So Far Away
Chapter 17
By: Sarah
I didn�t know what I was doing there. I hadn�t talked to Benji in a few weeks. I don�t think I could stand to watch him up there, the bright lights shining off his dark hair. I don�t think I was ready to listen to him sing and watch his arms and hands move as he strummed his guitar expertly�just the way he�d played me and strummed me. He would never know how much he had changed me and affected me. He would never know. I was going to be alone forever. Benji didn�t want me, that means no one would. He was my best friend one time and now he hated me. So why WAS I at his show?
I looked around, at the crowd. There were mostly teenage girls there, but a few older college kids mingled throughout. I sighed. He�d probably hook up with one of those girls after the show. And I would catch a cab and go home by myself. I wondered if he�d even talk to me after the show. The thought of going home alone, without him, was more than depressing.
I still couldn�t get over the last time I�d seen him. How mad he�d made me and how much I wanted to just get him away from me. How hard I�d hit him. Joel had told me later on that he�d had my handprint on his face for a day. I guess I�d had a lot of pent up anger towards Benji inside of me, just hanging out and getting ready for the right moment to explode.
I missed him.
� Hey, babe.� Maygen said, walking up to me. I hugged her lightly. She looked really cute in her dark jeans and Good Charlotte t-shirt. Joel had begged her to wear it. I had been really tempted to wear my Goldfinger sweatshirt that Benji had given me, but I couldn�t bring myself to do it. I knew it�d be way too much of a reminder.
� Hey.� I nodded. I took the beer she handed me and chugged it. Maybe if I was drunk this wouldn�t hurt as much.
� I�m glad you came. So is Benji.� She said. I rolled my eyes.
� Yea, right.� I sighed.
� I told him you were here. He was really excited.� Maygen nodded. My mind tried to grasp the idea of Benji actually caring I was around. It just couldn�t.
� Things have changed so much since last year, Mayg. I don�t even know what to think anymore.� I said after a beat.
� Well, don�t think then. Just feel.� She smiled. I sighed and nodded. I�d done that once before, just felt, and all it gave me was a nicely broken heart. I had already promised myself and sworn to myself that I would never, ever fall in love again. Especially with Benji. Never, ever. I would never let myself get hurt like that again. I sighed, my focus settling back on the stage. They had gotten a pretty big crowd, and it was a small club to begin with. I stayed toward the back, near the bar. I knew if I got to close, too close to Benji once again, I wouldn�t be able to control myself. I wanted to be in control.
After the opening band came on, the guys came on and started playing. I couldn�t keep my eyes off him. He was so incredible. It hurt so much. The show wasn�t that long, maybe a little more than an hour. Benji looked incredibly happy up there and it made me glad to see that. At least one of us could be happy after all that had happened. My life was still in shambles.
� I wanna thank all you guys for coming out!� Joel shouted at the crowd. I looked around for Maygen and when I didn�t find her I guessed that she had gone backstage already. I sighed, feeling so alone.
� Yea, thanks you guys. You fuckin� rock!� Benji shouted, throwing his arms in the air. There were a few high shrieks and claps.
� We have one more song to sing actually, and Benj is gonna lead us in that one. So, Benji�� Joel pointed to Benji and Benji bowed, laughing.
� Yea, umm�� He said, stuttering. I wondered what he was going to lead the band in playing. Maybe some old stuff. They hadn�t played their cover of �If You Leave� yet, so I knew that was what they were going to do.
� Alright, well, first I gotta give you some background info, k?� He said, smiling. � My best friend in the whole world is here tonight.�
� Me?� Joel said, smiling.
� No, dumbass.� Benji laughed. �Nic�I know you are out there somewhere.� Benji yelled. My breath caught in my throat and my head started spinning.
� NIC!� Joel yelled. I shook my head, sighing. Maygen suddenly appeared out of nowhere and started shoving me toward the stage. I resisted at first but then I let her push me all the way to the front so I was nearly a foot away from the stage. Benji looked even better up close than I had remembered.
� Nic, I know things have been shitty with us lately, but you know�I dunno. You gave me one nice handprint the other day, but I know I deserved it. Anyway, I�m glad you are here. I�m really glad. I�told you a while ago that I�d never do a cover of this next song, but I lied. I lied about a lot of things, Nic. I care about you a lot and�� He paused, shaking his head, knowing he was saying too much. �Anyway, Suga, this song�s for you.� He smiled. My heart started beating in my chest, banging against my ribs. Suga.
Just as the band started up, he made that face I love. That face I hadn�t seen in a million years. I remember when we�d been sitting in my room and I�d practically begged him to make that face and only managed to get in a fight with him over some stupid song.
I laughed, despite myself. I still loved that face. His perfect pouty lips and that cute way he squinted. I looked away, sighing just as the band started really rocking. The guys had started playing a song that was really familiar but I wasn�t sure exactly what it was until Benji started singing, his smooth voice blaring out through the speakers.
� Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, �The one that makes me scream,� she said. �The one that makes me laugh,� she said and threw her arms around my neck. Show me how you do it and I promise you, I promise that I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you.� Benji pointed down at me, his smile huge. I smiled back, biting my lip. I didn�t want to cry. I got a flashback of the morning after the first time we�d been together and he�d sung that song to me as he made love to me. I couldn�t stop my head from spinning.
�Spinning on that dizzy edge. I kissed her face, I kissed her neck, and dreamed of all the different ways. I had to make her glow. �Why are you so far away,� she said. �Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you, that I'm in love with you?� Nic, I love you!
You... soft and only, you... lost and lonely, you... strange as angels. Dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water, you're just like a dream. Just like a dream.� He pointed down at me again, crouching down and grabbing my hand. His hands were warm and soft, completely covering mine. Oh god, how I had missed those hands. And how I had missed that voice.
�Daylight whipped me into shape. I must have been asleep for days and moving lips to breathe her name, I open up my eyes.� He paused for a second, took a deep breath, looked me right in the eyes and nearly started screaming the rest of the song, so loud it hit me right where I was sure he wanted it to hit me. My heart.
�I find myself alone, Alone, ALONE above a raging sea, that stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me. YOU... soft and only. YOU... lost and lonely.
You, NIC... just like heaven.� Benji stood, breathing hard, his dark eyes staring down at me.
I was speechless. Our song. He�d finally done it.
� Nic, I love you.� He said, and then winked at me. I fell again, only harder. And this time he was there to catch me.
END!