So Far Away
Chapter 15
By: Sarah
� Do you want to come with me, Nic?� She asked, slowly. I stared at Maygen wondering if she was really serious.
� Where?� I asked, though I already knew the answer.
� Benj and Joels.� She said. � You do remember that they came back today, right?� She asked. We both knew that I knew. We both knew that I had been counting the days down.
� I don�t think that�s a good idea.� I said, sighing.
� Come on�it�s been two weeks since you and Benji were...� She paused. � Come on, I�m sure he wants to see you.� she finished, sighing. This felt like deja vu. But this time, I had a feeling things weren�t going to end up the same. I groaned, trying to get the picture of his face out of my mind. Those gorgeous, joking brown eyes and that sexy yet completely goofy grin. I missed his smart-ass comments and his self-confident, almost cocky way of doing everything. I missed having him hug me and kiss me.
� Mayg, let�s not go into this again, ok? We�ve already talked about this a million times before. It�s kinda worthless.� I groaned. She nodded.
� I just don�t understand why you guys can�t get over this. I mean you�re even now, so it shouldn�t matter.� She said, looking in the mirror as she carefully applied her makeup. I frowned, not sure if I had heard right.
� What do you mean we�re even?� I asked, sitting up. Maygen froze, staring at me from my reflection in the mirror. She had a confused look on her face, but it was quickly replaced with shock.
� When was the last time you talked to Benji?� She asked suddenly, ignoring my question. Worried, I stood up and walked over to her, sitting down next to her. What was going on?
� Not since the day we�broke up.� I said slowly. I watched her eyes get huge for a minute, before she bit her lip. � What? What�s going on?� I asked. She wouldn�t look me in the eye and I knew something serious was going on. My heart started racing and I wanted to scream. �MAYGEN! What do you mean NOW that me and Benji are Even?!� I asked. She sighed heavily and turned to me, grabbing me by the arms. Oh shit, this wasn�t good.
� Nic, don�t be mad, ok?� She asked. I nodded, trying to remain calm. It wasn�t working. I shook my head though, trying to assure her that I was under control. �I thought you knew already�I thought you�d talked to him and he had told you.� She said quietly, shaking her head.
� No, I don�t know what you are talking about.� I said, my voice shaking.
� Oh Nic, I wish I didn�t have to tell you this.� She said. The suspense was killing me. �After you and Benji broke up�he was really, really upset about it. He was really upset about the fact that you were getting back together with Nate---�
� But I wasn�t getting back together with that shit head!� I shouted, angrily. If only Benji had been there. I would have screamed at him and punched him until he got it through his thick head that he was the only boy I would ever want. He was the only person I wanted to be in love with.
� I know, I know�but I don�t think he really understood that.� Maygen said, shaking her head. She paused a second before starting again. � So�Nic�� She looked me in the eyes. I was holding my breath, waiting. �He slept with some girl.� She said finally. I felt my stomach hit the ground. I was biting my lips so hard that I was surprised it didn�t start bleeding.
� Who�who was she?� I asked, taking deep, raspy breaths. I couldn�t breathe, my chest felt like it was going to cave in.
� I don�t know�just some girl that was at a show, I guess.� She said. I felt my face crumple, as I leaned forward, sobbing. The truth was, I had hardly cried since we�d broken up, which was weird for me. I had just lost the most important person in my life and I could hardly shed a tear. But now, now I couldn�t stop. I felt like a door had been opened and everything came flooding out. So what exactly HAD I been to Benji? A stupid little fling? So little to him that he could get over me that fast? I hadn�t even given Nate a second thought. Benji had been on my mind every second of every day�and here I was, finding out that I didn�t matter. Benji had been my everything. Everything that I ever held close�he held me together. He *made* me.
� Nic, please, please don�t do that.� Maygen cried, trying to get me to sit up, but I couldn�t. My insides were crumbled. I had nothing supporting me anymore. Nothing.
---
I lay in my bed, staring at the TV. Romeo and Juliet- the older version with Olivia Hussey was playing on the TV. I had a container of Ben and Jerry�s Island Paradise in my hand and tissues in the other.
� How many times have you watched that movie?� Farah asked, poking her head in my door. I looked up long enough to give her a nasty look.
� Only once!� I moaned. � The Leo/Claire version I watched last night around 2 a.m�don�t you find it funny that Leonard Whiting was Romeo in the older version and LEONARDo DiCaprio is Romeo in the new one?� I asked, laughing to myself. Farah didn�t join in. � Well, I guess not. But anyway, before my R and J fest, I watched Moulin Rouge twice�yesterday, and West Side Story last night.� I mumbled. Farah frowned as Jordan joined her at the door.
� Honey, don�t all those people die at the end?�
� No, not ALL of them.� I spat, turning my head. Jordan eyed my messy room.
� How many Ben and Jerry�s have you eaten?� She asked gently. I glared at her.
� One during Leo and Claire. One during West Side Story, and I don�t remember how many during Moulin Rouge. It�s not my fault they put drugs in those things.� I said. I heard Farah let out this little gasp and I groaned, throwing my spoon on the floor.
� Are you purposefully trying to get fat and disgusting?� Farah asked. Jordan muffled a laugh. I sighed.
� Yes. That way no one will ever want me and I will never ever fall in love again.� I sighed. Jordan groaned, walking over and yanking the covers off of me.
� I think there are some men that find that attractive though�� Jordan smiled slightly. �You need to get out of bed and get a life. Go out to a club or�something, come out to lunch with us!� She suggested. I shook my head.
� My life, is in complete disorder�it�s just over, ok? In the past year, no screw that, in the past six months, I have lost my best friend, lost my true love, lost Nate, lost my virginity, lost my job�� I trailed off as Jordan and Farah eyed me suspiciously. �I�m just losing everything.� I said, defeated. Jordan shook her head, taking my hand.
� You didn�t lose everything, Nic. And out of those things you DID lose, I�m pretty sure if you wanted, you could find most of them again.� Her voice was soft, yet confident, letting me know she really did believe I could get Benji back. I smiled at Jordan and wanted to thank her for staying by my side, even when I�d called her a liar and pretty much hated her for those few days.
� I don�t know.� I whispered. I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I gathered the Ben and Jerry�s containers off the floor and sighed. �You think he even cares?� I asked, not looking up. There was a second�s hesitation before a reply.
� Nic, we know he does.� Farah said. I nodded, throwing the containers into the already overflowing trashcan.
� Why hasn�t he called then? He�s been back for almost three days now.� I said, my voice downhearted. I�d given up.
� Maybe he thinks that you won�t want to speak to him. Maybe�s he�s just afraid.�
� But�but if he cared, he would have called and begged for me to come back to him. I never even heard it from his mouth that he�d cheated on me. But I trust Maygen, and I know it�s true. So why doesn�t he care?�
� I don�t know, Nic.� Jordan sighed, heavily, unhappy she couldn�t give me an answer. I shrugged, sweeping my hair back into a lose bun.
� I�m going to go take a shower.� I said. They nodded as I stood up, making my way to the shower. I was looking forward to the hot, steaming water. I left the harsh, yellow lights off and decided just to let the fading sunlight be my light. Peeling off my oversized t-shirt and panties, I turned on the spigots, making it as hot as I could stand it. The room slowly started filling with steam. I got into the shower, letting the hot, nearly scalding water run over my body. Closing my eyes, I took deep breaths of the hot, misty air, letting my mind wander. Suddenly, I wasn�t alone anymore. In my mind, I wasn�t.
Turning, I opened my eyes slowly.
� Hey.� He whispered, his voice soft and low, sending chills up and down my spine. The air seemed to have gotten ten times hotter. I smiled, bashfully at first. It had been so long�
� I missed you.� I said quietly. He nodded, stepping under the spray of the shower, letting the hot water run over his hair. It matted his dark hair down, and I couldn�t help but reach up, running my hands through his hair. His hands caught mine and I felt his perfect, soft lips graze over the palm of my hand. I stepped closer to him, pressing my body against his. He wrapped his strong, steady arms around me, and held me like I�d never been held. I knew I would never need anyone else while he was around.
� Do you love me?� He asked, smiling down at me. He had a playful smile on his lips, but his eyes were serious and almost somber. I nodded, running my hands down his neck to his spine.
� Yes. I do.� I swallowed hard as he reached for me, his hands touching me. I gasped slightly, forgetting how good his touch was. � Do you love me?� I asked, my voice shaky as he stirred emotions inside of me that I had almost forgotten about.
� Shhh�Nic.� He said in my ear, steadying my body against his. He pushed me gently up against the shower wall, the cool tiles felt soothing against my hot skin. Leaning down, he started leaving kisses down my neck and my chest and then stopped right under my belly button. I buried my hands in his hair, closing my eyes.
� Oh, don�t�don�t stop.� I sighed, grabbing his shoulders. � Do you? Do you love me?� I asked again, as he stood back up, pressing his lips to mine. I kissed him deeply, letting him push against me.
� Now�?� He asked, and I felt a smile forming on his lips as he pressed them to my shoulder.
� Now.� I said breathlessly. He wrapped his arms around me, picking me up. I wrapped my legs around him, and he pressed me against the wall, his arms tightly around me. The shower spray hit us hard, and hot. He pushed into me, and I arched my back, my nails digging into his back.
� Oh, god�� He groaned, and pressed his lips hard against my jaw. I gasped, feeling him move deeper into me. This was so unreal. He was moving slowly at first, slow and deliberate, letting me get used to him. He knew how much of an effect he had on me. He gradually started moving faster, and I looked at him. His face was serious, and I watched his jaw clench as he started picking up speed. I leaned forward, kissing him. He smiled at me, his eyes warm. Oh god, I had missed him. He put me down, but stayed with me, lifting my leg up to his side and moving back closer. I grinned, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close as he moved against me, pressing me repeatedly against the wall.
� Please!� I gasped. My mind was nearly exploding. � Do you love me?!� I cried between gasps. Suddenly, he stopped, his arms dropping from my sides. He pulled away, giving me a look that was more disgust than anything else. My breath caught in my throat as I felt him leave me.
� You�re so obsessed with that.� He whispered, his eyes avoiding mine.
� What?� I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. He shook his head, spraying me with water.
� Love. You�re so obsessed with love. Who cares about love.� He said, his voice bitter and angry.
� But�I love you so much. Don�t say that, please, just tell me if you love me.� I begged.
� Don�t make me answer that.� He warned me. He was WARNING me?
� Benji�please�.� I whispered, reaching out for him. He gave me one last long, hate-filled look before turning and opening the shower door, disappearing into a fog of steam.
I opened my eyes. My breath was hard in my chest, my heart beating even faster. I swallowed, realizing that I�d been daydreaming. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears slipping down my cheeks. I wiped them away with my hand and then stepped under the shower, letting the water wash away anything else that had remained. I was shaking all over.
� NIC!� Farah banged loudly on the bathroom door, making me jump. My fantasy world dissolved around me.
� What?!� I yelled over the spray.
� Come�door�see�he�s back�� She said. I frowned. I couldn�t hear a word she was saying over the loud water.
� WHAT?!� I screamed. � COME OUT! SOMEONE�S HERE FOR YOU!� She screamed. I sighed, wondering who it was. I listened hard over the loud shower, and heard a low voice.
� Hey�how�you�Jordan?� I heard him say, catching a few words over the roar of the water. It was Nate. I sighed, reluctantly turning off the shower and grabbing the nearest bath towel.