I'm Sorry, I'm Leaving.
Chapter 8
By: Sarah
Joel looked at her, uncertain for a second. His eyes were wide, and he licked his lips nervously, as if he wasn�t sure if he should have said what he�d said.
� I�m kinda�confused right now.� He said slowly. She looked away, but nodded.
� Yea, me too.� She nodded, a bittersweet smile forming on her lips. Joel sighed heavily and flopped back against the sofa.
� You are�quite possibly, the coolest girl I�ve ever met.� He said, the words rolling off his tongue. Cicily looked at him, surprised.
� Uh�ok.� She sat back, her body only inches from his. She wasn�t sure how to respond to him anymore. The tension was almost unbearable. �Simon�s coming home soon.� She glanced at Joel. Joel nodded, not really responding.
� When?�
� Two days.� She said through gritted teeth.
� Oh�wow.� Joel said breathlessly.
� Yea��
� Are we going to go back to the way things were?� Joel asked, glancing at her. Cicily swallowed hard and shook her head.
� I don�t know, Joel. We fucked in Simon�s bed�I think it might be a little hard for me to forget that. Maybe it won�t matter to you, but you won�t be the one underneath him��
� Whoa, whoa, whoa�� Joel held his hands up, stopping her. � I TOLD you I didn�t want to screw around in his bed.�
� Yea but you didn�t stop it when we did!�
� Heat of the moment!� He yelped.
� You have NO will power!� She screamed angrily.
� NEITHER do YOU!�
� AH!� Cicily exclaimed, throwing her hands up. It was useless�but she didn�t want it to be useless. She turned to Joel, her heart racing. �Listen�I know I can't go back to the way things were.� She said. � I care about you way too much.� She whispered. Joel blinked and groaned, but in a more tired way than an exasperated way.
� Cicily�I just don�t know if I can do this right now.� He said. He sounded like it hurt him to say this. Cicily nodded, biting her lip hard to keep from doing anything too emotional.
� Ok. Well, I think you should go then.� She said quietly. She knew it was for the best. The sooner she could get him away, the soon she could get Joel out of her system. If she just forgot about him, then she could go back to being with Simon. Easy as that.
� Ok.� He said, his voice just as soft as hers. He started getting up slowly, and despite all the emotions boiling inside her, Cicily got up too, to let him out. Her legs were shaky and she was afraid she wouldn�t make it to the door. Joel moved slowly and when he reached the door, he turned around. � I�m sorry.� He said, looking down at his hands. Cicily nodded, but couldn�t look him in the eyes.
� Kiss me�� She whispered. He looked up, his dark, chocolate brown eyes catching hers. � Because I will never let you touch me again after this.� She said, her voice breaking as she spat the words out.
Joel cringed, looking away, hurt. Despite the sting he felt from her words, Joel leaned forward, slowly. Just the heat from his body was almost too much for her and she felt her hands start to tremble. Cicily tried to memorize everything about him. The way he moved toward her, tilting his head slightly. The way his breath was slightly faster than usual�that awesome way he smelled. Joel leaned in and kissed her softly, pressing his lips gently against hers. Cicily wanted to melt against him, fall into him and never let go. Her hands itched to touch him, but she held back, their lips touching like feathers. She pulled away after a few seconds, her eyes locked on his. Joel took a deep, shaky breath. Neither of them moved for a minute�an hour�a day� Joel looked away and shut his eyes.
� Good bye, Joel.� She said, an unwanted tear slipping down her cheek. He shook his head.
� I don�t think I can leave.� He whispered, his voice hoarse.