So Far Away
Chapter 6
By: Sarah
We decided to go out to get some take out and then go back to Nate�s apartment. He had a really nice place, and I had to admit I was a bit surprised. It was really neat, besides the various instruments and equipment lying around.
� So you and Benji are like, really close, eh?� He asked, setting the food down on the table.
� Yea, I would say so. Pretty much best friends.� Nate nodded, pulling off his zip up hoodie.
� That�s really cool.� He said. I sat down across from him. Why did he have to talk about Benji? I was supposed to be keeping him out of my mind, not be constrantly reminded of him. �So do you always miss him when he leaves? Isn�t he leaving in like three weeks?� He asked. The mention of the tour coming up struck me hard.
� Four weeks actually.� I said quietly.
� I�ve actually been thinking about moving down to California.� Nate said. We started eating, digging into the Chinese takeout.
� Really?!� I said, surprised. He nodded.
� Mm�there�s a record label down there that�s really interested in us. I mean, Nic, if moving down to California means getting signed, I�m all for it. Playing Ten Car every weekend isnt exactly raking in the cash.� He said. I nodded, slightly sad that he was thinking about moving all the way to California.
� That�s really far away, Nate.� I said after a minute. He laughed and nodded.
� Yea, a bit. But who knows what�s gonna happen.� He said, shrugging. I nodded.
The rest of the night was really great. It was so nice to hang out with someone who didn�t have to constantly make fun of me, or beat me up. We watched some weird movie and just talked. He was really serious about his music, and he talked a lot about his plans for the future. He played me a few acoustic songs on the guitar too.
It was nearly one a.m. before Nate was walking me up to my door.
� I had a great time tonight.� I smiled. He smiled too, a little shy smile. Suddenly, I really wanted Nate to kiss me. God, he was so different from Benji, it was crazy. If it were Benji I had a feeling he woulda just grabbed me and laid one on me, but not Nate. Nate took his time, slowly moving in, his hands rubbing my arms lightly.
� Can I see you again, Nic?� He asked in his soft, deep voice. I smiled, trying not to blush.
� Yea, definitely.� I nodded. He leaned forward, slowly. His lips pressed gently against mine. He tasted like sweet mints. We had been eating Mentos all night while we watched the movie. He had told me he had a weird addiction to them. The kiss was short, but definitely sweet. My heart was beating a little faster than normal when we broke away, his hands still touching my face. He smiled quickly.
� I�ll see you later.� He said. I nodded, speechless. God, it felt good.
---
� Nic, get up.� I heard a voice, floating somewhere above me. Groaning, I turned over and tried hiding my head under my pillow.
� No, Nic sleep.� I mumbled.
� Nic, don�t you have a date with Nate tonight? It�s almost three, you better get up.� Jordan said impatiently. � I have to go to work soon and I know if I don�t wake you up now then you�ll never wake up.� She said. I sighed, sitting up. My head spun a bit. I definitely did not get enough sleep.
� Thanks.� I said, grumbling. I pulled my hair back, glancing at the clock. It really was three. I had been up all night, talking to Nate on the phone. I loved talking to him.
� Where are you guys going tonight?� She asked, sitting down next to me. I shrugged, rubbing my shoulders.
� Somewhere nice. That�s what Nate told me. Somewhere romantic.� I smiled, happily.
� Oh.� She said, sounding disappointed. Confused I turned to her, pulling my knees up to my chest. She had hated Nate ever since I�d introduced them. It confused me why she hated him, but I didn�t talk to her much about it.
� What was that �Oh� for?� I asked carefully. She shrugged.
� How long have you guys been going out?� She asked. I thought for a minute. It hadn�t been that long.
� A week, Jord. Why are you being weird?� I asked. She sighed, leaning down and sorting through the Cd�s scattered across my floor. She picked up my Get Up Kids and started opening and closing it, over and over again. Sighing, I grabbed the CD from her. � Tell me.� I demanded.
� What about Benji, Nic. I thought you were like, in love with him.� She said. I swallowed hard, not sure what to say. She caught me off guard.
� What about Benji, Jordan? He doesn�t like me like that. Is it worth it for me to�to torture myself over him? We�re best friends�but he doesn�t want me as anything more than that. I�m not going to keep pretending.� I said, frowning. Jordan suddenly sighed loudly, taking a deep breath. Why did she have to hate Nate? She had always said from the beginning that she just didn�t like him. She said I shouldn�t go out with him and that I could do so much better, but I didn�t listen to her. Nate was so sweet to me. Why did she want me to keep pinning after Benji?
� I have something to tell you, Nic.� Jordan said. She suddenly looked like she was going to burst into tears. My heart started pounding. What was going on?
� What? What?� I asked frantically. She opened her mouth, then closed it. � Jordan?� I said quietly, meekly.
� Remember that night we were drunk? That night that Benji kissed you?� She said. I nodded. I would forever remember that night. I still remember the song that was playing on the radio when I drove Benji home.
� Yea.� I said quietly.
� Remember Joel told you he had to tell you something?� She asked. I frowned, not remembering. �When we were inside Ten Car, Joel said that Benji had been talking about you.� She explained. I had to think hard, but I remembered Joel saying something like that. I shrugged.
� Yea. Jordan, just tell me.� I said, with a nervous laugh.
� Benji said that he was going to ask you out, Nic. He told Joel that he was going to ask you out. And then�he got drunk and kissed you and he told Joel he felt horrible for treating you like that. And�it was him that called, Nic. It wasn�t Joel. I lied and told you it was Joel because I wanted you to tell him. I wanted Benji to know that you cared about him. I hated seeing you miserable all the time. But now that Benji knows�he�he hasn�t done anything about it, but I know, Nic, I know he cares about you.�
I couldn�t talk for a second. My whole head was spinning.
� Jordan�� I stuttered.
� I�m sorry, I didn�t�want to lie. It�s just that you know I don�t like Nate, Nic. Do you know why I don�t like him? The truth is, I used to go out with him a while ago, before I met you. He was so nice to me for a while, but then he just dropped me one day, with no�no warning. He just dumped me. Nic, I don�t want that to happen to you. Nic, please�� She said. Her voice was getting softer though and she sounded so far away. I couldn�t believe her. Benji would never tell Joel he �cared� about me. That wasn�t like Benji. I KNEW Benji.
� Why are you lying to me?� I asked quietly, a tear falling down my face. How could she lie to me like that? Benji had never said he was going to ask me out! It was NOT Benji on the phone, either. It was Joel. It was Joel. I swear. I talked to Joel.
� I�m not, Nic. I�m not lying.� She shook her head, reaching for me, though I pulled away.
� NO�NO! I talked to Joel only a few days ago, and we TALKED about that night! We talked about talking on the phone!� I sobbed. � Benji wasn�t going to ask me out! Jordan SHUT UP!� I was screaming by then, standing up and throwing my CD on the floor. It cracked at my feet, the case opening up and the CD rolling across the floor. I felt so much like that case. Jordan was crying too, her face streaked with tears.
� I�m sorry, Nic. I�should have told you before this whole Nate thing happened.� She whispered.
� NO. I�m sorry, Jordan, that you and NATE didn�t work out! I�m sorry about that, but you don�t have to go sabotage MY relationship with him just because he DUMPED you!� I yelled. I was so hysterical, tears were just streaming out of my eyes. my world was crumbling. The thought of Benji hearing all those things I had told Joel on the phone that night, it was horrible. I couldn�t even think about it.
� Nic, please, don�t�� She cried.
� Benji never wanted to ask me out! I talked to JOEL not BENJI!� I cried. I had talked to Joel, too. He remembered everything about that night. He told me he remembered talking to me on the phone. Joel wouldn�t lie. Joel WOULD NOT lie to me. I never had a chance with Benji. Why was Jordan lying? WHY?!
� Nic, please, believe me. I�m sorry.� She cried, standing up. I turned away from her, wiping my eyes. I had Nate now. I didn�t even need to think about Benji.
� Leave me alone.� I said quietly. She left quietly, still crying.
I thought Jordan was one of my best friends. How could she do that to me? Just because she was jealous because I was going out with her ex-boyfriend, she was going to make up some elaborate, bull shit about Benji? How dare she! I felt so horrible. So horribly betrayed and deceived. I couldn�t believe she would even think about making up a story like that.
All I wanted was the truth.
---
� We�ve gotten a few offers, but I�m just not sure, you know? I wanna be careful. I don�t want to rush into this stuff.� Nate said. I nodded, watching him talk. He had a great mouth.
� Yea, but, Nate, it�s not like you don�t know people in the music business. You know Joel and Benji and I�m sure if you talked to them, they could help you out.� I said. He nodded, shrugging.
� Yea, totally. But I wanna get this on my own, sorta, ya know?� He said, draping his arm lazily around my shoulder. I snuggled closer to him, my mind drifting off. I knew he was still talking about something, but I just couldn�t seem to focus on him anymore. I kept thinking about what Jordan had said. I couldn�t help but being so disappointed that she would lie to me. I sighed, taking in a deep breath.
� Are you ok?� He asked, looking down at me. I shrugged. We were sitting in my family room, both Jordan and Farah had gone out.
� Yea, I�m ok.� I said quietly. I wasn�t fine though. I was being torn apart.
What if she hadn�t been lying?
� Are you sure? You seem worried.� Nate asked, lifting my chin up with his hand. I gave him a half smile and nodded.
� I�ve just got a lot on my mind.� I said, looking up into his blue eyes.
� Care to share?� He asked, smiling. I sighed.
� I don�t know. Things are just so weird right now, but I�ll figure it out.� I smiled and sighed. He nodded, leaning down and kissing me gently. I pulled away after a second, frowning.
� Did you ever go out with Jordan?� I asked. He frowned too, looking surprised.
� Yea, a while ago. A long time ago.� He said, sounding confused. � Why?�
� Wondering.� I shrugged, I pulled him closer for another kiss, feeling stupid for asking. He pulled away though, still perplexed.
� Did you ever go out with Benji?� He asked. That really confused me.
� Huh?� I asked. � Why would you think that?� I asked, looking up at his face, trying to read his eyes. he only shrugged, reaching up and pulling at a strand of my hair.
� I dunno. Remember that night we went to Moxley�s after the show?� He asked. I nearly wanted to scream. Everyone seemed to be bringing that up lately. I nodded though, trying to remain calm. I was almost afraid of what he�d say.
� Yea, I remember.�
� Well, I just remember Joel was talking to Benji about him asking you out.� He shrugged. I froze. I needed oxygen. There was no air in the room.
� What? What are you talking about?� I said, trying to remain calm, though I was doing a shitty job.
� Hey, don�t freak out, Nic. He mighta been joking. I just thought you guys were really good friends.� Nate shrugged. I nodded. Calm down, Nic. Nate reached for me, pulling me close. He obviously didn�t know how bothered I was by all of this. He leaned down, kissing me again. I kissed him back, despite this nagging feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I reached up, pulling him closer, trying to keep my mind from wandering. I couldn�t keep my thoughts off Benji.
� Mmmm�.Nic.� Nate groaned softly, his hands wandering under my shirt. I closed my eyes, trying to relax. He started kissing my neck, biting lightly and sucking on my skin. It felt so good, I had to admit. I bit my lip, running my hands through his soft hair. He slowly started pulling at my shirt, inching it farther and farther up. His hands moved slowly, yet urgently. I moaning, reaching under his shirt and running my hands over his smooth chest. He reached up, yanking his shirt up and over his head. He had a tan, toned chest and I couldn�t help but kiss his shoulders, working my way down, my hands grasping his strong arms.
� You�know�Nic�� He gasped. I smiled, pulling him down onto me. He peeled my shirt off, throwing it across the room. � You�are gorgeous.� He said finally, smiling. He leaned down, kissing my collarbone and slowly started moving down. I couldn�t help but arch my back, pressing him closer.
� Nate�� I said quietly.
� Mmm?� He said back, kissing me everywhere. Oh god, this could be so bad. This could change everything.
� I�ve never�� I started, but didn�t finish. He looked up at me, with an almost surprised look on his face. He leaned down and kissed me gently.
� It�s alright.� He said. I pulled him down as his hands slipped behind my back, unhooking my bra. My heart started beating fast, really fast. He leaned down, kissing right between my breasts. He lifted his head, kissing me softly on the lips, our chests pressing hard against each other. The weight of his body against mine felt good, even though it was also a little scary. Truthfully, I had only fantasized about my first time being with one person. I guess that�s why they�re called fantasies though, right? Not realities.
Nate took my hands in his, his kissing getting more urgent and rough. I squeezed his hands, while I let him take over.
� Nic, Nic�� He groaned, his hands starting to move to the zipper on my jeans. My chest started feeling heavy, like I couldn�t quite breathe. Something felt wrong, but I wasn�t sure if it was just because I was nervous. I hadn�t been going out with Nate that long, even though I�d known him for a while before we went out. I wasn�t sure if I trusted him. I tried to push those nagging feelings away though. I didn�t want to be a virgin forever. At least Nate was a nice guy. He wasn�t Benji, but then again, who exactly was?�.
I kissed him back and his hands pressed my shoulder down against the sofa as he kissed me. I felt so nervous, completely clueless and scared. I looked up at him, a bit uncomfortable. He kissed me on the lips quickly.
� You sure you wanna do this?� He asked.