So Far Away
Chapter 4
By: Sarah
� Why are you taking me home?� Benji groaned, climbing into the car.
� Because no one else wanted you.� I said. Sure, it was mean, but I suddenly couldn�t help it. He didn�t reply. I sighed, flipping the radio off. � Maygen wanted Joel to spend the night at her place.� I said. He nodded but didn�t reply.
� I haven�t had sex in so long.� He said suddenly, in a mumbled voice. I rolled my eyes.
� Shut up.� I sighed.
� What?!� He asked, alarmed, as if he didn�t know what he just said. I didn�t answer, only shook my head. � It hasn�t been since-�
� I thought I said �Shut up�? Jesus, you don�t have to rub it in my face.� I groaned. I couldn�t stand that boy right then. Why did he always have to remind me of the fact that he always had a million girls at one time throwing themselves at him?
� I wasn�t rubbing anything in your face.� He said, slightly angry. I sighed, and then turned the radio back on, blaring it. He turned it down. I turned it back up.
� STOP!� He shouted, turning it off. � It�s my fucking car!�
� Well I�m the one driving your fucking car!� I said angrily. I turned the radio back on just as we reached his apartment building. As soon as I stopped the car he stumbled out quickly, walking toward the building and not waiting for me. Was this boy supposed to be my best friend?
I followed him inside the apartment, but he didn�t talk to me. He started stripping as soon as we stepped inside, first with his shoes and then his socks and shirt.
�Ben, can we talk?� I asked quietly, my voice shaking. I really needed him right now. I really needed him to talk to me.
� No. Not now.� He said and then stumbled into his room, slamming the door behind him. I was near tears by then. There was no way I could stay there. I picked up the phone and dialed home. I felt horrible for waking Jordan up at such an early time, but I found that she hadn�t even gone to bed.
� Please come get me, Jordan. I�m at asshole�s house.� I said quietly. Thankfully, she was completely sympathetic, AND she�d just gone on a Jack Daniels run.
� You know, it�s gonna be ok.� Jordan said, glancing at me from the corner of her eye. I didn�t want to talk. I felt like I was being torn up inside. What was I supposed to do now? I felt like I had just lost my best friend�maybe I actually did.
� I don�t know.� I said quietly, my insides shaking. I couldn�t stay still. I just wanted to go home and cry, or maybe just go home and get drunk.
� Benji�ll come around.� She said quietly. I knew we were both wondering if he actually would.
When I got home, I grabbed some Smirnoff and made Farah pour me some rum and coke. I didn�t even want to think about it. I just wanted to forget everything. It didn�t take too long either. After half an hour, we were all so drunk that we couldn�t stop laughing. Farah was dancing around to some weird music video on TV and Jordan was laughing so hard that she kept saying she was going to hack a lung up.
Still, no matter how much alcohol I pumped into myself I couldn�t really get Benji out of my head. It wasn�t that easy. His face kept popping up into my head.
� He was such a good kisser!� I sighed, my head spinning.
� Sure he was.� Farah rolled her eyes. She sat down on the laz-e-boy across from me.
� He was. Too bad he hates me!� I laughed, and plopped down on the sofa. Jordan sat next to me and patted my head like a little kid.
� YOU just need to get laid.� She smiled broadly. I rolled my eyes and shook her off.
� Only if it�s by BENJI!� I sang loudly. Farah made a barfing noise, sticking her finger down her throat.
� You�re a hopeless romantic.� She said, sitting back up. I threw a cup at her and I was happy when I actually hit her on the forehead. � Besides, sex is highly overrated. Benji probably doesn�t know what he�s doing.� She added.
� Fuck off.� I sighed, not really meaning it. � I don�t care if sex is HIGHLY overrated. I just want Benji.� I said simply.
� Why do you hold that boy on a pedestal?� Jordan asked, handing me another beer. I thought about her question for a second. Why did I?
� I don�t know.� I sighed.
� It�s not like he�s saving himself for you.� Farah pointed out and Jordan nodded.
� I never asked him to!� I yelped.
� He�s so stupid, Nic. He�ll never know you�re in love with him unless you come right out and tell him.� Farah said. I took a long gulp and groaned.
� I don�t want him to reject me.� I said quietly. I pretty much already had been rejected.
Jordan started talking but the phone cut her off. I jumped when it rang, the shrill scream piercing the air.
�Fuckin� phone.� She groaned, picking it up. �Hello? OH! Hi��.Nic? Yea, she�s right here�.uh huh�ok.� Jordan handed me the phone. She covered the receiver with her hand. �It�s Joel.� She said. I nodded, not surprised it was him. I�m sure he was just calling to see if Benji had gotten home Ok.
� Hello?� I said, trying not to sound too drunk. It was hard though.
� Hey.� He said quietly.
� Joel, I�m so glad you called. It�s been such a horrible night! Benji got home fine, but he was such a dickhead and�oh�is Maygen around? Why aren�t you guys off fucking?� I asked, without even thinking. Joel was silent for a second, probably surprised that I had just asked him why he wasn�t having sex with Maygen.
� Nic�are you drunk?�
� No! I just�well�Jord and Farah made me, Joel.� I laughed. He laughed softly.
� I�m sure they did.�
� They did.� I said sternly.
� So Benji was an ass?� He asked, changing the subject.
� Yea. It�s so hard, Joel. You don�t know, it�s so fucking hard to not tell him.�
� Tell him what?�
� Duh�tell him I love him. God, maybe I�m just out of my fucking mind, but I can�t tell him myself. And he won�t�he never gets it when I tell him how much I miss him and�� I trailed off, sighing. � Joel, you�re his brother and� I mean�how can I get him to notice me? When he kissed me tonight I wanted to cry. All I want is for Benji to be there�all I want is to be able to just�be with him.� I said, sighing. � I love him, so much, Joel. I really do.� I took another gulp of beer before Farah yanked it away from me.
� NO more alcohol for you, darlin�. You�re talking crazy.� She said, even though she couldn�t exactly pronunciate any better than I.
� Joel�� I sighed. � If you see Benj tomorrow, will you tell him I miss him?� I asked. I had only been away from him an hour, but I already wished I could see him again.
� Yea, I�ll do that, Nic.� He said.
� Ok, thank you. I love you too, Joel. But not like Benji�I would never kiss you, you�re like a brother.� I said. I knew I sounded stupid because Joel started laughing. � Don�t laugh at me, Joel.� I said, smiling.
� I�m not, Nic. You should go to bed.� He said, his voice still quiet. I guessed it was to keep from waking Maygen up or something.
� Ok, Joel. I�ll see you tomorrow then.� I said, slamming the receiver back down and chasing Farah for my beer back.
Benji nodded and hung up the phone, both confused and weirdly happy.