So Far Away
Chapter 14
By: Sarah
�Nic! I can�t understand you when you are crying and shrieking like that! Stop! Calm down!� Maygen started yelling at me, grabbing me by the arms. I wiped my eyes, shaking. My whole face felt puffy and swollen.
� I�Benji�Me�Nate�and then he�but�I�I..kissed me.� I gasped, bursting into tears again. I couldn�t help it. I was so ashamed of what had happened.
� What? You? Benji and Nate? You kissed yourself?� Maygen asked, sitting me down on my bed and handing me tissues.
� Nate kissed me.� I managed finally. Maygen was quiet for a minute. She sat down next to me, wrapping her arms around me.
� What happened?� She asked slowly. I flopped backwards and covered my face with my hands.
� We went to that club and it was fine. We just talked and had a good time. And�and then we were leaving and he just kissed me! And�I don�t know what I was thinking. I kissed him back. And then he kissed me again.� I said, my voice shaky. Maygen nodded and sighed.
� So�are you gonna tell Benj?� She asked. I took a deep breath, my eyes focusing on the ceiling.
� I�I think so.� I said.
� Nic, I never told you this, but when Joel and I first started going out�we had a lot of trust problems. I never trusted him on tour and�he never trusted me. we would get in fights about it all the time. It�s really hard the first time they go away, Nic. It�s not all your fault this happened.� She said quietly. I looked over at her, giving her a weak smile.
� Benji�s going to hate me.� I whispered. She shook her head.
� No, he won�t. Just talk to him, Nic. He loves you.� she said. I hoped she was right. I really hoped she was right.
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The next day I waited home all day, waiting for him to call. I would have called him, but I couldn�t. Every time I went to pick up the phone, my fingers froze. I was so mad that I had messed up the one thing that was really important to me. Why did I even go on a date with him? Or ever seen Nate? What was I expecting to happen? Did I actually think that Nate wanted to be just friends again?
I flipped idly through the TV channels, and it reminded me of the first night that Benji and me were together. I kept waiting for him to walk through the door, singing with his hair soaking wet.
I nearly jumped when the phone did ring.
� Hello?� I said slowly.
� Hey! Nic! How�s it going?� Benji asked, cheerfully.
� Ok.� I said, trying to sound happy.
� Are you excited? I�m going to be home in two weeks.� He said. I could hear him eating something and I also heard Joel and Paul yelling at someone in the background.
�Yea, I can�t wait, Benj. I miss you a lot.� I said. He paused.
� Are you alright? You sound sick or something.� He said, munching on whatever he was eating. I took a deep breath, feeling tears threaten to spill.
� Benj�I need to talk to you.� I said quietly.
� Ok, I�m here for ya.� He said. He had no idea what I was going to say. I took a deep, shaky breath and gripped the phone.
� Nate called me last night.� I said quickly. There was a few seconds of silence on the other end of the phone before I heard Benji start to chew again.
� Oh, really, what did he want?� He asked, his voice hiding a mixture of emotions.
� He was back in Maryland for a bit and�he wanted to hang out.� I said. Benji made a little grunting noise in response.
� What�d you say?� He asked. I heard Joel screaming in the background now, something about someone stealing something of his.
� Is Joel ok?� I asked.
� He�s fine. JOEL! Shut the fuck up!� Benji yelled, his voice fading slightly as he looked over his shoulder to yell at Joel. � Ok, don�t change the subject, Nic. What�d you say?� I swallowed.
� Well, I told him I�d hang out with him somewhere.� I said.
� Oh.�
� Just to hang out.� I made sure to mention. Benji didn�t answer. I winced, licking my lips.
� Ok.� He said finally. Joel started screaming again and this time Billy joined in. Benji ignored them.
� Benji, it was just supposed to be a friendly thing and��
� What do you mean it �was�?� He asked, his voice tense. I took a deep breath, hoping that I wasn�t about to ruin everything.
� He kissed me. Twice.� I said finally. Benji didn�t answer. He didn�t say anything for a few minutes and I was afraid he�d hung up on me, even though I could still hear Joel talking.
� Benji?� I said, cautiously.
� So, what? Are you gonna go out with him now or something?� Benji finally asked. Joel got completely silent now. It was completely silent. I could just hear Benji breathing quietly and the sound of my pounding heart.
� No, Benji! No, I�m�I�m in love with you.� I managed to say. Benji laughed. It wasn�t what I was expecting. It wasn�t a very comforting laugh either. � Benji�� I cried.
� I can�t believe this.� He said.
� Benj, it was just a kiss.�
� Two of them. I mean, ok, maybe the first one was an accident, but two? And�� He groaned and then cursed under his breath. I closed my eyes, wishing this wasn�t happening.
� Benji��
� I can�t� � He sighed.
� It didn�t mean anything.� I said.
� Yea, like hell it didn�t. Everything means something.� He said.
� Benji, no, don�t be like that.� I asked, crying.
� Three months, Nic! I haven�t been fucking around with ANYONE for three months because I�ve been SICK over you and�and�in two fucking weeks I�ll be back and this happens.� He yelled. I sobbed, trying not to make a lot of noise.
� Benji, I never wanted that to happen!� I said, trying to get him to understand.
� Why�d you go out with him then?� He asked. I didn�t have an answer. � That�s what I thought.� Benji said angrily. � I�ll talk to you later, Nic.� He said.
� No! Benji, no, don�t go!� I said frantically, but he had hung up before I�d finished.
�I lied my face off when I said that I would be okay. It�s never fine when you go away.�