So Far Away
Chapter 2
By: Sarah
I woke up the next morning, the sun gleaming in my eye. I groaned and rolled over, burying my face in the pillow. For a second, I pretended it was Benji�s chest, and I was laying snuggly next to him, breathing him in. Then I remembered how I had left early and he hadn�t even cared. I wanted to beat myself up for hoping he would jump up and grab me by the shoulders and beg me to stay. I guess that�s my life goal, to have a boy I was madly in love with come up and grab me by the shoulders and gasp � Don�t leave me, Nic, I can�t live without you! I love you!� And then he would kiss me like I�d never been kissed and we would live happily ever after. Sigh. Wishful thinking.
Just as I felt myself drifting back into a light sleep, my phone rang. I swear, at nine in the morning the phone has a special �annoying ring�. I grabbed it and groaned, mumbling in the phone.
� Huh?�
� Nic?� My eyes shot open.
� Benj, why are you calling? It�s early!� I said, surprised he had called. He usually didn�t get up until noon when he was home.
� Well�� He sounded nervous, or something.
� Well?� I smiled.
� Are you ok?� I frowned, wondering why he was asking.
� What?�
� I mean, well�you left last night like something happened. Are you ok? You aren�t mad are you?� He said. I couldn�t believe he actually cared. Then, I realized that Joel had probably made him call.
� Did Joel make you call me?� I asked quietly. There was a silence.
� What are you talking about?� He asked seriously. I guess not. Now I was REALLY impressed.
� Nothing. I�m fine, Benj.� I said, rolling on my back.
� Well good, I�m glad. Can I come over?� He asked.
� Yea, whatever.� I groaned.
� Don�t act so enthusiastic.� He laughed. I grinned and said �Bye� and hung up. I didn�t bother getting out of bed; there was no point in getting dressed for Benji. He wouldn�t notice if I walked to the door naked�well maybe� I wondered if my roommates were awake yet. I lived with two other girls, Farah and Jordan. Really great girls, and they knew about my �situation� with Benji. If they were awake I knew they were going to embarrass me. But, I was used to it.
� Who was on the phone, Nic?!� Farah yelled from the kitchen. I groaned, sitting up.
� Benji the sex machine.� I said, laughing. It was what we called him when we were joking around.
� OH sexy Benji?!!� Jordan yelled back to me. I groaned but decided to play along.
� Yes, Sexy, SEXY Benji! You guys know I want to have his babies!� I laughed, although there was some kind of truth to what I was saying. I�m sure they knew it too. I heard some giggles from the kitchen and I rolled my eyes and got up. I was only wearing a tank top and panties, but I knew they didn�t give a shit. I�d known both of them since Middle school.
When I walked into the kitchen, Farah and Jordan were by the stove, cooking something. They were laughing and carrying on and hadn�t even realized I had come into the room. Also, I realized we had a visitor, sitting at the kitchen table.
� Hey Nic.� Benji grinned.
I froze, staring at him. He looked at me kinda funny but then kept smiling. He was wearing a hoodie, which was kinda unlike him, so I guessed it was cold out. He looked irresistible in it.
� What�� I said, blushing from head to toe.
� Sex machine?� He asked, still smiling. I sighed. How was I gonna blow this one off?
� How�d you get here so fast?� I asked. I walked behind the counter, realizing I was basically in my underwear and suddenly feeling self- conscious. He stood up though and walked over to me. Errrr, damnit I should have changed.
� It�s called a cell phone, Nic.� He said, looking at me. � Nice outfit.� He said. His eyes made me nervous. I blushed again. I hate that. Stop blushing!
� Err�I didn�t know you were here.� I said, crossing my arms. He nodded, and pulled himself up onto the counter.
� I noticed.� He grabbed an apple and crunched into it. � So you want to have my babies?� He asked, a devilish grin on his face. I turned to Farah who was smiling, and Jordan was trying not to burst into laughter. I would kill them later.
� I was only joking, Benji. You wish.� I said, trying to walk past him, but he stuck his legs out, blocking me.
� OH come on Nic�� He said. I turned to him, and shrugged.
� What?�
� I don�t know. Don�t be mad.� He said, slipping off the counter. He took a step toward me, hovering over me. He leaned close to me, his face only a few inches from mine. My heart started beating faster.
� I�m�I�m not mad.� I stuttered. He smiled. God he was gorgeous. He smelled good too.
� Good.� He said, his face so close. He was kind of leaning over, with an arm on either side of me. I was smashed up against the counter and his body was unbelievably close. Jordan and Farah had both left, I suddenly realized that if I only moved a few inches, I would be able to kiss him. He was so close I could feel his body heat against my bare skin.
� Benji.� I whispered. He was looking at me with intense eyes. I licked my lips slowly. Oh god, oh god. He was looking down at me as if he could tell what I was thinking. As if he wasn�t Benji anymore, he was just some guy I was in love with. And he KNEW that. He could feel how much I wanted to touch him.
� Huh?� He asked. I didn�t have the guts. I couldn�t do it.
� Uhh�� I looked away. He reached up and took a huge bite of his apple, right in my face.
� You want any?� He asked, offering me a bite. I stared at him for a second. The weird tension that had just been there was gone. He was Benji again. Clueless, gorgeous, retarded Benji. I pushed away from him, walking back to my room, leaving him so he could be alone with his apple.
I walked into my room and closed the door. I had to change and find some decent clothes so I didn�t feel completely naked. I took off my tank top and started rummaging through my clothes. I wished I had done the laundry sooner.
� Nic!� I heard him shout. I was about to shout back when he barged through the door. Needless to say, I screamed and kinda just�froze. Topless.
� OH fuck! Sorry!� He said, but he didn�t move. I realized what happened and I grabbed my pillow from my bed and held it over my chest.
� Benji you fucker! Get out!� I yelled as he started laughing. He didn�t seem to care.
� Nic, I�m sorry, I didn�t know you were�.geez�you have a nice rack though, if it helps-�
� BENJI!!� I screamed, and threw a shoe at his head. He ducked, laughing.
� Ok, I�m going.� He said, and turned and closed the door. I couldn�t believe it. I put my face in my hands, rubbing my forehead. Benji just saw my boobs. Oh fuck.
I heard Farah come out of her room.
� What happened?� She asked. Benji must have been standing just outside my door because I could hear them pretty clear.
� I just walked in on Nic. She was naked.� He said.
� I was NOT naked!� I shouted, grabbing a bra.
� She had no shirt on.� He corrected himself. Farah started laughing and she banged on my door.
� Come on Nic, it�s ok! It�s not like there�s much to see!� She said.
� Shut UP! Haven�t I been embarrassed enough this morning?!!� I screamed. First I said I wanted to have Benji�s babies and now he saw me half-naked. I grabbed a sweatshirt, realizing I didn�t want anyone staring at my chest.
� Nic, it�s ok. I have seen you naked before.� Benji said. He had? No he hadn�t!
� What are you talking about?!� I asked, running a brush through my hair and trying to yank a pair of jeans on.
� I don�t know.� He said, laughing. � Just trying to make you feel better. I am sorry, Nic. I thought you were just�in there.� He said. I heard Farah laughing and I wanted to punch them both. I walked over and opened the door, prepared to attack them both. Farah had stopped laughing though and was walking away, and Benji was leaning against the door, looking at me with puppy dog eyes.
� Benji.� I groaned. He laughed and the next thing I knew, he had his arms around me. He was hugging me. All on his own! I was surprised at first and stood stiff, but then I hugged him back. He gave awesome hugs. His whole body practically enveloped mine.
� Sorry.� He whispered in my ear.
� It�s ok.� I said. He pulled away and slumped back against the door jamb.
� We going to Ten Car tonight, right?� He asked. I nodded, knowing I was still blushing slightly. He reached over and hit me on the shoulder, lightly.
� Stop blushing. It�s not like I haven�t seen boobs before.� He said. I knew it was his way of trying to make me feel better, but it wasn�t helping.
� Yea, but not mine.� I said. He laughed and slung his arm around my shoulders.
� Come on, let�s go get some food.� He said, dragging me down the hall.
---
I could hardly look at Benji once we got to the restaurant. He kept doing these little snickering laughs every once in a while, just to let me know he was thinking about what had happened.
� You did that on purpose.� I said. He looked up, his face innocent.
� NO I didn�t! I thought you were just sitting in there, chilling or something.� He exclaimed. I pointed my finger at him, in mock anger.
� It�s not MY fault that since you aren�t touring then you aren�t getting any ass!� I yelped. He laughed, shaking his head.
� Nic, if I was looking for ass, I wouldn�t go to you.� He smirked. I tried not to be insulted.
� Benji, you�re such a jerk!!� I said. He frowned for a second, and then pouted. That cute pout that I would pay a million dollars to just�kiss.
� I didn�t mean it that way, Nic.� He said, laughing. He grabbed my hand and started shaking me. I couldn�t help but laugh. He could be really retarded sometimes. � You are a perfectly wonderful young lady.� He said and then started cracking up. I wanted to slap that grin off his cute face.
� How many people DID you sleep with on tour?� I asked, suddenly. He stopped laughing and titled his head, looking at me quizzically.
� Huh?� He said. What a dope.
� You heard me.� I said. He let go of my hand and shrugged, rubbing his head roughly.
� Come on Nic!� He said, and smiled for no reason. � Does it matter?�
� No.� I shrugged. It didn�t really�but I was just curious. I just wanted to know.
� Good. Then let�s not discuss it.� He said, taking a drink. I frowned and opened my mouth.
� More than ten?�
� Shut up, Nic.� He said. I laughed and shrugged.
� You are such a manwhore.� It kind of bothered me that he had sex with so many people. I mean, I don�t think sex is this completely holy thing and you should wait until you�re married, but the idea of a one-night stand to me, sounded horrible. I guess that�s where Benji and me really differed. He was just a guy, even if he was the guy I was completely head over heels in love with, it didn�t matter.
� Have you ever been in love, Nic?� He asked. The question took me by surprise and I snapped out of my stupor. Yea, I�m in love right now.
� No.� I said, lying. He didn�t need to know. He would probably never know. I was too scared. Telling the truth to Benji would be like hanging myself slowly�
� Me either.� He said, pushing his hat down nearly over his eyes. Was he trying to hide something?
� Liar.� I said, trying to push him into telling me what the little groupie�s name was. I had this vision in my head. Some flawless girl with glossy blond hair that flowed down her perfect back. She was a perfect size four and had clear, sky blue eyes. She smiled at him a lot, even though inside she really just wanted his fame. She would never want him for the reasons I wanted him. He was what kept me going. He was what made me get up in the morning and know that there was something worth getting up for. Barf.
� I�m not lying. But you are.� he said. I gaped at him. How could he always tell when I was lying?
� Fuck off.� I smiled. He laughed�no actually, he cackled.
� Tell me, Nic! I won�t tell, I pinky swear.� I shook my head. No way. �Come on, I�ve seen your boobies!!� He said. I gasped at him and threw my straw at him. I loved throwing things at him.
� Well�� I stalled. Should I tell him? I could tell him. I could tell him right now. Right now. Just come out and spill everything. Tell him that I would be ok with spending every waking moment with him. Tell him that I would be ok with him being able to say he�d �seen my boobies� every night. Stupid, yes, but true.
� Welll?� He asked, mocking me. Now was not the time.
� He�s a complete asshole. I hate him. But I love him. He�s gorgeous and talented and funny.� I said. Benji looked surprised. I guess he was surprised I had actually told him.
� Does he have a name?� He asked. Uh�It�s you, dumbass.
� I made him up.� I said. Benji gave me a funny look and then he shrugged. I think he was used to my weirdness by now. He was quiet for a minute before looking back up.
� So your perfect guy would treat you like shit, be gorgeous, talented and funny?� He asked. I shrugged. The waitress came by and gave us our plates. I dug in, trying to avoid how weird this conversation was getting.
� Yea� He�d also be sweet and tangy. Like honey mustard sauce.� I looked up at Benji. He smiled at me. Why did he have to be so perfect?! His dark eyes stared at me, but then he shoveled some waffles in his mouth.
� Honey mustard�� He nodded. I smiled.
� There�s nothing better.� I sighed. Nothing better.
---
That night we decided to go to Ten Car Pile Up. One of my favorite local bands was playing and I was anxious for Benji to see them.
� So you know any of the guys in the band?� He asked. I had decided to make him drive. I watched him as he focused on the road, turning the wheel expertly. I couldn�t keep my eyes off his arms�and his hands�
� The lead singer, Nate.� I said. He nodded and changed the radio station.
� You guys go out or something?� He asked. I frowned, wondering why he was asking. I hadn�t even mentioned Nate ever before to him, so why would he think I had some sort of romantic connection with him? Sure, Nate was pretty cute. He had short buzzed blond hair and pretty green eyes. His band, Krank, was kind of a ska punk band and Nate wrote most of their stuff and sang too. He was definitely attractive in his own musician way.
� No.� I shook my head, glancing at Benji. He glanced back at me and only nodded.
� Will you be the designated driver tonight?� He asked, changing the subject. I sighed.
� Aren�t I always?�
� Yea. OK, thanks. I wanna get smashed.� He gave me a wild grin and I could only roll my eyes. He was pretty funny when he was drunk, so I was kind of looking forward to making fun of him later.
� Just don�t go bang some girl in the bathroom, ok Benj?� I asked, shooting him a look of disapproval. He scoffed at me.
� You know I�d only do that if it was you, Suga.� He said. I laughed and shook my head.
� No way, Banjo.� I started cracking up, remembering his nickname. I had totally forgotten about it until now. He reached over and grabbed me by the waist, pinching me and tickling me.
� Shut up!!� He groaned. I slapped his hand away as we swerved around on the road.
� Banjo, watch the fucking road!� I laughed. Maybe I should have driven. He never paid attention.
� I thought you were my best friend, Nic�� He whined, moaning like a little puppy.
� I am.� I said. It felt good knowing that. It felt Really good.
� Then don�t call me Banjo.�
� Oh, but I play you sooo well.� I smiled.
� Nah, you just kinda fuck around with my strings.� He said, cracking up. I shoved him and sighed.
� You wish. I think you have enough people plucking your strings.� I said, letting on that I hated how he did whatever he did on tour. I didn�t even want to think about it.
� At least someone plucks mine.� He said. I glared at him, not sure what to say. I couldn�t believe we were comparing sex to playing a banjo. I don�t even know how to play a banjo, which in a way, made perfect sense that we were comparing the two.
� Just shut up.� I said finally. He smirked at me and I really wanted to punch him. Remind me why I�m in love with him again?
� Just kidding, Nic. I know you�re waiting for Prince Charming.� He said. I thought he was kidding at first, just being a smart-ass, but when I looked at him to punch him in the nose, he was serious. Maybe he knows me better than I thought.
---
It was really hot inside Ten Car and there were more people there than usual. I had spotted Nate beforehand and I was pretty sure that he�d come to find me after the show. I was actually kind of excited about that.
� Hey Nic!� I heard someone yell my name. I smiled. It was Maygen. I was really surprised that she was there. Joel was close behind her, his hands on her waist.
� Hey guys!� I said, yelling over the music.
� Where�s Benj?� Joel asked. I shrugged. He had disappeared ten seconds after we had gotten there.
� Hey it�s Nate!� Maygen said, pointing to the stage. I smiled and nodded, but didn�t look at the stage. I was searching through the crowd. Where was Benji?
� Hey, Nic.� Joel said, leaning in and nearly screaming in my ear. � He was talking about you the other night.� He said. Nate was talking about me? What?
� Huh?!� I asked, confused. Joel pointed over to my left and I let my eyes follow his arm. He was pointing to Benji, who was hopping up and down, shaking his head and totally rocking out. I couldn�t believe him. He must have been drunk already.
� Benji?� I asked.
� Yea!� Joel nodded. � He was saying how you-� Next thing I knew I could only see Joel�s lips moving but I could hear a thing he was saying. Krank had just finished playing and the noise level had raised from all the cheering and clapping.
� What?!! WHAT?!� I yelled, trying to hear Joel. I really wanted to know what Benji had said about me. Joel shrugged, giving up. I shrugged back and started cheering for Krank. I saw Nate step off the stage and came walking toward me.
� Hey!� I yelled, hugging him. He was sweaty and hot, his long arms wrapped around me.
� NIC! I�m so glad you could come!� He said, smiling broadly. I hadn�t seen him in so long, it was really nice. I nodded.
� You sound GREAT!� I said, still yelling over the house music they had started playing.
� Thanks!� He nodded.
� These are my best friends- Joel and you�ve already met Maygen.� I said. Joel nodded and Maygen hugged Nate quickly. I looked around for Benji. He was lost again.
� You want to go out and get a bite to eat? I�m fucking starving!� Nate asked, looking from me to Maygen to Joel.
� Yea, sure! I just gotta find my friend.� I said. I told them I�d meet them where Benji and Joel had parked in five minutes after I found Benji. He couldn�t have gone far- the place was really small. I walked through the crowd, saying Hi to a few people as I walked.
� BENJI!� I screamed, hoping for some kind of response. I should have never let him go off on his own! � BENJ!� I said louder.
� Nic!!� I heard someone call me. I turned around and there he was, a goofy smile plastered on his face. I jogged over to him and took his hand. He was so drunk. I was going to have to kick him in the butt later.
� We�ve been here two hours and you managed to get yourself completely destroyed!� I cried, looking up at him. He smiled and nodded, throwing his sweatshirt around my shoulders.
� No, I�m fine! I�m not drunk. I had a little beer.� He said, then started laughing hysterically. I sighed. Nic to the rescue. I hadn�t done this in a while though.
� We�re going to go to Moxley�s. You think you can handle yourself?� I asked him. I realized he still had a cup of beer in his hand and he was spilling it all over the place. I groaned and grabbed it, took a sip and then chucked it into the nearest trashcan.
� HEY!� He protested, raising his hands.
� No more alcohol.� I said, grabbing him around the waist.
� Nic, don�t be my mother, ok?� He said, trying to pry my fingers away from his. � You don�t even look like her!� He said. God, he was out of it.
� Where�s Joel?� I thought out loud, hoping that he hadn�t gone to the car yet. I knew Joel could handle Benji a lot better than I could. Benji was practically making me carry him.
� Joel? My brother! I love my brother! And you don�t look like my brother either, thank god! He looks like me, but he�s not me, I swear. I swear it!� He waved his hands around and I couldn�t help but laugh.
� Let�s go, eh?� I asked.
� You remind me of my bird actually.� He said, finally letting up on some of the weight he was putting on me. He took me by the shoulders. �You just kinda fly around and do all these sweet little things and�you leave your feathers on my pillow.�
I wasn�t sure what to say. He was talking really softly and he had this dazed look in his eyes.
� You don�t have a bird, Benj.� I said quietly. Suddenly, he shook me and then pressed his forehead against mine.
� Well�yea�so, that�s good. Because you can�t kiss your bird.� He said. And with that, he moved in closer and kissed me. I was so surprised at first that my whole body kind of froze. But then I felt his lips on mine, soft and gentle. Maybe a little sloppy, but still perfect. He tasted a bit like beer, but it was the best beer I�d ever tasted. I felt his hands on my hips, his one hand holding onto the edge of my shirt, rubbing the bare skin on my side. OH god, this is not happening! I was kissing Benji! I couldn�t help but kiss him back, reaching up and rubbing my hands through his soft, messy hair. He was such a sweet kisser, soft and tender. Nothing like I would have thought. It all happened so fast, that when he pulled away, I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds. Recovering.
I could hardly breathe. My chest felt heavy. I could still feel his hands, one resting now on my waist, the other just barely under the hem on my shirt. I could still feel his lips.
� Oh. Fuck.� He breathed, then turned and walked away.