So Far Away
Chapter 16
By: Sarah
I towel dried my hair for half a second before letting it fall in wet clumps to my shoulders. What did I care what I looked like? It was Nate. I wanted to scare him away. Besides, I thought he was already gone? We hadn�t talked since �the kiss�. My eyes were slightly puffy from crying but I didn�t care. I wrapped the yellow towel around my damp body and stepped out into the hallway, the cool air hitting my skin. I shivered slightly and walked out into the living room, my feet padding softly on the hard wood floor.
I stopped dead in my tracks though, recognizing the back of the head of the person that was sitting on the couch. I could never forget that pink chunk. He turned around and I saw his face for the first time in forever.
� Nic.� Benji whispered. Suddenly I wanted to hide. Hide my ugly, puffy face from him. He stood up, walking toward me. I noticed there was something different about him. He had his lip pierced. (a/n I dunno when he actually got this done, but who cares hehe)
� Hi.� I managed to choke out. I hated him. No, what was I talking about? I�d just fantasized about making love to him. I could never hate him. Benji walked toward me, a little smile playing on his lips. He slipped a red cap down over his dark hair and fiddled nervously with the cuffs on his shirt. I swallowed, feeling the water from my hair drip slowly down my back.
� What are you doing here?� I asked, trying to pull myself together. He looked so good.
� I�I wanted to come see you.� He said, looking down at me from under low lids.
� Oh. What makes you think I wanted to see you?� I asked, avoiding his eyes. He�d see the truth if he looked in my eyes. Benji reached forward and placed his huge, warm hands on my wet arms. I shied away.
� Nic�� He said slowly. I turned from him, walking to my room. He followed. I closed the door behind him, wanting some privacy from my eavesdropping roommates. Turning to him, I took a deep breath.
� How could you?� I asked softly, trying to remain calm. It was so hard. He looked down.
� I�m sorry, Nic.�
� I just�don�t understand you.� I sighed.
� I don�t understand me either.� He said lamely, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I frowned and grabbed my clothes from my dresser and slipped around the corner, out of his view, letting the towel fall to my feet.
� Was I�not enough for you? I�I don�t know what to say.� I said, slipping on underwear.
� Nic, no don�t think that ok? I don�t know what I was thinking. I totally fucked up.� He said, his voice soft. I shut my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.
� I didn�t know you�d come to see me. I thought we were completely over. I thought you were Nate.� I said, feeling a bit braver since I didn�t have to see his face.
� Why would you think I�m Nate? Are you two-�
� NO! No�.I just�I never thought it would be you.� I said truthfully.
� Well�it is me.� Benji sounded so different. I felt so far from him. I didn�t like that feeling. I didn�t like not knowing what he did yesterday and I hated not knowing if there had been anyone else with him last night.
� Well�� I said, stepping out. He looked me over for a second, and I couldn�t help but feel a little pleased. �Benji, that whole kiss thing with me and Nate. It was nothing. I would never lie to you about that. I would never�I never wanted to hurt you. But�I just don�t know if I can�ever understand why you decided to do what you did to me. There�s a huge difference between two kisses and sleeping with someone.� I said. There. I had finally said it. I had said what had been eating away at me for the past few weeks. Benji nodded, hanging his head. I walked over to him, feeling both hurt and tender towards him.
� I�m sorry, Nic, I�m a fuck up.� He said. He looked over at me. � I don�t know what happened. One thing led to the next�you know I�ve never been in a serious relationship before. And I really wanted that with you, ya know? I really wanted that�but�� He trailed off, still playing with his cuffs. I couldn�t believe how calm and cool we were being about this. No shouting, no crying, no blaming. Maybe this could work out?
I wanted to touch him so bad, but I couldn�t. My hands felt frozen at my sides.
� When did you get that?� I asked, nodding towards his lip. He smiled.
� A little while ago. You like it?� He asked. I shrugged.
� It�s alright.� I said, not giving him the satisfaction of knowing I thought it looked incredible. � Is it hard to kiss with that?� I asked before my mind could stop me. What the hell did I just say?! Benji smiled slowly, looking completely shy and bashful for a second. He looked up, gazing into my eyes.
� I dunno.� He whispered. I licked my lips. Kiss me, Benji. Please, Kiss me. I want you to kiss me. He leaned in slightly. I could smell the clean cotton of his shirt. He moved his hand to mine, his thumb rubbing my fingers. Kiss me, please. Just kiss me. My mind was racing.
� Nic�� He said slowly. I looked in his eyes, knowing I was falling in love.
� Yea?� I asked, our faces close.
� Do you forgive me?� He asked. I thought for a second and couldn�t help but look away. He sighed, heavily. � Just forget about what happened, Nic, please.� He asked. �It was both our faults-�
� BOTH our faults?!� I exclaimed. � You were the one who had sex with someone!� I yelped. He sighed, pulling back.
� Nic, you were the one who went out with that asshole Nate!! You are the one who kissed him first!� He said. I gasped, shaking my head. Our calm coolness was disappearing, quickly.
� At least he cared about me-�
� Don�t fucking feed me that, Nic. I cared about you! I CARE about you! YOU cheated on ME first, I thought we were OVER! I got ON with my LIFE! He�s the fucker who dumped you on your ass-�
I couldn�t help it, I reached up, slapping Benji hard across the face.
� YOU dumped me on my ass too, Benji. Get the hell out.� I said, my voice level. I couldn�t even look at him, or the red handprint I�d left on his cheek.