So Far Away
Chapter 7
By: Sarah
I took a deep breath, looking up into his eyes. I knew he wanted to. I could tell by the way that he was looking at me. My heart was thumping hard against my chest.
� I�� I stuttered. He looked a bit annoyed, well maybe not annoyed, but more disappointed for a second. Just as I opened my mouth to answer him, the doorbell rang. We both froze, not sure what to do. We were laying on the sofa, I was naked except my panties and Nate only had his jeans on. I shook my head, not sure what to do.
� Shit.� I said quietly. The doorbell rang again, but twice this time.
� Oh, dammit.� Nate cursed quietly. I knew I had to get the door. Whoever it was was pretty urgently ringing the bell. I slid out from under Nate, and that heavy, awkward feeling in my chest seemed to melt away.
� Where�s my shirt?� I asked, slightly panicked. I was standing naked in front of Nate, it wasn�t exactly the most comfortable situtation I�d ever been in.
� I dunno, I threw it somewhere.� He shrugged. I groaned, looking around. The door bell rang again and I had no choice but to grab Nate�s shirt and throw it on. I ran to the door, and flung it open, curious to see who was there.
� Benji!� I said, surprised. He smiled at me, handing me something. I looked down. It was a plain CD.
� Hey, Nic�I wanted you to check out this song for me. I�ve been working on it for a little while and---� he started walking in, but I put my hand on his chest, stopping him.
� Benj, this isn�t exactly the best time�� I said, pushing him out into the hallway. I stepped out, shutting the apartment door behind us. As if for the first time, he looked at me, and noticed I was wearing a guy�s shirt.
� What�� He paused, looking at my clothes. I realized I still had my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating. I pulled my hand away. Now I would never be able to go back and be with Nate.
� Benji�� I waned, reaching up and putting my arms around his neck. He looked at me, almost disgusted. I frowned.
� Put your arms down, your ass is hanging out.� He said, pushing me away. I frowned, pulling at the shirt.
� Shut up, I have underwear on.� I said.
� I wish I lived across from you, I�d get free shows everyday.� He said. His voice was tense and almost angry. I titled my head to the side, trying to read him. He was supposed to be my best friend, yet I could never tell what he was thinking.
� Benji, come on.� I groaned, shaking it off.
� Who�s in there with you?� He asked, pointing to my door. I frowned. Was it any of his business? Who was he? My dad?!
� I don�t think that�s any of your business.� I said, glaring at him. He suddenly came flying at me, pinning me against the wall, his arms on either side of my head.
� You�ve only been going out with him for a week, Nic! What the fuck?!� He said in a hushed voice, though I could tell how mad he was. He pointed his finger at me, his voice strained. It surprised me and I smacked my head against the wall, surprised at how fast he�d pushed me back. I took a deep breath, our bodies touching each other.
� I don�t need advice, from you, off all people, about MY sex life.� I said angrily. He groaned, dropping his arms. Neither of us moved though.
� You shouldn�t have sex with him, Nic. Come on, don�t be like that.� He said, spitting out his words. His comments made me furious and I nearly wanted to slap him.
� Be like what?!� I yelped, insulted. �OH! I see, so it�s ok for you to go fuck girls you just met when you�re on tour, but no, I can�t sleep with my BOYFRIEND? You�re not my goddamn father, Benji, so fuck off!� I yelled, pushing him away. He grabbed my arm though, pulling me back.
� I�m just looking out for you, Nic.� He said angrily. I walked forward, looking him deep in the eyes.
� I don�t need you to look out for me, Benji.� I turned, and started walking back into my apartment, leaving Benji standing alone in the hall. I turned though, when I got to the door. � What�s happening to us, Benji? We used to have so much fun. Now all we do is fight.� I asked, feeling strangely sad and lonely. He hung his head unhappily.
� People change, I guess.� He said quietly. I bit my lip, a mix of anger and hurt was building inside me. I only nodded and walked silently into my apartment.
I couldn�t believe him. How dare he talk to me that way? Telling me what I could do with my sex life? I was still fuming when I walked into the family room where Nate was sitting.
� Who was that?� He mumbled.
� Benji.�
� Oh, really?� He said, a little condescendingly. I frowned, noticing that he had put all his clothes back on except for his shirt, which I was wearing.
� What are you doing?� I asked, placing the CD Benji had given me on the table. He looked up, nearly glaring at me.
� I don�t know. I just figured that you and BENJI would like some time alone.� He said. He tied his shoes quickly. �I need my shirt back,� He said. I sighed. My shirt was on the floor behind the sofa so I grabbed it and slipped it on, handing Nate his shirt.
� Don�t be mad, Nate, please. Benji�s my best friend�he just stopped by to give me something. It wasn�t anything important. We�re having a really rough time right now.� I sighed. Nate nodded, reaching forward and hugging me quickly.
� It�s late anyway, Nic. I really should get going.� He said. I nodded, knowing he was disappointed but not knowing what else I could do. I sighed and followed him to the door. Maybe it was better that he was leaving. I felt a little relieved knowing that he was leaving.
� Don�t be mad, Nate.� I asked, grabbing his hand. He nodded, kissing my cheek.
� I�m not, Nic. I�ll see you later though, ok?� He said, then gave me a little smile and disappeared out the door. I sighed, rubbing my forehead. What a horrible night. I had managed to piss off Nate and get in a huge fight with Benji. Please, could things get ANY better?! I didn�t understand why Benji was acting so weird anyway.
Sighing, I decided I just wanted to go to bed. Sleep sounded great. I could escape from all the weirdo boys in my life. I picked up the rest of my clothes that had been thrown across the room and remembered to pick up the CD that Benji had handed me. I might as well listen to it.
I walked into my room, peeling off my shirt and slipping into bed. My own bed had never felt so good. I was about to put Benji�s CD on play when I realized that I was way too tired. His song would have to wait.
---
I grabbed my keys and my bag off the table, practically running out the door.
� Nic! We�re gonna be late!� Nate yelled. I laughed and nodded, grabbing his arm and yanking him out the door of my apartment. So we had finally hit our three week anniversary and he was so sweet to me. It was so weird that I could go from being so head over heels for someone like Benji, to feeling so content with someone like Nate. They were complete opposites.
� They can wait.� I said, pecking Nate on the cheek. He smiled and ushered me into the car. We were going to dinner with Joel, Maygen, Maygen�s friend Danielle, Benji and Benji�s friend Brooke.
� You know that Maygen�s anal about being on time.� Nate said yawning. I nodded, glancing at him. He had been so busy with his band lately that he had been so crazy and exhausted. They were right on the edge of breaking through and they�d even been picked up by a label. I was so happy for him, but I had to admit that he was never, ever around. So, when we did get time alone, it was always extra special.
� Yea�� I nodded. He turned down the radio, driving fast to get to the restaurant somewhere near the time we were supposed to be there.
� I can�t believe Benji and Joel are leaving tomorrow! Time has flown.� He said, shaking his head. I nodded, pulling at the short, black dress I�d worn.
� I know.� I said.
� They�re coming back for a few shows, right?.� Nate shrugged. I licked my lips, sighing. Talking about Benji was still a touchy subject between us, because Nate thought we had something going on and I knew for a fact that nothing would ever happen.
� They are. In a few weeks they�re coming for two days.� I said. Nate nodded, reaching over and taking my hand. � You leave in two days.� I said, looking over at him. Nate was moving to California the next day, to be closer to his record label. I remember the night he�d told me he was going to move. I�d been so angry and sad, yet happy for him at the same time.
� It�s going to be ok, Nic.� He said, his voice comforting. I smiled weakly at him. The truth was, I was really confused about my feelings for Nate. On one hand, I thought he was gorgeous, nice, generous and completely compatible with me�but on the other hand� sometimes I thought of him more as just a best friend than anything else. I have to admit I�ve never really fantasized about him like I do with Benji. Like I DID with Benji. When I�m close to Nate, I don�t get funny butterflies in my stomach. I feel comfortable with him�but it just doesn�t seem to come close to those awkward feelings I had when I looked at Benji. Maybe that was a good thing though. My relationship with Nate was real. My relationship with Benji, was fake. The romantic one, at least.
� So who�s that Brooke girl that Benji�s bringing?� Nate asked. He let go of my hand long enough to turn the wheel, and then took it back in his.
� Oh, she�s really nice, I met her once before. They�re just friends. I think they met at a party. In fact, I think she�s really good friends with Danielle.� I said. Both Brooke and Danielle were really sweet. We were having a joint �Going away� party for Benji, Joel and Nate. Since Benji and Joel were leaving Friday and Nate was leaving Saturday, we figured it would be fun to all go out to dinner.
� Ok, we�re here.� Nate nodded, pulling into the parking lot. Maygen, Joel, Danielle, Benji and Brooke were already waiting for us. Maygen was tapping her foot, looking rather annoyed. I wasn�t surprised.
� I�m hungry.� I said, climbing out of the car. I smiled at Maygen, trying to keep my distance. Joel was chatting with Danielle and Benji was sitting on a bench, not even looking at me. things had been kind of weird between us lately. Ever since that night he came to my apartment and Nate was over. In fact, neither of us has even mentioned it. I suddenly wished he�d run over and hug me and call me Suga like he used to.
� Nic, babe, you think someone else can take you home? I�m gonna go straight to band practice after this.� Nate asked. I nodded, knowing Joel or Maygen would take me home. For some reason I always get stuck without a ride.
Dinner was really nice. We had gone to a pretty fancy, expensive restaurant and it was a nice change from the regular old places we usually go. Benji and Joel kept goofing around and almost got us kicked out, but once they calmed down, it was nice. It was really late by the time we left and it had already gotten dark outside.
� Who�s taking me?� I asked, smiling.
� Where?� Benji asked.
� Home.� I said, laughing. He shrugged.
� I�ll take you.� He said. I nodded.
� Thanks, Benj.� I turned to Nate and kissed him briefly.
� I�ll see you later, Nate.� I said. We had already planned a date for tomorrow. It would be the last day before he would leave for California.
� Night, sweets.� He said and got into his car and sped away. I sighed, smiling. Joel walked up behind me, hugging me tight.
� I�m gonna miss you, Nic.� He said into my ear. I turned and hugged him tight, then kissed him on the cheek.
� I�m gonna miss you a lot, Joel. Don�t get into too much trouble ok?� I asked. He smiled and nodded, squeezing my hand quickly. He leaned forward and whispered into my ear. �Patch things up with Benj, ok? He�s been pretty depressed ever since you two fought.� He said. I nodded and smiled weakly.
� Have fun, Joel.� I smiled, hugged him one last time and then followed Benji to his car. I climbed up front and turned to him.
� I can�t believe we are doing this again.� I said. He frowned.
� Doing what?�
� You guys, leaving. I�m going to miss you�� I trailed off. Things had changed so much since the last time they�d gone on tour. I remember when I had been afraid to even tell him I missed him.
� I�m gonna miss you too, Nic.� He said quietly. I smiled weakly, wishing I could read his thoughts. He was so quiet the whole ride home that I silently wished he�d just talk or tell me a joke or do something stupid. He didn�t make me steer from the passenger�s side or tell me that I was acting retarded. I missed him already.
� Are you ok?� I asked finally, holding my breath. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. I looked at his hands and he was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white.
� Yea.� He nodded. I looked at his face, trying to read him. From that pink chunk of hair to his dark chocolate eyes I could find anything. He had completely closed himself off to me.
� Are you still my best friend?� I asked, my voice cracking. He turned to me, surprised. The night was so dark that I couldn�t see his face well, but I could tell he was surprised.
� We need to talk.� He said finally.