't know why you've decided to make this unfortunate (mainly for us, how did it ruin your weekend??) incident into a 'hurdle' but I guess that's just your style. You make everything into a big drama. [Me turn it into a big drama? I had an unfortunate incident myself that she never asked about. So who is the one making it a drama?] God, this telstra thing is absurd. You like blaming everyone else for your own mistakes [This Telstra incident was not my fault. They sent me a bill the day before I moved and refused to connect me.} - if you hadn't of got into debt in the first place... but I know you don't think of it that way, you just get angry and look for a scapegoat. Whatever. [I had on many previous occasions said that I realized it was my fault that I had got into debt and I was going to get myself out of it- but she obviously didn’t listen- something she did often.} I found your other diary site the other day. I am not sure if you're aware of this or not. It's not like I can hide the fact that I read it as I left a comment before I read the previous entries and realised who it was. If at that moment you had of called me a fool it would have been valid. I sure as hell felt like one. Anyway, I am rational enough to realise that in no way do I have any right to be mad at you for anything that was written about me - they are your private (or were meant to be) thoughts and I do respect that.[Sure as hell she didn’t. But I should have moved to another server.} With that said, I can't exactly deny I was hurt but I'll get over it. From it all I guess I have to ask one thing; do you want me as a friend? I definitely want you as a friend but I don't understand why you have to make things so difficult sometimes.[Does she really? I don’t think so according to her entry Admittedly when I realized it was hers I stopped reading- however I did copy it to finish reading later I was so angry] Can't you just be more... not uptight? Why does everything make you angry? Why do you get so annoyed if I don't call you all the time, or come visit you all the time? [I don’t get angry, I get sick of being screwed around. Yes, I am uptight.} Do you think I'll forget about you or stop caring? I don't understand. Then when I do call you, most of the time you sound almost angry with me. And when I do come visit you, I sometimes find it a bit stressful - you are mad a lot of the time and I find that a little hard to cope with - especially the times when you really yell at Missy.[I find it really difficult to do anything in front of her because I always feel she is judging me. And the times that she sulks for something stupid and I am made to feel bad in my own house.}
Anyway, I always end up apologising to you and I'm sure I'll apologise for this e-mail some where down the line. [She may always apologise, after saying this exact same line to try and make you feel guilty.] For now, I am not feeling very apologetic so I doubt I'll visit you at your parents if you do come over. Please respond to this mail any way you want. You can say anything to me, I want you to be honest because I didn't much like finding out what you really think of me in the way I did.

I did respond, and not very kindly as I don’t really feel the need to be insulted in that manner. As I said earlier, what I said in my diary was my opinion on a situation, nothing mean. Some people just can’t handle that others do think. I’ll put my email in later.

1039 words posted by Samantha at 0958hr. Email Me